The title of this story is not actually 'Crumpets'. It's 'Bastard Crumpets', named so because I couldn't think of a good name and I didn't like any of the ones people suggested, so I decided to give it a name reflecting it's tricksiness. It began as 'Late Night Crumpetry' and defied me from there, but 'tis fluffy and involves glorious bread products and a lot of KaiRei goodness. So, happy reading!
Rei sighed as the alarm clock beside his head rang, dragging him out of the very nice dream he was having. Kai was in it, not wearing very much, and for Rei the only thing that could top that would be Kai wearing nothing at all. He sat up, wriggling out of the blankets he'd hoarded up around himself to keep out the cold. They were staying at Kai's for a few days holiday, but the heating system had stopped working and so Rei had spent the last two days shivering. He couldn't remember what it was like to be able to feel your toes. Or what it felt like to not wear five different layers of clothing everywhere you went.
The worst thing about it was having to get out of the three pairs of pyjamas he was wearing and into his clothes, because for a brief few seconds he would have to brave the air. Rei had decided that the air in Russia was not normal air. It was special air that assaulted you with the power of a large industrial freezer.
So after a few minutes of mad ripping off and dragging on of garments, Rei felt himself qualified to go outside his room. The corridor outside was even colder than his room, and he ran along it with his teeth chattering, barging into the kitchen to find Tyson chugging down a large glass of orange juice and Max staring across the table at him with a faraway look on his face. Rei suspected that he wasn't the only one who fantasised about his team-members...
But not even that delicious thought stopped him for very long as he dragged a chair over to the oven and sat almost on top of it, shivering. "Cold?" Rei leapt up and turned to find Kai behind him. The Russian had evidently entered the room by the other door- the door that led...outside... Rei had just digested that fact when Kai laid a hand on his shoulder.
The shock of Kai making any kind of gesture towards him that wasn't rude was suddenly displaced by the squeak he let out as cold permeated his layers of protection and froze his shoulder. "Kai! Don't!" He whined, moving away. Kai just smirked at him in an annoying and yet incredibly sexy way.
"I was arranging for them to bring some coal and wood so we could have a fire." Rei gasped. "So before the day is out, you might end up a little warmer and not having to wear quite so many clothes..." Kai's eyes glittered, as if he were laughing at some internal joke.
Rei could have cried with joy.
"Rei?" Rei looked up to find Kai behind him, looking concerned. "Aren't you going to bed?"
"No."
"...Why?" Rei looked down, turning his head to stare into the blazing flames in front of him.
"Because it's warm here and it's cold in my room..."
"You've been sitting there all afternoon..." Rei wondered why Kai felt the need to comment on that. Of course he'd been there all afternoon...it was warm, and unlike everywhere else in the house he could sit in front of the fire without having to listen to his teeth chattering. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Kai stretched, tensing, and then sat down beside him. "Does the cold really get to you so much?"
"Yes." Rei replied, staring into the roaring flames. "I always feel best when I'm warm. I've never liked the cold."
"Then you can't be enjoying this break much." Not wanting to offend Kai, who had, after all, invited them into his home for the week, Rei shrugged. "Are you going to sleep down here?" The neko-jin thought about it.
"If you don't mind."
"No. I was just thinking...I might sleep down here as well. I'm not cold around the house, but I like the fire. When me and my father were still...close, we used to have a lot of fun down here, keeping the fire lit and toasting things on it..."
"It's...a shame, really. About you and your father." Kai shrugged.
"I would rather not talk about him." Prickly silence followed.
A few minutes later, completely out of the blue, Kai stood up. "Do you like crumpets?" Rei blinked.
"I don't know. I don't think I've ever tried them..." He could have sworn a flicker of shock passed over Kai's face, but it was soon replaced with his normal, measured expression.
"Would you like to try them?" Rei locked eyes with Kai, trying to work out if the Russian was making fun of him in some way, and then nodded. His eyes followed Kai out of the room, flicking up and down his body with appreciation. Kai really was quite handsome. It was just a pity he was about as sociable as a brick. And there was the fact that he wasn't gay. Even if he was, Kai was the kind of person who would never touch a team-mate in a million years.
