Disclaimer: Why are these necessary? Can I just write 'I disclaim' without specifying WHAT I'm disclaiming? What would happen if I wrote 'I claim'? Do lawyers even read fanfics? Wouldn't they be too busy?
A.N. For Fred.
Hermione pulled out a folded piece of cloth. She sighed. So much for her hopes of a necklace (or, if she admitted to her wildest fantasies, a ring). Of course Ron only thought of her as bookworm-Hermione, knee socks and top buttons Hermione. She couldn't blame him. She unfolded it, and had to stop herself gasping. It was a dress. A deep red velvet dress trimmed with gold. There was a note pinned to it. It read 'Dear Hermione, I picked this out before the incident, so sorry if it doesn't quite fit. I asked Harry if he knew your measurements, but Seamus started laughing uproariously for some reason, so I had to guess. It's charmed, it'll change design and colour on demand. Perfect for the girl who hates shopping. I feel bloody stupid giving it to you now, seeing as I'll be the one wearing it until we switch back, but I didn't have time to get you anything else. Love Ron'.
'Don't worry, Ron' Harry's voice broke her reverie 'She'll love it. You spent enough time bothering me what to get her, now you've settled on something, you can stop fussing and just enjoy Christmas! Only tomorrow to go, too'. Had Ron really spent time worrying about what to get her? She wondered. And Harry was right. She did love it. She stowed it away in the bag again, a smile playing on her lips.
Meanwhile, in Ginny's room, Ron was throwing Hermione's neatly folded school clothes into Ginny's wardrobe. He stacked her many, many books on the shelves, and made a neat pile of her Christmas presents, which were already meticulously wrapped. Mum, Dad, Harry, Ginny, Twins, Percy, Charlie, Bill, himself, Mr and Mrs Weasley. He read the tags without much interest, as he couldn't unwrap them to see what everyone had got. He alighted upon the final present. He frowned at it. There was one too many. Who could he have forgotten? He knew she had sent Hagrid his present days ago. 'Dear Sam, Merry Christmas and a happy new year, love Hermione' read the neat cursive script.
Ron's blood went cold. It said 'Love Hermione'. Frantically he searched through the pile he had already sorted. Oh, his own label said 'Love Hermione' too. He breathed out in relief. Ginny snorted from behind him. 'You do this every year, Herm. His present's not going to vanish into thin air. You don't have to panic'. Ron grinned in what he hoped looked an embarrassed way, and put both back on the pile. Wait, every year? Hermione panicked about losing his present every year? The grin changed from embarrassed to cheerful.
This changed again when his mother called up the stairs 'Are you lot changed yet? Dinner's going to be cold!'. Oh Merlin. He had to pick out an outfit Hermione would approve of, all by himself, and he still hadn't worked out how to do the bra. He'd just have to change his outer clothes, and leave his underwear unchanged. He rifled through her casual clothes, which he still hadn't gotten around to putting away. He shoved on an acceptable looking pair of jeans and a t-shirt, not looking down. Well, he had the memory, he didn't need to.
He had a last rummage around her trunk for a jumper, as it had begun to snow outside and it wasn't very warm. Books, books, clothes, books…whoa! Ron pulled out what looked remarkably like a piece of black string from among the sensible white underwear. A quick search rewarded him with a matching bra. He was staring at them, unable to believe the prim and proper Hermione he knew could ever own such things. Ginny looked up and smiled. 'You haven't got round to wearing those yet, have you?' she laughed 'I got you them last year! I bet you've still got the price tags on, haven't you?' she snatched the thong off Ron before he could protest. 'Ooh! I was wrong! Somebody's got a hidden side. Come on, tea's probably ready'.
Ginny threw the garment back into Hermione's trunk, and Ron flopped down onto her bed. His mind was spinning with new images. He shook his head. This wasn't right. She was his best friend. He couldn't think of her like that, as much as he wanted to. Sighing, he shoved them in a drawer and reached right to the bottom of her drawer for a jumper. There was one he recognised, buried under a huge heap of other stuff, obviously designed to hide it. The jumper was maroon. He grinned and slipped it over his head. In his own body, he would have grown out of it, as his mother had sent it to him in fourth year. In Hermione's body his Christmas jumper was a little big, and he had to push the sleeves up. Feeling strangely elated, he followed Ginny downstairs.
Harry and Hermione had also heard Mrs Weasley shout. Harry rolled his eyes at the piles of stuff he still hadn't sorted, and began to get changed. Hermione glanced around…Merlin! Quidditch hadn't done Harry any harm. He unbuckled his belt, and Hermione whipped around to face the wall as if she had been stung. Bleurgh, she thought as she got changed herself. Seeing her practically-brother undress was not an experience she wished to repeat. She kicked her shoes under the bed, pulled on the clothes she had picked out and padded down to the kitchen barefoot.
