"I'm going to live forever, or die trying."
Here Comes the Sun
"Talking"
'Thinking'
Stressed
Memories
Stressed Words in Memories
Walking down the cold metal halls of the lab reminded him of what day it was. It was time to begin again, just like every sixty years, give, or take. The cold metal whispered his lonely footsteps back to him. The elevator hissed as he began his descent to the chamber of life. It seemed absurd that he thought this chamber offered life. The life it offered slowly tore him apart as he watched the same thing every sixty years. He sighed and his antennae flattened to his head in anger. This would be the last time; every time was the last time. It was an addiction and it was slowly killing him, but he loved every minute of his slow descent into death. He loved the feeling that coursed through his veins; it was like fire. It was also slowly burning him to death, into a pit of despair.
The sun was in the sky burning all those who dared walk upon this plane of existence. He sat under the tree and glared at the all the students. How he loathed this planet and it's inhabitants. He loathed it so much and yet he was trapped here. Banished, exiled from his race. It made him rethink his existence, his purpose in life. No longer did he wish to conquer this dirt ball. It wouldn't be fun to conquer your new home. He glared down at the grass and scowled. Three years, and yet he still couldn't fit in. He could never fit in…anywhere.
"You're in my spot," a cold voice stated.
His red eyes glared at her through the lenses. She glared down at him, her short violet hair swayed in the wind. His hand clenched the dirt and he continued to glare at her.
"This is Zim's spot," he declared through a soft hiss.
"I've been sitting here since freshman year…now move your ass," she growled as her eyes slightly opened.
"No," Zim firmly denied.
"Gaz!" Another voice called to her.
"What Dib?" Gaz growled.
"I told him he could sit with us," Dib informed as he shrunk away from her glare.
"But he's in my spot," Gaz lowly warned.
"Can't you just leave it be?" Dib questioned as his brown orbs pleaded with her own amber eyes.
"Fine…I guess so…but you owe me," Gaz grumbled as she sat beside Zim.
"Hey," Dib awkwardly greeted.
"What did you wish to speak about?" Zim questioned.
"I have an offer," Dib began.
Gaz raised her eyes to them waiting to hear the offer. It amused her that her brother still couldn't strike a good bargain. He had grown and looked more like their father everyday. She snorted; she didn't look anything like them. Her hair and eyes were different and her love for science wasn't present.
"If you help me fix the ship…I'll help you blend in," Dib offered.
Zim opened one eye and squinted the other in distrust. Gaz softly chuckled; Dib actually pitied the alien. She wondered if Zim could hear the pity in her brother's voice. Zim blinked and began to glare at Dib.
"I don't need your sympathy!" Zim spat.
"It's a truce, Zim!" Dib shouted out.
"I'll teach him earth life," Gaz interrupted.
Dib raised an eyebrow in shock and Gaz shrugged. There wasn't anything better to do anyway. Plus, their voices were filling her with an insane rage.
The walk into the chamber always left him with time to think. He could do nothing else but think during his walk to the chamber. Everything else in life just wasn't worth a second glance. Life was a dull shade of gray that made him realize how out of place he was. The metal door came into view and he paused in front of it. His three fingers reached out and brushed the metal. This was the only room that he had equipped with a metal door. There was no window, nothing could see in or out. There was also no label on the door. No one would ever know what this room held, just him. This room was only for him to enter, and him and another to exit.
Gaz smirked as she watched Zim put together their new computer program. It had been a long year of lessons. They had found a common goal with each other, besides the destruction of humans. They hoped to create a program that would download the memories of others. With this program, they could learn not only from history, but personal history.
"Hopefully humans won't be that stupid anymore," Gaz spoke as Zim nodded.
"Zim's program is ingenious!" Zim declared.
"I came up with the idea," Gaz growled.
"Yes, but I stole it from you…therefore…I am brilliant!" Zim laughed.
"Pfff…but if I don't get credit, I'll toss you into a pit of despair," Gaz darkly warned.
"Fine, fine…Zim will give you credit…but only you," Zim mumbled.
"I'm making waffles!" Gir announced as he ran by.
Zim reached over to the small control pad and began to enter the combination. A gush of air came at him as the door slowly cracked opened with a long drawn out swish. He closed his red eyes so the air wouldn't bother him. The door fully opened and he stepped into the darkness. He smirked, darkness, she would forever be made in darkness. She liked the dark; it hid everything. His hand reached over and pressed a button. The power surged through the walls and he briefly closed his eyes as light came into view. Darkness may hide everything, but the light illuminates all things.
