The Love of a Silent Star

The End of the Silent Star

Chapter Twenty Four

Why are we overcome with fear?

What if I told you that fear isn't real.

Why are we overcome with death?

What if I told you my friends your doubt,

You could live without!

My name is Edward.

These are my final words to all that have…come into contact with my story. These last words may help better understand what went on in my mind and what my view of this world was.

Do you think I am empty?

This is one of the questions that I first wish to ask all.

The story of my life has now been told. I am in fact dead. Many feel pity for what I have experienced throughout my life, some feel hurt, regret, sadness, maybe even a sense of loss at my death, anger is also an emotion that is common for you all to feel toward my story and the people contained within it.

Many wonder why the story of my life did not end in a…happy affair. Such as my heart warming to the Mustang family (what was left of it of course), or my heart swelling with love and joy for Alphonse Mustang.

But in reality, stories do not end is such a fashion. The prospect is that people wish stories end as such, and have fabricated lies to believe that the world is a bowl full of cherries.

There is a question I want to understand,

Why can't everyone tell the truth and learn to love again?

Do you know…what it feels like to be broken and used?

Scared and confused,

Yes I know,

Many people wake up each day, and say that they will get up and do something with their lives. Make the most of them in that one day. They go to work or too school, thinking and believing that they would in turn make the world a better place, just by believing that a good would come of that day. Of course this is a lie.

If you look at this little scenario in terms of observation, than are these people making the world a better place? Think about all the details into what a person does in that day and you will be able to see that what they did was not all that good, such as driving a car.

At the end of the day, the world has not changed, merely excelled in becoming worse. The person than goes to bed, still living in a lie that they had in fact mad the world a better place, and that day ended in a happy ending, did it though?

People live their pathetic lives in denial to the world around them. They don't see the bigger picture. Murderers, rapist, pedophiles, drunkards, abusers, kidnappers, terrorists, and people that down right are just mean, live in this world. And I myself have acquired a few of these titles.

I do admit that I have helped in making the world a worse place; I could blame the world and the people for what I have done. And it is truly their fault, is it not?

I was born to lies and deceit, pain and suffering, anguish and downfall, anger and hatred. These were the things that filled my life constantly, they filled my mind my very being. I drank off of these emotions and learned to live with them, learned to control them. The world as I saw it through my eyes was not a pretty picture. I watched people walk by me, while people hurt me and abused me. They looked at me like dirt and shit.

One more question…I know time is dear,

Is what the world speaks of love really real?

The answers not of this world but very clear,

Look above to find love and you found eternal life,

Men, women and children did not care. They had their own worlds, their own lives to keep ahead of them. The world abuse me and did nothing to help me, I was chewed up and tossed out. No one came for me, no one cared for me.

I saw other's that led a sort of life that was similar to mine. No one care for them, the people that woke up that morning to do good in the world, walked by like we did not even exist. They focused on one thing so that they did not see the bigger picture.

People are so determined to make the world a better place that they forgot they had to actually see the world as it truly is. Hell.

Each and very day was not a happy ending, so my story is suited and fated to not have a happy ending. Many may think that this is wrong, and that I was shown kindness, by Riza Mustang and Alphonse Mustang and maybe even shown what a father figure is like, from Roy Mustang. The part where Riza Mustang endeavored to reach out to me and try to become my mother was a fraud. A mother can never truly love a child that was never her own.

And maybe never really love her biological child, but that is my own opinion. See that as you deem fit.

Do believe me to be selfish?

Street corner preachers you've heard before,

Friendly advice just gets thrown out the door,

There is a question that I want to understand,

Why can't everyone tell the truth…and learn to love again?

I pose that as my second question to you. You may think that I was offered love and kindness, by a family that had every right to give it to me. And that I had no right to abuse it as I did. But was that really kindness, or just an imitation of kindness, an illusion? Does kindness, love, loyalty, passion, joy, romance, affection, devotion, tenderness, and rapture really exist in this world, this world filled with hatred and lies?

If you can show me that these things truly and completely exist in this world, than I will endeavor to turn back the clock and restart my life's story and tell it to you all in a different light. Until than the things that were said to me by Roy Mustang, Riza Mustang, Alphonse Mustang and several others, were merely just lies.

Do you have any belief that I felt anything toward this family?

Do you believe that I hated them or loved them?

Do you think that I cared for them?

Many thought that after what lust said to me, I would have changed my ways. Many wished that I would have opened my heart up to people. The truth of the matter is I enjoyed hurting them. I enjoyed watching them scared and hurt and angry with one another.

