RED VS BLUE

So you love Caboose…what is wrong with you?

Chapter 1

So doctors still make house calls

As I have promised there IS a sequel. And there shall be another after this! And another after that! And…well…by that time I may have been killed in my sleep so no promises. Anyways I recommend reading my other RvB fic before reading this. Clark Cradic's idea is the center of this fic. I did promise that if you had a brilliant idea you wanted me to use, I would use it. Anyways just read it for yourself and enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue, the company that makes Oreo's, the gun that was used to assassinate that person who tried to sue me, Mr. Potato head, or the hand grenade that someone tried to kill me with…I have a very active life.

Andy: "I SAID! You should call a doctor."

Caboose: "Don't do it."

Church: "Relax, I can get a REAL doctor instead of a medic"

Caboose: "I don't know, I liked Doc. He said nice things about me when my toe died."

Church: "Yah…I'm gonna get a REAL doctor."

Back in red base, Simmons was being accepted into the group, making Griff the hated one again.

Griff: "I don't see why I have to do this."

Sarge: "Those dead marines have been on that hill for the last three episodes. We need SOMEONE to clean up."

Griff: "But there are over 400 of them. And they stink! They have been lying out there for DAYS!"

Sarge: "Your going to quit just because of a few minor discomforts?"

Griff: "Normally yes. But in this case there are more than just a few MINOR discomforts. That was a battle field, I could accidentally step on a land mind. Or the pin of a grenade. I could die."

Sarge: "Which makes it vital that YOU be the one out there."

Griff: "Fine! But I won't do a very good job."

Simmons: "Live with it. All of us have work to do you know."

Griff: "Oh yah, what do you have to do?"

Simmons: "I have to make sure everyone's armor is on…yup looks like we all have our armor on. My job is done."

Donut: "And MY job is to make sure we all have our helmets on…and we all have our helmets on."

Sarge: "And MY job is to torture you and then laugh at your misery. So get out there and start shoveling up corpses, so I can laugh."

At blue base, Church was making an O so important call

Church: "Look it doesn't have to be this complicated…just send us a freaking doctor, SO I CAN STOP TALKING TO YOU!"

Vic Jr.: "But we still have to review your health care."

Church: "We've been doing that for THIRTY MINUTES!"

Vic Jr.: "Sorry dude but it's all part of procedure. Continuing with the review, when you were first born how many times did you blink before your umbilical cord was cut?"

Church: "HOW AM I SUPPPOSE TO KNOW THAT? HOW IS THAT EVEN IMPORTANT!"

Vic Jr.: "Well if you had been around for the last few decades, you would know that any baby who blinks more than three times before his or her umbilical cord is cut, is 30 more likely to spontaneously combust when eating chocolate.

Church: "What kind of messed up scientists do you have?"

Vic Jr.: "I can assure you that the top scientists of this century all agree with this discovery."

Church: "Let me tell you something, your scientists are MESSED UP!"

Vic Jr.: "Hey, it may be true that the worlds top scientists at this point, happen to be on several forms of pot, marijuana, and Tylenol, which in this time period is a deadly drug but they are not messed up."

Church: "Look can you PLEASE just get us a doctor!"

Vic Jr.: "Ok."

Church: "Wait…your agreeing? Why didn't you just say yes before?"

Vic Jr.: "You didn't say our secret word before, please."

Church: "Please is a secret word?"

Vic Jr.: "Yes no one would ever think that one of the three deadly words would be a secret word."

Church: "Please is a deadly word?"

Vic Jr.: "Yes ever since the telitubies started robbing banks and killing innocent people, saying please and thank you at every crime scene."

Church: "You're kidding."

Vic Jr.: "Nope. They killed fifty thousand people until they ate McDonalds space nuggets and has a heart attack. Ever since please and thank you have been two of the three deadly words."

Church: "What's the third deadly word?"

Vic Jr.: "Peanut butter."

Church: "Isn't that four words?"

Vic Jr.: "Um…yah I just ordered a doctor gotta go… Static… breaking up…BYE!"

Vic turned around and looked at the CIA agents that had been observing the phone conversation.

