Sin of the Father

Bill Adama looked at the folded slip of paper in his hands. He felt light-headed and had to swallow hard to prevent the bile in his throat from rising any higher. He had been sitting at his desk for several minutes now, staring at the unread note that had just been delivered to him. His hands trembled slightly when he finally unfolded the paper. It was Lee's handwriting all right. He shut his eyes for several seconds, then reopened them and forced himself to start reading.

Dear Dad,
By now you know how things have turned out and I hope you understand why. I've thought about little else since we talked – or didn't talk as the case may be - and I finally realized this was the way it had to be, so I made my choice and I'm going through with it. I'm okay with this, since the simple fact is that I couldn't have lived with any of the other alternatives.

Bill's eyes suddenly became so heavily clouded with tears that he had to stop reading. With trembling hands he set the paper down on his desktop and yanked off his glasses. He rubbed his eyes clear but rather than resuming reading the note he just sat immobile, fighting to withhold the urge to scream. Eventually he lost the fight and dropped his head into his hands, weeping.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

(12 hours earlier)

Kara leaned her head back and took a deep breath. Another deep breath. The deck beneath her Viper vibrated as the elevator lowered her down to the hanger deck where a tow car waited to connect to her forward landing skid and pull her into the main hanger bay. That would take just a few minutes. Another 10 minutes to take a final head count of her pilots. Then about, say… three minutes to walk to the CIC. 20 minutes maximum then. Kara figured she had at most 20 more minutes before she killed Admiral Cain.

She tried to push the thought from her mind. She couldn't dwell on it now. Soon enough. But not right now. If she thought about it… she might just change her mind. So thought was not an option. One step at a time. One breath at a time. Just do what you have to do to get from one minute to the next and let the rest play out as it comes.

She blinked. Her Viper was already in position in the hanger bay and the Pegasus' deck chief was waiting on the ladder for her to open the cockpit. The bastards were certainly efficient around here. It would have taken Tyrol at least another… oh… 2 minutes on Galactica.

Tyrol. He was one of the reasons this was happening. Cain wanted to execute him. Cain wanted to execute Helo too. Adama had damn near gone to war with Cain to prevent the executions, but both battlestars needed each other if they were to have any hope of destroying the Cylons' Resurrection Ship. And destroy the frakking ship they had. It was now a mass of floating debris and dead Cylon bodies, drifting through deep space. This was the biggest victory that the human race had achieved since the Holocaust. But the fighting wasn't over yet. Neither was the dying. Because now that the battle with the Cylons was over, Cain would proceed with executing Tyrol and Helo… unless Kara executed Cain first.

"You idiot frakkers had better be grateful for this," Kara muttered.

"Pardon me Captain? I didn't quite catch that," the crew chief told her.

Kara handed off her flight helmet to the chief. "Nothing," she said. "Forget it." She pushed herself to her feet, stepped out of her Viper onto the ladder and descended it quickly. As she yanked off her flight gloves she looked around the bay. Dozens of vipers were all being attended and serviced, their sleek silver forms tarnished from the gases and debris of the combat zone. One ship stood out from the others. It did not have the sleek curves of the other Vipers, nor was it silver. It was boxy in shape by comparison, and it was deep black in color. It was one of a kind, a labor of love for the crew of the Galactica. It was called the Blackbird, christened "Laura" in honor of the President of the 12 Colonies of Kobol. It was designed for stealth, and so far it had served its purpose beautifully, twice evading detection in the midst of the Cylon fleet and delivering a crippling blow that directly lead to the destruction of the Resurrection Ship.

The Blackbird had only had two pilots so far in its time of service. Kara herself had been the first to fly it, both in testing and in reconnaissance of the Cylon fleet. The second pilot, who had flown the Blackbird that day in combat and racked up an impressive number of kills, including the Resurrection ship's FTL drives, was Lee Adama. Kara's eyes scanned around in the vicinity of the Blackbird, looking for Lee. He was nearby, tucking his flight gloves into his belt. Some of the tension left her body when she saw him. Somehow just knowing that he was there made her feel better. She knew that when she left the hanger bay in another few minutes, Lee would be making the journey with her. It made the prospect of what she had to do easier. It shouldn't have. Her task was still the same. Nothing should make it easier, but just knowing that Lee would be there with her eased her mind nevertheless.

