A/N : This story will sound much better if you actually know the legend on which this is based. But if you don't, you can just treat this as a soap-opera style spoof of an Ancient Indian love story. This took place around 3000 B.C, I think, when magic was available in plenty. J

THE STORY OF SHAKUNTALA

Well, many people say that the Mahabharatha really begins with this story. As I include myself among that group of people, let me begin.

Durvasa the sage was doing an incredible amount of tapas, or meditation. And Indra, the King of the Gods, wasn't pleased. He looked down from his throne in heaven, and started worrying, like the worrywart he was. You see, Indra had kind of a... generous ego, and felt that the only reason anyone would be daft enough to pray so hard would be to usurp his position. Well, he couldn't let that happen, could he?

So Indra used his secret weapon- an Apsara, or if you may, a divine damsel. Now these Apsaras are famous for their beauty and, uh, powers of seductiveness. So Indra ordered his chief Apsara, Menaka, to go down to earth and 'distract' Durvasa, if you know what I mean.

Unfortunately, Menaka felt that dafty old sages weren't her type, and Durvasa realised with a jolt that he had been away from his penances much too long. But what to do with their love child? Well, Menaka wasn't the most motherly of all females, and seeing that the baby's father was, um, mentally inaccessible, Menaka left her daughter beside a lake and caught the 6.30 Devaloka Express* back to Heaven.

But for those of you who are worried about this poor, helpless child, fear not! It turned out that a group of herons had noticed this startling new visitor to their lake, and gathered around, noisily debating on exactly what breed she was. This commotion attracted a Sage known as Kanva, who was one of those Good Samaritans who go around adopting strange children with an affinity for herons. Anyway, he took her back to his hermitage, and he and his wife adopted her. Not legally though, as they were in the heart of the woods and the nearest adoption centre was, um, a few thousand years into the future.

Well, Shakuntala, as they named the baby, grew up into a startlingly beautiful young lady, which was not surprising, considering her parentage. She and her girlfriends lived a happy-go-lucky life in the forest, making flower garlands, and occasionally begging their parents to let them keep the deer that 'followed them home'.

But, we all know that she couldn't lead a happy-go-lucky life forever, don't we? The story has to get interesting sometime.

What happened was that the King of the Land, Dushyantha, went out hunting one day and got lost in the woods. You see, compasses and cellular phones hadn't been invented yet. So he was wandering around in the forest, tired, thirsty and incredibly hungry, which was a rather new experience for him as he usually had servants to be tired, thirsty and hungry for him. Anyway he was wandering and wandering and eventually wandered right into (surprise, surprise) Shakuntala's cottage.

To cut a long story short, Dushyantha recuperated in the hermitage, met Shakuntala, and went gaga all over her, seeing that she was part Apsara. And as for Shakuntala... well, you know how teenagers go loony over royalty. So after a short and rather torrid affair that took place when Kanva was (most conveniently) not at home, Dushyantha realised that he had to get back to his kingdom and do what Kings generally do. Before he could scarper though, Shakuntala realised that she was pregnant. In fear of a public scandal and impeachment (sound familiar?) Dushyantha gave her his ring in a sort of makeshift marriage ceremony and told her that she was welcome to come and live in the palace as soon as she broke the news to her father. And then Dushyantha fled before the forest fire started.

Well, Sage Kanva was one cool dude. Instead of going berserk, he was stoked that his daughter had been (sort of) married to royalty and his grandkid would probably Rule the Kingdom.

Now, what could go wrong here? We've got a Dashing King, a Glamorous Damsel, and one heck of a Laid-Back Dad. Fairy tale ending, right? Well, not for now anyway.

You see, Cupid had hit Shakuntala hard. She sat outside the cottage for days, mooning over her Prince Charming. Unfortunately, this was the precise time when Sage Durvasa decided to pay Kanva a visit. Yep, the same Durvasa, as in, the biological father of our heroine. Well, one thing I didn't mention about Durvasa was that he has an incredible temper. Every few hundred years, after meditating practically 24/7, he goes up in smoke, curses someone and loses most of his powers. Then he has to start all over again. However, I would be the LAST person to criticise his method because I like my limbs just the way they are, thank you very much.

Pardon me, I digress.

