MatchMakerYuffie
Final Fantasy VII
Acrimony Stealthe-Chan

Disclaimer: Acrimony does not own anything that is in this fanfiction (Keyword: fan) except the plotline. Even though it is incredibly cliché; Acrimony hopes to do it justice.

MatchMaker Yuffie
Chapter One:

Hai! Like, Wow! Good Morniiiiing! Ha-ha. Yeah. It's Me. The Great, uber, totally awesome ninja, and like, the greatest Materia Hunter in the world! Oh my god. You have NO IDEA what we're doing now. We, as in AVALANCHE. Wait, no, scratch that. And add on a 'Whom with' into the List of Disbelief.

I mean, with us being the whole 'Butt-Kicking' group that killed Meteor and Sephiroth, it's kind of amusing if you think about all the people who are flocking to Wutai in an effort to know more about The Flawless Princess Yuffie. Ha! Looks like the Old Man can't say I'm useless to Wutai after all!

Digressing.

I'm like, wow, fully going off topic. But anyway, after Meteor, and before Vinnie decided to go drag his sorry ass back into his hell-hole of a coffin, Cloud and Reeve decided we ought to have like, a Vacation. Only, seeing as Reeve could practically be the King of the world -EXCLUDING WUTAI DAMNIT- he of course, had to bring along 'Guards'. I.E TURKEYS! This might explain why I'm pouring a helluva lotta fluoro green hair dye into a certain Red-Headed Turk's Shampoo Bottle.

Neehee! So Yeah. So far everyone and everything's been great! So glad the Old Man hasn't sent Shake to randomly come and bitch at me... Yet. Not like I wouldn't kick Shake's ass while she tried to be an even bigger bitch then she already is. Eugh. Shake. You know, twisted as it might sound, I think Staniv and Shake would SOOO be a cute couple! Actually, I seem to recall telling that to Staniv. And he went very pink. That is of course before saying 'There's as much of a chance at that as there is of you and Valentine getting together'

"Psst! He's coming!" Cait Sith's voice cuts me through my thoughts.

Ooops! My cue. Using my ever so awesome Ninja skills I glide effortlessly across the room, striking an ever so awesome pose and bounding after the ball of fur. Cait Sith. Where to start... Man. Despite being a robotic cat mog creature thing, he's so awesome because he's such a cool near 'brotherly' figure in mischief. Not that he's anything compared to ME. Haha. Yeah. But, he has one flaw. He never, ever shuts up! He talks almost more than me! And that's saying something. Plus, he never dies either, it's like Reeve programmed him to stay alive forever just to piss me off. I Swear, Barret's run over him like at least three times.

Why the hell won't he just die?

But of course, if Cait Sith like ever kicked the bucket, I'd be like all lonerated because Tifa ain't fun no more since Spike killed Sephiroth. Leviathan. I bet if Aer was still here everything could be all 'Upbeat'.

But yes of course, back to current-ness- if that's even a word. Me, being me, sauntered proudly into the kitchen, grinning broadly. If I do say so myself I am quite the beauty. But compared to Miss Boobs who's standing in front of me right now I'm not THAT pretty.

I mean, Tifa Lockheart. With her abnormally large chest and her nice, long dark brown slash black hair that goes down to her shoulders. With her uberly pretty brown eyes that my stormy grey ones would never, ever, ever match up to. It's not fair really! Why does Miss Boobs get everything and everyone?

"'Sup Spike?" I inquire innocently as he merely glares at me, oh boy, he knows I've done something wrong again.

"Yuffie... Did you do something the one of the Turks again?" He asks me, his icy blue eyes boring into me with a sceptical look. I can tell he's displeased, but I can also see that he's not too displeased to actually care about the welfare of that stupid red-headed Turk.

I'm sighing as a reply. God I swear Spike pretends to be thick. I mean how can ANYONE ever be that stupid?

Ahha. I better shut up now. In comes the Master of Cancer. Cid Highwind and his beloved Shera Highwind. I swear, I thought it'd be impossible for Shera to pry Cid away from his Cancer Sticks, but hey, Shera's smarter than me. She succeeded at least.

Nyahahaha. Well I'm 'glad' for Shera and Cid, I mean, at least they're happy. Unlike Cloud. I mean Miss Boobs is obviously so devoted to him and such. Heh. Tifa deserves better. Seriously. It's kinda obvious Spike ain't getting over Aeris anytime soon.

Heeeeeeeeeey. You know who Tifa would look good with? Guess? Awwh Come on! I mean, Tifa's the only sane person who actually can talk to him properly without screaming 'vampyre!' during the conversation.

Hm. Actually. Now that I mention it.

"BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT"

Gulp. Ohkay. Now's my cue to-

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN YUFFERS RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN" Cait Sith's annoyingly robotic voice screeches at me as I take one look at the Turk that's stalking towards me angrily.