Vic Jr.: "He knows."

CIA person: "Why is he the first person to notice that its four words and not three?"

CIA person 2: "And more importantly why does it matter?"

Church hung up the phone, rather confused

Church: "Caboose, how many times did you blink before they cut your umbilical cord?"

Caboose: "I do not know what an umbilical cord is, but I did not blink when I was a baby."

Church: "You didn't blink? How is that possible?"

Caboose: "I have to think too hard to blink. It is like breathing, only harder. I would sleep with my eyes open so I did not have to think about keeping them closed. My parents said something about me being possessed before they broke up. I think it had something to do with those times that I would go to sleep while standing, and when I woke up everyone around me would be sleeping."

Church: "…………………………………………………"

Caboose: "Tell me about your childhood Church."

Church: "…………….You know what? How about we forget this conversation ever happened."

Back at the hill of doom, Griff had found an easy way to get rid of the corpses.

Griff dumped the marines bodies into the pool of mint Oreos. They dissolved, disturbingly quickly.

Griff: "Why did my Oreo's have to go to waste like this? If only I had THE Oreo…before she took it before she broke up with me. Wait why is she italicized during this entire sentence?"

At that exact moment (I say that a lot don't I?) A dropship flew above blue base. A Spartan in pink armor jumped out.

Pink armor: "GET OUT OF THE WAY I'M A DOCTOR!" The person in pink armor ran into blue base.

Pink armored person: "Where is the patient?"

Church: "Well it COULD be the person lying in bed with the ice bag over his head, just three feet away from you."

Pink armor person: "STAY CALM! My name is Karin and I will help you get through this."

Tucker: "Karin? You're a girl?"

Karin: "Yes what's it to you?"

Tucker whispered something into the doctors ear. Karin nodded and pulled a large hammer out of her bag, and then repeatedly hit Tucker with it.

Karin: "PERVERT DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Church: "Aren't you suppose to be helping him?"

Tucker started going into spasms.

Karin: "DAMN IT! MY brutal attack on his life put him into a state of shock. Every one stand back! I'm going to use the…shocky…machine…thing…"

Church: "Are you SURE you're a real doctor?"

Karin: "Where can I plug this in?"

Caboose: "The wall where the I-pod with bullet holes in it is recharging."

Karin: "Why is there an I-pod with bullet holes in your base?"

Church: "You haven't read the fic before this have you?"

Karin plugged the shocky machine, thingy into the wall.

Karin: "STAND BACK!" Karin clamped what looked like two ironing thingies…you know…the shocking machine thing, onto Tuckers chest. The lights flickered briefly, and then died.

Karin: "…what just happened?"

Church: "You blew the power."

Karin: "With just that?"

Church: "Red and blue base run on the same power source. Four double A batteries."

Karin: "You share your power with the enemy?"

Church: "Yes."

Karin: "And you never used this to your advantage?"

Church: "I don't see how we could."

Karin: "Further more, four double A batteries!"

Church: "Hey that's nothing. You should see what we do for food."

Back at red base the lights went out

Sarge: "DAMN IT! My only option is to blame Griff's stupidity!"

Donut: "OOH! The lights are out! Lets have a slumber party. We can play truth or dare."

Simmons: "I don't think so Donut."

Sarge: "Wait a minute Simmons, this COULD be interesting."

Sarge climbed up red base and hollered over to Griff

Sarge: "HEY GRIFF DO YOU WANT TO PLAY TRUTH OR DARE WITH US!"

Griff: "No why would I?"

Sarge: "BECAUSE DONUT WILL MOST LIKELY PICK TRUTH! REMEMBER MY JOB IS TO TURTURE YOU AND LAUGH AT YOUR MISERY!"

Griff: "Why are you yelling? I'm three feet away from you."

Sarge: "QUIT MESSING AROUND AND GET IN HERE!"

Griff: "What if I say no?"

Sarge: "The way I see it, no matter what we are playing truth or dare or target practice."

Griff: "I think I will go with dare."

Yup that was the first chapter. Read and review. The plot will develop next chapter. Just keep reading. I still don't the name for the electric thingy :D.