Carnival

Disclaimer: If I owned it, there would be an American name on it...the song "Carnival" is owned and created by The Pillows...

Notes/Warnings: This is a HarukoNoata fic, if you don't like those, then there's a button near the top of your browser that will assist you in your flight from this particular pairing, it is called the "Back" button...The Pillows created the entire soundtrack for FLCL, "Carnival" (the song featured in this fic) can be found in the FLCL Original Soundtrack, volume number three.Naota's POV
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I lay back and watched the shadows from passing vehicles dance on my ceiling. My arms clutched a bass guitar protectively to my chest as I rested on the top bunk. The bunk had originally belonged to my older brother in America, but it hasn't truly been his since I was twelve years old. It has had two other occupants since then, myself being one of them as of five years ago...since she left...

"Haruko..." I whispered, my heart beating wearily faster as it always does when my thoughts turn to the alien woman. Ever since she left Earth to search for Atomsk, my heart has ached and longed for any sign that she would be coming back...I currently clutch the only hope I have left close to my body, wishing that she could be in my arms rather than her guitar...

I reflect back, as I do everyday, to the time five years ago that we shared. Mabase had been filled with life, it wasn't it's average, mundane self after she came...but after she left me on the beach, nothing held meaning anymore in this boring city...I've tried to replace my feelings for the pink-haired beauty, but after so many dates, my temporary replacements all start to morph into her...but I could never live with that...there will never be another Haruko...

I have also found that, because there is only one Haruko, I could never fall in love with anyone else...even if I am abandoned on Earth until I die, there is no hope for a different affection...

"Haruko...come back..." I whisper, pulling the bass even closer to my body. I pressed it so hard into my chest that it began to hurt, but that pain was not enough to block out my realization that if Haruko never came back...that I would live the rest of my mundane and heartbroken life out...alone...

I rolled over onto my side, taking the bass with me, and pressed my cheek into the pillow...it had been her pillow...my heart beats painfully loud inside my chest as I remember the many nights that I have spent on this lonely bunk...holding her guitar and trying to will myself to keep hoping...but I know that if she doesn't come back I will die...

Over the past five years, my heart has been ground into the dirt on every anniversary of her coming and leaving...today is just one of those days where all I do is lay where she once had, and cradle the bass guitar that had connected with my forehead so many times...today, five years ago, she left me on the beach with my heart, and her bass, in my hands...

I don't eat on these days...in fact, I never leave this spot...I even close the bakery, hoping beyond hope that she would walk through my bedroom door and brighten up Mabase, again...

I've had dreams where that's happened, where she came into the room with a smile...In those dreams, I set the bass aside and hold out my arms, but she makes no move to come toward me...and I don't move toward her because I don't want to do anything wrong that may provoke her to leave...I just stare into her yellow eyes until I am awakened by the traffic jam outside the bakery...

Before I met Haruko, I wanted to move to America and live with my brother...now that she has left, I haven't spent more than a few hours outside of Mabase...I'm constantly afraid that she'll come back on a day that I won't be here, and, deciding that I have lost hope and abandoned my love, return to space...

I couldn't abandon her...I couldn't abandon my feelings either...not even on the days when I hate myself and hold nothing but contempt for the woman that I long for so fiercely...but my anger with her never could last...and after my fits of anger and depression, I look at the wreck that I've created of my bedroom and home, and can hear Haruko saying "Naughty boy, Ta-kun"...that's when I frantically search for her, only to be disappointed again as I find the flawless guitar propped against the wall...

I would curse at the guitar, but do nothing else as I dropped to my knees and wept, the carpet becoming my only listener...

I've tried to make more robots sprout from my forehead, either by hitting myself with the guitar or having someone else do it, but my only reward is a low self-esteem and a migraine...I hoped for a long time after that...hoped that using the guitar would make her come back...

Ninamori had told me, three years ago, that the light had gone out of my eyes and that I had become a lifeless thing since Haruko left...I retorted that Mabase and it's citizens would have only known lifeless and mundane if Haruko hadn't shown up...I turned away from her...we haven't talked since...