As Kara watched Lee, his eyes flicked back in her direction. Their gazes met, but Lee's expression didn't change. After a few seconds he looked away and flipped open a pocket on the arm of his flight suit. He pulled out a slip of paper and a pencil and began scribbling something. Kara was curious, but she didn't have time ponder over it. She had a job still to do. It was time to add up the butcher's bill.

She made a quick accounting of her pilots. They had done very well, but there were of course casualties. 17 Vipers had never returned to Pegasus. She wondered briefly how many were lost from Galactica's squadrons. How many of her friends from her old ship had died that day? She forced the question out of her mind. She knew it was a question she would never hear the answer to, so there was no need to spend time pondering over it. Time was in too little supply right now.

"Congratulations Captain," a familiar voice spoke from just behind her shoulder. "This was a big victory today."

She turned around and smiled at Lee. "Yes it was. You were great out there… Lieutenant." Kara had to force that last word out of her throat. It just didn't come naturally. It wasn't right that she had to say it at all. The very action for which Lee had been demoted, had been the very same one for which Kara was promoted. Kara was flattered by the promotion, to be sure, but it had been damn near impossible to look Lee in the eye afterward until she was certain that he didn't blame her for his dishonor. Kara still wasn't sure why Admiral Cain had favored her, but it didn't matter now. After all, she was going to kill Cain in just another few minutes.

Lee shrugged off Kara's praise. "It's surprisingly easy to shoot Cylons when they don't see you coming," he said.

Kara smirked. "Oh, the modesty. Seriously though, I did see you a couple of times and it looked like you were flying with the devil on your back."

Lee's expression didn't change as he replied, "I was."

Something inside of Kara flinched. Lee looked calm, but she knew him very well and she sensed there was a dangerous tension building beneath his calm exterior. That would be reasonable, of course. Lee not only knew of her imminent mission to kill Admiral Cain, he was going with her and would be guarding her back as she performed the deed. He wasn't happy about it. She knew he was ardently opposed to the mission in its entirety, but she also knew that he wouldn't let her down. In spite of his moral objections, he had promised to back her up for the sake of their long friendship, and he would be true to his word.

"Are we all done here?" he asked her in a strangely deadpan voice.

Kara briefly glanced around, as if looking for some bit of business that would require her continued attention down on the hanger deck. Everything was well in hand, however, and the CAG's business was now up in CIC. "And so it begins," Kara thought.

"Yes," she told Lee. "We're done here."

Kara strode for the causeway leading out of the flight pod with Lee at her side. They instinctively fell into pace together, walking side by side, matching each other step for step. The causeway was mostly deserted. Like the Galactica, the Pegasus was seriously understaffed. The ship had been in dock with most of her regular crew on shore leave when the Cylons had attacked the colonies. The Pegasus had been forced to make her escape with only the minimum crew who had still been on board at the time. Those limited crews were now all in place at their stations managing damage control from the recent battle, leaving very few in transition through the hallways.

At a section of the causeway that was especially deserted, Kara's hand moved to the gun holster at her hip. She snapped open the holster cover, trying not to think about what would come next. Just one step at a time. One breath at a time. Don't think about it. Just do it. One step at a time.

That was when she heard Lee's quiet voice. "There's still time," he said.

"For what?" she asked in an equally quiet tone.

"Reconsider."

"Damn him," Kara thought. "I can't think about this. I just have to do it." She cleared her throat. "Lee…"

"This is wrong, Kara," he said, his voice tight and dark. "You know it's wrong."

"I don't have to know if it's right or wrong," she countered back, irritated. "I just have to do what I'm told. That's my job. That's your job."

"That's bullshit," Lee growled.

"They say, 'shoot,'… we shoot."

Lee abruptly grabbed her arm and forced her to stop. "Don't shovel that dutiful-soldier crap on me Kara. You and I both know that duty has nothing to do with this! You're an officer of the Pegasus. You're the CAG. Your duty is to this ship, and her commander. And that commander is Cain, not Adama. If you were really so all concerned about doing your duty, you'd be on your way to CIC to inform the admiral that there is a plot to assassinate her... not to kill her yourself!"

