Tears: Part 3
Can someone's heart really be healed by another? He's heard many stories where they did and in others where they didn't. But it was never easy. It was probably the hardest thing a person could ever try to accomplish. Not only hard, but painful. Very painful.
And yet…he couldn't give up. Because that would mean breaking his promise. Even if it may seem impossible to keep.
"Hey, do you remember what Mom told us?"
A young pair of boys occupied two of the swings on the playground. Sora was twisting the metal chains that held his swing into a braid and releasing it, spinning fast in circles and making both of them dizzy. Roxas looked to the dirty laces of his worn-out sneakers. For Sora to mention their mother was strange. He still couldn't get over her death that had happened a few months ago.
Sora kicked his legs out and tried to bring himself up into the air but couldn't. "Roxas?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you remember what Mom told us?" the brunette repeated, turning to face his younger twin.
The blonde shook his head, his eyes gleaming curiously beneath the bangs that framed them. Sora shrugged and resumed trying to kick off the ground.
"Mom made me promise that we'll find Uncle Cid. She made me promise that we'll look after each other." At that moment, Roxas could have seen a flash of sadness flash cross Sora's face only to be replaced by his carefree expression. "Kinda weird, don't you think?"
He wasn't sure how to respond or how he could agree that it was "weird." So he shrugged.
"Mom almost nevermakes us promise her anything, don't you think?"
Now that he thought about it, Sora was right. Their mother had always worked so hard to support them on her own but didn't ask for much in return. He guessed they were alike. Sora…and their mom.
"Roxas…Roxas…hun, your cup is spilling."
He looked down at the mug he held in his hand. He was suppose to fill it with hot water and add lemon and honey. Sure enough, it was tipped at crooked angle letting the water pour out of it and down the drain.
"Oh, sorry, Tifa."
Tifa clicked her tongue and shook her head, watching him release the tab and switch stations. "Is everything alright, Roxas? You seem pretty out of it." That was an understatement. She wasn't the only one to notice that Roxas had lost his focus within the past few months. The dark bags under his eyes told her he wasn't getting sleep as much as he use to. His studies weren't going so well, either. He's been occupied with moping. Remembering.
He wouldn't listen to her. Or he would claim to listen but it just went in one ear and right out the other. She wasn't concerned that he wasn't doing his job. She was more concerned for his well-being. If he stayed like this any longer, he'll eventually have a breakdown. Just like Kairi. She knows they've both suffered. She cried with them at Sora's funeral. She wasn't just their boss at the café they worked at, she was their older sister model ever since they've come to live with Cid. Of course, she should be worried. Of course, she has to know what's distracting him.
"Everything's fine, Tifa," he murmured as he passed her to reach the counter where the customer was waiting and handed her the drink. "Thank you. Can I help whose next?"
"No, you're coming with me into my office, young man." Taking him by the belt of his pants, she hauled him into the back room, ignoring his shout of surprise. "Yuffie, take over for him, will ya?"
"Sure thing!"
The older woman closed the door behind her and turned to face Roxas, who had already sat himself down in her chair. She folded her arms and gave him an exasperated glare, a sign that made him gulp and avert his attention to the polished top of her mahogany desk. Tifa would never bring him aside just to lecture him except on a few occasions when he's been slacking off. And when she did, she'd be sharp and blunt about it. Who'd have thought that such a gentle-looking lady like her would be so…frightening?
"Roxas…can you please tell me what's on your mind?"
He continued to stare at the garnet-colored wood. Up till now, nobody else knew about what Sora had told him before his death. He didn't feel comfortable about telling anyone about it. Because he knew they wouldn't understand. How could the possibly comprehend the burden on his shoulders? But maybe Tifa would…a little. She always told him that if there was something weighing him down, it's easier to talk to someone even if they can't feel the same way he does. He knew Tifa would support him.
"Tifa…Sora made me promise him something. Something important."
