Hello merry people, welcome to the new and completely revised version of The Marauder's Guide to Life. This version is so in tune with the guidelines I hear they go down the pub together!

Anyways…I hope you enjoy this chapter and more are on the way! – Hippie Jade

Bob says I own nothing, and after ransacking my house, I agree with him. I OWN NOTHING!

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Chapter One

Introduction And Black Rules

The marauders, minis one Sirius Black, lounged around the 5th year boy's dormitory waiting.

A black haired, be-speckled boy by the name of James Potter glanced at his watch before sighing and falling face first into his scarlet duvet.

A blond haired, blue eyed boy, with the pinched look of a rat about his features cast him an amused look, before whispering something to a blank piece of parchment in front of him. This was Peter Pettigrew.

The last boy in the room, a dark haired, worn looking boy by the name of Remus Lupin tapped his foot whilst glancing at the door before once again checking the parchment and quill at the foot of his bed as though it might suddenly explode.

The door banged open, immediately followed by the squeals of surprise as the room's occupance looked round to see there final partner in crime. The dark haired, smooth talking Sirius Black.

"You could have warned us Wormtail!" James yelled as he heaved himself up from the floor, Peter, or Wormtail as his friends called him, shrugged with an apologetic smile and helped him to his feet.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak but was cut off almost immediately by Remus who simply said "We don't want to know why you're late Padfoot. Lets just do it shall we?" the others nodded and pointing there wands at the quill resting on the blank parchment and said in unison "Kopieren nossas palavras"

Sirius' font

James' font

Remus' font

Peter's font

Wow, it works… Just get on with it!

This is a list of what we, The Marauders, are not allowed to do at school. Not that it stops us! Hey guys. This audible writing pen is really cool! What we say it writes! That would be why it is called an audible writing pen! Duh! Shut it Black Oh dear is Prongsy getting all huffy-puffy?

1. Don't give Sirius anything heavier then a gallon or sharper then a pillow. Why? Because you're dangerous. Oh shucks, I'm blushing!

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It was Christmas Eve at Hogwarts and all through the castle not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…YEAH RIGHT!

Sirius Black was busy, not hurriedly wrapping forgotten gifts or even lying awake in bed waiting.

No, Sirius Black was not the type of boy to do such things, no, he had been busy plotting and now, he was ready!

"Ready, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…WAKIE WAKIE!" Sirius leapt from his bed wildly chucking pillows here and, for some odd reason, Gallons there.

Judging by the thuds, crashes and screams of shock that followed he hit his targets well, and grabbing his running shoes he quickly left the dormitory with 3 very angry and very bruised boys hot on his tail.

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2. Do not joke about bodily harm to any living persons around Sirius, it gives him ideas. But it was funny to see Snape hanging off the astronomy tower like that wasn't it?

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"Deck the halls with boughs of holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la"

"O-oh, Sirius why are you so…happy?" James questioned dodging a snowball and skidding on some ice in his rush to catch up with his eccentric friend.

Sirius just grinned, not a nice grin, more a sort of I've-just-done-something-pure-evil-and-it-was-fun grin. James shuddered before casting his mind around to try and think of what Sirius could have possibly done this time.

Sirius stared up at the sky singing,

"Children gaze open mouthed

Taken by surprise
Nobody down below believes their eyes"

James' eyes widened and, following Sirius' eyes he found himself looking upon quite a sight.

Hanging by a pair of pink, sparkly, Muggle fairy wings from the astronomy tower, squeezed in to a pink leotard and tutu with a tiara on his head and glitter on his face was Snape.

So shocked by this disturbing image James forgot to duck when Lily Evens aimed an iceball at him.

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3. Don't wake Sirius up at 2:30 in the morning for any reason 'cause he really needs his beauty sleep Why is this all about me so far? Because as well as what we're not allowed to do there are the things we should not do for our own safety.

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"Sirius…Sirius!...SIRIUS!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"

"Uph!"

"Opps"

James had lent over Sirius' bed intent on waking him up so he could tell him of his latest prank idea. But Sirius, it proved, was not easy to wake up and, if you succeeded, you nearly always needed a trip to the hospital wing.

You see, Sirius Black had an odd habit of suddenly jumping straight up when woken at an unruly hour (then 9:30am) and more often then not, whoever was waking him was in his path.

Coincidently James suffered a broken jaw on this particular occasion.

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4. Don't let Sirius near the kitchens (he empted it last time and was hyper for a month) If I remember correctly you were there with me! So this rule applies to the both of you! Noooo!!

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Chaos, disorder and distress…yes…Sirius Black was in the room.

The kitchens of Hogwarts were in disarray, one Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew had eaten half the Halloween feast, worse still, they were still hungry!

The house elves were, well let's say shocked would be the understatement of the century.

In fact it was only with al the 200 working in the kitchens pushing and their two friends pulling that they finally managed to get the human dustbins to leave!

All was not a total loss though; house elves could always deliver a great, if small, feast despite all odds, much to the two boys' delight!

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5. (Carrying on from number 4) Don't let Sirius near anything sugary. But it gives me such a rush! That's the problem!

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There are simply too many occasions when the famous Sirius Black has gone hyper. Far too many to re-count and far too funny to choose one as an example. Though many seem to involve drills, hedge trimmers, fruit and some ordinary house hold bleach…

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I'll update ASAP, but I'll update my stories based on how many reviews I get. The more reviews I get on one the quicker I'll update it. Not bribery, I just need some order in my life.

Anyways, TTFN!