Disclaimer: I don't own the concepts, I don't own the characters, I make no money, I make no sense and I get no sleep, though on a positive note I absolutely love feedback (in other words, please review).
Warning: this story is a sequel to Under Alien Skies - Propagation, if you've read that story you know what this is about, if you haven't this probably won't make much sense and you should be warned that this story includes references to some adult issues (there are some tacit references to rape in this fic but that word is not even mentioned anywhere other than in these notes).
Timeline: this takes place roughly a week after Propagation (and a couple of days before Girls' Night Out, though there's no real continuity between this story and Girls'... so that's basically irrelevant).
Under Alien Skies - Nightly Rituals
Chapter 1
(Sam's POV)
It takes me only a few seconds to realize that I am safe in my own bed and not in Turghan's tent --and that General Hammond is not in the tent with us... honestly, I don't even want to try to imagine where that thought may have come from-- but in spite of that getting my breathing back under control takes me almost a full minute. A quick look at the clock tells me it's only 2:37 AM and I let out a frustrated sigh. That means it's too early for me to stay awake so I'll have no choice but to try to go back to sleep and that is not one of my favorite things. Of course, I do know better than to try to do so right away.
The thing is that what I'd really like to do right now is to take a long, hot shower. The problem is that I know that if I were to do that, I would almost certainly wake Daniel up and that is causing me to hesitate.
In a way it's kind of funny. One of the main reasons Daniel got stuck with the job of baby-sitting me was because Janet didn't want me waking up alone, unfortunately her good intentions seem to have backfired... at least in that regard. Up until a few days ago taking a midnight shower was something I could do without thinking, now it is something that must be carefully considered. I know Daniel doesn't mind --he's told me that more than once and I could see that he actually meant it-- but the fact remains that I do feel somewhat guilty about it because God knows that Daniel isn't getting that much sleep to begin with.
He may be a lot quieter about it than I am but I couldn't help but notice the light coming out from under his door a couple of times as I went to the kitchen to fetch myself a midnight snack in a rather desperate attempt to find a less noisy alternative to taking a shower. In fact it was when we accidentally ran into each other in the kitchen that we were forced to acknowledge that we were both trying to dance around the other.
Of course, in addition to the fact that I don't want to wake him up if he is actually sleeping, there's also the fact that I don't want to worry him. The problem is that a shower is by far the most effective way for me to get that nightmare out of my mind and there's absolutely nothing I can do to change that so, feeling more than a little guilty, I decide to go for it.
I know it's crazy, I've told myself that often enough and in a way that scares me, but the truth is that it works. It's not about being clean, not really --in fact more often than not I don't even touch the soap-- it's just about being able to relax in a way I can't at any other time but that is not something that can be easily explained... luckily no one is asking for an explanation.
In a way that is one thing I'm deeply grateful for: the fact that Daniel is extremely careful not to push... for the most part.
I am still thinking about that when I get up, walk into the bathroom, open the water, regulate its temperature and then I turn out the lights . Only then do I undress in total darkness, knowing that I can relax, that I don't have to worry about that damned mirror or about the possibility of being ambushed by my own reflection. Finally, taking a deep breath, I step under the spray and just let the hot water run over me for a while.
As I said, it sounds more than a little crazy but I do love the darkness and the warmth, not to mention that the sound of running water is deeply soothing. Eventually I sit down under the spray, allowing my muscles to relax and then I close my eyes. I stay like that until I notice that the water is starting to cool down, then I reluctantly shut it off, reach for my towel, wrap it around my body and step out of my little private sanctuary.
I am definitely feeling better but I know my nightly ritual is still not complete, I still have one more stop to make. Like I do almost every night, I go to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea and I am not particularly surprised when I find that Daniel is already there, waiting for me with my tea ready. I nod my thanks at him, not wanting to break the silence, and then I sit down next to him.
Just like we do almost every night we don't talk, we don't have to. That is not what this is about.
Once the tea is gone I head back to my room and as I prepare to get in bed I look at the clock. It is 3:13 and I'm ready to go back to sleep, knowing that the worst is over... or that --if nothing else-- the next time I wake up it will almost certainly be late enough for me to forego the pretense of going back to sleep.