Auri: Howdeee! Just a collection of fun homunculi drabble that I made up when I was bored. x3 Oh, and I know that sins probably don't do laundry. I, however, do, and I thought of this just after I finished doing a load.
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I REALLY hate doing laundry. It smells to high heavan and all the clothes are crusty. Plus I always forgot which liquid was bleach, which one was detergent, and which one was fabric softener. I also forgot the settings I had to put my clothes on before I washed them. I had always wondered why ME, Envy, had to do the laundry. I had better things to do than wash Greed's boxers. Ewwwwwww...
I was positioned in the laundry room of that person's manor, four overflowing baskets sitting in front of me. I was sitting on the small stool that I'd provided for myself, staring at the washing machine and following it's rotation with my eyes. Around and around and around it went. Wheeeeee.
I leaned against the wall. The room around him was stone, with icy cold cement flooring and stone walls. It was rectangular, with the door at one end and the boiler at the other end. The washer and dryer and ironing board was located along one wall, and laundry baskets and my stool sitting against the other wall.
'Damn cold in here,' I thought, rubbing my arms in order to warm them. And it really was cold in here.
BEEP!
The washing machine was done. I heaved myself up, and opened the top of the white metal machine. I had to use my foot to open up the dryer, which was empty, while my arms were busy scooping sopping wet clothes from the washer. I heaved my burden into the dryer and then slammed the lid shut. I turned the crank that set the dryer timer and pressed the 'On' button. It hummed to life.
Now for the washing machine. I always hated the washing machine the most. So many knobs and so many foul-smelling soaps you had to put in there. And the freaking settings! Oh, my god, there were so many settings to this thing! Large load, medium load, normal load, small load, delicates. I didn't mind doing a 'delicates' load, though. Sloth and Lust's underthings were fine with me.
I hoisted one of the other baskets on top of the dryer so it was within reach. I pulled out a handful of clothing. Greed's fluffy vest thing, one of Lust's gloves, and a sock that was probably Pride's. Eugh! Pride's sock! How freaking disgusting! I stuffed these into the washing machine and then grabbed another handful of clothing. Pride's other sock, and one of Sloth's dresses. I loved the feeling of Sloth's dress. It was so silky and soft.
After a while, the clothes basket empty, I turned to the detergents. I pulled the dark green bottle of Xtra towards me and opened it, holding out the cap like a cup and dumping the thick blue liquid into the cap. I poured it over the clothes and recapped it.
The smell of the detergent made me woozy. It was so strong and so disgusting. I glanced at the bottle.
'Fresh spring scented'.
I laughed out loud. Fresh spring scent? Bullshit. More like fresh moldy cow in a flowerbed scented. Or bullshit scented. I wondered vaguely if anyone thought of inventing that yet. I could make a killing selling vile scented detergents.
"Heheh... Fresh human entrails scented." I said to myself, uncapping the bottle of Nice'N'Fluffy fabric softener and filling the cap halfway full of the sky blue soap. It didn't smell any better than the Xtra. I poured it into the washing machine's little cylindrical thing in the center. What was that called again? I couldn't remember. Ah, well.
The lid slammed shut and I examined the dials and knobs. The first one I knew was to be left alone. The water temperature. It was on 'Warm'. The next one was the large load/delicates knob. I turned it to normal load. That seemed right. The final knob was the timer. 10 to 70 minutes. The longer the cleaner. I set it to 40 minutes. None of MY laundry was in this load. I didn't give a rat's ass about THEIRS.
The door banged open. I looked up to see Wrath framed in the doorway. Before he could speak, I snapped, "What?"
He wrinkled his nose angrily and I could tell he was pissed. "Mommy wants to know if her good dress is in the laundry. Is it?"
"Yeah...it's in this load." I muttered, sitting on my stool again and leaning against the wall. "Why? Does she want it?"
"No, she was just wondering where it was." Wrath said. He wandered in farther and shut the door. "What are you doing in here, anyways?"
"Laundry. What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?" I barked, picking up a bottle of Clorox bleach and unscrewing the cap. "Now get out."
"I don't have to." Wrath said, rather snottily. I lost it. That kid's pissed me off from day one and I had a raw nerve today that his presence wasn't making any better.
Rearing back, I threw the uncapped bottle of bleach at him. It hit him in the shoulder and splattered in his hair. "You bastard!" Wrath screamed. "I'll kill you as soon as I wash this out!"
He ran from the room.
My temper worn out, I got up and lifted the bottle of Clorox from the floor. It was cracked and now empty, it's contents spilled over the floor.
"DAMN!" I leapt onto my stool. I was wearing my usual black toe-less sock things on my feet. "Ohh, maaaaaan..." I moaned, lifting one of my feet and examining the bottom of my foot. Already the black fabric was turning gray. "SHIT!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
The door opened again. This time, it was Sloth. "Hey Envy- WOAH! What happened in here?" She asked, her eyes wide. She stopped just inside the door and looked around. "Do you...need a mop?" She asked slowly.
"NOIDON'TNEEDAFUCKINGMOPINEEDAFUCKINGNEWPAIROFFUCKINGSOCKS!" I howled, stamping my graying feet on the stool and clenching my fists in anger. "DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDANMDAMNDAMN!"
Sloth blinked, then said, "I'm gonna go get a mop..." She was about to close the door when Wrath suddenly ran in...again. It took me a minute to realize that it was Wrath. His hair was-it kills me to say this, because it's so damn hilarious-his hair was SHOCK WHITE! That bleach was POWERFUL stuff!
He took three steps in, Sloth and I both staring at him. Silence. Then, all at once, he shrieked a war cry and dove at me, which I wasn't expecting.
We grappled for about ten minutes, I succeeded in snapping one of Wrath's ribs, and Wrath managing to tear out a clump of my hair the size of a fist. It hurt like holy hell and now my head was all freaking bloody. It stopped when Sloth returned with a mop and a bucket of water. She then proceeded to put down the bucket and beat the living shit out of us with the mop!
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" I howled, grabbing the spot on my head where Wrath had ripped out my hair. "YOU BITCH!"
Wrath's clothes matched his hair. He realized this and gasped audibly. We'd been wrestling in the pool of bleach...and we were both wearing black. Sloth smirked and leaned against the doorway. "I'll leave you to greive." She said quietly, and left the mop and bucket.
Realization dawned on the pair of us as Wrath and I stared at each other. Wrath looked down at the clump of MY hair in his hand and swallowed. The hair was white. I looked at Wrath. His shorts and shirt were both the color of snow. I looked down at my body. My halter top and skort were white, as were my sock-things and my glove-things. With trembling fingers, I reached behind me and pulled forward one of my spiky locks of hair up to my eyes. White.
Our screams sent birds flying from the trees outside.
Auri's Notes: WHEEEE! Hahaha, can you imagine an albino Envy or Wrath? They look super-cute! X3 I luff it!