Gaz calmly held the umbrella above her head. The rain steadily beat down on the purple covering. She pressed the doorbell and listened to it ring. The door creaked open and she lowered her gaze to the small green dog. He blinked and stepped back. Gaz entered the house and Gir closed the door. She quickly took off her raincoat and threw it to the floor.
"Where's Zim?" Gaz questioned.
"He's working on the program," Gir calmly informed.
"Why are you calm?" Gaz questioned.
"I don't know," Gir drawled.
Gaz walked to the garbage can and pressed the little pedal. As she turned around, she noticed that Gir was already watching TV again. She wondered if the robot actually learned anything from his shows. She descended into the labs and smirked. Gaz noticed that Zim was hunched over a small chip. Every now and then, a spark would fly from the tool he was using. Gaz walked behind him and watched him work from over his shoulder. She noticed that his tongue stuck out of the right corner of his mouth. He wore goggles.
"Is that the program?" Gaz questioned.
"AAHHHH!" Zim screamed as he jumped up and over the table.
Gaz chuckled and could see his antennae. His body was crouched down but his antennae were sticking up. One of them twitched and she raised an eyebrow. He slowly rose up pulled off the goggles. Zim glared at her and she smirked.
"Scared?" Gaz teased.
"No…of course not! I was merely…" Zim thought and said, "surprised."
"You were scared," Gaz translated.
"Never! Zim fears nothing! NOTHING!" He shouted.
"Is that the program?" Gaz questioned again.
"Yeah…I picked a name," Zim announced.
"Really?" Gaz questioned.
"Yeah, it's going to be project Gaz," Zim stated as he turned away from her.
"Why Gaz?" She questioned.
"It sounded good," Zim simply said.
"Thanks…I guess," Gaz mumbled.
Zim looked over his shoulder and smirked. She just smirked back at him.
Zim walked over to the main control board. There were many different buttons and one lever. He ran his fingers over the many buttons careful not to push any. It wouldn't do him any good to screw things up. His red eyes read the statistics on a monitor and he grinned. Perfection, just the like the perfection being this perfection. He would never mess this up, he could never mess this up. His eyes turned to the tube just beyond the control panel. Green liquid was encased in this tube. Bubbles sprouted from the bottom of the tube. It circulated the water careful to keep everything perfect.
It had been ten years and Project Gaz was revolutionizing the world along with cloning. People would implant a tiny chip into the area of the brain were memories were stored. The chip would then gather information with the right type of charge. Zim wasn't that impressed by the chip, and neither was Gaz. They weren't impressed because they had both created it. The tabloids joked and called it their 'lovechild'. Professor Membrane had commented to Gaz that science ran through her genes, quiet literally. Dib was impressed that Zim had done something for the world. He was also impressed that Gaz had lifted a hand to help humans.
Gaz turned off the TV and sighed. Her face was still on every commercial and news station all around. She couldn't wait for Dib to release his project. His project would surely steal the spotlight. He was finally building a machine that would bend the waves of space. He wanted to rip a hole in space and travel to other planets a lot quicker. Zim snorted at the idea, but agreed that it would work. Irkens used a different version of traveling great distances in short amounts of time.
"I got pizza!" Gir cheered as he ran into the room.
"It better not have olives this time," Gaz growled.
"I got bacon and chicken!" Gir happily replied.
"That's disgusting Gir," Zim announced as he walked into the room.
Gaz had moved in with him after ever man on the planet asked for her hand. She had finally given up denying the men. It bothered her at times that so many sought her. Zim had announced that him and Gaz were to be wed. Gaz was surprised at this announcement, but she let it go. She wondered why Zim had announced it; he never really showed any feelings to her.
"The wedding's in a month," Gaz spoke as she bit into a slice of pizza.
"Yeah…I know," Zim replied as he stared at the pizza. Earth food still bothered him.
"You're really going to go through with it?" Gaz questioned in surprise.
"If I wasn't, then I wouldn't have announced it." Zim stated as an antenna rose in question.
"Oh," Gaz softly replied. She was at a lost of words.
"If I have to be bound to any human…it might as well be you," Zim nonchalantly replied.
