He is watching me again out of the corner of the shop. He is doing this often lately. I wonder what he is up to. It's not his style to observe his team-mates on a more than professional basis and as I see it, *him* observing me now has nothing to do with *us* being assassins. So what's he up to?

It cannot be something I've done wrong, because he would have told me months ago when he started looking at me this strangely. It unnerves me to no end. Those cold but beautiful violet eyes can give me the creeps.

At the moment I cannot think farther about it because I have to get away from three annoying girls at once without looking too suspicious. Don't they have to go to school?

Woah, they are trying to get my attention all at once. It's difficult to understand what they are saying, because of their non-stop chattering, but I don't have to. It's always the same. And always embarrassing!

"Ken-kun? Is it true that you teach soccer to those little kids?"

"Ken-kun, you are sooooo kawaii!"

"Ken-kun, please go on a date with me!"

"No, Azashi-san! I asked him earlier"

"But, I other than you want to buy something. Oi, Ken-kun, are you sure that arrangement will be ready till tomorrow? You know it's for my mother's birthday."

Please! Someone stops those chatterboxes. I´ll do anything! I sigh and roll my eyes.

"Miss Azashi. We have a lot to do considering Valentines Day is near. How about this lovely bouquet of violets. I'm sure your mother would like them and you can take them right now without having to wait."

I smile at her politely, inwardly groaning. This was going to be a very long day.

"But, Ken-kun! Don't you think an arrangement of yellow roses would be better?", she bats her eyelashes in what she thinks to be a sexy way.

Another sigh. I want to scream. Doesn't she get the hint that I want to be left alone? Why can't she ask Mr. Icicle over there? I bet after one glare of him she would just buy those damn violets and leave. But, no! Here she is with her stupid friends trying to hit on me constantly.

And what makes it only worse, is that I am currently one hell of embarrassed little Kenken who is beet red in the face. Youji would answer to those flirtations. Omi would chatter cheerily with those girls. Aya would just glare them away. And me?! I am standing here, blushing and desperately trying to make them go.

I shoot a glimpse at Aya. He seems to be pissed of. Because of me or because of those schoolgirls, I don't know, but I hope it's not because of me again. It's very depressive to know that the guy you have a crush on is pissed of because of you.

"Ken-kun? You still there?"

Damn! She did *not* hear my inner pleads to go.

"Gomen Azashi-san. What did you say?"

"I wanted to know if you could make the roses' arrangement instead of the violets. Please?"

She glomps my arm and makes puppy dog eyes. I try to disentangle myself out of her grasp, but no such luck. She seems to have glued herself there with the intention not to let go until I promise her to make that arrangement and probably going out on a date with her. Somebody helps me!!!

"If that's what you wish, I will make the arrangement. Yellow roses, ne? Till tomorrow?"

She giggles hugging me. I blush even more. The other two girls giggle, too.

"Doumo arigatou Ken-kun! I will get them when they are ready."

Uh, oh, I think I gave her a reason to come again. Hopefully it will be Omi´s or Youji´s shift then. Now let me go...

"Ano Ken-kun...", she bats her eyelashes again.

That doesn't sound well. Please send me a saviour!

The two other girls retreat suddenly. I look up and see Aya stalking in our direction, on his face I can see one hell of a death-glare. He stops behind the girl and taps onto her shoulder.

She turns her head into his direction and gulps when she faces a glare that screams If you want to live a bit longer, leave!!!!! Her skin seems to be a few shades lighter than before. She giggles nervously.

"Um, Aya-kun...is there anything you want?"

Hey, she wasn't timid when she tried to hit on me!

Aya isn't effected by her shy attitude. Man! He really seems to be mad at her. I thought he reserved that glare only for Takatori. Guess I was wrong!

"To be honest" he says icily "No! But if you don't intend to buy something, get out!"

She pales even more, then hastily leaves the shop. The other girls were already gone.

I am glad he came to my rescue, but I have to hold up my image.

"Really, Aya-kun! That was a bit harsh" I look at him a bit accusingly though I don't feel like blaming him in the least. My cheeks are still flushed considering the heat they emit, but I'm not sure if it is only because of those girls or because he is near me again. He continues staring at me his face devoid of emotion. Luckily my bangs cover my eyes so he cannot see what I'm really thinking.

"Nevertheless, thank you", I add after a while.

He looks at me a few seconds longer than leaves for his own arrangement.

