Chapter Thirteen: Deathcab for Cutie "I Will Follow You Into The Dark"

Not being able to sleep after Elliot dropped her off, Olivia put her running shoes on. It was rounding 4 a.m. She had spent the first hour at home pacing and the second hour home sitting silently. She couldn't scream or cry any more so why bother? She felt herself dry up and close shop.

The crisp city morning hit her like a brick wall. She jogged through her dark neighborhood and straight for Central Park. She ran even when her legs burned and her chest ached to catch up. She ran to the one place they used to meet for lunch on a nice day. Olivia could tell Alex loved to watch the boats in the water, even though she never said so. Alex rarely disclosed her simple joys. It was Olivia's job to pick up on them.

The brunette ended her run by throwing up in the bushes beside the bridge. She squatted down in the grass and hung her head, letting all the blood rush forward. Behind her the sun rose lazily over the chrome jungle and through the make shift park. Another day is starting, Olivia thought. And Alex isn't part of it... She rolled back on her heels and stood.

A few boats took the morning breeze and Olivia watched, resting on the iron railing. She wanted to feel like Alex was beside her but there was only air. Her chest burned from the exercise and her mind felt numb. She didn't want to be back in the apartment with the painful reminders of the blonde. Even thought her presence was laced within the precinct as well, at least there, Olivia wasn't alone.

The detective walked the main street towards the station, passing people beginning another day. The sun was now crawling over the tips of the buildings and an uncharacteristically warm heat, toasted her back. She thought of the irony and shook her head. Passing a news cart, her eyes caught something... Alex's. The brunette stopped dead in her tracks, nearly sending a business man's coffee over her shoulder. The blonde's eyes burned through her from a gray paper as Olivia reached and held it in her shaky hands.

"No Leads on Slain A.D.A.

"Slain..." Olivia murmured quietly, starring hard at the print.

"Hey lady, you gonna buy that?" The cart owner asked as Olivia's eyes ripped from the page. She rolled up a dollar bill, threw it in his face and walked away looking back down at Alex.

"This picture doesn't do you justice," she mumbled to the picture. Her eyes welled up, "no pun intended," she huffed. A half smile traced the blondes lips. It was no doubt a media shot after a tough case. Alex hated having her picture taken by the press. The brunette had much better ones at the apartment but she was in no condition to face those today.

Swinging the door to the precinct open, Olivia made her way to the ladies locker room without making eye contact with anyone. There were a few 'good morning's' and 'I'm sorry's' but she acted as though they were not meant for her. She shed her clothes and threw them to the bottom of her locker, swiping her towel she turned the corner to the showers.

Always one to be prepared, she stepped out of the shower and grabbed her back up clothes. She always had something there in case she'd have to stay over at the precinct on a hard case, although she rarely found time to change when that happened anyhow. The tired but alert detective dressed and headed out to face the day.

"Liv, I called to pick you up this morning." Looking up from her computer, Elliot stood across from her desk. He hadn't slept at all.

"Sorry. I walked," she offered and looked back to the computer screen. She glanced down at the newspaper on her desk. Alex's annoyed camera glare looked back. Hearing Elliot drop something on his desk, Olivia looked up to see an identical paper slip from his hands. She reached down and unclipped her badge. She starred at the shinning numbers and rubbed her thumbs over them.

"Why do you leave your shield hanging around like this," the blonde scolded, picking it up off the coffee table.

"Because I don't want it cutting into your bony hips when you lay on the couch with me," the brunette said with a smirk, keeping her attention on pouring water into the tea kettle in the kitchen. She could hear the light pad of feet over the hardwood floor make their way to her.

"That's a lie," Alex said, pulling the green tea bags from the cupboard. "Your hips are bonier than mine anyhow."

"What? I could have triplets with these girls!" Olivia laughed and grabbed Alex at the waist, causing her to squirm away.

"Look!" The brunette laughed, pinching at her skin, "you could have a chihuahua with these!" Alex gasped, trying to produce a very insulted look but only laughed as the brunette pulled at her. She slipped away again.

"No, you hurt my feelings! Bitch!" She giggled.

"Blonde!" Olivia swung her hand and grabbed Alex's arm, spinning her around before she could get away, and pulled her close to her.

"Unhand me," Alex said, cocking her head to the side. She held up the gold badge, "I could have you arrested for assaulting an officer of the court."

"Not if she liked it," the brunette teased, stealing chase kisses from the blonde. "Give that back to me," she smirked as Alex kissed her, holding her thin, pale arm and the badge over their heads.

"Only if you promise one thing," she drew back and smiled sweetly.

