Title: With the Aid of a Genie or Two

Author: Monker

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: The Princess Diaries movies and characters belong to Disney and Meg Cabot. All events that take place in the film are not of my own creating. The story however, and its additional characters are my own. If you would like to use one of my original characters then I would be glad to let you do so if you ask my permission first.

Genre: Romance/General/Humor

Summary: C&J fic. This takes place in-between the movies; Mia is about seventeen or eighteen. This is a little story that came to mind during my watching of Aladdin. Joe tells of his feelings for Clarisse during a card game, Mia andCharlotte agree to help him win her over.

Some thing you should know: The card game 'Tag' that they play in this chapter is one that none of you have heard of, that is because I invented it and play it with my friends. It's a fun little card game for two or more players. You needed to know that because I didn't want you thinking that this whole chapter was taking place while the characters were all running around trying to tag each other.

Something else you should know: There is no book called Another Grape on the Vine (at least not that I know of), so don't think that I am commenting on a real book when Joe says what he thinks of it. If there really is a book titled Another Grape on the Vine…I truly had no idea.

Ok…

Deep breath in…Deep breath out…Here we go.

Joseph sat in the fairly dark room as he quietly read the book in his hands. He cherished these moments for they were few and far between. They were the moments when he was unbothered by his Head of Security position at the palace. During these moments, one could usually find him in his room, picking out some lovely song on his classical guitar, or in the library nuzzled up by the warm fire with a good book in hand, like he was now.

With the exception of the fire crackling and every now and then the sound of Joseph's fingers turning the page, the room was completely silent. The silence, however, was soon disrupted when the door to the library burst open, allowing two very noisy women to enter.

The two ladies flipped on the lights and walked over to a nearby table, still chatting and giggling, obviously completely ignorant to the fact that they were not alone.

Joe turned his head to see who the intruders were. He immediately recognized them both and stood to greet them, taking his book with him.

Finally, one of the women noticed his presence. "Oh hey, Joe. Were you there the whole time?"

"Yes, Your Highness. I often come here to enjoy some peace and quiet, as well as a good book," Joe replied taking a step forward.

"Oh, well…how is that going?" Mia asked.

"Not so good. This…" Joe said waving the book lightly in the air, "was not the good book I had hoped it to be. Besides…the peace and quiet was recently ruined."

"Oh…sorry, Joe," Mia said sincerely.

"Yeah, we didn't mean to be a bother. I just had some time off and Mia suggested that we should maybe play a game of cards,"Charlotteadded.

"What book were you reading anyway?" asked Mia.

Joe looked at the book he was holding and cocked an eyebrow. "It's called Another Grape on the Vine. On the back it promised to be 'a suspense thriller for the ages'…though in my opinion, it should have come with a separate label that read 'Warning: Incredibly boring! Prepare yourself for slumber.'" Joe stated as he threw the book on a nearby seat and joined in the soft chuckles coming from the two ladies in front of him. "What were you planning on playing?" he asked walking towards the table.

"We hadn't decided yet."Charlottesaid through her soft laughter.

"How about a round ofTexasHold 'Em?" Joe teased.

"I don't know how to play." Mia stated.

Charlotteagreed. "Neither do I," she said with a light shake of her head.

Joe gave an evil little chuckle as he took a seat. "Precisely my point," he smiled wryly.

"Oh, Joe!" Mia said as she playfully slapped his shoulder.

"I don't think the queen would approve,"Charlottenoted.

"Ah, you're probably right on that one," Joe nodded. "Fine then, any other suggestions?"

"How about a game of tag?" Mia suggested. The others agreed to this and after a quick dealing of the cards, the game began.

It was Mia who mentioned that it was going to get boring if they were merely sitting there playing the card game. She recommended that they all go around taking turns saying some random fact about themselves that the other two wouldn't already know. "I'll go first," she said, laying down a card, "I have never been on a roller coaster."

"Oh, neither have I!"Charlotteexclaimed. "I don't think I would ever want to."