Kara yanked her arm out of Lee's grasp and gave a quick look up and down the causeway to make sure there was no one else around. She looked incredulously at Lee. "Are you actually suggesting that I should betray your father and rat him out to the admiral?"

"No," Lee said. He took a deep breath. "Just don't bother blowing smoke in my face. This is personal. You're not doing this to be the good little soldier. You're doing this for him."

"What if I am?" Kara asked defensively. "Is that really so terrible?"

Lee's eyes opened wide and he shook his head and almost laughed. "Did you really just ask that? We're talking about assassination here, Kara. Yes, it's terrible."

"He has his reasons," Kara said in quick response.

"And those are?" Lee asked. Lee watched Kara fidget uncomfortably, but she didn't answer him. "You didn't ask?" he inquired.

"I didn't need to," she replied. "I trust him."

"You trust him," Lee echoed tiredly. "He's asked you to commit a capital crime, and you don't even want to know why?"

"If you're so interested in his reasons, why didn't you ask him yourself?"

"I did," Lee replied with stinging bitterness. "He wouldn't tell me."

"Well, he doesn't have to justify his orders to you or to me."

"They weren't orders Kara," Lee stressed. "He has no authority to give you orders without going through Cain. He asked you to do this, and you have no legal obligation to go along with it. You could have turned him down when he asked, and you can still do it now."

"I gave him my word," Kara said stubbornly. "And I'm not going to let him down."

Lee sadly shook his head. "Then you're not going to survive either. You know that, don't you? This is a suicide mission, Kara… for both of us."

Kara looked away from Lee. "It doesn't have to be," she said, though even to her own ears she didn't sound convincing. "If we act quickly…"

Lee interrupted her. "Have you given this any thought at all?"

She hadn't actually. She hadn't wanted to. She had purposely avoided it, but it didn't surprise her that Lee had thought about it. Ever the thinker, Lee had probably obsessed about it and studied it from every angle possible since the moment she had first asked him to watch her back.

"There are over 1,700 hundred people on this ship Kara," Lee said as though he was lecturing a slow student. "And unlike on Galactica, everybody here wears side arms and none of them are our friends. Everyone in CIC will be armed and the door is guarded by marines carrying assault rifles. Once we walk through that door, we're never coming out."

"You don't really know that," Kara tried to protest, unconvincingly.

Lee looked at her sternly. "The only way we can even hope to get out of CIC is to kill not only Admiral Cain, but everyone else in the room too… including the marines with the assault rifles. And even if by some miracle we could manage that… and if we were both willing to slaughter everyone in the room… I don't have 1,700 rounds in my gun to take out the rest of the crew. Do you Kara? Think for one moment, won't you?"

Kara angrily turned away from Lee. She couldn't let herself start thinking. Not now. If she did…

"Kara, if you do this…it will be the last act of your life," Lee said. He spoke in soft tones now, sounding deeply distressed. "Your final act will be to assassinate your commanding officer… and quite possibly many other innocent and honorable crewmembers as well. Is that really what you want to become in your final moments… a mass murderer? Is that how you want to meet your Gods?"

Kara shut her eyes tightly. She didn't want to listen to any more of this. She couldn't. "Lee," she said tightly, "I gave your father my word. I am not going betray that. You should be able to understand that. You've always been a man of your word too. And even though you gave me your word… if this whole thing is really so abhorrent to you, then I really can't ask you to go with me any further. If you decide not to… I won't think any less of you."

"Kara…" Lee said softly.

"In fact, maybe you really shouldn't," she said more firmly. "Because if I really am going to be condemned to hell for this… I don't want to drag you down with me."

Lee shut his eyes for a few seconds. "Kara, my soul is my own. It's my responsibility, not yours. Besides, whatever happens today, it won't change anything for me. I'm already condemned."

Kara turned back around to look at Lee, a stunned expression on her face. "What do you mean by that?"

Lee shook his head dismissively. "It doesn't matter. I can't go back and set things right and there's no time to discuss it now."

Kara knew that much was true. "Then I have to be getting to CIC. The admiral will be calling your father at any minute… so that they can congratulate each other on a great victory."