As he mused on Kai's utter unattainability, the Russian came back into the room, his shadow wobbling up one vast cream wall. He was carrying a tray balanced on one hand, and a toasting fork in the other. Rei uncurled himself and knelt up to take the tray from him, inspecting it. Butter, knives...crumpets, jam...
And suddenly there was a fork being waved in his face, making his eyes cross. "What-?" A snort of laughter from above him.
"I said, 'can you put a crumpet on the fork for me?'...but you'd zoned out."
"Oh. Sorry." Rei felt his face burn, taking one of the crumpets and pushing it onto the prongs of the fork, watching as Kai knelt and held it over the flames.
Wood crackled into the silence that fell. And then-
"When I was little...my mother used to make the best crumpets. Hers always seemed to taste better than mine, no matter how hard I tried." Rei blinked, shocked. There Kai went again, -offering- information about himself...and in a civil manner... "It's silly really. I mean...there isn't much skill required in toasting a crumpet..."
"I don't think it's silly." Rei drew up all his courage from inside him and decided to try and engage Kai in a proper conversation, one that lasted for longer than thirty seconds without becoming awkward silence. "Once...me and Mariah were cooking biscuits, and even though we used the same ingredients, mixed them all the same and cooked them for the same amount of time, hers were much better than mine..."
"I suppose some people are just good at cooking. Can you get me a plate?" Rei obliged, holding up the blue-edged and expensive-looking one from the tray. Kai eased the crumpet onto it, cursing as his fingers brushed the hot metal of the fork. "Then choose what you want on it. Butter or jam. I prefer mine with butter, but..." He shrugged. "Maybe you like sweet things better."
"Not particularly. None of us are really big on sweet things...I mean...none of the people back home..."
"Well...cats can't taste sugar, can they?" Kai asked, a small smile on his face.
"I can taste sugar. I just don't particularly love it." Kai blinked.
"I didn't mean to offend you."
"You didn't." Rei replied, spreading butter over the surface of his crumpet and then slicing it in half. He could see Kai watching him, wanting to see his reaction. So he took a bite from the nearest half.
And it was -good-... "They're nice!" He looked up, seeing Kai's smile widen slightly. Then, tentatively, he held out the other half, holding it up to Kai's mouth. The Russian looked surprised for a second, then leaned over and took a bite out of it, his teeth flashing as the fire danced behind them. He chewed slowly, eyes fixed on Rei's. "I was right." He sighed, swallowing. "I still can't cook them as well as my mother could when she was-" He stopped short, a strange expression on his face.
"...Kai?" The Russian looked away.
"She died." Kai's lips pressed together, making a thin white line. "So now all I have is my father and grandfather."
"And you hate both of them..." Rei moved closer, the half-crumpet still in his hand. "I'm sorry..."
"Why should you be sorry? It had nothing to do with you. She caught pneumonia. She died. That's just how it is." He said shortly, ramming another crumpet onto the toasting fork and holding it over the fire, turning away. Rei raised a hand and touched Kai's shoulder, sighing.
"My parents are dead too. I know how you feel." Kai made no reply. "You know, Kai..." He sighed. "I'm...glad you told me. You never tell us anything very personal about yourself. It's nice to...hear about you."
"You aren't too liberal with your personal details either." Rei smiled, taking another bite of crumpet and gulping it down.
"I wouldn't have thought you cared to know any unnecessary details about the rest of us."
"I don't. Do you think I care what Tyson thinks about anything? Or Kenny? Or Max?" Rei felt his heart quiver in his chest.
"But you wouldn't mind knowing things about me?" Kai didn't say anything at first, just slid the latest crumpet onto the plate and smeared it with butter.
"No. I wouldn't." Kai crossed his legs and fixed his gaze firmly on the plate.
"So...what do you want to know?" Rei asked, pulse beginning to quicken as he moved closer, putting down the last little bit of his crumpet. Kai stared at the whole crumpet, but made no move to pick it up. "I don't know. What's your favourite colour?" Kai asked the question in such a way that it sounded as if he were questioning it to begin with. Rei smiled, shaking his head. Kai really was no good at interacting with people. He knew it must be taking a lot of effort on the Russian's part to not just shut him off and refuse to talk.