She sat own at the table next to Harry and Ron. Everybody else was already there, mostly eating already. 'Finally here, Ron? We were going to report you missing, you're normally eating before it's off the stove!' chuckled Charlie. Hermione blushed. 'Now, now, Charlie, don't tease your brother in front of Hermione' said Mrs Weasley fondly. 'Why?' asked one of the twins. Hermione couldn't tell them apart. 'Oh, don't make a fuss, but she and Ron have become something of an item, so I'm told!' she beamed at the pair of them.
The twins looked as if Christmas had come early. Not that it was a long wait, but anyway. They turned, grinning like Cheshire cats at the 'couple'. 'Well, looks like our little Ronniekins finally turned into a man! And our poor Hermione lost her mind. Such a shame, she was such a promising witch' they sighed, wiping fake tears from their eyes. Ron and Hermione scowled. 'Actually, they're not dating. They have to pretend to because Hermione slept with Malfoy, and if his father finds out he'll kill her' said Ginny matter-of-factly. Six open-mouthed faces turned on Hermione.
'You weren't kidding, Gred, she really has lost her mind' said a horrified Forge. Mrs Weasley had turned a rather interesting shade of red. Ron stood up hesitantly 'No! It wasn't like that at all, trust me. What happened was, uh, well, me and 'Ron', see, we were in a bit of a mess because of a potions lesson, but that was before, not that anything happened after, and then, erm'.
Ron wasn't the best liar in the world, and there were the three women around the table who could ALWAYS tell when he was lying. Ginny was eating, not particularly interested. Hermione was looking desperately at him, willing him to come up with something better. His mum was glaring at him as if he was something nasty she had stepped in. 'I'm sure, Hermione dear' she said frostily 'Just let me have a little word with Ron out in the hall' and with a look of quietly murderous determination on her face, dragged Hermione by the arm out into the hall after her.
To say Hermione was nervous was like saying George Bush is a little on the slow side, or Harry was a teeny bit fed up with fighting Voldemort. Mrs Weasley sat her down on one of the stairs and looked seriously at her. 'Listen, Ron. I know you won't like to hear this, but just remember I'm your mother and I just want what's best for you, ok?' she asked, and Hermione nodded, squirming. Mrs Weasley took a deep breath and continued 'I want you to stop this. You can't put yourself in danger for a, a, scarlet woman like her. I thought it was bad enough when she was playing you off against Victor Krum in fourth year, seeing you mope for weeks until she got here, but this is too far. The girl obviously doesn't care about you. I thought perhaps she might have had her eye on Percy, but apparently not.' Percy? Thought Hermione disgustedly Eurgh. 'If she's going around doing…that with potential Death Eaters like him she doesn't deserve you OR this family. Move on, son. I think it would be better if Hermione went home to her parents for the rest of Christmas, too.'
Hermione felt as if the bottom of her stomach had dropped out. She managed a choked 'Thanks, 'mum'' before running upstairs, sobbing. Mrs Weasley shook her head sadly and rejoined the rest of her family. Ron looked around as she entered, confused. 'Where's 'Ron'?' he asked. Mrs Weasley pursed her lips. 'He went up to his room. He was feeling rather unwell. It's best you leave him, dear. Oh, and we decided it would be better all round if you go to your parents for the remainder of Christmas.' Ron stared at his mother. He couldn't believe she had effectively told Hermione she wasn't welcome in his own home. 'WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!' he bellowed and, without waiting for a reply, abandoned his food, rushing off to find Hermione.
He found her on his bed, his pillow soaking wet with tears. He laid his hand gently on her shoulder and she jumped. 'Oh, it's you' she sniffed, wiping her tears away with her sleeve. Ron's heart was breaking to see her in crying. 'Whatever she said, she didn't mean it' he said, helplessly trying to cheer her up. 'Apparently I'm a scarlet woman who plays with Pureblooded Death Eaters to put you in danger, and I should go home to my muggle parents, you know, put them in the line of fire instead. I don't care about you or your feelings and I'm not worthy of staying with the Weasleys'.
Ron's expression was painful to see. He looked more miserable than he ever had before. ''Mione, I think we should just tell them. I don't want her thinking anything bad about you. I know you'd never play with my emotions, and I thought she did too. She doesn't mean any of it, she loves you like a daughter really. And I won't let anything hurt your parents. But if you do go to your parents now, even if we explain to everyone, I'm coming with you. If there's any chance that Malfoy senior is after you, I'm not letting you out of my sight'.
Hermione smiled weakly. 'Thanks, Ron, I know she thinks she's just looking out for you. We can't tell them, though I appreciate the offer. Apart from anything else, if the twins found out you were in a girl's body they'd never let you live it down' Ron smiled, as Hermione continued 'I'm not going to ruin your Christmas, you'll want to spend it with your family. I'll have to stay here, I suppose, and either think up a good story or put up with your mum thinking you're gullible and I'm a Lavender'. Ron nodded solemnly. 'So what's the story?' he asked after a few moments pause. Hermione giggled against her will.