Though Lee's voice sounded resigned, he made one more effort at persuasion. "Why do you think we achieved that victory today, Kara?"

"Lee, there's no time for this."

He ignored her protest. "It's because we worked together. Neither the Pegasus, nor the Galactica could have done this alone. Well all pulled together, and we achieved something we could never have done otherwise. Are you really going to take this great victory of cooperation amongst what's left of humanity… and spit on it by turning your weapon against one of our own before the smoke even clears? Can't you see this will only lead to more distrust throughout the fleet and ultimately more bloodshed?"

"Lee…"

He ignored her attempt to protest again. His voice grew increasingly bitter. "Tell me Kara. Why should the Cylons bother to chase after us when all they need to do is sit back and just let us kill each other? If we become our own worst enemy, then what the frak is the point? What the hell have we been fighting for!"

"That's not for me to decide Lee," Kara said imploringly, though she knew it sounded lame. "That's for our leaders to decide. We just have to hope…"

"Our leaders are the ones trying to kill each other off!" Lee declared. His voice was almost trembling. "If we let this happen, there is no hope! But you can still stop this, right here, right now. It's in your hands Kara now, and no one else's. Please… don't do this."

"Damn him," Kara thought. "Gods damn him!" She couldn't just take it step by step anymore. Now she was thinking and she couldn't just shut it down and focus only on what needed to be done, inch by inch, breath by breath. "Damn him to hell!" she thought.

Kara struggled for several seconds then steadied herself. "I still believe in your father, even if you don't. I don't know what his reasons are for this, but I still trust him. And I gave him my word. And if that costs me my life… then so be it."

A shadow seemed to fall across Lee's face. It was as if a light was extinguished within him. His shoulders sagged and he let out a long, ragged breath. In a faint whisper, he said, "Then that's all there is to it then."

"Yes," she replied quietly.

"Then… if you are determined to do this… I'll see it through with you."

Kara had barely heard Lee's words. They were spoken so quietly, but they instantly brought tears to her eyes. "You don't have to," she said emotionally.

Lee looked her straight in the eye and said, "Yes, I do. I gave you my word and I will do what I have to do to protect you."

Kara gave Lee a heartbreaking smile. "Together then. We live or die together."

Lee didn't return the smile. His face had grown blank and devoid of all emotion. He reached into his pocket a pulled out a folded slip of paper. "Take this," he said, holding the paper out toward her. "Make sure my dad gets it."

Kara looked warily at the paper. She realized that it was the note she had seen Lee scribbling back on the hanger deck. "Give it to him yourself when we're done," she told him.

"Kara please," Lee said tiredly. "If by some act of divine intervention I survive, he won't need to see it, and if I don't survive… I can't very well give it to him myself." Lee took her hand in his and pressed the slip of paper into her palm.

Kara looked at it hesitantly, then slipped the paper into her pocket. In spite of her action, she said with false bravado, "You know I'll just be handing it back to you in a little while."

Lee's face registered no reaction to her words. He just said, "Let's go," and resumed their walk toward the CIC.

The marines at the door to the CIC looked hesitant to allow Kara to enter. They regarded her with suspicion, and even more so with Lee. Kara didn't bother trying to pull rank and bully her way past them. She just looked at them coldly and after a few seconds they stood aside and allowed her and Lee to pass.

Kara tried not to notice the assault rifles the marines carried as she stepped past them. Unfortunately her eyes glanced at the weapons anyway. They didn't even have the safeties engaged. Her throat started to go dry while in contrast her face and back were feeling slick with nervous sweat. She kept her best triad face firmly planted in place and walked toward the command console where Admiral Cain stood, surveying the status of the fleet. Kara's eyes noted that Cain was indeed wearing a sidearm, as was everyone else in sight. Lee had been right. They were deep in hostile territory, surrounded by the enemy, with no means of escape.

Admiral Cain looked at Kara and started to smile. Then she noticed Lee standing just a step behind at Kara's shoulder. "Do you have business here in CIC Lieutenant?" she asked Lee sternly.

"I invited him," Kara quickly replied. "He helped to plan the op today and he scored more Cylon kills than any other pilot."