Her arms dropped to her sides. She couldn't stay mad at him, not for so long anyways. When he sounded so depressed, she just can't bring herself to be angry at all. Curse her weakness for those two rascals she watched over. They've held such a tender spot in her heart…how could she bring herself to scold him now? "Was that why you couldn't– "
He nodded, cutting her off short. The heavy feeling was slowly starting to slip away. Away from him. He'll have to tell her.
"He…He told me to look after Kairi for him. That we'd be happy together. But, the way Kairi–" The way she was now. She wasn't herself. She was a living corpse, still breathing but decaying from the inside. Still walking but had lost the strength to pull herself out of hellhole that plagues her soul. "She–"
"I know. Kairi loved him…a lot." A long silence followed. He didn't dare pick his head up, even though the position he held was starting to get his neck sore. What should he say? He needs her advice. He could hear Tifa sniffing…was she crying? But she'd deny it if she was. She wouldn't show her tears in front of anyone. "Kairi will be fine. Why would you think otherwise?"
"I…"
"You think you can't help her? Why not?"
"…I don't know." Roxas picked up his head and sighed. "What should I do, Tifa? I don't know what I can do anymore. Everything I did do was just useless and–"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence!"
The blonde closed his mouth shut, backing closer into chair. That was probably the first time Tifa yelled at him. It was also probably the first time she glared at him so intensely before it melted away into a tired look and a weak grin. Sighing, she placed a hand over eyes and massaged the space between them.
"I'm sorry, Roxas…I didn't mean to yell. But y'know, it's not true what you said."
He blinked several times, wondering what she meant. She came to lean against the desk and to his surprise, smiled gently at him.
"Your efforts were not useless. She just needs to do the rest on her own. We can't make that decision for her to move on. Only she can do that. And when she's ready, she'll decide on her own."
Tifa's words reassured him at least a little. There will be a time when Kairi would be alive like she was before. He'll just have to wait for her.
"You're a good kid, Roxas. I can understand why Sora would trust you so much to keep your promise to him."
"But–"
"Just be yourself." She held firm. There were no "buts" about it. "Don't worry about it. You've done enough. Don't you think you deserve some relief?"
Relief. The word seems foreign to him. He wouldn't be able to grasp any relief until he knew she was alright again. He's living on an edge between hope and fear, a place where relief didn't exist. He asks himself, 'Do I really deserve to rest?' and wonders how blissful it must be to find it again. But he had already decided. He wasn't going to slow down his progress, now that he's come this far. He'll be able to rest when he sees a smile on her face again, a smile he wanted for her.
"No…at least, not yet."
"…I understand." She stood and was about to exit the room, but turned back to look at him. "But at least don't stress yourself out so much, ok?"
He grunted as a reply, bringing a tiny smile back to her lips.
"I'm glad you told me, Roxas. And I just want you to know that this isn't anything you're not capable of."
"…Thanks, Tifa."
She shrugged. "No problem. Oh, and hey, I'll let you off early for today. I want you to go home and get some sleep, you got me? I'll drop by later to give you dinner."
He gave the smallest of nods.
"Alright…well, I'll see you then."
"Tifa?"
"Hmm?"
He looked at her straight in the eye. "Do you…do you think it's possible – about what he said about me and Kairi?"
Tifa knew he wanted the sincerest answer she could give. She knew he wasn't directly asking her but what would his brother think. But she truly didn't know. She couldn't lie that she knew it will because it was too soon to jump to conclusions. Even though she hoped they would…eventually. She decided she'd give him a straight answer. "…I have never doubted Sora when he means it. But even if it doesn't work out...I'm sure he wouldn't hold it against you, Roxas."
He really didn't like driving to school. He'd have to go through Main St., which was always crammed with traffic. But he made an exception. He'd risk getting in trouble with the cops for double-parking for just one reason. He'd wait hours if need be just to drive her home.
In this sad excuse for a car.
A piece of junk that broke down numerous times. An old minivan that dated back to the caveman era.