'Give me a minute or two! It'll have to explain why we had a fake relationship on Malfoy's orders after my body was caught looking dishevelled in his room. That's a worse task than Snape's ever given us'. Ron crinkled his nose in repulsion. 'Uhhh' he thought 'What if we were actually dating, but you had humiliated Malfoy whilst trying to get information out of him about this Death Eater rally? You discovered that it was aimed at you and your parents and selflessly volunteered to say we were 'pretending' to date on Malfoy's orders to keep me from harm. Malfoy went along with it because you would spread the embarrassing story around school if he didn't. You were trying to protect me. You end up the hero, and my 'love' for you is fully justified. It also provides a good excuse to go and stay with your parents later'. Hermione gaped. 'It's heroine, Ron, not hero' she said absentmindedly 'But apart from that it's absolute genius! Oh, I don't give you enough credit!' she leapt to hug Ron, who fell back onto the bed, being slightly crushed by Hermione's new, Quidditch-induced weight.
'MUM!' came a holler from just outside the open door, courtesy of the grinning twins 'Ron and Hermione have made up!' with a crack, Mrs Weasley appeared upstairs, blushing when she noticed their compromising position. 'See?' she whispered loudly to the twins 'A scarlet woman through and through!'. Hermione looked miserable and, face bright red, climbed off the slightly squashed Ron. Ron glared, and told his mother the story he had made up not a minute earlier. By the end of it, Mrs Weasley was nearly in tears. 'Oh, Hermione darling I'm so sorry! I can't believe you poor things had to tell Ginny that horrible story on the train in case someone was listening.' The newly reinstated 'couple' glanced at each other guiltily. 'And Hermione, I take back everything I said. I should have known you were just trying to protect Ron, it's just hard not to think of him as three years old. You'll know when you have children of your own someday' she smiled benevolently at the now bright red pair.
Fred and George were still at the door snickering. Mrs Weasley noticed, and scolded them 'Come on, you two, get out! Leave your little brother and soon-to-be-sister-in-law' (they blushed again) 'They need a little privacy. Come down for pudding in half an hour or so, ok, kids?' she asked, and without waiting for an answer closed the door behind her and the twins. 'Can we have our own room?' Hermione called after her. They distinctly heard chuckling before a reply of 'Don't push your luck!' and they were alone again. Hermione flopped on the bed. 'Well, we're dating again' she sighed, secretly not all too unhappy at the idea. Ron was staring at her. 'Can we have our own room?' he asked, shell-shocked. Hermione shrugged. 'It'd make things lot easier, you have to admit. Besides, I'm not a scarlet woman anymore, I'm a heroine. Plus it's your body asking, it's normal standard for you' Ron turned away from her gaze, utterly embarrassed.
'Come on, let's go down and get some dinner, if there's any left. I abandoned mine to look for you, you know' it was Hermione's turn to stare. 'And you called me the hero' she muttered in amazement; Ron never missed meals. The two proceeded downstairs where, just as Ron had predicted, there was none of the main course left. Mrs Weasley was cheerfully finishing telling the assembled family how brave Hermione had been. 'Um, about that, uh, mum' Hermione began. Mrs Weasley smiled her 'him' 'Yes, Ron, sweetheart?' she asked, turning to check on the chocolate pudding in the oven. 'Hermione and I aren't going to be here for New Year's Eve, I'm going to meet her parents. They're skiing in the Alps, so we should be relatively safe'.
Mrs Weasley shrieked in delight. 'My little Ronniekins, meeting his future in-laws! Oh, I never thought I'd see the day, I thought you were too stubborn to EVER admit to Hermione how you feel, never mind meet her parents!' she began sobbing and embraced 'Ron' in a bone-crushing hug. Mr Weasley eagerly began giving 'Hermione' a list of thing he wanted to know from her parents. Ron rolled his eyes and said without thinking 'Yes, dad'. His and Hermione's eyes snapped wide open in fear until Mr Weasley chortled and said 'Give it time, Hermione, though I don't doubt I will be someday'. After the huge amount of hugging that had to take place, and the relatively uneventful dessert (unless, of course, you count Mrs Weasley randomly bursting into happy tears ever few minutes, 'Hermione' eating seven helping and the twins sniggering every time they looked in 'Ron's' direction), Ron, his brothers, Ginny, Harry and Hermione retired to the living room to variously play chess, sit and chat, and in the case of the twins, tease the new 'couple' mercilessly.
A.N. Please don't be too harsh on me; I'll be posting regularly again now. I promise. And I AM staying on, despite the end of the series. I hope a lot of you will too.