Never About Love

A/N: I'm having serious writer's block and this little piece popped into my head. I hate Sam, I really do, but I thought it would be interesting to write a piece in her POV. Don't worry, it's of course J/H because Sam and Hyde make me want to throw up. Thanks for sticking with me everyone; I promise I'll try to get up the next chapter to Shadows Don't Lie very soon!

Pairing: J/H angst

Disclaimer: Yeah right, I don't own them.

I'm not going to bullshit you, our marriage was never about love and I knew it never would be. You see, it wasn't uncommon for a stripper to get hitched in the city of blinding lights, but it was uncommon for the marriage to see past the first week of the 'I do's.' Usually, it was dead within a matter of hours.

Annulments were oh so popular in Las Vegas.

I'd been married before, never really remembered much except for the fact by the morning, we were both ready to move on with our lives, in separate directions.

When I met Hyde, I must be honest; I never imagined he would be 'one of those guys.' Fuck, I didn't even think we'd do it. Maybe it was because of the friendship we established so quickly when he first arrived, but I mostly believe and still know for a fact today, that it was the sadness in his voice.

Yes, another lonely soul had come to the city of sin to wash away sorrows from the past.

The problem was, Hyde was different from all of the rest of the lifeless bodies around the club. Sure, he liked to watch strippers, but then again, what man doesn't? He treated us with respect though. Yeah, I suppose I should have known, eventually mixing friendship and business would end in something disastrous, but it was nice to have a friend.

A person who didn't just want my ass.

In all honesty, I don't think getting married was that much of either of our ideas. But after multiple shots of tequila and vodka, our friends idea that getting married would be funny seemed, well funny.

So we did.

And then the next morning he had left.

I don't know what brought me to Wisconsin, but I felt the need for closure with Hyde. I never expected our marriage to be a 'marriage.' There was something about the surprise in his eyes or the betrayal in the tiny raven hair girl's hair that made me second-guess my decision to show up in Wisconsin.

I never wanted to make him unhappy.

Maybe I just thought that our friendship could possibly progress into something more, and finally, someone would love me. But, luck has never been on my side.

There was something about the way he stared at her. The way she looked at him. The way she still does. It bugs me, and I know it's stupid, they have a 'history' or whatever the fuck you want to call it, but I'm his wife.

Well, only technically.

Whenever she comes into the room his eyes roam her body. His body tenses when she walks by him, and I swear, his nose becomes on high alert for just a waft of her rosewater smell.

How do I know she smells like rosewater?

Well, he still has a shirt of hers. Sometimes I see him thoughtfully touch it as he searches through his own shirts, he doesn't know I see him. All I have to hear is the sigh, the sigh I refer to as the Jackie sigh. Well, actually, no one but me knows that's what I call it, but every time I hear it, an alarm goes off in my head.

I know that there has been so much temptation between the two of them.

I wouldn't blame him if he slept with her, it would just give me a final reason to leave.

I've heard them talk, I've heard them fight, and I've seen them kiss.

I decided that them kissing is worse than if they just finally fucking had sex. The thing is, a kiss is so much more intimate then sex. I know, it seems ironic, but how many people just fuck each other and get nothing out of it? How many people kiss each other and know in that moment that they love that person?

They don't know I saw them. I wouldn't ever say anything, because, well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't getting any action on the side. I know, I'm a horrible person right? Well, I just need to find comfort somewhere, Hyde; he just doesn't like to be emotional. Well, at least with me.

I heard her voice trembling. "Steven?"

I immediately peeked out from the bedroom; I know he thought I was still sleeping. I saw her tear stained face and his immediate reaction to pull her into his arms as she continued to sob. Funny thing is, I remember Donna telling me once that Hyde hated comforting people, especially ones who cried. From the looks of it, he had no trouble comforting the petite girl in his arms.

He slowly stroked her hair in a way he had never touched me. His lips stayed planted softly on her forehead in a way that they never touched my skin. And she just continued to sob and mumble something about her father and a heart attack. Mostly all I heard was, "Steven."

I once tried to call him Steven, and he gave me the dirtiest, harshest look I've ever seen in my life. "Don't. Ever. Call. Me. That." Was the only thing he spat out angrily to me.

He looked like he was on cloud nine when she said it though.

Then I saw her lift her head and their lips met for one of the most intimate kisses I had ever seen. And it wasn't the intimate sort of kiss where it looked like they were going to fuck any moment on the couch, but the sort that said 'I love you' a million times over and the kind I knew Hyde and I would never share.

And despite the fact every bone in my body told me I should be jealous and hold resentment towards this girl, this girl who had some sort of hold over my husband, I couldn't, because I knew he would never be mine. I had known that from the moment I had met him, before we had become friends even.

All because of her.

After there lips parted, she collapsed in his arms and he held her on the couch while she continued to cry.

And in that moment, I knew I had lost all hope of a marriage with him.

I laid back down on our pathetic excuse for a bed and grabbed a notepad off of the dresser and wrote him a short note.

Call me if you're ever in Vegas.
-Sam

I can't say I'm proud that I didn't write anymore, but maybe it was more that I didn't have anything else to say. Did I want to lose him to someone else? Not really. Did I care enough to fight? No.

Because the truth was, I knew we were never in love.

I packed my bags and headed back for Vegas, knowing, that for maybe the first time in my life, I had done the right thing.

Please, please, please review, I'll love you forever :)