Well, because of Cid's "miraculous" car-repairing skills, this way it'd be cheaper not to get a new vehicle.
Not that Roxas would care about what kind of car he could get. Like he said. He didn't like driving. So he wouldn't even bother about a car.
The blonde turned his head, quickly catching a glimpse of deep red among the crowd. She was usually accompanied by one of her friends, but today she was alone. It's became a routine. His classes would end at noon, he'd have lunch and come back to school to wait outside the gates. She'd come out, head bent and eyes glued to the floor as she always did. And they'd let the rest of the time pass in silence.
He wasn't doing to this in an attempt to get closer to her. That was the least he wanted. Tifa told him never to do that. Well, he wouldn't have done it even if she didn't suggest it anyways. He just wanted to help her in every little way he could.
She just didn't seem to notice…
"Hey, Kairi," he forced out, trying to sound cheerful and only received a small "hi" back.
Sighing, he turned his attention back to the road and pulled back into the midst of traffic. How long he's been doing this favor for her he didn't know. But it didn't really matter. What was his real concern was the invisible wall she had built around herself, shutting everyone out. Shutting him out. He'd have to get her to talk somehow. Even if she didn't want to. He was going to make her talk.
"So, uh…I heard from Yuffie you're planning to take Economics next year."
Kairi only nodded, her gaze still fixed on her hands.
"Heard it was hard. Is it?"
"…"
"Orette took it last semester and she said she wished she had taken Psychology instead. She said it suits her more. What do you think?"
"……"
"Kairi…are you going to answer me?" Roxas tried not to sound so angry, but he couldn't help it. He silently prayed to Sora to forgive him for what he was about to do next. "Well?"
She bowed her head even lower than before and shook it.
He gave an exasperated exhale of breath and pulled into an abandoned parking lot. He turned to her and demanded, "Why not?"
The redhead covered her face with her hands and kept shaking her head. She couldn't look at him. He looked so much like Sora. He might have been different from Sora in many ways and they didn't even sound the same but he had Sora's face. He had Sora's eyes. He was Sora's doppelganger. She couldn't bring herself to see Sora and know that he wasn't there. That Roxas wasn't the one she loved. "I…I can't!"
The blonde's expression softened and he looked away in shame. For a while, only her sobs could be heard. He regretted getting frustrated with her, because she was so broken already. She was continuing to think of his brother, bringing a mix of comfort and pain.
"Continuing to think of one person and one person alone…can only be done by an ailing heart."
He remembered vaguely about one person who told him that. So Kairi was one of the ailing. Whether it was on purpose or not, she couldn't bring herself to stop.
"I'm sorry, Kairi…I know it hurts you a lot." It's unfair, isn't it? It's unfair that it had to be this way. But there's nothing they could do about it. "Don't you want to see him? Will that make you happy?"
Her sobs ceased to hiccups and tiny sniffs but she continued to avoid eye contact with him.
"Don't you think we all want the same thing?"
She slowly picked her head up and looked his way. He was staring straight into the left mirror, as if lost in his own thoughts but yet still very aware that he wasn't just muttering gibberish.
"You know, I think Sora's quite disappointed in us. And…I am, too, I guess." He switched his gaze to her, causing her to flinch. "I didn't realize how it affected others on the way I act. I guess I was kind of in the same situation as you and I kept on making everybody worry about me." A smirk formed on his lips. He was sure the brunette would probably be infuriated if he was so depressed. "So Tifa told me to get a hold of myself. She didn't say that it was wrong of me to be sad, but it was selfish of me nonetheless. And…I don't think he'll forgive me if you carried on the same way."
Kairi blinked and turned her stare back to her lap. It caused him anguish again but he fought it down and drove out of the parking lot.
"Kairi…I promised Sora that I would look after you. I know that I'm not him and that isn't my objective. I just want you to be your old self again. For your own sake."
She sniffed.
"Would that be too hard?"
"Roxas? Roxas, are you even listening to me?"