***

Later that day my thoughts drift back to the moment when I found out that Aya has a sister. The day I found out that Aya was not his real name. To think of it now, Aya is a strange name for him. It's not that it doesn't suit him, but knowing that it was originally his sister's feels weird.

I didn't know he had an imouto until I saw her by chance. One of the kids I am teaching soccer had sprained his ankle during a game. I took him to hospital afterwards and while I waited, I saw Aya disappearing in one of the rooms.

He didn't seem to have noticed me, so I followed him. What I saw when I finally reached the room shocked me to no end. There he was sitting next to a young girl with violet hair apparently in a coma.

He arranged a bunch of flowers, white lilies, on her desk and talked about more or less important things happening recently.

What shocked me, was that Mr.Shi-ne or the Ice-man as I sometimes think of him, had an incredible sad, yet tender expression on his face. At one point he even smiled.

I thought the Gateways to Hell had opened then because Aya never smiles. *Never* He may smirk when Youji makes some dumb comment or when I fall on my ass, but he never smiles. Fainting seemed a good option that day, but I could not allow him to see me, so I quietly left without him noticing it.

The feelings I had afterwards were quite confusing. I was shocked for him showing emotion, emotion other than Omae o korosu if you come close to me. I was strangely happy because I had the knowledge that he was still human. But I was also disappointed. Disappointed that it wasn't I who could make him show all these emotions.

At first I thought that she might be his secret girlfriend, but I remembered him calling her affectionately Imouto-chan. So she was his sister!

While leaving the hospital with Ryo, the injured kid, I recalled all the times Aya had disappeared without telling anyone where he went. I suddenly knew that he was always and only visiting her. I was in deep thought. The kid's attempts to get my attention failed miserably. I was so confused.

He had called her Aya. The boy I thought to slowly understand had called *her* Aya. He only used her name, not his own. It made him once again that mysterious stranger with those beautiful violet eyes I met on the rooftop that night that seemed so long ago. Suddenly I wanted to know what *his* real name was, wanted to know *who* he really was, not that disguise he constantly wore to fool us and probably himself too.

I think I visited his sister two or three times after this incident. I am certain that Aya doesn't know about it or I am sure he would have forbidden me to come. I left a hint it was me, blue gentians on her desk but he didn't get the clue.

Sometimes it hurts to know that she will always be the one making him smile. His eyes were so warm and gentle while he talked to her. Why couldn't he look at *me* like that? But I will have to stay the clumsy team-mate whose ass he has to save constantly.

I knew that I was infatuated with him. From the day he nearly killed me on the rooftop, he held a special place in my heart and even his cold attitude could not change that. Stupid me! Thinking that he could ever like me. A fellow assassin, a clumsy, klutzy soccer player.

Let me say, the day Mr.Icicle fells in love with me Hell freezes over. I am sure of that!

When I saw him with his sister I came to the realisation that it was better to leave my infatuation on him. Easier said than done! The problem was and is that it seems impossible for me.

He is so beautiful and graceful, red hair falling softly over violet eyes. He is everything that I am not.

Where he is graceful, I am clumsy. Where he draws the attention of seemingly every girl in our neighbourhood, I am just your good-old-boy-next-door. Where he is the smart leader, I am sometimes just plain dumb. Where he is cool and aloof, seemingly considering every option before acting, I am brash, easy to unnerve. He radiates cold, yet at the same time can be so soft and gentle. I try to be always bright and cheerful, yet my heart is filled with self-hatred, pain and sorrow. He is my opposite. How could he ever feel something for me?

Though I cannot stop loving him, I try at least not to show it. How? Very easy. I know that I show my emotions- my real emotions- through my eyes. My face may tell lies. My eyes can't! They tell the reality, so I stopped looking at him directly. It's not that I do not look at him, but I learned ways to avoid his gaze unsuspiciously. My bangs are very helpful in that matter.

I look up suddenly. Someone is calling me. Thank goodness it's not him. It's bad enough that he appointed me his partner on our mission tonight and after what happened this morning in the koneko I am not sure, if I can face him right now.

I have the feeling that he is observing me lately and trying to get me to look into his eyes. I don't know why, but I don't want to think about it right now.

I go into the kitchen and come into face with a very worried Omi. Did he call me more than once? I wince at the thought that my thoughts on him distracted my senses again. That's the fifth time alone this week.

"Ken! Daijoubou ka? I called you at least ten times! You seem a bit distracted lately." He looks at me worry filling his eyes. Nice kid! And they call *me* the mother hen!