"You don't like roller coasters?" Joseph asked, also laying down his card.

"I'm scared to death of them!"Charlotteresponded, slapping her card on the table.

"But you've never ridden one. How can you know if you've never tried it?" He asked.

"I just know."

"So you would never ride one, even if you had the chance?" Joe pushed.

She simply shook her head at him.

"Not even if I went on it with you?" He continued with a smile.

Charlotteagain shook her head. "Thanks for the offer Joe, but I don't think so. I value my life."

Mia laughed, "Ok Joe, your turn," she said as she laid down her card.

"Ahh…let's see…I've never carved a pumpkin," he stated.

"What?" Mia asked, confused.

"You know how people carve pumpkins for Halloween? I never have." Joseph explained as he played a card.

Mia laughed, "Oh! I thought you meant that you've never carved a pumpkin out of like a block of ice or something."

Joe also laughed, "Well, that too."

"Ok Charlotte, your turn," Mia said.

Charlottelaid down her card and looked upward to think. "Umm…I've never owned a pet."

Mia gasped, "What?"

"It's true, I remember my father had some fish in an aquarium at his office, but other than that…my family never had any pets."

"That's horrible," Mia said with a hand over her heart.

"Not really. I mean…we wanted a pet for a while. But we eventually learned to deal without it."

"I am very sorry," Mia said as she placed a hand onCharlotte's shoulder.

Charlottelaughed. "It's ok Princess, really. It's not like I was traumatized forever."

"I would have been! I can't imagine life without Fat Louie."

"I had a dog growing up." Joe stated, "A husky. His name was Solado. I grew up with that dog. I got him for my seventh birthday and he died right before I went off to college. He was the greatest dog I ever knew, and the smartest, too. He didn't need a leash. You could take him wherever you needed to go and he would stay right by your side the whole time. That was a good thing because growing up as a boy, you would spend more time walking than you would anything else. It was a fairly small town and I was usually sent to get things from different stores for my mother. I could take Solado with me into all the stores because most of the storeowners knewJacksonwell enough to know that he wouldn't cause any trouble. He was a good dog," Joe finished with a nod.

"Oh, that's so sweet," Mia said with a smile. Then slappingCharlotteon the arm she said, "See what your parents made you miss out on?"

Charlottesmiled, "I guess so. He sounds like a good friend."

"He was," Joe confirmed with a nod.

"How did he die?"

"He was an old dog. He had been worn down through the years. But I don't think he had any regrets."

"Neither do I,"Charlottesaid with a smile.

"Well I guess it's my turn then," said Mia as she watched Joe place his card on the table. "Let's see…I once tried out for Junior Jeopardy when I was fourteen, but didn't make it."

"I didn't now they made you try out to be on those shows,"Charlottesaid as she laid down a card then redirected her attention back on Mia.

"Charlotte, you can't put a nine on a seven," Mia chided, picking up the newly placed card and showing it to the woman to her right.

"Oh, my mistake. It looked like a ten from here,"Charlotteapologized and took the card back, replacing it with another.

"Yeah, well anyway. They just give you a sheet of really hard random questions and you have to fill it out. But I never made it on the show," Mia finished.

"Pity," Joe said as he laid his card down. "My turn then? Ok…I have never been much of a fan of 'Aladdin'."

"The movie?"Charlotteasked.

Joseph nodded, "Mhmm."

"I love that movie!" Mia stated as she made her move.

"I never cared for it," Joe said with a shrug of the shoulders.

"Why didn't you like it Joe?"Charlotteasked.

"I don't know. I guess the story line just never appealed to me."

Mia chuckled, "What Joe, royalty falling in love with a commoner is too hard for you to believe? …Or maybe it was that that concept hit a little too close to home for you," She said with a smug smile.

Joseph tilted his head slightly with a puzzled expression towards the Princess asCharlottegasped at the blatant comment.

"Mia!"Charlotteexclaimed with a shocked expression.

