Painful Secrets

Summary: What if you finally noticed you are trapped, alone, and afraid? Your naked heart wanders aimlessly into an abyss of despair; with no where to go, your heart begins to set sharp thorns around, for fear of being touched. Hello, I'm Rin Iida, and I'm a cutter. Sesshomaru Matsushita one day finds himself lost, and I guess, I am lost as well. So maybe in this age full of wingless angels... Go ahead and take my hand. Even if you have no wings left, even if I had only one wing left, together, together... Sesshomaru and Rin. A/U.

.:So Here We are Once Again:.

I knew from the beginning that nothing could have come out from this, our relationship, but pains and heartaches.

Tell me babe, how many do I shred my tears?

Many people had warned me of the dangers, the sins, and the unhappiness I was going to face. But did I listen? No.

Every heart, Every heart is not a gentle yet

Why? That was simply because I was too blinded...

Shall I do? I can never say my loneliness

By what? Love... I could never stop myself from loving him.

Every heart doesn't know so what to say oh what to do

I was lost. I didn't know where I was going, didn't know if my life mattered. He gave me a reason, a reason to live. He made me feel wanted, needed.

I was afraid of darkness cause I felt that I was left alone

So from time to time, I went on believing, believing that he needed me as much as I needed him to live and to die.

So I prayed for help to the distant million stars

What could I say, I was simple-minded back then. I was only 10, living in some place by myself, a place such as a mental hospital.

Round & round the planets revolve around the sun

I was in a plane accident about two years before I was adopted into Miroku's family. I knew they weren't my family, but I went on pretending, saying things to myself such as if I believed, then it was real, they were my family.

And we always seek after love and peace forever more

Miroku and I grew closer as time sneaked upon us, and I met him. He was Inuyasha's brother; Inuyasha and Miroku had become friends when they reached Jr. High. He was a cold, ruthless person. The one that kept things to himself. He seemed to hate everything that was in sight, but I had learned and would never forget.

Growing growing woe baby we can work it out

He held me one day, when my heart was, once again, crushed by the humor of life. I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me with my best friend that day. And to made things more like a drama movie, it was rainning as if I were standing under a rushing waterfall. The rain drenched me, peeling off my skin piece by piece.

Look up at the sky every heart is shining all today

From that moment on, I started to depend on him like an elder brother. He declined it, his protectiveness over me, and had acted like he couldn't give a damn about me from time to time. But he was always there, always came running whenever I called. It was always Sesshomaru and Rin. Rin and Sesshomaru.

Show me now, What kind of smile do I come across

Then, slowly things began to change; I changed.

Every heart, Every heart can take a step towards the dreams

He became something much more than a brother or a friend. I didn't know what he had become to me, so I ignored him, and even went to such length as pretending he wasn't there, wasn't the person whom I had always held so much pride in.

All of us want to take a lasting happiness

When I reached the peak of those years, the one that was full of questions, I thought I had become insane, and I searched for comfort and explaination.

Whenever you feel sad, I wanna hold you & give you a sound sleep

But no matter where I went, he always seek me out. Always had and never would he let me go.

Someday every heart's gonna free and easy

I didn't know, at that time; I smiled, thinking that was a good thing. Thinking that we both had wished for the same thing.

We have peace of mind

Then, a year had gone by and he found someone else. Someone whom he could share the feelings that I thought he had for only me.

Someday all the people find the way to love

The green monster slowly deformed me; I only saw darkness whenever she was around, around him and me. I never knew how jealousy could tear down year upon year of friendship, if that was what we had.

Goes & goes the time goes on we are not alone

I eventually forgave him. How typical. I could never be mad at him for long. 'I mean, look at him. I dare you to tell me you can be mad at him for more than a day. A couple of hours top.'

We'll live on together and we will find some precious peace

Time ventured on, once again, and I found myself accepting her being with him.

Sometime we will smile sometime we will cry somehow

I was beyond anger, towards the point of hatred --well, hatred was the only thing I ever had for her-- when she was the subject to his near-death, car accident.

Don't forget believing yourself - Tomorrow's never die

We were truly living in happiness for some months, we became our old selves again, had returned to normal.

There is the warm heart places on my mind

And then, she came back. He didn't have to bark, I could too understand with only words...

In my earliest day's there and it's so sweet

She was going to be his new wife! And I found myself bleeding, more helpless than a new born puppy.

There are many stars they have talk with me so kind

I became distant, didn't know how I got there again. I had locked myself in my room and wouldn't speak or eat for days.

They say yes always time's friend of mine so shine

He came and I was happy; I spoke to him, only him. We had a few laughs, and I bet he felt pretty proud of himself.

Round & Round the planets revolve round the sun

Sometime later, I felt it was time for me to give up on him. Was what I was doing for real or fake? Of course, it was all... just pretending like before.

And we always week after love and peace forever more

I fainted, due to my easy-to-go, take-me-anytime-you-want body.

Growing growing woe baby we can work it out

I was brought to a hospital and woke up, ironically, on his wedding day.

Look at the sky every heart is shining all today

He came to me before they left for his honey moon. My god, why did you bring him to me? How was I supposed to face him in his groom attire and his wife right by his side?

Goes & goes the time goes on we are not alone

Another insane moment, she passed out, wanting his attention. She was such an actress. I gave her an eleven out of twelve rating.

We live on together and we will find some precious things

They left me; his mind didn't have me, like how she had wanted.

Sometime we well smile sometime we will cry somehow

I smiled and cried, rejoining with my old self, the one that he had taken me out from not so long ago.

Don't forget believing yourself - Tomorrow's never die

By the window where we had first met, he found me again. I could sense he was smiling, smiling his upset smile that he always gave me to hide himself. But he should always understand that I could always feel him and his movements, even if I was now consumed by darkness, darkness and dispair. I returned his smile, this was how it should be... he and me. Sesshomaru and Rin, by the window that projected the never-changing scenery of a never-ending, colorful as ever cherry blossom tree.

.:Inuyasha © of Rumiko Takahashi

.:Summary speech © Ayumi Hamasaki : Moments & Endless Sorrow

.:Every Heart English © BoA

.:P. Date: 2.4.06

.:Non-edited.

A/N: This is not a one shot. I don't know. If you hate it, I can leave it as it is. But if you like it, you have to tell me. I understand this story idea seems a lot similar to a story you might have read, but it is only built based upon it. The story line is different; I don't go around stealing people's ideas. If that author/authoress wants me to take it down, I will gladly do so.