"Hey Reno! What'd you do to your hair? It's all fluoro green!" I say weakly with a shifty-looking grin as I step back awkwardly. Really. If my life wasn't on the line, I'd probably be laughing so hard that Spike'd need to inject me with a tranquilizer. I snort at the thought of Cloud taking a tranquilizer and unwillingly using it on me.

Reno's aquamarine eyes glare at me threateningly, obviously he didn't appreciate the little giggle that suddenly turns into a full round of hysterical laughter. I can't help it! The situation is just too funny.

"Reno!" Marlene screeches as she stalks into the kitchen, arms clasped around her doll. She looks angry, "Reno! WHAT'D YOU DO WITH MY FLURO GREEN DYE? I was GOING to use it for dying Rude's Shirts Green"

She pauses, her cute little face staring at Reno's hair until she collapses. Literally. She's choking back laughter but failing... miserably.

"STOP IT. STOP LOOKIN AT ME ALL FUNNY, YO" Reno tries to shout as he glares at me even more coldly. I swear... if glares could kill...

"That's it Brat. You're DEAD" Reno hisses drawing out his Mag Rod as he advances. Ohkay. I am officially very afraid. I take a few steps back searching my body for Conformer. Oh No. Oh My God. No Fucking Way.

Conformer! It's in my ROOM. AWAY from me! I nearly cry out in despair but immediately hold it back as I realize that there wasn't much time for me to escape. Shakily I take a few steps back. Waaaaaaaait a minute. What's this? I take another step back. Immediately I'm spun around.

"Yuffie?" Vincent Valentine inquires looking at me, his blood red eyes boring mercilessly into me as I squirm a bit. But then something clicks. I put a very traumatized look on my face as I lower my bottom lip into a pout.

"Reno's trying to KILL me because he poured fluoro green dye into his hair" I whine pathetically. Oh man. This better work.

"BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" Reno screeches as several loud guffaws continued to follow him as he glares at me.

I can practically feel Vinnie moving as he draws the Death Penalty. Cocking the gun and aiming it straight at Reno. Only all of a sudden I can tell Vinnie's pausing. His muscles are starting to tense up and I look up. To see the SCARIEST sight ever.

"OHMYGODVAMPYRE! RENO YOU KILLED THE VAMPYRE!" I screech as I watch Vincent's face crinkle up. I can tell he's shaking. But from what? The sound comes out small, hardly audible, but it's there.

"OHMYGOD VINNIE. YOU'RE LAUGHING!" I realize.

Oh My Great Leviathan. Hell Hath Frozen Over.

I'm looking down, staring at my shoes. I never realized how pretty my boots were. I mean, they're so yellow... and shoe-lacey... and wow... pretty! And SHINEY. Maybe I haven't actually noticed how awesome my boots are because I never really had much of a reason to look anywhere other than directly in front of me at risk of being disembowelled.

Can I help it if Reeve is looking at me with THAT look? It's that look that tells you that basically what you've done was wrong so now you're screwed; and I happen to be very scared of Reeve when he has that look because it usually means someone is going to die.

"Reeeve?" I mutter meekly, still looking down, avoiding his chocolate brown eyes. HEY. Tifa and Reeve would be Sweet TOO. Hm. Nawh. Vinnie deserves someone like Teef. Reeve sighs softly; I can tell he's still amused though.

"Reeve. IfitriedtohookyouupwithTifawouldyouforgiveme?" I ask with a grin looking up. I can tell Reeve is slowly Processing... processing... processing DING BINGO WOOT.

"Uhm. No Yuffie. I don't think that would get you out of trouble. You might want to try Vincent and Tifa?"

"If I get them hooked up would I be out of trouble?"

Uhoh. A wicked grin creeps up over Reeve's face. Ohman. Immediately I'm regretting saying what I said.

"Well... If you get it done by say... Valentine's Day?" He asks grinning wickedly still.

Oh man. What does a ninja do but say this,

"You're on! And if I succeed you have to get me three Knights of Round MASTERED Materia" People like me just don't know when to give up now do they?

He grins then, laughing even as we seal the pact.

Great Leviathan. What Am I getting myself into? I think as I'm ushered outside the room.

A/N: As you may have noticed, this story was started/first posted on the 23th of February, 2006. It was first posted under the username 'Evaerifele' which later changed to 'Stealthe-Chan' and is now permanently, 'Acrimony'. Under the newest revival of fandom, Acrimony is now going through and editing the story. She apologises for any inconveniences. The editing will not severely change much of the story line, but the writing will be brought 'up-to-par' with Acrimony's current writing prowess. Also, Acrimony will be removing all unnecessary review replies; but she does thank all reviewers for the lovely feedback that has kept this story's heart beating strong.

--Acrimony, 10th of August, 2007