"Daijoubou! Daijoubou! Just thought about that soccer game I watched yesterday. Should have seen it!" I plaster my trademark grin on my face in the hope to fool him. He buys the excuse.

"Ken-kun! You should prepare for the mission and not think about soccer games", he scolds lightly.

"I know, I know. It won't happen again. So why did you call me?"

"I got a call from one of our customers. She told me she needs her flower arrangement this evening and I wanted to ask you, if could deliver it. Her name is Azashi-san, 1076-2 Matsukawa-maki."

Shit! That's the crazy girl from this morning. I am so screwed!

"Sure Omi! No problem. Consider the job done", I say trying my best to sound cheerful. Sometimes I am surprised over my talent as an actor. I bet I have to hear another hour of Aa, Ken-kun you are soooo kawaii!!! I am *not* kawaii! I'm an assassin. Assassins are not kawaii!

Besides...Aya, Omi and Youji got the looks. They are only saying I'm handsome, because they somehow found out that I am easily embarrassed and when I am embarrassed I blush as hell.

"Thanks Ken-kun! I would have asked Youji, but considering that we have a mission tonight, he got a date this afternoon. Plain stupid if you ask me. And Aya seems to be nowhere near."

When he mentioned Youji going on a date, Omi looked a bit sad. I know he has a crush on the playboy and Youji seems to like him, too. When the mission is over I have to speak to him. I don't like Omi´s feelings being hurt. The boy is something akin to a little brother for me and so I can be very protective of him.

I have a suspicion as to where Aya is, but I won't tell Omi. Aya will tell us when he is ready.

"As I said, no prob! See you later!"

I run off. Though that girl will definitely grate on my nerves badly, I consider it a good distraction from my current problems with my crush on Aya.

***

My senses are alert. Everything around me screams This is a trap! Get away from here. Shooting a glimpse on Aya, he doesn't seem to be concerned. He's observing the basement carefully. According to our records our target is somewhere behind those doors.

The mission is considering what we've already managed, very easy. Find the target, kill him and blow the whole place up. I get the feeling that Omi and Youji got the better job with placing the bombs around the place, but who am I to complain?

A movement in the shadows to our left startles me. I have no time to think, only react when suddenly our target heads with a jump for Aya knife pointed at his heart. Aya hasn't seen him, yet. I scream and lounge between the knife and Aya.

"Aya!!!"

The knife makes painful contact with my chest. I scream again, my vision already getting blurry. My hands clutch the place where he stabbed me. Funny! So much blood! How can a person have so much blood? I sink to the floor, my head growing heavier and heavier. I have trouble breathing. The attempt to stand up again fails miserably. So there is only one option left. Leaving the job to Aya. And as I can see it through the grey mists in front of my eyes, he does a formidable job. Formidable and bloody, if I might add that.

Aya screams in fury unsheathing his katana and attacking the target.

"SHI-NE!!!!!!!"

Wow, I thought he had that battlecry left for Takatori. Second time I guessed wrong in one day!

I close my eyes. It's getting more difficult to breathe with every passing second. I hear Aya making short process with the bastard, but am to tired to watch anymore.

After what seems an eternity I feel him taking me into my lap carefully.

I force myself to open my eyes again. His gaze confuses me. He looks so vulnerable! I try to sit up within his lap and let out a strangled gasp as I fail more than miserably.

"Don't move!"

No need to be so harsh, I think though his face betrays him again. He actually looks worried. Maybe I should be stabbed more often, if this is the only way to make him show some emotion towards me.

Na! Scratch that!

Through a haze I can feel him removing my leather jacket and ripping parts of his own shirt in order bandage me up. I start choking when breathing becomes an even more difficult task. I feel blood trickling down the corner of my mouth.

"Stupid baka" I can hear him murmuring faintly "Why did you have to jump in front of me?"

Something warm and wet splashes my cheek. Aya´s crying?

"Gomen...", I apologise in a croaking voice. Then everything goes black.

***

Whoever claimed that pain was just an illusion, was a fool. A fool I am going to kill once I wake up completely. Considering the piercing pain in my chest and the splintering headache I currently have, I would say that pain is an illusion that hurts like hell!

I don't know how long I have been unconscious. That bright sphere I was floating into, didn't seem to know time. I groan when I try to open my heavy eyelids.