"Red. It's a lucky colour. What about you?"
"...I don't know. I don't think I really have one."
"Oh come on, everyone has a favourite colour!" The Russian picked up his crumpet and took a bite, munching thoughtfully.
"Blue, I think." He said at length. "Maybe purple."
"Red, blue and purple...complimentary, wouldn't you say? I mean, you get purple from mixing red and blue, so..." Rei tailed off, watching Kai frown. "What's the matter?"
"Rei...can I ask you a...sort of...personal question?" Rei blinked. Wow. Well, that was abrupt. He was tempted to tell Kai to ask about anything he liked, but he knew that would make the Russian think he was creepy, so he settled for a raised eyebrow. "Depends how personal it is."
"If I asked you what you thought about...people who are gay?"
"...I don't mind them." He replied noncommittally, hoping that this wouldn't be the moment Kai swore his undying hatred for those attracted to their own sex. But the Russian didn't say anything, just stared at his crumpet. "Why?"
"I was just wondering." Came the reply, sounding strangely bitten-off, as if Kai had been meaning to add something to the end of the sentence. Rei crossed his fingers for luck and opened his mouth. "I mean...it's hard to mind gay people...when you yourself are gay."
Kai's reaction was instantaneous. His head shot up and his mouth dropped open, making him look incredibly stupid. So stupid in fact, that Rei started to giggle, despite feeling a nagging worry that this revelation would make Kai run away. "You...you mean you-?" And then the shock was forced out by a forced expression of calm. Rei watched Kai take another bite of his crumpet, feeling as if he was about to be sentenced for some kind of crime and Kai was the judge.
"Have you ever..." The question went unfinished.
"Have I ever what, Kai?"
"Do you...um..." Kai looked at the floor. "Have you ever...looked at me?" Rei blinked. Was Kai afraid of being attractive to another man or something? Or was he trying to be funny about it? Well... "What kind of a question is that?" Rei's voice was unintentionally harsh.
"I just wanted to know because...because..." The Russian finally looked up, and Rei could see apprehension in his eyes. "I look at you." Rei stared at him. "...I'm going to bed."
"What?" Rei grabbed Kai's arm as he started to get up, dragging him back down. "What did you say?"
"I said I'm going to bed."
"Before that." Kai looked at him blankly then fixed his eyes on the floor.
"You know what I said." Rei leaned closer, staring up into Kai's eyes.
"Can I ask you a personal question, Kai?" A shrug. "If I asked you to, would you take off your shirt?"
"...If that was what you really wanted."
"Would you kiss me?"
"...If you wanted me to." Rei loosened his grip on Kai's arm, moving the hand up to his shoulder.
"Do you dream about me?"
"...Yes."
Rei felt a spike of joy run through him and smirked. "I dream about you, Kai. Every night." The Russian looked up finally, his expression unguarded and uncharacteristically hopeful. "Will you kiss me?" Kai swallowed visibly.
"Do you...want me to?" His voice was low and breathless.
"Yes."
Kai uncurled a bit, letting Rei move closer. But he was so awkward, sitting there and looking like a rabbit caught in headlights. But then just as tentatively as Rei had offered the crumpet, he raised his arms, settling them around Rei's waist and back. Their gazes locked as their lips hovered inches apart, and then Rei darted forwards, forcing his lips onto Kai's.
The Russian kissed him back, shyly at first and then with more confidence as Rei's hands clutched his shoulders. Suddenly-
Whumf. Kai found himself lying on his back with Rei leaning over him. They were both panting, both unable to stop staring at each other. Kai found his voice first.
"So...about the shirt...do you still want me to take it off?" He asked.
"No." The abrupt reply made his strongly built confidence collapse around him. Rei must have been joking...playing with him...
"Oh." He managed. But Rei's eyes had taken on a predatory gleam, a gleam which brightened as the neko-jin smirked.
"I'll take the shirt off myself..."
Fin
And after all that crumpety goodness, will you review? Please?