Zana: It's what you've all been waiting for! The sequel to Joey and Kaiba in a Nutshell…except we have… (drum roll) RYOU AND BAKURA! Without further ado, let it start! For all the fans of the first one!

Yami: Zana doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh by the way…

Ryou and Bakura in a Nutshell

Ryou: This is how a lot of me and Bakura fics end up. Viewer digression is advised. And I would also like a cup of tea…on with the show! (leaves to find a cup of tea enhanced with the taste of mint)

Scene One

Bakura: You stupid, worthless, whore, idiot, dirty, slutty… (insert more rude put-down lines) hikari! I hate you, you need to die! (Insert violent beating scene in which blood covers the walls and such.)

After the senseless beatings, Bakura either 1) Rapes Ryou, 2) Leaves, get drunk, and then rapes Ryou or 3) Goes and leaves Ryou to wallow in self pity. Let's go with choice one.

After the rape scene or rape flashback…

Ryou: (in a corner, crying, angsting, and acting like a total girly, weak, victim) Oh my life is so terrible! Why does Bakura hate me so much? Why does he beat me? It hurts so freaking much! I love him, even though he hurt me constantly and supposedly killed my family or something of the sort, I LOVE HIM! I think I'm going to cut! Yes, cutting is LOVELY! (finds a blade and cuts, and cuts, and cuts! Oh the horror, the sadness, the drama, anguish and romantic angst! It just makes you want to cry!) GOD, I'M SO GIRLY, WEAK AND PATHETIC!

Scene Two

At school the gang is oblivious to everything as usual…except Yami…

Yugi: Golly gee! Ryou hasn't been coming to school much and when he does, he had bruises and marks all over him! I wonder what that means?

Anzu: Maybe it's that mean Bakura!

The gang pauses to think…

Gang: NAW!

Yami: (somehow know things) I think it is the thief! (Ryou enters classroom, looking like crap)

Jou: Hey Ryou, do you feel alright? (Smart question Jou! You're such a genius! Good puppy! Here's a doggy treat!)

Ryou: (obviously lying) I'm fine…

Yami: (Suspects strongly that it's Bakura, but says nothing…)

Yugi: Ok, afterschoool we can go and enter a duel tournament and missed some more days of school! I wonder how we manage to get to the next grade after missing so many days!

Gang: OK!

Ryou: (sighs in pure depressive misery)

Scene Three

Back at home, Bakura beats and rapes Ryou to the brink of terror which brings us to the climax of the story!

Ryou: (crying) I'm going to kill myself! (runs to the kitchen to find and appropriate knife)

Bakura: Hmmm, why do I feel so bad about this? Although this hikari is such a weak, annoying whore, I think I'm in love with him this whole time! Oh no! I must stop him before he kills himself and dies! That would just fuck up the clichéd ending for this fic! (runs)

Ryou: Goodbye cruel, cruel, cruel, world! I hate myself and my life, and this is the only way to end it! (holds knife toward neck)

The knife inches closer, and closer, and closer…

Bakura: Wait! Don't do it! (takes knife away)

Ryou: (insert more crying) Why did you do that? I was about to put myself in heaven away from your evilness!

Bakura: You can't kill yourself because…I love you! Even though I have hurt you this entire time, I really do care about you!

Ryou: (eyes turn big and sparkly) You…you really mean that?

Bakura: Why not? We knew the fic would end like this anyway… (Big Kiss Scene of Magical and True Love! Aww, how romantic!)

Ryou: (forgives Bakura completely like an idiot) I'm so happy! I have a reason to live! Can I call you a nickname like "Kura" or "Baku-bear"?

Bakura: Why the hell not, it's not like it can't get anymore out of character!

Insert Happy Sex Scene or Fluffy Ending Here

The Magical End!

But remember, there's a possibility of a cheesy sequel chock-full of things we've read about a BILLION of times!

Ryou: Wow. That was full of…sarcasm…run Zana, fans might hate you for this…

Zana: (shrugs)

Bakura: Ryou let's go cuddle near a fire!

Ryou: Ok Kura! (they go off to do just that)

Zana: Author notes time! First off, this is for PURE HUMOR, so do not take any of it seriously. I do not mean to really make fun of suicide, cutting, rape, and ECT. Yes, it may not be true for all stories, but then again, I see a lot of it. Of course, I may be guilty for it as well, but no one's perfect! R&R and of course, I'm hoping to come up with a humorous edition with Yugi and Yami! Tell me if there's another couple spoof you'd like to see written! I hope this was as funny as the first one, and don't hesitate to REQUEST OF ANOTHER COUPLE SPOOF YOU'D LIKE TO SEEN WRITTEN BY ME! I'm just thinking about starting a series of these. More later!