A/N: This random fanfiction came to be as a result of several of my friends sleeping over and none of us being able to open a stubborn jar of chip dip…So this is set after Fiyero and Elphaba leave Oz, but the Wizard is still randomly there…and Elphaba for some reason didn't give Glinda the Grimmerie…
Disclaimer: Not only do I not own Wicked, but it was three in the morning and I was surrounded by caffeinated teenage girls (and am one myself) at the time I made this up…
"Fiyero, I can't open this chip dip," said Elphaba.
"Huh…here, let me try." Fiyero twisted at the cap. He groaned with the effort. It didn't open. "Ugh!" yelled Fiyero.
"Hang on, let me see…" said Elphaba, leafing through the Grimmerie.
"You're looking for a spell for opening chip dip?"
"Yes, and I found one, too," exclaimed Elphaba triumphantly.
"That is incredibly weird," Fiyero remarked.
"Ah chay ah Lay ah fay…"
"Oh brother…" said Fiyero.
"Ah tay se t'ra dae!"
Nothing happened. They stared at the insolent jar of dip in disbelief. Fiyero hefted his gun to his shoulder.
"All right, let's try this," he said.
"You're just going to blow it up," Elphaba pointed out.
Fiyero glared at the jar. "Exactly," he muttered angrily.
"Um, not really," said Elphaba.
Fiyero emptied a round of bullets into the chip dip. They embedded themselves in the wall behind the dip. The jar remained unscathed.
"What the…" began Elphaba.
"Are you serious?" Fiyero asked no one in particular. "Are you sure you didn't accidentally 'eleka nahmen' or whatever that dip?"
"Don't say it out loud, genius! And yes, I'm sure."
"Sorry…hey, let's call Boq!"
"Um, why?"
"He has a magic ax!"
"It's not magic, at least I don't think so, but go ahead."
"Ugh!" Boq drove his ax into the top of the chip dip. Elphaba stood off to the side, arms folded across her chest. She and Boq had barely quit glaring at each other the entire time. The only thing stopping Boq from killing Elphaba on the spot was the Grimmerie, clutched under her arm.
"See?" said Elphaba when the jar didn't break.
"My God, the ax is broken!" yelled Boq.
"For the record, this whole…thing…was Nessarose's fault, not mine," Elphaba stated.
"Sure."
"It was!"
"Forget it, I'm out of here."
"And if you so much as breathe a word of this to anyone," Fiyero began,
"I'll magic spell you," Elphaba finished, cackling creepily at him. Boq shuddered and ran off.
"Ew, why'd you laugh like that?" asked Fiyero.
"He left, didn't he? He's too scared to tell, isn't he?" asked Elphaba. "Now, what about this jar? It must be magic or something."
"Well," said Fiyero, "we may have to go back to Oz."