Sorry this one took a while; I've been busy over the past few weeks/months. That and I went on vacation. Also, my muse decided to take an extended coffee break so I was left on my own for the majority of this chapter. Anyway, I won't bore you with excuses and things so I'll move onto the other thing that I wanted to talk about: Leon. Okay, to all the people who are e-mailing me saying that I'm becoming Mary-Sue-ish: get bent. To the people who are actually being polite and leaving me reviews that are insult free: honestly, I act that way around every guy I've come across. What can I say; I'm a total flirt! I flirt with people that I have no interest in what so ever. People that I do actually have an interest in, get to see me acting like a total dork and occasionally making perverted jokes! Yay! I'd go into more detail on when my flirting is actually flirting, but you guys should be able to figure it out by the end of this chapter because guess who's now entering my beloved parody? Oh, yeah. This is going to be fun!

Chapter 3-1 (Part One)

Hey There, Sexy

--- ---

"Good going cock-fag," Hunnigan said rolling her eyes. Apparently, the 'Three Musketeers' decided to hide out in a castle, and it sort of backfired. The crazed cultists that ran the village also seem to rule the castle. In all blunt honesty, Hunnigan wished she had listened to her mother and became a stripper because she was very, very tired of listening to some guy that she's never seen in person hitting on her. Luckily, it was going to be over in another several hours – all Leon needed to do was get Ms. Graham and the other girl to castle gardens and wait for the helicopter to pick the three of them up. Nothing could possibly go wrong. "Okay, what I need you to do is – " Static. Oh no! Switch to another channel. More static. Is nothing ever simple anymore?

--- ---

"Son of a bitch!" Leon screamed as he realized that Hunnigan's signal was static and until it was fixed, there was nothing that he could do.

"Just our luck…" Katrina mumbled before walking forward. "The only thing that would make this situation worse is if Ashley got the hots for one of the villagers or something."

"Hey! You know what?" Ashley said, flaring at Katrina's comment. "How do you know that you won't end up thinking that one of these creeps is sexy?"

"The fact that I have taste and don't fuck everything that moves, that's how!"

"Both of you!" Leon said, wishing that Claire was here to defuse the many arguments between the two. "Stop it! If you don't start getting along, I'll leave you both behind to fend for yourselves!" Katrina and Ashley glared at eachother, but at least they weren't shouting anymore.

--- ---

"How did I know that this was going to happen?" Katrina mumbled, using an herb that she had found to treat a burn on her left arm. It didn't completely vanish, like when she used First Aid Spray, but it would be fine for now.

"Do you ever do anything other than complain?" Ashley snapped, sticking her leg in Leon's face so he could use the spray to heal her burn.

"Why can't we just be friends?" Leon said with a sigh. The trio just dodged a group of monks firing, well… Fireballs out of a catapult. And quite frankly, they were all a little on-edge because of it. Now, however, they had a way to get into the inside of the castle and find a place where they could wait for Hunnigan to call them back.

"Hey guys! What's going on?" a familiar voice said from behind them.

"Luis!" Katrina said, turning around to face the Spaniard.

"I've got something for you guys," he mumbled searching through his pockets. Obviously finding nothing, he cursed. "Shit! I must have dropped it running away from them."

"Dropped what?" Ashley said, raising a blond eyebrow.

"A drug that'll stop your convulsions. I know you three are carriers. Have you been coughing up blood yet?"

Leon's eyes darted around, he answered after a pause. "Yeah."

"Me too…" Katrina said turning to Ashley.

"And you?" Sera said glancing at Ashley… Or rather, Ashley's ballistics.

"My face is up here! And yes," Ashley said, her face a bright scarlet.

"Damn it! That means the eggs have hatched… We don't have much time. I need to go back and get it."

"What are you talking about?" Leon asked.

As Luis started to walk away, Katrina shouted after him. "Wait! Luis, let me come with you. These two'll be fine for a little bit."

"No, you stay with Leon. He's better with the ladies, I'm sure."

"Why are you –" Leon asked, being promptly cut off by Luis.

"It makes me feel better; let's just leave it at that." Katrina couldn't help but feel that Luis was hiding something as she watched him run back towards the village.

--- ---

Katrina was a relatively proud person. She was proud that she never blushed. She was proud that she was a fairly good writer. She was proud that she didn't fail her physics class. And she was proud that she only squealed twice during Spider-Man 2. However, despite her pride, she could no longer say that she never blushed.

She, Leon, and Ashley stood in a large and elaborate entrance hall and after a few seconds, they heard a pseudo-familiar laugh that caused them to look up onto a balcony-type thing. And on said thing, stood a short pale man dressed in blue and gold attire flanked by a pair of robed guards.

