Warnings/Content: Contains male/male SLASH plus torture and non consensual. Also some full-bodied soldier type language. Adult themes are discussed here and relationships between men. If you don't like the thought of it please do not read. I do not wish to offend.

PART EIGHT: Fall Out

Hannibal took a long draw on his cigar. It had been a frustrating meeting with General Anderson. Smith hated the jumped up little prick with a passion. He still was not sure of the validity of the orders he had been given, nor of how he was supposed to succeed on such a dangerous mission with his team so sapped of their strength they would surely perform way lower than optimum level.

Ray was still in hospital. The dysentery he had fought so hard against in the camp had ravaged through him once he had let down his defences. He was weak and unlikely to be back for at least another month. BA, although his leg was on the mend, was hardly at the peak of fitness. Anderson had argued against assigning Murdock as their pilot – something about his strange behaviour while the Team had been away and the need for a psych assessment but Smith had been adamant that Murdock would be their pilot, he still trusted him more than any of the other fliers, which left Peck.

Peck, who of any of them should have been the one signed off as unfit since he had suffered the most but Face was in full con mode – had been since he woke up after their rescue. He had presented the Colonel with his fitness certificate almost immediately. Knowing his record for forgery, Smith was suspicious of course, but Face begged him to let him back on duty. He had disclosed what he had done the last time he had been sent on R and R alone after taking the bullet in the belly. Peck had apparently spent the whole time holed up in a hotel room with only a crate of whiskey to keep him company. He admitted that he could not face being alone, not any more; he needed the Team around him.

Smith had pondered over the request but in the end if only for the sake of the kid's liver, he had finally relented. Now the bruises were dulling, the cuts almost healed and to any untutored eye Peck appeared almost mended but Smith knew different. He worried that the kid really was not strong enough to deal with what he had suffered alone. Even Peck could not push his experience away and hide behind his charade but that was exactly what he was doing and as yet there appeared to be no cracks. Hannibal determined to keep him close. Kid was tough sure but nobody went through that kind of abuse plus being only moments from death by hanging, without some sort of payback!

The Colonel's fingers flexed even now as he remembered the pure, undiluted anger that had rushed through him when he stepped into that bamboo hut. BA and Ray had moved quickly to cut down the lieutenant's inert body while Hannibal had leapt across the room, hands gripping hold of Chow's fragile neck and squeezing. The Viet Cong General had put up no resistance and Hannibal would have killed him there and then but for Ray who was suddenly beside him, pulling him back.

"Leave it, Colonel," he hissed. "Face is alive!"

The words had been repeated until they finally pierced Hannibal's blind fury. He had relaxed then, letting the General go and Simmons' men had taken the little man away to god knows where.

It was still hazy even as Hannibal ran it through his mind one more time. Murdock had been there as well as a medic and Face was coughing, more of his blood splattering onto the matting of the floor. Hannibal had come as close as he had in a long while to losing it in that nightmare hut. He sighed with the power of the memory.

God he was sick of this place, sick of this pressure – they could all do with some R and R together. His Team were strung out, flayed almost to breaking point; maybe even Face would relax his façade if they could get away together.

And Anderson had promised it after just one more mission! So why were Hannibal's instincts screaming at him that there was more to this than met the eye? He took another long draw of his cigar.

Colonel John 'Hannibal' Smith was many things but first and foremost he was a soldier and a proud and patriotic one at that. When given an order he would do his damndest to carry it out, no matter what the cost. And so he had taken the mission, was even now working on the plan ….. the rest would just have to wait!

Murdock regarded his companion critically. "I think you've had enough!" he hissed.

"Enough!" Face snarled. "I haven't even started yet!" Then he turned somewhat drunkenly on his stool and gave his attention back to the figure on his left. "Now where were we?"

Major Suzanne Swan smiled, bent forward and ran her lips along Peck's ear as she whispered into it. Face's features broadened into a smirk.

"Face, we gotta go!" Murdock tried again.

"Murdock, I don't have to do anything!" Peck threw back over his shoulder, his attention very much on the Major in front of him. "Get lost!"

Murdock stood his ground. "Not without you," he retorted stubbornly. "We need to talk!"

"Not now!" Face sighed in frustration, his hand running along the Major's shapely thigh.

"Very well, Peck!" Murdock continued. "You leave me no choice!" He moved forwards forcing his way to the bar between Peck and the Major's stools. "You shouldn't be here! You shouldn't be out of bed and you definitely should not be drinking in your condition!"