Lee said nothing. He just calmly returned the admiral's cold gaze.

Cain broke eye contact with Lee first. She turned her attention to Kara instead. "Well," Cain said. "Then I guess you made a good call when you asked to have him on your team." The admiral finally broke into a smile. "I am so very proud of you," she told Kara.

"Damn," Kara thought. "Why did she have to say that?"

"Thank you Sir," Kara replied out loud. Cain's keen eyes were still looking at her, and for a brief moment Kara feared that the admiral could read her mind. Then she feared the admiral would notice that the cover to Kara's holster was open. She feared the admiral would see the nervous sweat that even now made Kara's fingers feel slippery. She feared the sweat would make her fumble with the weapon when the moment came to draw and fire… a moment that drew ever closer with each anxious breath.

From the periphery of her vision Kara saw Lee step forward until he stood shoulder to shoulder with her. When the admiral turned her attention toward the comm console, Kara spared a glance in Lee's direction. He showed no sign of sweat or nervousness whatsoever. For all of his earlier protests, Lee looked far more comfortable with the current situation than Kara was. Then Kara heard the words she had been anticipating… and dreading.

To the comm console Admiral Cain said, "Give me a line to Galactica Actual."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Commander Adama had made his final choice. Days ago he had set plans in motion that he now realized were ill advised. Oh hell, those plans were just plain wrong. He had arranged for Kara to assassinate Admiral Cain. The plan was that after extending his congratulations to the Admiral he was to pass Kara a pre-arranged command word which would signal her to draw her weapon and shoot. However, Bill Adama had now changed his mind. Kara didn't know it yet, but the signal to shoot would never be spoken because the original plan was just plain wrong.

Bill knew his son Lee was there with Kara, awaiting the order to kill the admiral. He knew Lee was bitterly opposed to the plot, but for Kara's sake Lee had agreed to set aside his own moral objections and safeguard his friend. Bill smiled inwardly that Lee would be pleased by his decision not to follow through with the assassination. He would even allow Lee an opportunity to gloat over it later if he wanted to. Lee had been right. It was in fact Lee's objections to his father that started Bill on the path toward reconsidering this action, but it was Bill's own words of many months ago… reminded to him by a Cylon of all people… that persuaded Bill to abandon this crazy and immoral scheme.

"Why are we as a people worth saving? We still commit murder for greed and spite. We refuse to take responsibility for our actions, and we visit all of our sins upon our children."

Bill's children… Lee and Kara… were now standing in the CIC of the Pegasus awaiting the command to commit a terrible sin on behalf of their father. "Don't worry kids," Bill thought. "I will not visit this upon you. I was wrong to ever consider it."

"Signal from the flagship, sir. Admiral Cain on the line," Petty Officer Dualla told Commander Adama.

"Put her through," Bill told Dee, then lifted the phone receiver on the command console. "This is Galactica Actual," Bill said.

"Congratulations Commander," Cain's voice said over the phone.

"Congratulations to you too, Admiral. A significant victory," Bill said. "Is Starbuck with you?" It was time to let Kara know that she could be at ease. There would be no more killing today. No one else had to die.

"Yes," Cain said. "She is."

Bill could hear voices from the Pegasus' CIC in the background. He heard the admiral tell Kara that Commander Adama wished to speak with her. Then Bill heard something he never expected. Lee's voice interrupted the conversation.

"Hope you don't mind," Lee was saying. "He is my father after all."

"Lee…" Kara's voice objected.

What was Lee doing? Bill then clearly heard Lee speaking into the phone receiver.

"Commander?"

"Lieutenant," Bill replied, a bit impatiently. "I need to speak with Starbuck first. Please put her on the line."

"No, I don't think so," Lee said.

"Lee, what are you doing?"

"I'm just taking this opportunity to say sir… that I'll see you in hell."

Before Bill could ask Lee to explain there was the distinctive sound of a gunshot on the other end of the line. Bill sucked in a startled breath. He could hear people screaming and shouting. He was just about to demand that Lee tell him what the hell was going when he realized from all the sounds that Lee was no longer on the phone. Then above all the ruckus, Bill heard Lee's distant voice one last time.

"Good-bye Kara," was what Lee said.