"What's that?" Olivia asked, her arms loosening her grip as the kettle began to whistle again.

"Make sure this shield does it's job," her blue eyes pleaded and Olivia gave a quizzical look. "Keep you safe, I mean."

The brunette smiled and kissed her softly before turning to shut the screaming kettle off. "I've got you for that," she said pouring the steaming water into a mug. "I'll just use your hips as a shield."

"You're a wise ass," the blonde stated.

"I know."

A knot twisted inside of the detective as the memory flashed away from her. She rubbed the gold of the badge and pulled the black band around the front of it and dropped it, ungracefully onto her desk, unable to look at it or the paper.

"People! Why don't I have things done for this case?" Cregan came out the door, frustrated about a thousand and one things.

"We got A.D.A.'s workin' on it from other precincts!" Elliot snapped, then looked to Olivia. Elliot, forever responsible for everyone else's mistakes, felt Alex's death was no different. He was pissed that he hadn't saved her miraculously. "They just don't care," he said softer.

"Benson. Stabler. Agent Donahue wants to meet you here later," he said sternly handing a piece of paper to Elliot.

"Why?" He asked, Olivia only watched them.

"Somethin' about closin' out the case," he said, before storming back into his office.

"How you doin'?" Elliot asked from the drivers seat. Olivia watched as the night fell around them, only instigating her mood. She looked over at him and shrugged. What could she say? She felt like someone had taken a chain saw to her insides.

"If you ever want to talk, I mean day or ni--"

"Thanks Elliot," she placed a hand on his, halting his words. She turned back to the window and noticed the paved road turn to gravel.

"Where the hell are we?" Elliot spoke aloud, squinting at the windshield. From the looks of it, they were in a marsh on the far outskirts of the city. Olivia furrowed her brow as black SUV's and red tail lights came into view up ahead.

The two detectives sluggishly got out of the car and the agent approached them with a certain knowledgable air about him. Olivia couldn't place it but something was unsettling about this meeting.

"This one wouldn't take no for an answer," Donahue said and as he opened the car door. Olivia was floored when she saw a familiar pair of shoes lead up to a familiar set of eyes.

"Alex," she barely strangled out. Her chest heaved with relief, with sorrow, with confusion. "Witness protection?"

Alex was silent, looking everywhere but Olivia's face. The counselor had a talent for holding back and this would be no different. "I'm so sorry about all of this," Alex said, shaking her head. She spoke more to Olivia then Elliot because she was talking about leaving the brunette, not the case that had torn her from them. Olivia's eyes welled up and she stepped forward, forcing the blonde to look at her. The eyes that stopped her on the street that morning from a gray paper, now full of life and emotion and answers.

"How long?" The older woman's lip quivered and Elliot was at a loss for words. Alex shrugged, seeing the horror in Olivia's eyes ripped her apart, knowing this was all her fault. For the first time in her life, Alexandra Cabot had been knocked down a peg... Or fifty. And Olivia had questions and Alex had no answers.

"Your funeral's tomorrow," the brunette added. Alex looked in her eyes, begging silently for her to be okay.

"And you're both expected to attend," Donahue added sternly. "Right now, Ms. Cabot is better off dead."

Better off dead. The words rang in Olivia's ears like sirens. No, she was not better off dead. She was better off home.

"Come on, let's go," Donahue coaxed the counselor into the car and she turned back to the dumb struck detective and nodded. Alex's nod. It was their gesture. Their secret. In the courtroom, in the precinct and in public. Alex would nod to Olivia in silence and Olivia would know what it meant. It was how Alex told her that things would be okay... That she'd be okay. They'd be together again someday.

Olivia nodded back, unable to speak another word as Donahue closed the car door. Alex's silhouette was the last thing Olivia could make out before the line of cars drove out of view. She looked to Elliot who was equally as shocked at the event. They stood there for a moment and the brunette let her tears slip. Elliot went to touch her arm and she turned away. She walked a few feet towards where the cars had gone and stopped. Elliot looked at his partner standing there in the headlights of their cruiser, completely shattered. She looked like dog that had been forgotten and abandoned.

"Olivia..."

"Jesus," she said crossing and arm over her chest and covering her face with her hand. Elliot walked cautiously towards her and touched her shoulder gently.

"Come on, let's go." She looked up at him.

"Now what?" She shook her head and shrugged.

"She's safe and she's breathing," he answered softly. "This is the best news all day."

Olivia nodded, her mind clouded with thoughts. She wanted to run into the car and follow the blonde into the dark but that would do them no good. Instead she got into the car and let Elliot bring her back to the precinct.