"Shut up, Murdock!"

But the nurse in Major Swan had heard the words. She eased back, looking suspiciously at Peck, noting the paleness of his skin, the dark rings around his eyes and the remains of bruising around his face and neck. She knew he had been out of circulation for a while but was unaware of the details not having been assigned to the field hospital where Peck had been taken following his rescue. "You told me you were fit for duty," she said, drawing further back.

"I am!" Face snorted indignantly.

"Phooey!" Murdock spat. "No one who wakes up in the middle of the night screaming like you do is fit for duty! And you sure as hell should not be drinking not while you're still popping those painkillers!"

"Murdock – shut up!"

The physical retraction of the nurse was now complete, the blonde beside her was no longer an attractive man but a patient; all sexual attraction had evaporated completely. "Painkillers!" she snorted, moving Face's beer out of his reach. "Then you should be in bed!"

Face nodded, unwilling to accept the inevitable especially when he was this close, he leered. "My thoughts entirely. That's what I've been working on all night!"

She rolled her eyes. "Asleep!" She slipped her petite bottom off the stool. "Take him home, Captain," she ordered to Murdock. "Man has to be in perfect health if he wants to mix it with me!" She moved away pausing only to blow a last kiss over her shoulder at the bemused Peck.

"Come on, Face," Murdock said.

"Shit!" Peck snorted. "Since when did you become my keeper?"

"Since you started acting like there was no tomorrow, you idiot. After all you've been through you need to talk, amigo."

"Bullshit!" Face snapped but he allowed himself to be manoeuvred through the crowd, and out of the hot club into the warm, humid night air beyond. If he had broken the habit of a lifetime and been truthful he would have admitted that he was feeling tired and somewhat fragile.

They were silent for a while, Murdock reaching across to lay a supportive hand on the younger man's shoulder as he stumbled drunkenly along the path. "Here," he indicated a couple of crates and they sat down. Face took the cigarette the pilot offered him and waited dumbly until it was lit.

"You gotta talk about it, Face," Murdock said finally. "You got all that hurt, all that pain stuffed up inside of you and since you got out of hospital you haven't stopped, drinking and whoring; you've been on your own personal suicide mission ever since you got back. You've gotta let it out."

Peck snorted. "No," he said stubbornly.

"But it's eating you away inside."

Peck let out a long breath, watched the smoke he exhaled dissipate and then turned his eyes to the man beside him. "Don't be my conscience, Murdock," he said slurring softly. "I don't need one and I don't want one. I don't want you taking on anything for me – you've got enough of your own crap to deal with. I'm over it. I survived so I just learn from it what I can and I move on, that's all."

"Shit, Face. Nobody is that strong."

"I am, Murdock. I have to move on. I can't think about it cos if I do it'll destroy me. Have to plant myself in the physical, have to stop thinking and start feeling. I can't dwell on it cos then it will get stronger deep inside me and then it will annihilate me."

Murdock sighed. "But you can't deny it forever, Face."

"Watch me!"

"But…."

"No buts Murdock! I'm hanging by a thread here – standing with a noose around your neck just waiting for someone to kick away the chair you're on has a way of focusing the mind. You see things in real sharp perspective then. And I promised myself if I survived it, it was gonna make me stronger not weaker." He let out a ragged breath. "If this shit is all there is, man I am gonna live it – no regrets! Fast cars, beautiful women, good food – the whole works! No commitment, no forever cos nothing is forever – it always ends in pain and tears if you let it. Not me – if you don't give it then nobody can take it!"

"Face, you don't mean that."

"Commitment to people just makes you weak," Face ground the butt of his cigarette into the dust. "I need only me and the Team – that's it, period. Nothing else matters!"

Murdock eyed him. "What about me?"

"You're part of the Team."

"You know that's not what I meant!"

"I could have given you what you wanted in the showers but I can't now, not anymore. Things changed for me out there and they are never going to be the same again. I'm sorry if you thought I could be the love of your life Murdock. I can't. The only person I am ever gonna allow myself to love is me, because that is the only way I can survive this shit!"

"Good old 'Templeton love 'em and leave 'em Peck' is it?" Murdock did not even try to keep the bitterness from his voice. "What if I want more than that?"

"Then you need to find somebody else Murdock. I can't give you anything that you need. I'm sorry."

"So am I, Faceman. It's a lonely place that you choose to be."