Somehow, someway this guy caused an unfamiliar burning sensation behind her face and Leon (who, sadly, had yet to receive a visit from the 'Tact-Fairy') used the opportunity to look over at Katrina and bluntly said, "Why're you blushing?"

"Blush…Ing?" The shock of her apparent blush made her eyes wide and caused a rather stupid look to cross her face.

"Yes, blushing. It's what most people do when they're embarrassed or something!"

"Oh…" She turned her head back over to the man. Why does this guy seem so familiar? And why is he making me blush, damn it!

"I was starting to wonder when you would notice us," the man said with a sneer.

"Who – " Leon started, sounding angry.

"Are you?" Katrina finished, her voice softer and more genuinely confused than the agent's.

"Me llamo Ramon Salazar, the eighth Castellan of this magnificent architecture. I have been honored with the prestigious power from the great Lord Saddler. I've been expecting you, my brethrens."

"Expecting us…?" Katrina's blush deepened slightly.

Leon rolled his eyes at Katrina then gave a slight scoff as he mumbled, "No thanks bro."

"My, my, we've got a feisty one." A deeper blush from Katrina. "If you care for your own well-being, I suggest you surrender yourself and simply...become our hostage. Or, Mr. Scott, you can give us the girl, since you're not worth a penny, I'm afraid. You can die."

"Wait," Leon said glancing over at his two female travel partners, "which girl?" He dragged Katrina so she was standing in front of him, Leon clutching her shoulders tightly, a bright scarlet blush on her face. "If you want me to hand this one over, I'd do so happily. She's great; you'll love her!"

"Leon!" came the undignified squeak/squeal out of Katrina's mouth while trying to make Leon let go of her shoulders.

"As wonderful as that would be," Salazar said, staring at Katrina, making her very interested in a speck of dirt on the floor, "I need the blond one. If you want to hand them both over I'm fine with that as well." With that, the castellan turned and left, followed by his two bodyguards.

As Leon released his grip on Katrina, her eyes rolled back in her head, and she fell to the floor, all while the world was spinning and slowly turning black.

--- ---

"…Kat…" A slow moving voice spoke. It sounded almost like it was from another realm of existence. "…Katrina… Awake…? Going… Fine… Ash… Ley… Help…" The familiar feeling of icy water made Katrina bolt up right. Ashley was holding a wooden bucket, which was dripping some water on the floor, and Leon was kneeling next to her, looking worried.

"What? Haven't you ever seen someone faint before?"

"Alright Katrina!" Ashley shouted, slight frown on her face, matching with the volume of her voice. "Cut the crap! What do you know?"

"Know? More like 'remember', if you ask me…" Katrina mumbled staring off into space.

"Please, Katrina…" Leon said, "We need to know what to look out for…"

Katrina wrinkled her nose trying to remember what happens next. She couldn't get a single memory, only several quick flashes of things. "A knight… An alien… Dogs – make that wolves, actually… A garden… A ceiling… Grails… A knife… Terrorism… A ritual… And a woman in red… Sorry, I can't remember things well enough to get a real memory of them. They're just fleeting images…"

'A woman in red…? It couldn't be… Could it?'

"So much for having taste, eh Katrina?" Ashley said a sneer on her face.

"What's that supposed to mean, ho!"

"Puh-lease! I've been around enough men and women in my life to know how they interact. And, normally, when a girl, talking to a guy, blushes, she wants him baaaaaaaaaad!"

"I swear to God, Ashley, if you don't shut your mouth, I'll shut you in the fucking face!" Katrina knew she was over-reacting by cocking her handgun but it made her feel better, and that's all that really mattered right now.

"Katrina, chill out. Ashley, considering that she fainted, she probably just has a fever or something; I don't think that was a blush," Leon said trying to quell the fighting.

"Yeah! I was sick before I even came to this hellhole! Now, I'm probably on the verge of death or something!" A worthless and complete lie, but it was a good cover, nonetheless.

Ashley couldn't think of a comeback to that, so she just shrugged her shoulders and after Leon and Katrina had started walking further into the castle, she couldn't help but mumble, "Eventually, you're going to regret denying this Katrina. It's only a matter of time…" before following a few paces behind them.

--- ---

Sorry. I know that it's not the end of chapter 3-1, but writer's block is such a bitch and rather than making you guys wait longer, I figured it would be better for me to divide it up into two parts. Besides, this already fills five pages so it's a good place to stop. Anyway, you know the deal, review and all that and hopefully, the second part of 3-1 will be on the way soon enough. I swear I'll make the next update faster.

Peace Out!