Chapter 14
Jude finished loading her suitcases into her mom's car and took one last look at her home. She still couldn't believe that she was leaving for three months and wouldn't see her neighborhood. She wouldn't be able to walk out her front door and see Jamie's house, or seeing Kat down the street. She'd miss old Mrs. Pearson down the street always stopping her from running through her yard. She would just miss everything.
"Jude." She looked at her mom who was sitting in the driver's seat. "We gotta go."
"Yeah," Jude mumbled. "I'm coming."
Nobody was there to see her off. Sadie was already gone, she had left for Europe the day before. Kat was in New York, she'd left without a goodbye. Jamie was still not talking to her. She'd called him earlier, hoping that they had both cooled off some and could get over all the nasty things they said. But he didn't answer. And Tommy, well, Tommy was being Tommy. He hadn't called, or stopped by or anything. He could be in Europe with Sadie for all she knew.
Her mom was smiling sadly when Jude climbed in the car and shut the door. This was the hardest day of her life. Letting her sixteen year old daughter go on tour with the boy who had broken her heart, without parent supervision. She was going to be all alone, on a tour bus, with her band and Shay. How had she let this happen?
"It's not to late to change your mind?" Jude looked at her mom and smiled softly to herself.
"Yes mom, it is," she answered leaning her head back on the headrest. "I signed a contract and besides, I want to go. This has been my dream since the day you caught me singing into my hairbrush when I was five. I have to do this."
"I know you do honey," Victoria said wiping away her tears. Her little baby was growing up before her eyes and she wanted to take the journey with her but she knew she couldn't. This was something she had to do all on her own. "I just wish it was with another boy."
Jude chuckled. "I can handle Shay mom. Besides, I've got control now, he's going to be eating out of my hand."
"You wouldn't really get back together with him, would you?" She asked surprised.
"You know, a month ago I would have said never. But now, I don't know. If I thought he had changed, maybe. I loved him once Mom. There had to be a reason, right?" Jude looked back out the window.
"I'm sorry that you found out about Shay and then your father shortly thereafter," Victoria said after a couple minutes of silence went by.
"Me too." Jude grabbed her mom's hand in her own. "I'm sorry Dad hurt you more though mom. Shay, it hurt, I won't lie. But you were married Mom. You two had a great life, oh not perfect but great. And he through all that away. For Yvette."
Victoria pulled over to the side of the rode and surprised them both by getting out of the car. Jude undid her seatbelt and climbed out too. "Mom, are you okay?"
"Jude, I can't have you going away still hating your father," Victoria said quickly.
"Mom, don't-"
"No, it's not right for a daughter to hate her father. He made a mistake." Victoria started pacing back and forth. She was trying to find the words to make everything better but she couldn't. So she decided to just speak from her heart. "I love your father Jude. Love, not past tense, but present. I know you think I hate him, but that's not true."
"But you pushed for the divorce," Jude murmured really confused now.
"I was so hurt Jude. So hurt and angry that I thought divorcing him would make it all better. But after awhile, I realized how wrong I was." She paused and decided to tell Jude the one thing she hadn't told anybody else. "I went to see him, at his new apartment. It was awhile ago, I wanted to tell him that I was sorry about everything and I didn't want the divorce."
Jude could tell by the look in her eye that whatever she said next wasn't going to be pretty or nice. Her mom looked so old standing there, so old and so tired. "Mom-"
'No, let me finish," Victoria yelled wiping the tears away. "I went to see him, I was going to go right up to his apartment but decided to go outside in the back to think about what I was going to say. And I saw him, he was with Yvette." Victoria was no longer in the present but trapped in the memory of that day. "He was holding her hand and rubbing the back of it. He had this look in his eye, I haven't seen that look since we first got married. He was in love."
Jude could feel the tears running down her face but she didn't move to wipe them away. It was almost refreshing to have them fall. It felt like she'd been holding them in forever and it was time to let them all out.
"It still hurts but some of the pain eased when I saw them together. It helps knowing he loves her and that it wasn't just some fling, just some woman. I can't be mad at him for falling in love with someone else. I just can't," she said calming down. "So that's why I don't want you to hate him. Because he did make a mistake, and that was not telling me when he first met her. But it is never a mistake to fall in love. I don't want you to hold that against him."
"Mom, I don't know what to say," Jude said wrapping her mom in her arms. She was still angry at her father, that wouldn't change just because her mother asked her to. But it would give her a lot to think about while she was on the tour bus late at night when she couldn't sleep. And maybe she'd even write a couple songs about it. Her fans seemed to like the last song she wrote about her father.
"Just tell me you'll think about forgiving him," Victoria said pulling away and running her fingers through Jude's hair.
"You know I will," Jude replied giving her mom a kiss on the cheek. "But if we don't get to the airport soon, Darius will ride my ass the whole tour for it."
"Okay," Victoria said walking over to the driver's side. She waited until they were back on the road before she added. "Oh and Jude, just because you are a rock star now doesn't mean that you can talk like a potty mouth. Watch the language."
"Yes mother," Jude said smiling to herself. She looked out the window taking mental pictures of everything, She wanted to remember everything so she wouldn't be so homesick. Or at least she hoped it would help.
Her mom pulled into the airport parking lot and Jude could see Georgia and EJ waiting on the sidewalk for her. She turned to her mom and before she could get out she grabbed her wrist. "Mom, I want to say goodbye here. If you come with me to the plane I'll cry and I don't want to remember today with tears. So please, can we say goodbye here."