"Sorry, Yuffs. I have this term paper I have to finish. Can't you tell me later?"
Yuffie pouted and folded her arms over her chest. Honestly, he works too hard sometimes. And she had something important to tell him, too. Grrgh, he was impossible. "Can't you finish your term paper later? I mean, you have like what? Four more hours to finish it?" No, seriously. She really did have something important to tell him.
"Yuffie, leave him alone and finish mopping the spill. He'll find out soon enough."
Roxas picked his head up and gave Tifa a quizzical look. "What? What will I find out soon enough?"
"Oh, you pay attention to her, but not me, huh? Well, that's the last time I will EVER tell you anything again, Roxas James Wyatt! Hmph!" The petite girl shot her nose in the air and stalked away…only to stumble a bit because of the wet floor. She regained her balance and shot them a glare but failed to stop grin spreading on her lips. "Shaddup, Tifa. Nobody saw that." Tifa's smirk soon broke into a laugh. Roxas's eyebrow was arched so high it disappeared among his blonde bangs. It's been a while since Yuffie had used his full name, which he despised. He loathed his father's name. He abhors his father. Roxas James Wyatt? Come on…
"Anyway…what will I find out soon enough?"
Tifa only handed him the phone and rolled her eyes at his still confused look. "It's Cid. He's freaking out because Kairi's over at your house."
His eyes widened. Kairi? Over at his house? Uh…why?
"Tifa! I am NOT freaking out!" came Cid's loud voice through the other line. So loud that Roxas had to hold the phone away from his ear.
"Cid!"
"What! Oh, Roxas. Get back home right now."
"Um, ok…Just stop spazzing."
"For the last time, I am NOT spazzing!" He was so spazzing. "You either here in ten minutes or…or you're grounded!" The phone went dead.
Tifa smirked and took the phone back. "He's afraid about her breaking down in front of him. And he doesn't know what to say to her."
Sighing, he gathered his papers into a neat pile and stuffed them into his backpack. "Cid says I'm grounded if I'm not home within ten minutes." Rolling his eyes, he threw his backpack over his shoulder and headed for the door. "You think he would notice that I'm almost nineteen and in college now."
He found her in Sora's room. Sitting on the bed and staring at the picture of her and Sora in her hand. Lately, nobody dared to come into this room. He's been neglecting it so that's why the shelves were full of dust and grime. The curtains were always closed as opposed to the time when it was always opened. Sora would never have them closed, which gave Roxas the impression that his older twin was afraid of the dark…
He will never find out now.
Kairi's fingers gently traced the outline of Sora's face, her deep blue eyes never straying. He tried to say something but his throat felt clogged and his mind was blank. Why has she come here? He needed to know.
"Roxas…" To hear her say his name startled him. But she stayed in the same hunched position he found her in. "How long has it been? I…I mean," she cut off and frowned. As if the cause of confusion was she didn't even recognize her own voice or that it was she the one who was speaking. "I mean…since Sora left…" She wasn't going to use the two terms "passed away." And he was glad she didn't.
He stared at her, surprise dancing in his eyes. "…three months."
"…It's June already?"
Finally, she picked up her head and looked his way. He could see ever the tiniest hint of the old Kairi. He nodded, not knowing what else to say. "Y-yeah, um…"
"I'm so sorry, Roxas," she choked out with struggling breath and covered her face. He was…a little bit more than shocked but let her continued. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know…I, I…"
He sat down beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She gasped and turned to see him smiling at her. A comforting smile. Like Sora's. But there was something different about it, something that set them apart from each other. It was understanding and filled with the same sadness she has been feeling over her loss. "You don't have to be sorry, Kairi. You didn't do anything wrong."
"But-but I was acting so selfish! And…and I kept pushing everybody away when they tried to help me! I'm so sorry, Roxas! I didn't mean to…"
"I didn't say it was bad of you to be selfish, Kairi." His cerulean eyes dropped to the picture. "You lost someone you loved. Someone you loved dearly. It's understandable. It's not a crime to mourn. Nobody's angry with you, Kairi. They understand."