Come to think of it, I haven't talked to anyone but the customers at the bakery for three years...I guess that it was bound to have happened anyway...but since I couldn't shift my feelings for the woman who abandoned me, I must've fallen away from my friends...

I even learned how to play her bass...I'm actually a professional bassist who used to be part of a band called "Iron Out the World"...we called ourselves that because of my experiences with Canti and Haruko...but when our song "Alien Lover" became a number one hit, our band was asked to tour Japan...I couldn't leave Mabase, so I quit the band, signing a release form that enabled them to use all of the songs that I had written...they found a new bassist, whom they claimed was an amateur next to me, and toured with my life playing out on their instruments...

Iron Out the World's most popular song has always been "Alien Lover"...which is the song I put the most feeling into while writing...everything about the song screams Haruko...it even has a yellow vespa worked into the lyrics...my band has written many more songs since their first tour, but none of them have been as popular as all of my songs, even when they tried to write about my experiences that I've shared with them before...

My songs were always about Haruko, Canti, hitting people with guitars, and robots that come from inside of you ...but they always contained the heartbreak and love that I feel for the pink-haired alien who's made the robots come out of my head...and the songs pour out of my heart...

I joined the band four years ago, and quit within a year...Mamimi, she's in the States with my brother now, says that I should have toured, that it might have been good for me...but I just asked "What if she had come back?"...she replied that "If she had any sense at all she would have waited for you to get home...Haruko-san has been gone for two years...maybe you should move on?"

I remember those words, clear as day, right now..."maybe you should move on"...I also remember shouting at her that she had never moved on from my brother and she was still with him...after that I hung up the phone and prayed that if I was around when Haruko came back, that we could end up like Mamimi and my brother...together in the end...

I remember how hurt Mamimi sounded on the answering machine the next day, and how angry my brother was at me for yelling at her...I cringe at the fact that I've hurt the people who have cared about me throughout the last five years...I glare down at the guitar in my arms, silently cursing it for giving me hope...

I release my arms slowly from around the bass...but the empty feeling just comes back, colder and more desolate than ever...I quickly pull the guitar back to me, desperate to be as close as I could to my beloved alien...

I then realize that, again, I am thinking of her when I should be calling my old friends and apologizing for everything that I've done...this makes me angry...every time I work up the nerve to do something important, the guitar mocks me as my thoughts turn to her and I embrace the instrument! My life has been ruined...I will die alone with no friends or family left! The only thing I will have is this wretched bass, and it will only serve to deepen the scars on my heart!

I could've toured with my band, I could've had friends, I could've found love, but Haruko wouldn't let me! She wants to punish me for falling in love with her and putting her on the run from the Galaxy Space Police Brotherhood!

Those are my only thoughts as I throw the bass onto the floor, feeling cold without it nearby and hating myself for feeling that way...hating the bass for being a reminder...hating Haruko for being so her...

If Haruko had been anyone else, then my life might not be in shambles...but she isn't anyone else, she is the one and only Haruko, my alien lover...and she isn't here to help me glue the pieces of my life back together...

"Naughty, Ta-kun...I thought I told you to take care of my bass for when I came back?"

My eyes opened and instinctively went to the door, where I knew she would be..."You're not real...I'm through with this nightmare!" I shut my eyes tightly, waiting for the cold feeling of hope to die...

"Naota-kun, open your eyes...I'm not going anywhere...I'm back..." My eyes snapped open at that, only to be captured by the yellow eyes that had always evaded me in my dreams and songs..."Haruko?" I choked out, still afraid to move...

She smiled and ran toward me, climbed the ladder, and began clutching me tightly to her when she had gathered me up in her arms...I was in a blissful state of shock, but it soon turned to pessimism as I pushed the figment of my hyperactive imagination away from me..."You're not real! Stop torturing me with these nightmares, Haruko! Make me stop loving you!" I shouted as loud as I could...

Kanran sha ni hitori de kurashiteru
Dai kirai na sekai wo mioroshite

The Haruko that lay on my bed, where I had pushed her, looked genuinely hurt, "Ta-kun, I can't make you stop loving me, it would hurt too much...I've been thinking, and I have finally figured out that...that I love you, too, Naota..."