So Durvasa decided to pay a visit to his fellow Sage and arrived at the hermitage when fate decided that only Shakuntala would be available. Now, if you've ever seen your lovesick older sister in action, you'd know the state Shakuntala was in.

Durvasa marched right up and demanded to know where everyone was, when horror of horrors... she ignored him. That's right; she just stared blankly into space, her mind being a million miles away. Durvasa was irritated (watch out, people!) and repeated his request, and she still didn't react! Why, she didn't even acknowledge his presence! And so Durvasa finally lost it (stand clear everybody!) and cursed her so that the very person she was thinking about would forget that she ever existed.

Ouch!

Now, this fruity tale might as well have ended like a Shakespearean Tragedy, if it weren't for the fact that two of Shaku's chums had witnessed the scene described above. So being the good pals they are, they begged Durvasa to revoke his curse. Unfortunately curses are generally the non-refundable, all-sales-final kind of deals that we hate so much. So Durvasa couldn't take it back. However, he added a new condition to the contract, which stated that if Dushyantha saw the ring he gave to Shakuntala, he'd remember her instantly. And then Durvasa stormed off, realising that he'd better not get anywhere near hormonal teenagers again if he wanted to finish his meditation.

Now get this - poor Shakuntala was still spaced out and had absolutely no idea as to what had happened. Her two buddies decided not to tell her, because anyway, she never took off the darn ring!

So... hope for a happy ending? Let's see.

As a rather pregnant Shakuntala and her retinue travelled towards the kingdom, they stopped for a while to take a bath in a river. And in true soap-opera style, Dushyantha's ring slipped of Shakuntala's finger and into the foamy waters of the river.

And of course, our heroine didn't notice a thing.

I guess you all know what happened next. Dushyantha was astonished when a pregnant forest-dwelling woman showed up at his court and accused him of being the father of her baby! And he didn't exactly get what was all the fuss that she made about some ring that she had supposedly 'misplaced'. So he rather politely told her to get lost.

Shakuntala cried for months and probably years, like they do in 'As the Stomach Churns'. I mean, what could be worse? She was a tentative single parent whose lover had dissed her. So she retired to another part of the forest with her two close buddies and raised her son with their help.

A few years later, a very surprising incident (in a certain light) took place in the palace kitchens. The found a diamond ring in a fish they cut open, which was so huge you couldn't even see where the Titanic hit it. Now, only one person in the whole kingdom is even allowed to have a ring like that. So they naturally, being the oh-so-honest kitchen workers they are, took it to King Dushyantha. The moment Dushyantha laid eyes on the ring, a flood of memories hit him like a Tsunami wave.

And the tables were turned! It was Dushyantha's turn to become the lovesick loony.

The King wandered throughout the forest, sometimes even to the extent of missing his four o' clock tea and crumpets, just to find his long lost ex-girlfriend. Well, one day, when he got separated from his party (c'mon, nothing interesting happens if you've got a whole crowd of servants around you!) he noticed a small boy playing orthodontist. Now, that wouldn't have been so unusual (actually, it would have) if it hadn't been for the fact that he was playing with lions. He opened up their mouths, peered in, and tutted about the state of their gums.

"When was the last time you flossed?" he asked the largest one sternly.

Now, since Dushyantha was the only one in those days (or ever) to care about flossing, he realised immediately that this boy had to be his son. Plus the fact that Shakuntala appeared a little later in search of the kid helped too.

Dushyantha fell on his knees, grovelled in a very Kingly fashion and begged Shakuntala to take him back. Shakuntala was still a little pissed, but being a royal groupie at heart she forgave Dushyantha. Besides, grovelling Kings can be very appealing.

Fairy tale ending, people! D & S lived happily ever after. Their son, Bharata, grew up to be one of the most famous Molar-Minded Monarchs that the world has ever seen. He even named the country after himself! His sons and grandsons had their own soap operas, but that of course, is another story.

~Fin~

*Devaloka Express- Devaloka is the Indian word for heaven.

Second A/N: In case you didn't know, India is also known as Bharat, after Bharata. And his grandkids DID have a whole lot of soap operas. So many that the collected stories of their lives became the biggest epic in the world, 'The Mahabharatha' which is over twice as big as the 'Illiad' and 'Odyssey' put together. Just a little titbit I thought you'd like J