"Thanks…I feel special," Gaz mumbled as he squinted his eyes in confusion.
"I could easily choose to be alone," Zim mused as he looked at Gaz.
"Then why not?" Gaz challenged as she looked up at him.
"You're the only human I can stand," Zim admitted as he picked at a claw.
"You're not around that many, though," Gaz sighed as she opened her eyes a bit more.
"I choose to isolate, but I like your company," Zim stated as he watched her eyes fully open.
"I like your company too…you act like an idiot most of the time…but there's something to you," Gaz softly said as she took another bite.
"It's my wonderful Zimness," Zim replied with a laugh.
"I guess it is," Gaz mumbled as she picked off a piece of chicken.
Zim sighed and watched her take another bite. He noticed that she had grown. Her face had matured, but not wrinkled. The violet hair she always wore down had grown a bit pass her shoulders. He knew that her body had filled out pleasantly because of the looks other men had given her. Zim could not understand this ideal in beauty, but he could relate it to the ideal height on his planet. Height equaled power, and curves equaled beauty. That's the way he saw it.
"I wouldn't mind your company permanently," Zim suddenly said.
"That's why you suddenly demanded that I marry you," Gaz chuckled as she finished her slice of pizza.
"No," Zim suddenly said.
"Then what is it?" Gaz questioned as her eyebrows furrowed.
"I didn't like the way those filthy-males stared at you with their filthy-eyes," Zim growled as his fists clenched.
"They still look," Gaz informed. "Even if I don't like it."
"Yes…but now they can't touch," Zim grumbled as his cheeks turned a bit greener.
"They could never touch me before," Gaz coldly reminded.
"I know," Zim suddenly squeaked.
"Then why the marriage?" Gaz firmly questioned. "How did you learn about it?"
"I found out that your race marries to find…the one they care for," Zim carefully said. He wasn't sure if he was right, but Gaz nodded. "They also marry because they want to care for someone."
"Do you care for me?" Gaz questioned.
"When I'm around you I get a strange feeling in my squeedly spooch, it's like I'm scared and happy. My blood burns with rage when anyone looks at you. I know I feel…fear…when you leave."
"Fear?" Gaz questioned.
"I hate knowing that you might not come back," Zim quickly said.
"I always come back…I've come back for the past ten years," Gaz said as she gazed at him.
"I want to…to care for you," Zim growled and he frowned.
"You can't force yourself to care," Gaz scolded.
"No, I know. I already care…but I want to keep you," Zim corrected.
"I'm not an object," Gaz reminded with a dry look.
"I want to keep you with me," Zim declared with a bit of anger.
"Zim…it wouldn't work," Gaz sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Yes it would," Zim firmly said.
"Look at me Zim," Gaz seriously said.
"Yeah," Zim drawled.
"Now look at you," Gaz ordered.
"Okay…what's the point?" Zim questioned.
"I'm human," Gaz pointed out.
"Our race is compatible," Zim pointed out.
"I would be with you even if we weren't…but have you aged within the years?" Gaz softly questioned.
"Irkens don't physically age," Zim informed.
"Zim," Gaz softly said as she wiped her hands on her pants. She reached out and took his hand. Gaz stared down at his three fingers and sighed. "I'll eventually die."
Zim gripped her hand and tensed. He had never thought of that. It never occurred to him that she would die. He knew, but he didn't quite believe it.
"So?" Zim questioned.
"I'll eventually turn all old and wrinkly," Gaz stated.
"Why would that matter?" Zim questioned with confusion.
"You would hate having an old human around the house," Gaz growled. "You would either kill me out of mercy or leave."
"I wouldn't kill you!" Zim growled in defense. "And I wouldn't leave."
"I would hate for you to see me old," Gaz continued. He could hear the regret in her voice. "I would just be a useless shadow."
"I don't care," Zim firmly said.
"I would age and you would stay the same. It would hurt Zim, it hurts just thinking about it," Gaz bitterly said.
"If you want…I'll find a way to age," Zim sincerely said.
"You would?" Gaz questioned in bitter amusement.
"I want to keep you," Zim affirmed as he held her hand a bit tighter.
"People will notice you don't age," Gaz sighed.
"I'll hide," Zim quickly responded.
"I'll marry you…but you'll be unhappy…eventually," Gaz agreed as Zim grinned.