I did not hate them nor did I love them. They were merely pawns in my game. You may think I say these things, because of what kind of life I have endured. But is that really the case? I think not.

If I wished to change, I believe that I have had plenty of opportunities to do just that. The thing is I would never have changed. My life would have continued as it had been for some time.

If Alphonse had not killed me, I would have killed him, his mother and many more people that I would have been ordered to rid this world of. So in terms of right and wrong, Alphonse did in turn do the right thing by killing me.

Do you know…what it feels like to be broken and used?

Scared and confused,

Yes I know…what it feels like to be broken and used,

Scared and confused,

Yes I know,

I'm broken.

I'm broken.

I'm broken.

Did I want to die?

That question is one that I have asked myself. Did I want to die? Hmmm……well in a way yes, I did want to die. I was prepared to die. I was not a suicidal person, just the prospect of sleeping for all eternity seemed like a fitting idea to me.

Many people fear death, why? Is it because they have something to live for? To hold on too? Yes many people do have "loved ones? That they wish to "care" for and "love." They have goals and desires, dream as well. But if you would look at death in a certain light, for but a moment, you would see that death is something that should not be feared, but perhaps………welcomed I suppose.

If you look at it, death is a gift, a blessing. After all only a selected few die each day. The people that survive, the ones that live for another day, why do they get to live? Why do they move on with their lives, while others are buried six feet under or cremated? What makes the living so special? Is there really anything special about them? Or are the ones that die, are they really the ones that are special…gifted is another word for it.

Have they been gifted with death? While the living are cursed to life? If it is looked at, one would be able to see what I mean. The world is filled with terror, pain, suffering and so many other things. Who would want to live with this? If one was to love someone and they died, who is the one that is gifted? Is it not the one that has passed away, they do not feel the pain that the living person feels. They really do not feel anything for that matter.

Am I grateful for being dead?

I suppose so then. If Alphonse truly did love me, than he is feeling the pain of loss. Although the though of him in pain is something to cherish.

This is me forever,

One of the lost ones,

The one without a name,

Without an honest heart as compass,

People fear what they do not understand. This is true. In the matter of death, many do not comprehend death, they fear it. And in turn this weakens the mind. I can honestly say that I did not mind living or dieing. It is as simple as that, if I had lived I would have continued my usual life, and since I am now dead, isn't the world a better place with out me?

Death…if looked at correctly, should not be feared, and for the weak at hearts, should not be welcomed. When death decides to play its spinning game on us, it should be just as a daily part of life, or it can also be like being born.

Do you blame me for hurting, manipulating, and killing people?

Well that is up for you to decide. Forgiveness is not many people's strong suits. Forgive and forget I believe the saying goes. Although I myself would not take up that saying. I do not regret killing Roy Mustang. Him dying by my hand was his fate I suppose, or I was just following orders, which ever makes you sleep at night.

In any case the two that I killed in the end, was rather pointless. They were fools, both thinking with their dicks and nothing else. Sad to say that Riza Mustang also got dragged down, although I never did get to finish her off. Hmmm…...I did have fun playing with her mind though. I can't say it gave me a thrill, just the prospect of ripping all that she held dear from her, was quite enjoyable.

I will get to Alphonse Mustang in a moment.

Some may wonder just what the hell happened with Lust and a few things about my past may not have been quite clearly explained.

The one that controlled the place was a woman named Dante. She and "sir" Bradley were……uh lets see………smitten with one another. Or was it just for the sex? Anyway she gave him the orders, he passed them on to Lust and she gave the orders to me and I of course was required to follow them.

This is me for forever,

One without a name,

These lines the last endeavor,

To find the missing lifeline,

Parts of my story were a little hazy, as in the beginning of my life's story, I believe it was mentioned that she had never seen me before. Slip of the tongue of course. Bradley had found were I was "sent down from heaven." He had sent Lust in to watch me. For awhile no orders were sent, until of course they believed I was into deep. Than I got the order to kill everyone I basically came in contact with.

Many of the faces, including Bradley's and Lust's, (I never met Dante) I did not remember for some time. So now I can clear that up. Lust did in fact intrigue me from the start, when I 'first met' her. I know I have said all of this before about Lust, but was difference does it make? Damn, I 'regret' not being able to fuck her. Oh well, too late now.

Any way back to Alphonse Mustang.

