Finally! The last chapter! Sorry it has taken this long... damn writer's block. I hope you enjoy this chapter - I hope you enjoyed the story! I loved writing it (on those rare occasions when I was inspired).
Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! Read on!
Sir Gregory and his Noble Steed Wilson huddled together with their heads down, whispering about their options. Their aim was to come up with a good strategy for finding and rescuing Hot Little Slave Girl.
Five minutes later little snippets of whispered conversation could be heard, all of which indicated the two of them hadn't gone very far at all with their plans.
"She's not a natural blonde you know,"
"Get OUT."
"Oh yeah. I speak the truth."
"Damn, I must be losing my touch. Usually I can spot these things."
"Dude, you couldn't spot a bottle-blonde if she stepped on your scrotum!"
"Ouch, Wilson. That hurt. Speaking of pain, aren't we supposed to be finding my new girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend?"
"Yes, Wilson, girlfriend! I will rescue her; we will fall in love and live happily ever after! Everybody knows that's how it goes! Sheesh, for someone so observant when it comes to women's hair, you can't even recognise a plotline when you see one!"
"… How about that door over there?" Wilson said quickly, pointing across the hall to an oak door.
Sir Gregory confidently strode over, opened the door, and slammed it shut again. He turned and walked back to where Wilson was standing, his face expressionless.
"Don't ask. Let's try this one."
Sir Gregory began walking toward a door on the opposite side of the hall. This time Wilson followed.
With a bit of effort, the two of them managed to open the door. It revealed a large room, which was empty except for the thick metal pole sticking out of the middle of the floor.
Suddenly the two heroes could hear a faint rustling coming from the corner. Out of the shadows crawled a young man. Across the front of his shirt were the words "BoyToys'R'Us". It appeared he was chained to the pole.
"Dear God, help me – please"
Sir Gregory shut the door with an abrupt 'bang'.
"Geez. Stacy sure is desperate," He commented, jerking his head towards the closed door from which whimpering sounds could be heard. "I know I'm sexy, but come on – hiring a professional gigolo as a substitute? I'm flattered."
"Shouldn't you be offended?" Wilson asked, his tone slightly incredulous. Sir Gregory sighed.
"Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy," He replied, shaking his head sadly. "Always sees the glass half empty." Not bothering to let Wilson retort, Sir Gregory headed over to the other side of the hall again.
For the next half an hour the two of them scoured the hall, checking every door they came across. At last they reached the final door.
"Do you think this is it?" Wilson asked his master.
"Nah… Ya think?" Sir Gregory's reply was soaked in sarcasm as he pointed to a sign nailed to the door. It read:
"DO NOT ENTER: HOT LITTLE SLAVE GIRL TRAPPED INSIDE. KEY IS UNDER MAT"
"Key is under mat…" Wilson repeated to Sir Gregory just in case he hadn't read it for himself.
Sir Gregory rolled his eyes. Suddenly his Noble Steed gasped and gave him a panicky whack on the shoulder.
"But Sir Gregory –There are two mats! Whichever will we choose?" He exclaimed.
All colour drained from Sir Gregory's face as he slowly lowered his eyes to the floor. "Oh no…" He murmured in a barely audible whisper.
Wilson's lower lip quivered as he struggled not to cry. "What now?" He squeaked.
Sir Gregory shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe we should try and guess which mat the key is under," He replied with more confidence than he felt. Wilson looked utterly shocked.
"Wow… You're prepared to boldly go where no man has ever gone before, for a girl. That's awesome." He gasped, eyes wide.
Sir Gregory pursed his lips, thought for a moment, and then nodded his head rapidly.
"Yes."
Wilson bowed. "You truly are my hero."
"Thanks man. I'm proud to be your master."
Violins could be heard as Sir Gregory reached out to pat his Noble Steed on the head. Wiping a loose tear from his eye, he then bent down to shift one of the mats aside.
"Nooooo!" he wailed as the violins reached a dramatic climax.
There was no key.
"What now?" Wilson sobbed.
"I… I guess we go home." Sir Gregory muttered, hanging his head in defeat.
"What about the hot little slave girl? What about 'happily ever after'?" Wilson stammered, his voice cracking.
Sir Gregory turned his head toward the locked door. "God bless…" he whispered solemnly.
Slowly the two unsuccessful heroes turned away and headed towards the exit.
They had shuffled ten feet when a shadowy figure burst through one of the side doors mumbling darkly to himself.