Zim typed a few combinations into the control panel. He sighed and closed his eyes. Zim raised his hand to his face and covered his eyes. The original memories were the ones that were strongest. He was grateful that his Pak could store and reply every moment. It was a blessing and a curse.
The wedding was beautiful. They had gotten married by the lake much to Zim's protest. It had been broadcasted to the world that the creators of Project Gaz were now linked forever. Gaz loathed the bad puns that the tabloids made. Dib was wary of the marriage but gave his sister his best wishes. If it made her happy, then he was fine. Zim hadn't turned out that bad in his opinion. Gaz had Zim take her last name since he somehow still had no last name. Her white dress reflected the orange of the setting sun. Zim had happily given in to the kiss to seal their marriage. That had been a tradition that hadn't hurt. The catcalls and applause echoed throughout the area.
Zim ran his claws along his face rather roughly. The sense of pain reminded him that he was still living. It reminded him that he could live, but not create real life. The pain eased his mental anguish; it also eased the painful memory of her pain.
It had been two years into the marriage. Gaz had turned out to be a wonderful wife. She had a knack for cooking, but Gir did the cleaning. Her dark attitude had slowly changed over the years with Zim. It had turned a bit lighter, even though her sense of humor was still morbid. The problems didn't arise until the night Zim came home and heard her silent sobs. They were faint; he could hear their echoes through the bathroom door. He had approached her and his face turned to a look of shock when he heard her words.
"I want a baby," Gaz replied.
He had been stunned that she wanted a baby. They had been careful not to breed. He didn't know what the outcome would be if they produced a child. Zim had eventually given into her request. They tried for months only to have nothing. Gaz was devastated at the childless results. He could taste her sorrow as she wasted her days in the kitchen. Her once happy walk into the bedroom now seemed like a march of death. He was angered at her mood, but he ran a few tests. She was still fertile. Her age of thirty didn't interfere with anything. Zim then tested himself and found that he was defected in more then one way.
"That's okay," Gaz simply said, "a baby would cause problems."
Her hollow reply cut him deeper then she would ever know, and he would never let her know because he hid the hurt well. Zim had spent restless nights in the lab searching for a way to give her a child. Nothing could be done and he offered adoption. She had simply declined. He then suggested a sperm donor.
"I don't want another's child," Gaz calmly said as she walked away.
Zim scowled removed his hand from his face. He looked to the tube ahead and sighed. He calmly walked around the control panel and reached out to touch the glass. The glass was warm to his hand and he wondered why he still felt so cold.
The baby issue was resolved over time. Gaz's mood still seemed dark, but she never mentioned children again. Zim sighed as he walked behind her. He pulled her to him and held her close. Zim had found that he enjoyed her touch. He loved the way she felt, the way she spoke her mind and righted wrongs. Zim knew he couldn't give her a child, but he tried to give her himself. He fought against his programming and felt himself winning. Zim now understood that his caring went beyond that. He loved her. He loved every touch, every look, every fight, and he loved her. Nothing could compare to her and he feared the unspoken truth.
She was now forty-five and her body wasn't what it once was. Her once thick violet hair was thinning and with streaks of gray. Her hair was also turning a lighter shade of purple. Her memory was still strong and her spirit was still a blaze of flame. Her body had become weaker, and her face held a few wrinkles. Zim had also noticed that she had been acting strange lately.
"I'm old," Gaz sighed as she leaned her head back against his shoulder.
"So am I," Zim replied knowing what she meant. He didn't want to speak it yet.
Zim quietly circled the tube and frowned. He could see his reflection in the glass. How he hated his reflection. It reminded him that he would never age or die until he chose to deactivate. He looked pass his reflection and to the figure in the tube.
Gaz was finally sixty. Her hair was thin, but it gave her face a dangerous look. The gray accented her light violent strands. Her eyes were always open; she didn't want to miss a minute of her fading life. Zim walked into the room and lay down beside her. She sighed and rolled away from him. He frowned at this, but didn't want to let it be. He carefully reached out and pulled her over to him. Sometimes he feared that he would accidentally harm her. Her body was frail and her bones ached. She didn't struggle, but rested in his grip. It was comforting; Gaz never thought she would take comfort in another.
"I'm dying," Gaz spoke as he tensed.
"I know," Zim replied in defeat.
He had searched for ways to stop her aging, but his attempts had been fruitless.