Matte tanda kimi to deau hi wo
Kashikomatta hizashi ni koge nagara
Boku dake no mado wo hiraite
Matte tanda kokode kounaru hi wo

My heart was pounding so blissfully fast that I risked a look into her yellow eyes...they did not disappear...

Te wo nobashite mo
Mukuware nai jidai
Sukuware nai mirai
Kimi to kiss shite warai korogeru

"Haruko!" I shouted as I pulled her to my chest, tears streaming down my face and into her beautiful pink hair. She embraced me as well...and for the first time in five years, I did what I had always wanted to do...I kissed the woman I loved tenderly on the lips...

Satte itta renchuu no ashi ato ni
Kiki me no nai jyumon de shukufuku wo
Karuku natta atama de utai tai
Tatta hitori kimi wa boku no mikata

I quickly broke our kiss, though, putting my face into the crook of her neck and apologizing for all of the awful things I've said and for giving up hope today...She cradled my body to hers and ran her fingers soothingly along my neck...rocking our bodies back and forth as my crying quieted...

Me wo akete tara
Tsuki sasatte itai
Kaze no togatta yoru
Kimi to kiss shite warai korogeru

"You're finally back..." I whispered, pulling her tighter to me while we lay side by side on our bunk...she smiled and caressed my cheek, "Yes, Naota, I'm back..." I frowned suddenly and stiffened, "For how long?"

Futari douji ni
Yume de mita no sa
Umare kawatta jidai
Niji no kakatta mirai
Kimi to kiss shite naite shimatta

I cringed as I saw how hurt she looked, and kissed her softly, again, on the lips..."Haruko?" I ask. She nods her head and lets me continue, "Don't leave me alone again, please...I'll die if you do...I don't want to live without you..." She smiled the brightest smile I had ever seen and kissed me with passion, our longing for each other being unleashed as our tongues danced. When we had to break for air, she said, "I promise, Naota, I will never leave you again...I love you..."

Matte tanda kimi to deau hi wo...

"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear those words..." she smiled sadly at that..."What's wrong, Haruko?" For the first time in my life, I saw Haruko cry...she clutched at me, pulling us closer, and cried into my shoulder...I wrapped my arms around her waist, softly shushing her and whispering, "I love you, everything will be okay..."

Her sobs quieted after awhile, and she looked up at me, "We've waited five years to hear those words, Naota...five years..." she said with a slight sniff. "That doesn't matter anymore, Haruko...now that you're back, we can mend our broken hearts..."

We kissed again, this time even more passionately than the last. I rolled over so that I was on top of her, but supporting myself with an arm on both sides of her body. She suddenly broke our contact, "Aww, c'mon, Haruko! I've been waiting five years for this!" I wailed, annoyed that she would just leave me aroused...

"I just wanted to remind you that we're going to the States tomorrow, you know, so you can make things right with Mamimi and your brother..."

"Really? But how-" she interrupted me with a finger on my lips, "We're going to see all of your friends...and then you're going to introduce me to your band." She must have seen the confused look on my face, because she explained, "I've been reading the Mabase News, just so I could keep an eye on my little Ta-kun...I'll explain everything later, but weren't we kinda starting something?" Her provocative grin reminded me of a cat...which reminded me that she had once given me cat ears, five years ago...

I laughed and leaned down to kiss her again, "Yeah, the rest of our life together...and maybe even more than just us?" Haruko's eyes became even more brilliantly yellow as she hit me playfully in the arm, "I always knew that you'd turn out to be a pervert!" We both laughed before giving in to five years of longing, love, passion, and lust...

The next morning we would find a public disturbance warning for being loud on the front door of the bakery...but that would be tomorrow...tonight all we're worried about is each other...
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And that's about as smutty as I'll write...for now...

Hot damn! That was really angsty through most of it, wasn't it! But I pulled through with enough fluff to give you tooth decay and a touch of humor, as I always do!

Everyone cringe in terror, for BlueGreenGrey hath created her first FLCL fic! She kindly, pleadingly gets down on her hands and knees and begs you to review! If she gets twenty, she'll create another one!