FMP Fan Fiction

Wo Futari De

by Esoteria

Chapter 9b

This is an alternate ending. It takes place where Chapter 8 left off.

----

A loud thunderclap awoke Kaname, who sat up, startled, in bed. She could hear the soft patter of rain on the railing at the dark balcony. As echoes of thunder bounced from the surrounding buildings to a decrescendo of bass, something about the dwindling storm coaxed her to her window. She rolled away from the heavy lump on the other side of the bed.

Putting one leg down to the floor at a time, she watched her hand shake slightly. Guiding it down beside her slowly, Kaname pushed herself up to a stand. She took a few wavering steps to the window, feeling the carpet seem to absorb part of her foot with each tread. When at last she reached her destination, she raised an arm to pull back the window curtain. Her pajamas, wrinkled from an awkward sleeping position, fell comfortably into place in the process. Soft fabric lightly touched her skin, which was sensitive from her comatose-like rest moments earlier. Chidori's head was swimming just slightly. Her heightened senses of touch and hearing combined with her supple clothing and the gentle rhythm of rain on hollow aluminum took her to a mild euphoria. She paused subconsciously with her hand hanging from and grasping the curtain. She stopped squinting, clearing the collected matter from her eyes with the other hand, and opened them fully to look when, with a brisk motion, she brought the curtain back.

A blinding flash of lightning greeted her. An astounding display of natural power, it had struck nearby. Kaname recoiled, shutting her eyes quickly and taking a few steps back. She looked at the afterimage of the bolt on her eyelids, which seemed to dash away each time she tried to focus on it. Elusive little thing, she thought with a small smile. But all the small things were huge to her right now. The accompanying blast of thunder faded. Hearing the water again brought her to slowly open her eyes. The window reflected a slight superimposition of her body upon the dark urban backdrop: her blue striped pajamas seemed a little duller than usual. Reaching subconsciously for the handle, she opened the sliding door slowly, its sound an unwelcome addition to the rain. When it was opened just enough for her to fit through, she did so.

Her feet touched the thin layer of cool rainwater that had collected on the concrete from the splatter. She closed the door behind her even more slowly than she had opened it and closed her eyes. Chidori felt the slight mist on her face from the rain dashing against the rail in front of her. When the door closed fully behind her she leaned against it and crossed her arms in front of her. She stayed still like this for a moment, soaking in the environment.

A memory began replaying in her mind as she pressed against this glass: an incident where she had screamed in fright after seeing a large cockroach in her apartment. Even more frightening had been Sagara Sousuke crashing through the window much like this one, him being hung by a rappelling rope, and landing on her floor with gun drawn, demanding "Where is the enemy?" She smiled again. That Sousuke…. But something melancholy was rising in her throat when she thought about him… something that had brought her out of her bed in the first place.

She opened her eyes and looked down at the concrete. She could almost see an image of him squatting there, panties in hand, saying "Chidori… What a coincidence." She gradually pushed herself off of the glass door and squatted down with the invisible Sagara, gently taking the underwear from his hand and setting them aside.

"Now, now, Sousuke…" she whispered as her eyes started to burn just a little. She put out her hand and ruffled his imaginary hair, and visualized him squinting a bit as she did so.

"Come sit with me," she said softly, and sat down against the door. The lump in her throat was growing. She didn't notice the small amount of rain water soaking into her pajama bottoms.

"Come on…" she patted the concrete next to her and smiled. "There you are. What's wrong?"

"…"

"Hmm…. Mmm hmm…."

"…"

"That's true…. I suppose that's okay though, right?"

"…"

"…Yeah… I think so too."

She closed her eyes again, leaning towards him, feeling water collect at the corners of her eyes. There was satisfaction by appeasing her fantasy. She tilted her head to rest on his shoulder, sighing cutely.

"…Ahh, Sousuke… I lo—"

She threw a hand out to catch herself, having nearly fallen onto the bare concrete. But then, here was also sadness at reality's dull but ever-present overshadow.

…She picked herself up slowly, and let her head roll back until it hit the glass with a little "thump." She stared at the underside of the balcony above hers.

Her lips began to quiver slightly. She bit her bottom lip to stop it while several tears rolled down her cheeks.

She blinked hard, never fully clearing the saline that burned so. She sniffled quietly and brought up her hand to her face, wiping the remaining tears away.