Joe held up his hand toCharlotte, now fully intrigued by what Mia had to say. "What were you meaning to imply by that, Princess?"

"Nothing!"Charlottesaid quickly.

"No, no, now I'd like to know," Joe said as he stared at Mia.

"Oh you know…" Mia began, hiking her shoulders and shuffling her cards around in her hand, "the whole palace knows about it."

"About what?" Joe inquired, practically daring Mia to say what she was thinking. He tried to seem like he hadn't the least idea what she was talking about.

"About the thing you and Grandma have going," Mia finally stated.

His expression changed, instead of merely one eyebrow being raised, both were now in their top position. He had suspected that's what the princess was hinting towards, but he didn't think she would actually say it. "I beg your pardon?" he asked once his mouth found words again.

"We've all seen it, haven't weCharlotte?"

Joseph turned his head to seeCharlottewith her face in her hands and elbows on the table, refusing to make eye contact.

"Seen what?" Joe couldn't help but ask, turning back towards Mia.

"Oh, you know," Mia began with a little smile, "…how you gently place your hand on her back as you guide her through a crowd. How you two share looks when you think no one is watching. How you guys will touch each other's hands for like…three seconds too long. You can't tell me you haven't noticed that we've noticed."

Shocked, Joseph turned his gaze to look at Charlotteagain. "Do you know what she's talking about?"

Charlottetook a deep breath and then brought her head up from her hands. "Yeah Joe, I kind of do," she admitted.

Joe scoffed and struggled to form a coherent response. "What are you trying to imply here?"

"Do you have a thing for Grandma or not?" Mia asked straight out.

Joe leaned back in his chair and looked at both women in front of him with an open mouth. "I-I don't think…I mean really…I…" he watched as they returned his gaze expectantly. He finally said, "I have known Her Majesty for many, many years. She's an extraordinary woman."

"We know that Joe,"Charlottesaid softly. "We want to know if you have any other feelings for her other than that you would have towards an employer and friend and…monarch."

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and looked at the table. For the first time since they had sat down, no cards were being played. Everything was still as they all awaited his answer. He finally looked back up at the both of them and realized that he was not going to win this battle. He gave in. Joseph sighed, a long, defeated sort of sigh. He looked back and forth between the two women before him. Finally, he leaned in towards the center of the table and spoke.

"Everything spoken here is within strict confidence, is it not?"

Charlotte and Mia both leaned in towards the center of the table and nodded their heads.

"You're wanting to know if I have feelings for Her Majesty?"

They, again, nodded.

Joseph sighed once more and looked at the cards below him, "I suppose" he said, "…that may…be a possibility."

He saw the grins spread across the faces of the two people in front of him. He could tell that it had pleased them immensely to hear those words from his own mouth.

"I knew it!" Mia exclaimed as she sat happily back in her seat.

"But neither of you may say a word about this to anyone!" Joe said firmly as he too sat back in his seat.

"But why? Why don't you want to tell the world?" Mia asked.

"Because the world can't know, Princess…. No one can know."

"But why not?"

"Because those are the kind of feelings that men like me can't have towards women like her."

"But if you love her, then she needs to know,"Charlottesaid.

Joseph looked at her, "There's no need for her to know because I have no intention of pursuing her."

"Why not!" Mia asked angrily.

"Because, Princess, there is no way I could possibly win her over!"

"Aladdin did!" Mia said back.

"Yes, but that was with the aid of a genie, which you can see, I'm running a bit short on. And let's not forget that was merely a movie to begin with," Joe said quickly.

"We could help,"Charlottesuggested.

"Yeah, Joe! We could be your genies!" Mia said with a smile.

Joe once again looked back and forth between the both of them, debating their offer.

"Come on Joe," saidCharlottequietly. "What's the worse that could happen?"

He looked hard at her, "…She could say no."

There you go. That's the first chapter. Please tell me what you think. I would love to know what aspects you liked and didn't like.

PLEASE REVIEW!