Disclaimer: Not mine.

four lean hounds crouched low and smiling

the merry deer ran before.

-e.e.cummings

Smile

He looked at his face on the mirror on one of his walls, and tried to smile. He watched grim, pale lips form into a curve that was neither pleasant nor sane. He was determined to hold it for as long as he could. He knew that it looked out-of-place on him but he was desperately fixing it on his face to make sure it won't fall off.

He leaned forward and tried to remember how it was to be happy. A smile was no use, after all, if you didn't mean it. He pressed his hands against the mirror and tried to remember a pair of green eyes, velvet gloves on his hands, and a kindly vet with amber eyes. He remembered ice creams and penguins and sunshine, glorious sunshine that seemed to fill the whole world with bliss. And for once, his reflection smiled in front of him; and he smiled back.

But then his gaze turned to the back of his hands and he saw red lines, running through his skin like thin highways of blood, flaring to life. And he panicked and he looked at the mirror and he saw that the smile was falling off; and no matter how much he tried to make it stay it just keeps falling and falling and then he was afraid that it might break. The corners of his mouth were piercing his cheeks like knives digging deep into his face as he tried to obtain a proper curve. And then he wondered, not just once, whether it was worth it to just actually ignore the pain and keep on smiling.

Suddenly the air felt cold. It smelled of sakura. Subaru shivered, but nevertheless he held his ground and stared at his reflection, leaning on the mirror for support. He took a deep breath and tried to smile genuinely. "My name is Sumeragi Subaru," he said softly.

"Indeed. And it's a very lovely name, Subaru-kun."

Seishirou stepped out from the shadows, an eternal smile plastered on his face. Subaru turned around, and the smile that he was wearing fell down and broke into a million little pieces that he wouldn't be able to pick up and arrange once more. He then collapsed on the floor, broken and ripped, his green eyes tired and dim and looking at him but not really seeing him.

The next thing he knew was Seishirou going down on his knees and with one hand he raised his chin up to see his face. Then Subaru felt warm lips against his cold, dry ones, heaven on hell.

Seishirou then broke the kiss and looked at him. "Smile," he said.

And then he found out that it wasn't so hard anymore.