Her breath was caught in her throat and when his hand lifted off her shoulder, she wished he didn't pull away. The long silence was awkward, making them both feel uncomfortable. He seemed to find the floor fascinating. But his mind was elsewhere. Far off from where he was now.
"I don't like to break promises," Sora said, two seats away from him. It was late afternoon and they've forgotten the keys to the house so they were forced to wait at the swings. "I feel guilty when I do."
Roxas stared at him, completely taken aback by his twin's random brought up of the topic. They haven't had a talk like this for years. "Sora, what are you talking about?"
"Haha, sorry 'bout that. Guess I sorta spaced out…again. I dunno. I was thinking about Mom…and about Kairi."
"Why? You ready to propose to her yet?" he asked with a sly smirk but it instantly dropped when he saw how serious Sora was. "Sora?"
"Huh? Oh, sorry. Wait…what were we talking about again?" His grinned his goofy grin and scratched the back of his neck, a sign showing he was embarrassed for getting lost in his own thoughts. He's been doing that a lot lately.
"You said something about Kairi."
"Oh. Oh yeah…You know, we had the sappiest talk ever yesterday. It was kinda…weird." Extremely weird, but… "She asked me if we're going to be together forever. And I said…" He paused. What was he waiting for? A drum roll?
"You said…"
"I said no."
The world should have ended right there. He told her no. Maybe he was drunk…but Sora doesn't drink. It was one of those "for life" vows he made to himself ever since he saw how those hangovers handled Cid. "Wha-you what?"
"I told her no. A straight, honest no."
Roxas wanted to call him an idiot, if a feeling of dread didn't stop him to. He knows Sora's been thinking over life and his illness. Sora was indirectly admitting that he wasn't going to make it. When the brunette was met with complete shock, he sighed and hung his head.
"I promised her that I'd love her forever. But I couldn't promise that I would be there forever. And that if it happens, I would want her to be happy. I don't want Kairi to be alone."
I can't break a promise to her…
"He said he couldn't promise me something that might never happen. I didn't think he was serious. I didn't believe him…I didn't want to believe him." It took a few seconds for Roxas to realize he had spaced out, but luckily, Kairi didn't seem to notice. "But he made me promise him that I'd be happy, even if he wasn't there."
"…"
"…And I don't want to let Sora down." She smiled at him. He returned it.
"Yeah, me neither."
Kairi nodded and got up to put the picture frame back on the shelf. He watched her, just standing there and staring at the picture. He was glad, glad that she could smile again. "I've wanted to thank you, Roxas."
"Hmm?"
She turned around and crossed her arms behind her back. "Thank you. For being there for me. And…sorry if I was such a…a, um…"
"Don't worry about it. It was…nothing." He looked away and scratched his head. Damn these moments! God just loved picking on him, didn't He?
Suddenly, he found his hand grasped in hers and was met by her breath-taking indigo gaze and her heart-stopping smile. "I'd like to make it up to you." Roxas was suddenly pulled off the bed and out of the room. "I'll make it up to you…somehow."
Roxas smiled. He takes back what he said. It didn't seem impossible after all.
SD: (dies)……
J/k. I'm still here. :) I thought I would never get this done cuz I was suffering from severe writer's block. Sorry about the delay. Was busy. I made this extra long becuz of it.
And yay! I got my KH2 && happiness. x3 But I can't play it on the weekdays. D: But let me just say, the game is OMGsoAMAZING! Sora is HAWTT!1! Yeah, there's my two cents. :P
Back on topic. Gah. I thought it was horrible. It was horrendously repetitive and…I dunno. Maybe I'll have to edit it. I'm sorry. T.T I'll try to do better next chapter. So, um…tell me what you think? Confused? Send me an IM and I'll do my best to explain. Ok, that's it, I guess. I lurve all of you who reviewed. Thank you so much. Starbursts for you. D