Dearly Beloved

By: konekohanyou

As he sat at the gravesite, he sobbed brokenheartedly and grasped the simple marker, as if it was his last lifeline to sanity. She was gone, and it was his entire fault. He had done it, had watched her blood flow forth from every gash, gouge and laceration on her precious form. He came here everyday, to talk to her, to apologize, to cry his eyes and heart out to the woman he had irrationally slaughtered, the woman he loved. As the wind blew softly through his long, silver locks, his tears began to once again soak his now ragged haori, as they had everyday for the past hundred years.

Dearly beloved, are you listening?

I can't remember a word that you were saying,

How could he have done such a thing? She was the love of his life, his wife, and his mate. She was his Kagome. How could he have done that? The words which she had spoken to him, were now lost in a foggy haze of confusion. He couldn't remember anything else she had said, save for three words. Her last words, spoken as she lain dying on the ground and he could do nothing, nothing, to save her, to hold her close before she left him forever. Her words were so simple, so full of emotion and truth; he could never forget them, even if he wanted to: "I love you, my hanyou."

Are we demented or am I disturbed?

The space that's in between insane and insecure.

She had cried out to him, begged him to stop, and even pleaded with him. She had tried to run, tried to escape his senseless tirade. But he couldn't stop himself. He had watched from inside himself as his demonic nature tore into her body, ripped at her prone form and shredded her exposed flesh to ribbons. She yelled to him, tried to get him to sit as she had in the past, but to no avail. He had sobbed within himself, begged himself to stop, but he couldn't. His limbs had ignored his every command.

Oh therapy can you fill the void?

Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed?

Eventually, the haze was lifted and he was left, standing in the carnage which he had created. He had fallen to his knees, and sobbed so hard that his eyes hurt. He vomited over and over, but the pain was still there. Deep within him, the pain was still throbbing at his heart. Tearing it to pieces and scattering them to the four winds. No matter how the others had attempted to reassure him that it had not been his fault, he knew. He would always know: It was his fault. He couldn't suppress the demon within himself. He knew. How they hated him for what he had done. They would never forgive him, even though they told him to forgive himself. As if his pain had not been enough, they all left. They had left him to his sadness, his brokenhearted "life." Eating was past fulfillment. It did him nothing, for he did not feel the slight twinges of hunger anymore. Life? What was this thing others called "life?" Smiles of the past were now lost to time. He never smiled anymore. What was there to smile at now? She was gone. He now spent his days pouring out his heart's rain on the earth, the earth in which she now lay. Forever. Because of him.

Nobody's perfect and I stand accused,

For the lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse.

He knew that she loved him, had seen his true, hanyou nature through his eyes, the windows to his soul, as she had lain there dying. Soon, he would join her again, he could apologize and all would be right. The guilt would be lifted from his burdened soul. He would admit that he was not perfect, would apologize in every way imaginable. He wouldn't try to invent excuses, after all, why would he lie to her? It would be such an imbecilic thing to do, after all he owed her. 'A hundred years, is a long time to think up a suitable apology,' he found himself thinking. Soon, he would see her again, he could feel it. As the warm breath escaped his chest, which had begun to slow in its repetitive cadence of rising and falling, breath came one last time. For the after the last time, he knew he would see her. Soon, he could smile again, because he knew, she would be there. She would be there, waiting for him, a smile on her face and love in her eyes. His Kagome. His Beloved.