…But they just came back. Sniffling again, she stood up slowly, turning to the glass.

Sniff… the tears wouldn't stop, even now. She couldn't stop thinking about him.

She looked at the object of her despair through the window, pressing her palm against the cold glass.

"Sousuke…" she whispered, shaking slightly. "How can I be missing you so much when you're right here?"

Another flash of lightning showed her the reflection of her face. Her hair was unkempt. There was more than a bit of redness in her eyes.

This glass… it felt like it was a meter thick. The door… like it took superhuman strength to open.

"Why… Sousuke…"

She felt a new wave of tears coming as discomforting heat collected in the space between her skin and her pajama shirt. A warm, uncomfortable prickling sensation grew as sweat began to manifest itself.

"Why is your heart in there… why can't I get to it…? Why am I always stuck on the outside? I don't understand you… Sousuke…." She choked on some tears and swallowed. "I don't understand how you feel… do you feel anything? I keep waiting for you…."

Inside there was silence. Kaname's forehead was pressed against the window. Her tears met the glass halfway down and slid, collecting rain water and increasing in speed before they finally hit the concrete.

She bit back her quivering lip again while watching her tears fall.

"Sousuke… do you even…," she mouthed silently. She swallowed when her heart tried to make its way up her throat.

"Sousuke…," her nose was beginning to run a bit. "Sousuke…."

…She mouthed the words silently….

"I love you…."

It hurt so much.

When she finished saying it in her mind she squeezed her eyes closed again and bit back more tears. She whimpered once loudly before raising both arms to help her fight. She brushed away more and more tears, wiped her nose and eyes many times, before it finally stopped. Her pitiful sounds had only been reflecting back at her, making it even worse, and yet she recalled being in a similar state of discontent one dark night on the top of a tall building.

She looked around outside again once. The storm had paid her no mind. Flares of light defied her emotions and welcomed them all the same. Rain danced on the rail, laughing at her. Thunder rolled overhead, flaunting its superiority.

She stood still for several minutes.

After a while, Kaname took a deep breath and reached for the door. As it slid open, another soft roll of thunder bid her a bitter farewell. Her feet met the soft carpet and the door slid closed behind her. She looked up at the darkness retreating from the early morning sky before closing the curtain again with a swishing sound.

When she turned around, it looked as though Sousuke had shifted a little in his sleep. He was lying on his back, sheets in disarray.

Kaname slowly crawled into the bed, taking care not to disturb him, lest he awake and see her in this condition. She lay down on her side and watched with one eye from her pillow. His chest rose and fell. She could see his rapid eye movement through his eyelids. His forehead wrinkled on occasion.

She took another breath and moved a few centimeters closer under the covers.

"Sousuke…," she mouthed.

Suddenly it was too much to bear again. I don't understand! She sniffed again before she threw herself softly, but with some abandon, atop his chest, with both hands curled into fists at his shoulder and stomach. Muffled sobs were heard as she tried hard to keep from waking him, but remained unable to pull herself away from his body all the same. She flattened the hand at his shoulder while she cried, searching for his heartbeat.

Between sobs, she whispered into his chest… "You're right here, aren't you, Sousuke? You're right here…and yet still I'm…."

She cried silently for several minutes.

Finally she lifted her head off of his chest, her tears having soaked right through his shirt. She pulled her pillow to her and turned away from him, bringing her knees to her chest, and forcing herself to attempt a return to sleep.

----

When the sounds of her misery faded at last, Sousuke took a full breath.

Sagara Sousuke, he told himself, You are an idiot. You're the same moron, the same fool she always says you are. He risked being found out, and brought one hand to his forehead, squinting as he mentally cursed himself for the thousandth time in twenty-four hours.

She had managed to get outside without him noticing. He could chalk that up to sheer exhaustion and the aftereffects of a horrible nightmare. But there was no way he would have missed the thump of her head hitting the glass. Immediately he had awoken, reaching for his pistol which was nowhere nearby, and had seen her distraught figure pressed against the glass.

He should've gone out to her then.

When she got up and turned to the glass, he had stopped moving and feigned sleep. But in the dark room he left one eye slightly open, and watched her tears fall down the transparent door.

He definitely should've gone to her then.

He had seen her fighting back waves of tears, while repeated mouthing his name and some words he could not discern. He had watched her look longingly at him, as though she could never come back inside. He saw her turn to the sky, and even saw her biting back her shivering lips before she turned to the door again.