"No respect for me at all… 'Yes your Royal Majesty', 'No your Royal Majesty', 'Kiss my ass your Royal Majesty'…" It was Lord Foreman, Her Royal Majesty Queen Cuddy's Big Royal Advisor!
He saw the two dejected heroes, and stopped dead in his tracks. "Hello…" He said blankly.
It took a moment for their minds to process him, but when they had the two heroes could not have been more grateful. Wilson squealed with glee and Sir Gregory clapped his hands repeatedly, reciting, "All is not lost" over and over. Now that Foreman decided to show up, they could rescue the hot little slave girl after all!
"This is great! Now he can get us the key!" Wilson exclaimed excitedly.
"Yes… the key…" Sir Gregory replied, shifting his eyes suspiciously.
Foreman had just enough time to look scared before the handsome knight lunged forward and grabbed him.
(Ten minutes later…)
Bang"Again! Heave!"
Bang"Almost there!" Sir Gregory grunted as he and Wilson held Foreman between them. Upon seeing him, Sir Gregory had decided Foreman's head would act as an excellent battering ram for the door. Twenty-seven hits, a sweaty (two times as sexy) Sir Gregory and an unconscious Royal Advisor later, the door burst open with a creak.
Sir Gregory and his Noble Steed Wilson flung Foreman unceremoniously into the shadows because the plot didn't call for him anymore, and began to dance a triumphant little jig amongst the clouds of dust.
"We did it!"
"Yay!"
Their celebrations were cut short, however, when the dust entered their lungs and they began coughing violently.
When that was over, the two of them waved the remaining dust away with their hands, and stepped inside the room.
A neon sign hung above their heads with the words "WATCH YOUR STEP" flashing brightly across it.
"That looks new" Wilson commented as they began to descend the stone staircase.
Once they reached the bottom, they blinked and let their eyes scan the room. Sir Gregory gasped as his beautiful eyes fell upon the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. It was Cameron. She was still in her cage, her hair was messy, her undies were soiled and she was mumbling to herself, but to Sir Gregory she could have been an angel.
"Nice to see the plot is working," Wilson muttered darkly to himself in a jealous manner.
"We must get her down!" Sir Gregory panted while scurrying back and forth across the room searching for something to break the cage with.
"Is she… is she counting the bars?" Wilson asked incredulously.
Sir Gregory stopped. "Oh my god!" He gasped. He continued scurrying; only this time there was urgency in his steps.
He finally found an axe. Lifting it above his head he brought it crashing down with an amazing force. The cage split open with a snap. Cameron fell to the floor, still curled in the position she had adopted in the cage.
Sir Gregory looked down, and his jaw dropped in horror.
Cameron was spinning around on her backside jabbing the air with her finger while muttering to herself at an alarming rate.
"Sixty-one thousand twenty-two, sixty-one thousand twenty-three…"
"She's still counting the bars! How horrific!" Wilson exclaimed, forgetting his insane jealousy for a moment. Sir Gregory wailed in desperation. He frantically scanned the room, searching for something to help cease Cameron's curse. His eyes found nothing. He grunted, stamping his feet in frustration.
Suddenly a light bulb flashed above his head and his eyes lit up. He lunged forward and grabbed Cameron, who was still counting to herself. He pulled her up and kissed her passionately. The violins sprang to life once more, and again the world slowed down. Finally Cameron's counting stopped, and she found herself enjoying the kiss.
They finally broke apart and stared into each other's eyes as only star-crossed lovers can. The heart-warming violin music faded into the background and the world fell into a comfortable level of quiet.
That is, until Wilson burst out crying from behind them. They ignored him as his wails (punctuated by wracking sobs) threatened to break the sound barrier.
Sir Gregory led His Girlfriend out of the castle with his arm resting comfortably around her shoulder. Together they headed out towards the sunset with Wilson trailing behind still sobbing hysterically, although his voice had become somewhat hoarse so his wails sounded more like rasping squawks.
And so, Sir Gregory and Cameron (His Girlfriend) had fallen in love. They got married and lived happily ever after, proving once again that dreams can come true.
(Not for Wilson though. His insane jealousy lived on, but he decided to turn it into something more productive. He became some big-shot Hollywood writer, and last I heard he was drafting a pilot for some new TV show about a scruffy, sarcastic doctor who manages to simultaneously save lives and break hearts. Personally I think it's a flop.)
The End.
Watch This Space... there MAY be an epilogue. If I can get around to it, that is. Please review!