Let's see………well all I pretty much have to say, is that he was a good fuck. Before him I don't remember fucking a virgin before. Probably a turn on for me. Anyway he was fresh, untouched a quality that I of course took for myself. He always said he loved me. Did I believe this to be true? I believe that he felt hatred and love for me, although I have already said that love just might not exist, until proven otherwise.

I must admit he had a burning desire to protect me, to warm my heart, and to make sure that I was never hurt again, pretty much like William. Although William never did swear to kill me. That's a laugh. I did not want to be protected by him; I could do that much easier by myself. I don't believe anyone could have warmed my heart.

Oh how I wish,

For soothing rain,

All I wish is to dream again,

My loving heart, lost in the dark,

For hope I'd give my everything,

Roy Mustang, I simply used for his money and the thought of ruining a relationship. He was just dust in the wind to me.

Is it possible for one to live their lives not loving or caring for others or even having a feeling that that person needs you?

Well I have to say……yes …yes it is possible to live cold and calloused to the world surrounding oneself. When Alphonse wished to protect me from pain, he was actually subjecting me to it, each day. Not that I cared of course, nothing new. Many would think that after everything that I had been through, I would long for something more in my life.

But you see I saw the world for what it really is. So I know that this world hold nothing but hatred, pain, lies, horror, sadness, disgust, and many other things. That is all this world is full of. People say that there is love and peace and kindness, fucking bull shit, all of it. There is not of that.

People die for the pursuit of others. People die for greed, lust, pride, wrath, gluttonies, envy, and sloth. The seven deadly sins are what this world is clouded in. This is all the world really is.

Many do not see this. Although I lived this life and often times detested it, I am "grateful." I found out the real world. I did not live in denial. Alphonse lives his life believing that there is something better. He lives his life believing that there is love in this world. He is terribly wrong; whatever love that was left in this world is gone.

I lived my life killing and hurting people. I did not love Alphonse. At the very end I did kiss him, but that was my last mark. My last big, "FUCK YOU," to the world or just to him. He will not forget me. He will tell my story however.

What has been said now will not be told though. As I have prevously said, people fear what they do not understand.

Oh how I wish,

For soothing rain,

Oh how I wish to dream again,

Once and for all,

And all for once,

Nemo my name forevermore,

Though Alphonse loved me this was his weakness. He fears death; he fears what bad things might again befall him. He fears love, though he will still give it to others. Sometimes he actually fears life itself. This is a weakness, something that I did not posses.

Is it possible not to fear anything?

No, it is not possible. Fore at the very beginning, years before this, I feared love. I feared the prospect of being loved and giving love to others. I feared being cared for. That was my weakness, but I have gotten over that now. Maybe deep down inside of me, I had still feared love. Maybe that was why I could never accept Alphonse's love, or it just might be because I am insane and love hurting others.

Even though I am dead, there is one less killer in the world, but there is another that is born. The cycle will continue. No matter how hard people try, another killer is out there, waiting. Waiting to hurt, waiting to take a life of another. I am not the last, nor am I the first.

Some believe that this is where hope comes into the picture, hope and believing.

Is there really hope in this world?

Did I ever hope for something better?

Did I ever believe that there was hope in this world?

Oh my flower, withered between,

The pages 2 and 3,

The once and forever bloom gone with my sins,

I don't know if hope truly does exist, but my belief is that it is made up. It is made up to give people a sense of light or direction. Some see the world for what it really is, and they have hope that someday something beautiful will come to the world, something that will save them.

Perhaps when I was younger I did hope for something better, perhaps I did wish upon a star, and hope that someday my life would be filled with love and warmth.

Of course after some time if I ever did believe, that worthless wish died. If here truly was hope in this world, I did not or could not see it. So none the less, hope and believing is also a fraud.

Some may have found this story pointless or rather corny, but if you did, why are you still reading?

There are many kinds of stars in the darkness of space, ones that destroy, ones that help, and there are others that remain silent, ones that observe the world from afar, cold and resigned, stars that have no love. I hold no love, so this is the end of my story.

The Love of a Silent Star.

End.

Walk the dark path, sleep with angels,

Call the past for help,

Touch me with your love, and reveal to me my true name,

Oh how I wish,

Nemo my name forevermore.

A/N

Well there it is. I hope this last chapter was not too boring or pointless. I tried to make this last chapter explain what Edward was thinking throughout the story. So thank you all for reading and reviewing this story, I had fun writing it.

Songs by Scott Stapp for Broken and NightWish for Nemo. If you wish to hear these songs, they are located in my profile.