He should've been at that door, waiting for her with open arms.

Then he had gone so far as to feign R.E.M. sleep while he felt her crawl into the bed and look at him.

He should've returned her gaze and thanked her for being who she was to him.

As though he had not failed her already, he lay there, unmoving, while she cried audibly on his chest. He could feel her tears soak through. They burned holes in his heart but he did not move.

He should've wrapped his arms around her and not let go.

Sousuke heard her whisper, "You're right here, aren't you?" And though his very soul screamed "I'm here, Chidori!" his body lay still. Her hand smoothed over his shoulder, giving him the best possible opportunity.

He should've seized it, and told her right then what he felt.

She had left him, turning away surely in the disgust he was owed, and buried her emotion and her pain in the pillow while he continued to resist the correct actions.

I'm sorry, Chidori…. I… I don't… deserve…

In spite of himself, Sousuke had spent the entire time wracking his mind for reasons why she might be so upset. He had gone over the events of the day and critically picked apart each of his own actions… looking for any flaw… any possible misunderstanding or neglect on his part. He could think of nothing. Something about her general demeanor the night before had been comforting, and he was at a peace he had not felt since taking on this assignment. At peace, that is, until reaching the train station. Was she upset with him for again putting them in danger? Surely not, because her reaction when she awoke was far from angered at his critical mistake.

And yet regardless of his attempts, he could not discern the meaning behind her tears.

…She was saying his name… why? Sousuke became enraged at his own inadequacy. WHY?

His concern that he had wronged her in some way still did not alleviate his desire to be closer to her. Weren't tears more painful when cried alone? Had not Sousuke himself felt out of place sitting on the other side of the train car? What was happening to him? What was happening to her?

Her tears were not expended. Kaname whimpered softly in her pillow. Sagara could take no more.

Curse my training, and curse my past if it would stop me at such a time! Chidori… please forgive me….

Sousuke slid over to her, wrapping his arm around her waist and threading the other under her pillow. He pressed against her back and curled his legs up to meet hers. He buried his face in the hair at the back of her neck and squeezed his eyes closed. His heart sped to a rate he hadn't experienced even in the most heated of battles. His mind felt like it was flying away, leaving him no thought but only his senses behind. His eyes rolled up behind his eyelids as he breathed in her scent. He pulled her as close as he could, his muscles burning with the anticipation of feeling another small piece of her against him.

He swallowed hard and waited….

----

Kaname tensed, her body seizing as she felt him come to her. When she felt his arm slide under her pillow she opened her eyes wide, looking at his fingertips just barely visible above her head. She felt his lap and his knees meet hers.

Her mind fought furiously over whether to push her body back into him or forward into his arm. In the end she stayed still, almost unable to breathe from the overwhelming feeling. Her tears of sorrow turned to tears of elation in a mere instant of his contact. Her mind flew at a thousand kilometers per hour through every moment they had spent together… through the slowly decreasing distance between them as they walked or talked. Images of him at each dramatic second that he had stepped in harm's way for her, come to rescue her… they replayed, amplified to unparalleled levels. The events of the night before were no longer confusing and traumatic to her. She had waited this long. She would let thing develop as they would. I owe him that much….

She wanted to turn to him… to see him, but she couldn't make herself move. A second without his touch would be too much to bear.

And yet, incredibly, even through this moment… somehow, exhaustion was setting in. A chemical imbalance of some sort… an aftereffect of the previous day… her consciousness was slipping in Sousuke's warm embrace. Kaname fought it, but it would not release her.

She quickly saw that her battle would not be won, but she wanted to move… to show him some signal that she was grateful. She thought again to turn around, or to bring her arm back to run through his hair…. But wouldn't that frighten you, Sousuke? Would you be worried I don't like it if I moved suddenly? She pondered momentarily with reality fading away at an incredible pace, and then decided.

She moved her arm from the mattress to cover his own. She slipped her fingers between his and pulled his arm gently to her. More of his skin against hers gave her one final attack against her enemy that was sleep. She felt his foot move across hers and she reacted in kind. Dullness of mind swarmed to her retreating figure.

Maybe I do understand you, Sousuke… just a little….

Sleepiness washed over her at last. Kaname yawned as quietly as she could while sinking into her newly reinforced pillow. A defeat well met.

(End of Wo Futari De)