Further discussion was interrupted by the appearance of Hannibal. "We got a mission 0500 hours tomorrow, boys," he said

"0500!" Peck whined. "That's awful early. I thought you were gonna get us some R and R."

Smith nodded. "After this mission, Anderson promised."

Murdock snorted. His voice was lifeless and melancholy as he asked, "So where is it, Colonel?"

"Bank of Hanoi," Smith replied, again forcing down the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Face stood up from his seat and screwed up his nose. "Bank of Hanoi," he repeated. "Sounds dangerous. Gotta get my beauty sleep then. Be seeing ya both!" He moved away, hands thrust nonchalantly in his pockets.

They watched him go and then Murdock snorted despondently. "Problem, Captain?" Smith asked.

"Not really, Colonel," the pilot replied in a soft voice. "I'm just worried about him. He was always hiding behind those big walls. Now he's built them so high, I believe they'll never come down."

Hannibal nodded. "He's hurting now, been in con mode for a while but time is a healer, Captain. Maybe it's all he needs."

Murdock looked away from Peck's retreating form and started shuffling the dust below his feet. "The little boy is so scared, he' ain't never gonna come out again."

"Maybe Murdock. Maybe not. But what matters is that we're here for him now. He has changed; he may say he doesn't want commitment but he's fooling himself. He's dedicated to us, to the Team now. Two months ago he would never have seen himself as even a member, now it's the most important thing in his world. Twice out there he risked his life for BA when he didn't have to. Time will tell us just how far he will let us in and in the meantime, we all need to be his friend, but you most of all, Captain."

Murdoch nodded. "Just thinking that people will always judge a book by its cover and sometimes they're right!"

Smith nodded. "And Faceman wouldn't have it any other way," he replied, ignoring the shocked stare the pilot threw at him. He smiled. "Cheer up Captain – some famous poet, forget the name, once said – 'The sweetest fruit is that which remains untouched'. Reckon you understand the sentiments now!"

EPILOGUE: Retreat

…… Face and Murdoch were sitting in the Corvette still pulled into a road side stop looking out across the Pacific Ocean as into it dipped the red golden sun sending out streaks of all colours across the sky. Below them teetering on the rocks was the beach house they were supposed to be watching.

They both sat staring westwards, Face's long fingers fiddling with the stitching on the steering wheel, Murdock humming softly.

"But then again," the pilot continued. "It's weird how it worked out."

"Weird?"

"Yeah, man you were hot in that shower but I had to tell myself you needed a friend more than a lover. And you did. Then when you were strong enough, …… and you were part of the Team…. I was not my best." He shuddered even in the warm Californian dusk, not wanting to go where that thought was taking him. "You never had a man, not since the camp?" he asked finally.

Face shook his head and replied wistfully. "I guess I got that need crushed out of me. I never missed it. You were the only one I may have considered Murdock. You have been important to me for along time. You know it was you who got me through the tortures of the camp."

Murdock nodded. "You told me once. The experience changed you. I guess it's to be expected after what you went through, not matter how strong you were it had to affect you." He laid a supportive hand across the other man's shoulders.

They sat silently again for long minutes before Face exhaled noisily. "Do you ever wonder how different things would have been if we had though?"

Murdock sucked in a long breath. "Very!" he said. "You would have seen me as a pretty face, a sex object, a demon in bed nothing else!"

Face rolled his eyes but they twinkled in the twilight as he conceded ironically, "Judged you by your cover you mean? You're probably right!"

"Yep. My gran said to me once; 'Good wishes you should always send, broken hearts you should always mend, stupid rules always bend but never, ever, ever, ever fuck a friend!'"

Face brought his eyes back to Murdock's as his eyebrows went skyward. "Your gran said that?" he asked doubtfully.

Murdock shrugged. "I think, or maybe Dr Richter, or was it in a fortune cookie? Anyway I think its kinda right! 'Cos you are my friend, Faceyman, all that we've been through, you've been there for me; the best friend I never had!"

Face chuckled. "You too, Murdock," he whispered.

"We did the right thing, Face," Murdock sighed and Peck nodded in agreement.

They looked back to the sunset and were silent again. Finally Face let out one of his deep heart-felt sighs. "But a promise is a promise, Murdock," he drawled. "Even after all this time." The pilot turned to see the glint in those blue eyes that turned back the years to the brash, arrogant lieutenant from long ago.

"Fancy a quick one …….?"

The End