The first thing I am able to recognise through a blurry vision and several bangs of hair that fall as usually into my eyes, is a white ceiling above me. That means one thing: hospital! Damn! I hate hospitals.

Some slight movement beside me alerts me and I tilt my head to the side. I look at the person quietly unable to believe that *he* would watch over me.

"Aya?"

Is it really him? Perhaps I am still sleeping and Mr. Icicle is not really here. He looks at me with some unknown emotion written over his face. I hope he is not angry with me for jumping in front of a knife.

"You okay?" I croak. My voice sounds as horrible as I feel. Probably I'm also looking like shit.

He looks surprised for a second. Then his face softens.

"Hai."

Wow. That's the third time I guessed wrong now. I thought he reserves that voice only for Aya.

"The mission...?", I ask. Somehow my memory is playing Hide and Seek with me. I don't remember what happened after that guy stabbed me.

"Accomplished.", he says coldly "That bastard´s in hell by now"

Judging by his tone, I´d say the guy is somewhere worse than hell. I take a closer look at him. He looks worn out and I tell him so.

"You look horrible."

"So do you", he smiles a little.

Something is definitely wrong here. Aya smiles! At me! I must have hit my head though I don't remember something like that.

I realise that Youji and Omi are nowhere to be seen.

"Where are Youji and Omi? They okay?"

Please tell me they are all right! I couldn't take it if something happened to them. I shouldn't have become attached to them, but I couldn't help it. It's just me! Please let them...

Aya´s voice interrupts my frantic thoughts.

"Aa. They left about an hour ago. Guess they needed some sleep. You gave us quiet a scare."

Uh, now I feel guilty. But I am sure I couldn't live with myself if something had happened to him. It's rather me than him or them.

So they left and are okay. And him? Why is he still here? His strange behaviour confuses me.

"And you? How long...", I trail off.

"Actually I've been here for the last three days while you've been out cold. Guess I wanted to make sure you're going to be alright."

What the hell?

"You care for me?", I ask disbelieving.

I think I´d rather sleep again than hear the answer. Aya smiling and looking other than stone-cold is one thing. Him admitting he cares, is too much for my nerves. I don't like the thought where this talk might be leading to.

He looks at me quietly. Finally he assures me:

"Of course I do!"

He seems to be taken aback by my question. Could he really care for someone like me?

"And you?"

"What", I blink confusedly.

"Do you care for m...", he stops himself, then continues slowly "Do you care for us?"

I smile and close my eyes. Trust Aya to start the conversion I didn't want to have right now. Perhaps he's right. I have to become aware of the feelings I have for my friends at some point. My mother told me it helps a lot to deal with my problems, when I talk to a friend. And I consider him a friend, much more than a friend though I never told him.

I take a decision and open my eyes again. I avoid his gaze a little bit, but not as much as usual. He has to know at least some of the feelings I bury within myself.

I start rather shyly a bit of resignation evident in my voice.

" To be honest...there was a time when I tried to convince myself that I don't care for you...that it would be better not to care for you..." Shit! Too much emphasis on *you*. Let's hope he didn't notice "that it would be better for all of us if we just work together and forget the whole thing about friends and so."

I feel like crying. Why am I telling him?

"After all...who wants to be friends with a murde...an assassin?"

Gods, I admitted one of my greatest fears. I don't deserve any friends because of what I'm doing!

"It even worked for a while.", I continue feeling encouraged my his patient gaze," But then...I realised that I couldn't do that. It's so unlike me not to be friends with you. You're the only people who are able to understand me..."

I sigh.

"Omi, Youji, you...you're all I've left in this fucking world. You make sure I won't trip over every goddamn flower ´cause I'm such a klutz sometimes. I have stopped counting the times you rushed in time to save me from getting shot, stabbed, strangled or what else. You even tried to comfort me when I...when I killed Kase."

Kase was somebody I didn't like to think about right now, but somehow his name just slipped out of my mouth. I think I will never understand how he could betray me.

Aya seems to realise that because he gives me another sympathetic smile, just a slight movement at the corner of his mouth, but another smile nevertheless. Today is a day of miracles.

"If it weren´t for you I would have got myself killed a thousand times by now."

He looks surprised. Gods, did he realise that I put the emphasis on *you* again?

"Aya?", I address him hesitantly.

He looks up as if in deep thought. Something in his gaze reopens old wounds, yet at the same times gives me hope that there might be... I hiss in pain. Somehow I must have tried to sit up without conscious thought. Big mistake!!! I have to clench my eyes shut in order to block out the pain. My breathing becomes harsh and my whole chest feels like on fire.