Victoria wanted to protest and tell her that she wasn't letting her 16 year old daughter leave on a three month tour without watching every moment but she could see, looking in Jude's eyes that she didn't need her there. She would be okay doing this on her own. It sometimes seemed that Jude didn't need anyone. She nodded and got out of the car to help unload her suitcases when she saw Tommy standing off to the side of Georgia. Jude hadn't seen him yet, she was still in the car so Victoria took this chance to watch them both.
And seeing the look in Tommy's eyes now, hurt just as much as watching Stuart with Yvette. Oh, in a different way, because this was watching a grown man stare at her baby with love and devotion in his eyes. He loved her baby girl, her Jude. She was surprised that she hadn't known it before. Victoria waited and saw the moment Jude noticed Tommy. She had just stepped out of the car but froze when her eyes landed on her producer and friend. And Victoria saw that all the love and devotion wasn't one sided. Her little girl was in love, possibly for the first real time. She didn't count Shay, that was puppy love, but this, this emotion shining from both their eyes, that was real love. The kind of love you dreamed of having your whole life.
When Jude slowly made her way to Tommy, Victoria finally looked away. This was a private moment between the two of them and she shouldn't intrude. No matter how much she wanted to.
"Hey," Jude said softly as soon as she was within an arms reach. She didn't know what to say now. She didn't regret anything she had said to him before but there was so much more she wanted to say.
"Hey Jude," Tommy said smiling when Jude glared at him. "Sorry, couldn't help it."
"Try," Jude said making them both smile even bigger.
Tommy waited a minute before saying what he had to say. "I know you didn't want me to come, you seemed pretty clear when you said goodbye at the coffee shop but I couldn't leave it like that. Please tell me you were just angry and hurt when you said you didn't want me as your producer for your sophomore album. That you regret saying that."
"I can't Tommy, because I don't regret saying it," Jude said watching his eyes flood with pain. And that made her angry. "I can't believe you Tommy. You are dating my sister, the one person I've told you that hates everything I stand for. She only wants you because you were Little Tommy Q in Boyz Attack."
"You're wrong about her," Tommy said hoping that she was wrong. Because lately, he was beginning to think that too. "But we can keep my personal life out of our working relationship. She won't be a problem between us, I won't let her."
"Too late," Jude said shaking her head. "She already is."
"Jude, you are my best friend, besides Kwest," Tommy said quickly. He could see her pulling away again and he had to make her understand. "I can't believe you're going to let the fact that I am dating your sister come between us."
"Did you not just hear what you said? Enough said," Jude said turning to go. She could see Georgia, EJ and her mom all standing by her mom's car trying to pretend like they weren't watching the scene playing out but they were all eavesdropping horribly.
"Jude don't be like this," Tommy said making her stop.
"Tommy," Jude started before she stopped. She hadn't cried yet and she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of crying now. "Tommy, I let you break my heart once. Isn't there a saying that goes, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Yeah well, this was the second time I let myself believe that maybe, someday we could be something. You know, more than producer and artist. But I was weaving fantasies in my head again. I need to stop that. I've learned my lesson."
She saw Georgia tapping her watch and nodded. She turned to say one last thing. She was getting good at having the final word. "I'm going to get over you Tom Quincy. If it takes me this whole tour, I'll be over you. And when I get back, then we can see if we can still have a working relationship. Goodbye."
Victoria gave her daughter one last hug before she watched her walk into the airport, sandwiched between Georgia and EJ who were taking turns running through he schedule. This was her little girl's life now. Tours, photo shoots, falling in love with her producer. She wasn't the same little girl who sang into her hairbrush.
"Tommy," she said when she noticed him trying to fade away.
"Yes Mrs. Harrison," he said turning to face her. He was embarrassed that she knew everything about his current situation. That he was dating Sadie and had hurt Jude so much.
"Jude didn't mean half of what she said," Victoria said deciding then and there that Tommy wasn't that bad of a guy. Maybe a little confused but he seemed to love her daughter. "She's just hurt that you picked Sadie."
"But I didn't," Tommy said stopping when Jude's mom smiled.
"I know that, and you know that." Victoria walked to her car. "But your actions told her otherwise. Give her the three months. But when she comes back, be ready to grovel."
"Thanks Mrs. Harrison," Tommy said watching her pull out of the parking lot. Today was full of surprises. This morning he found a plane ticket to Europe in his mailbox, Jude didn't forgive him and seemed even more angry, and her mother was giving him advice on how to handle Jude. Plus, he now had three months without one of his best friends. What in the hell was he going to do?
Jude had taken a window seat on the plane and immediately put on the headphones to her CD player. She finally let the tears fall when she heard the first song start playing. It was her own little guilty pleasure that nobody knew about. She had bought the CD right after her sixteen birthday and she only listened to it when she felt lonely and confused. But soon she was losing herself in the music of Boyz Attack.
She should be excited and nervous about her first performance which was days away but she wasn't. She couldn't seem to care actually. Her heart was broken, again, but next time, she wasn't going to give it away so freely. She couldn't believe how she let him get to her. How she let him in her heart, time and time again. But she was done with that. She wasn't letting anybody else in.
Okay, this is the end. I was thinking about writing a sequel. So if you would like me to write my own version of instant star season 2. Review and let me know. Thank you for everybody who has been reading it since the beginning.