Neal walked into a store. "Do you carry ceiling fans?" he said to the guy behind the counter.

"NAFISH NAFISH!" screamed the guy.

Meanwhile…

Kel, Jon, Thayet, Gary, Numair, Raoul, and Alanna had decided to go sailing on the Sea of Insanity.

(Random person: Don't you mean the Cliffs of Insanity?

Sandy: No. I'm skipping the whole climbing-up-the-cliffs scene. Well, not all of it, but most of it.

Random person: Ah. Continue.)

"Why do you keep looking behind us?" Jon asked Kel.

"To make sure that no one's following us," she answered.

"Inconceivable! There's no one following us."

"Are you sure there's no one following us?" Kel insisted.

"Yes." Jon paused. "Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

"I just thought I saw that ship back there."

"What? What ship?" Jon scrambled up to look. "It's probably some local fisherman…out for a night cruise…through chipmunk-infested waters…

"Er…Jon? Don't you mean eel-infested?"

"Who are you and what are you doing on our ship?"

"Ummmm…I don't think I actually exist. But I'm S.Morgenstern."

"Who?" Jon said.

Alanna came over and whispered in his ear. He turned pinkish. "Oh. Um. No, I meant chipmunk. It's in the script. See?" And Jon passed a handful of papers to S. Morgenstern. "So you'll have to talk to Sandy."

"Who?" S. Morgenstern said.

"I don't know," Jon replied. Alanna came over to him and smiled gently. "All right, Jon, it's time for the nice tying jackets!"

"Yay! The tying jackets!" yelled Jon excitedly. Alanna sighed and sat down on the deck next to S. Morgenstern. "Sorry about him. He may be the king, but when he gets like that, there's nothing else we can do. Can I help you?"

"I just want to know who this 'Sandy' person is, and why she's using chipmunks instead of eels."

"First of all, she already used the 'shrieking eels' scene, except it was shrieking Neals," Alanna explained. "But Neal couldn't come."

"Why not?"

"Oh, he's getting Kel a ceiling fan," Alanna told him. "Y'know, I think he likes her."

Back to the store…

"No! A ceiling fan!"

"Nafish?"

"Ceiling fan!"

"Fishna!"

Neal sighed again. "See."

"See."

"Ling."

"Ling."

"Good, we're getting somewhere! Fan."

"Fan."

"Now put them together. Ce…ling…fan."

"Nafish nafish?"

"Ceiling fan!" Neal pointed to the fan.

"Yes! Nafish!"

"Can't you understand Common?" yelled Neal at the guy. Finally getting exasperated, he yelled, "Nafish!"

"Oh! A ceiling fan? You should have said that in the first place," said the guy.

Onboard the ship…

"So…where do you live?"

"Technically, I don't exist."

"Hey! Me neither! But in a different way."

"How's that?"

Alanna never got to explain. The ship was bumping up against some cliffs. They all stared up at the huge cliffs (with the exception of S. Morgenstern, who had seen it all before and was yawning.) It was Gary who broke the silence.

"What do we do now?"

"Climb it?" suggested a voice. Everyone turned to look at Jon.

"That's the craziest thing you've said all day," Numair said. "It just might work."

Thank you to...

NealsChick-tortallanrider-imakeladrygirl-music nerd-AugureyCry-shangmistress/Accio Flute-Lela-of-Bast

AugureyCry: They aren't, actually.

The Akward One: Yes, I've read it, and there is no "abridged version." That's the only version.

music nerd: Why do you say that? Was the gate key scene too obscure?

(Not that I don't like the rest of you...it's just that the other review were, mostly, "This is cool, update." Which you can't really reply to.)

Oh and thank you to Accio Flute for finding out that moles aren't rodents...to devil with normalcy. They are in Tortall!