"Ken? Daijoubu ka? Shall I get the doctor?"

He sounds worried. He doesn't have to be worried. After all it´s my own fault that I lie here right now.

"No, thanks" I try to assure him, "It´s all right. Give me just a few seconds to adjust. It´s not that bad. Really!"

Not that bad! Ha! That´s the joke of the century, but I don´t want to look like a baby. I manage to sit up without too much pain and open my eyes again.

I´m a bit confused when I see that he looks hurt. Am I that transparent?

I try to distract him. If I´m lucky, he will not notice.

"How´s the shop?"

He shakes his head a little, obviously knowing that I avoid the topic, but plays the game along.

"Youji and Omi are currently running the shop while I stayed here watching you. You should have seen those girls faces when Youji told them you wouldn´t work for a while. I´d like to have seen it. It must have been priceless from what he told me."

I remember the girl with the roses´ arrangement and a shudder runs down my spine. She begged me to go out on a date with me. I was only lucky that her mother came the moment I wanted to give up and told her to leave "the poor boy alone". The girl whined but left.

I groan at the memory, but also due to the pain in my chest.

"Must hurt like hell!"

"Yes", I hiss and immediately shut my mouth. Damn! He tricked me and promptly caught me off-guard.

He smirks when seeing the expression on my face. I must look like an idiot.

How is it that he can read me better than any other person I know. Him! Mr.I-don´t-care-for-anyone!

I groan again.

"Caught me", I admit sulking a bit, "You know me too well. I was sure you..."

"I wouldn´t see past your mask?", he interrupts me.

I think, now I look ready to faint. How did he come to that conclusion? Not that he is wrong with that. Not in the least, but...

"How...? I know...you´ve been observing me lately since...", I stock upon my next words," since I had to kill Kase but I thought I wasn't that obvious."

He reaches out and takes my hand into his´. My instinct screams to pull back. I know I wouldn´t be able to stand his closeness any longer. One more minute and I probably will spill out my feelings for him and that´s the thing I´m really most afraid of.

He looks at me. There´s a softness in his eyes that wasn't there before, not even when I had seen him with his sister.

"Your face may always smile at us, but your eyes...they showed me what you really think."

"And what do I think?", I ask timidly.

His face grows serious while he contemplates his answer.

"Right now you're in deep misery and pain because that fucking prick stabbed you."

Good! Partly true.

"You loath yourself for what you're doing. You love those children. You hate those schoolgirls...", he snorts disgustedly at the though of them. I have to smile at that. "...but are far too polite to tell them to get lost. The thought of your best friend betraying you kills you inside and...", he hesitates,"...you have become very fond of Youji and Omi. The thought of them as your friends makes you happy even though they are assassins like you. When you smile at them, you mean it, not like when you smile at those girls."

I am overwhelmed. He was able to see all that just by looking into my eyes? There is only one question left and I'm scared of the outcome of this question...scared of both possible outcomes.

"And you?...", I whisper," What do I think of you? You didn't include yourself."

I lower my head. I just had to ask him! His answer will probably too much to handle but I have to know some time. I can't go on avoiding him like that.

"I don't know, Ken.", he admits, "Whenever I try to talk to you, you keep me from looking into your eyes. So I can't even tell you if you're fond of me or not. You said, you care for *us* but somehow I wish there could be more than care..."

My heart stops upon hearing that. Could it be? Could it be that he loves me as I love him? I cannot tell him, but maybe...maybe if I let him look into my eyes, it will be enough for him too know.

"If I let you look into my eyes, you could tell me what I think?", I murmur.

Inwardly I hope...I hope that I'm doing the right thing and that everything will turn out just right.

"Yes, Ken...Please! I have to know!"

He sounds really desperate. I remember all those times he tried to get me look at him directly, the way his face softened mere seconds ago, the way he smiled at me or seemed to be worried about my injury. I smile suddenly and finally lock my eyes with his´ showing him exactly what I've been hoping for so long.

His lips form a smile, relief shining in his beautiful violet eyes. He cups my face between his hands and inches me closer until our lips are barely apart. I'm sure I'm as red as a tomato by now, but I don't care.

Right before he closes the remaining space between us, he whispers tenderly "...and I you"

I've never been happier in my life.

~Owari~

A/N: Hell freezing over doesn't seem impossible after reading that, ne? grins