No Matter What Chapter 4: Never Go Away, a scryed fanfic

Disclaimed.

"Mimori…" His voice caught in his throat, and like some squeamish schoolboy he was compelled to stare at the ground. There were tears that choked at him, making it difficult for him to continue, as if he were unable to face her – and perhaps he was. "I love you… I've always loved you… I'm so sorry – if only you could forgive me about before…"

She didn't reply, but then again, he wasn't expecting her to. It was always like this, now – he poured out his heart for her (only for her, always for her), and her silence was slowly killing him…

'Crack!' Was it the sound of the man's cheekbone shattering, or was it his finger finally cracking from the endless abuse?

It didn't matter, of course. Nothing did; he was livid – wild, mad even. He was a god of destruction, even without Zetsuei as his ominous shadow. Even without his terrible, freakish curse –

It was a curse, wasn't it? Without it he could have left the Lost Ground – would have left the Lost Ground, he insisted to her in his mind. Without it he could have gone to her, and she never would have had the need to come here – here, to this terrible, cursed place. Without it they would have had a normal life, he promised her in his soul.

Could he have ever been happy with a simpler life filled with happiness and luxury? He barely remembered who he had once been, in his childhood – it was a lifetime ago, and he couldn't remember having ever had anything but a jaded life filled with nothing but cold violence and a distant goal of more cold violence. True, he had grown up the heir to the powerful Ryuhou dynasty, but he had pushed it all aside after that day…

But things could have been different, he swore to her in his heart. They could have been – if only –

Did she know?

"You goddamned son of a bitch!" It wasn't like him to lose his calm; it wasn't like him to sully his own hands, to fight like a primitive… To kneel and weep, weak and broken for all to see…

The man screamed and Ryuhou was vaguely aware of blood sprayed across his face, ruby red slickness layered over the crusty vermillion that had already dried there. There had been no time to stop to wash it off since the last one –

But really, he had all the time in the world…

It wasn't like him to let himself look so unkempt; to fight so sloppily as to allow the other man cheap shots at him between punches, and yet, Ryuhou couldn't bring himself to care. In point of fact, he might even be thankful if this man – the last of the bandits he had left to hunt down – pulled a knife and made such a cheap shot. He would welcome the end.

I miss you so bad…

It was Cami who had touched his arm, trying to break him out of his near-madness. "Mr. Ryuhou –" she had tried, uncertainly, but he couldn't bear to look away from her, so pale and fragile and unmoving on the cot before him. Cami tried again, speaking insistently, placing a cool hand gently on his biceps as if to lead him away. Eventually, of course, some of her words broke through his thick haze, and he understood what she was saying: Tachibana and the doctor needed the space to work and the silence to concentrate in.

It was like a blow to the gut when he realized that there was absolutely nothing he could do – in fact, that if he did stay he would only be hurting Mimori's chances of survival. It was such a bitter turnabout; that his Alter – his gift, she had called it – could do nothing to help her.

He was powerless now, even as he was back then…

And so, he had been forced to focus his attention elsewhere. It seemed only fitting that he went back to violence; it was like slipping a well-worn, familiar glove back into his bloodstained hands. Hunting down the bandits responsible and verily slaughtering them one by one was like second nature to him.

It didn't bring him any respite, though. It never really had, and he imagined it never really would.

When Tachibana found him, Ryuhou knew something was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to really understand what he was being told.

'I'm so sorry Ryuhou…'

He couldn't really live without her; he had barely even been able to live knowing that she was in danger, living on the Lost Ground. If something happened to her, deep down he knew that his heart would break in two. He had devoted every effort, expended every measure he possibly could to assure her safety. He had tried so very hard…

'We did everything we could…'

Yes he loved her – she was his warmth, and he promised her that it would be the first thing he would tell her (no, show her) when she woke up. He promised that he would spend the rest of his life doing just that…

'We did everything we could…'

He had just stood there, staring dumbly at Tachibana as he spoke, unable to bring himself to comprehend. He was supposed to be there, holding her hand – maybe if he had been there, telling her how he felt –

He was supposed to be by her side, holding her hand, telling her how he felt, not out murdering her attackers. All his noble thoughts of love and reform, and he had slipped right back into his disgusting rut, bathing in blood in his desperate attempt to sooth that ache inside that wouldn't go away.

That ache inside that would never go away…

A year had passed (was it already so long since he had last seen her smile?), and not a day went by that he didn't visit her. Not a day went by that he didn't tell her how he felt, and not an hour passed that he didn't think of her. None of it made any difference, of course.

Gravestones did not talk, after all, and nothing would ever bring her back.

REVIEW! GO GO GO!

Actually, I'm feeling a bit sheepish about this one. Before any of you hunt me down, I have to explain to you: Scryed and I have amicably parted ways. It was nice while it lasted (and it still has my favorite hand-to-hand fight scene of all time), but my anime additions have led me elsewhere. It was really hard for me to find my muse for this, but once I looked back on your reviews I knew I had to give you an ending. Then, once I was writing it, I really couldn't decide how to end it. So, I read through your reviews, I looked through the archives, and I decided to try to make this one different.

There probably won't be any more, but there's always a chance that I decide to do an alternate ending, if I get a huge out-pouring of emotion . But, just the same…

It's requited love, just… a little tragically. What did you think? Was the way it was told compelling? Did it surprise/shock you? Does your heart hurt? Is it beautiful/ugly/wonderful/terrible? And, of course, REVIEW IF I MADE YOU CRY!

And then, to feed you Ryuhou-Mimori crack addition, you can also go to MiraResQNU!