Bill listened then in stunned silence at the sound of Kara screaming Lee's name… followed moments later by the sound of another single gunshot.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kara Thrace stood amidst the chaos in the CIC staring in mute horror at the two bodies lying on the floor in front of her. Helena Cain and Lee Adama both lay dead. Both had been shot in the head… both by the same hand… Lee's hand.

Kara was jostled aside by a pair of officers who rushed to the admiral's aide. They began checking her for signs of life, though the effort was obviously futile. The marines crowded in a moment later, aiming their high-powered rifles at Lee and approaching his body with caution. They poked at him with the muzzles of their weapons. One marine lifted a heavy boot and kicked at him to confirm that Lee was in fact dead.

The callous treatment of her friend shocked Kara out of her stupor. "Leave him alone!" she shouted at the marines.

The marine who had kicked Lee gave Kara a dirty look. The other protested to her, "Can't be too careful with these frakking Cylons, sir."

"He is NOT a Cylon," Kara growled, shoving the marines away from Lee.

"We'll let the autopsy decide that," one of the CIC officers said, scowling.

"He ISN'T a frakking Cylon," Kara insisted again, but there was nothing but disgusted skepticism on the faces of everyone in the room. Kara had no doubt that Lee's humanity would eventually be confirmed, but she choked up at the realization that his body would be cut apart and dissected before being ejected out of an airlock with no honors or remembrances.

Ignoring the looks of disapproval that surrounded her, Kara dropped to her knees at Lee's side. Her mind was still unable to fully comprehend what had happened. "It was supposed to me," she thought. "This should be me, not Lee!"

The gun that Lee had used to kill Admiral Cain and then himself was still locked inside his hand. Kara gently pried Lee's fingers loose from the weapon and set it aside, as if releasing him at last from his final burden. Then she reached up and gently closed Lee's lifeless, staring eyes. As her fingers lingered over his face Kara finally broke down and wept.

"Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer" she prayed silently, shutting out the rest of the world around her, with her gaze fixed upon Lee's blood-spattered face. "Take the soul of Lee Adama into your hands this day. Condemn him not for what he has done…please! It was supposed to be me. It should have been me."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Bill had no idea how long he'd wept, but eventually the gut-wrenching grief eased off enough that he was able to sit upright again. The note still sat on his desktop; a final message from his son from beyond the grave. His eyes flicked over toward the right and settled upon the photograph perched there. The image of his own face, 20 years younger, looked back at him, standing proudly in front of his Viper with both of his sons beside him. He looked at the young smiling faces of his children. Lee and Zak. Both dead now.

His eyes slid back to focus again upon the note. It took a concerted effort to reach for the slip of paper, raise it, and begin reading it once more.

Dear Dad,
By now you know how things have turned out and I hope you understand why. I've thought about little else since we talked – or didn't talk as the case may be - and I finally realized this was the way it had to be, so I made my choice and I'm going through with it. I'm okay with this, since the simple fact is that I couldn't have lived with any of the other alternatives. This was the only way to save Kara and to ensure that there was minimal bloodshed while keeping the fleet from tearing itself apart. Let the sin for this rest upon me and me alone. I can only hope that this will be the last time that we raise arms against each other and that from now on we will stop acting like our own worst enemy.

Take care of yourself and take care of Kara. Goodbye Dad.

Lee

Bill clung to the note, suddenly realizing that his son's final message was now delivered in full… and there would be no more. Lee was gone.

His eyes shifted back to the picture on the right, focusing upon Lee's youthful face. "I'm sorry son," he breathed. "I'm so sorry."

Lee was dead, but the rest of the human race could never be told why. No one could ever know that Lee had in fact been sent to the Pegasus' CIC that day by his father's request. The truth would indeed surely incite an uproar throughout the fleet, just as Lee had predicted. No one could ever know that Lee had acted in a desperate attempt to actually save lives in what he believed to be an inevitable and senseless bloodbath. Lee would be remembered now as an assassin, his honor and bravery on behalf of humanity forgotten.

Only Kara and Bill Adama would ever know the truth. And Bill faced the future now with the knowledge of where the sin for that tragedy truly lay.

"Gods help me," Bill whispered in tormented grief. "I have killed my sons."