"It's funny," Gaz softly said. Her voice was a bit cracked with age, but it held the same age of spirit.
"What is?" Zim questioned as he simply sat with her on their bed.
"I'm…I'm scared," Gaz admitted.
"I'm here," Zim offered as he felt his antennae press tightly to his head in anger, fear, and sorrow.
"I won't be…I can feel it," Gaz said as her eyes slowly closed.
"What?" Zim questioned.
"Death," Gaz whispered.
"I won't let you leave," Zim quickly said.
"I realized something," Gaz mused, "I do love you."
"I…I…"
"You don't have to say it…I know it," Gaz whispered as her eyes closed.
Zim gripped her tightly as he felt fear pulse through his body. Her body went still and limp. Her breathing stopped and then nothing. If he didn't know better, he would say that she was sleeping. He slightly raised her up and buried his face in her hair. She was slowly going cold. There was no heartbeat to assured him that she was her with him, on their bed. He gripped her tightly and bit his lower lip.
Each memory replayed within his mind like a movie. It all started with her teaching him about human customs. The memories showed him helping her with Project Gaz. He closed his eyes as he watched himself suddenly declare that they were engaged to the world. He could feel their first night together. The tender touch, the lingering kisses as they melted into each other on this bed. Zim gripped her tightly and internally wept.
Zim let his gaze linger on the form in the tube. He remembered the night when he had removed the chip from her head. Zim had attended her funeral and watched as the earth devoured the black casket. Dib was old in age, but Zim had left him the house. Dib had the house where all this began put under a protection. Zim had quickly faked a suicide three days later. The house would remain undisturbed as he dwelled in it with Gir for a hundred and eighty years repeating the life that would constantly begin and end.
Zim brushed his claws against the glass and took in the form. She looked twenty again, in her prime. Her violet hair was down to her lower back and her eyes were closed, they hadn't even opened once. He gazed at the Gaz within the tube and sighed. This would be his fourth time cloning her. It would be like old times, except he was growing tired. He walked back to the control panel and sighed. Zim would clone her and place her memory chip within her mind. The information would come to her and they would live out their lives within this house. Gir would buy her the food and materials she needed.
Zim would spend every moment with her in an attempt to fix any mistakes. The minute she would remember, he would kiss her. He would her body to his own and rekindle past memories and make them the future. She would remember everything and each time he could see the worry within her eyes. Gaz could tell that there was something wrong with him. He could even tell.
Zim opened the tube and a metal arm caught her limp form. The chip was immediately placed with her brain. A quick shock and he watched as her vitals on the monitor. Everything began to function and he softly smiled. The arm placed her at the bottom of the tube. Her wet hair covered most of her form and she sighed. Her fingers dug into the metal ground and she coughed up any liquid from the tube. Her eyes slowly opened and she sat up as if drowsy.
"Zim?" Gaz asked in a daze.
"I'm here," Zim replied as he approached her.
He walked over to her and quickly checked her eyes. She reached out and brushed her fingers against his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. Things would be again for another sixty years. Zim could never understand why she kept dying at sixty.
"You were gone too long," Zim whispered.
"I always come back," Gaz assured as he pulled her to him.
He picked her up and carried pass the door she never entered, but always exited. She would bathe and Gir would cheer that she was back. Gaz no longer mourned her brother or father; she knew that they were hopefully in a better place. They had been immortalized by their work. Gaz quickly showered and promptly dried off. She made sure there was no liquid on her form. She didn't want to burn Zim. Her eyes gazed into the mirror and she wondered how long he would want to do this. She would come back for him, if he wanted her too. Gaz could never deny him, because she loved him too much, but he seemed tired.
Zim came into the bathroom and carried her out. Her muscles were weak from the lack of use. She wouldn't gain full mobility for a few days. He carried her to their room and brought her the pizza he knew she would crave. Zim watched her eat and she savored each bite. This felt like her last meal.
Gaz raised her arms and pulled him in a comforting hug. They had many times together, but she felt he needed comfort. Zim laid them back and snuggled into her. His antennae caused her to wrinkle her nose; they tickled her face with each twitch and wiggle. They laid in silence and she had a feeling that she knew what was wrong.
"I missed you," Zim softly said.
"I know," Gaz replied. She couldn't say she missed him, she hadn't been aware that she had been gone any amount of time. It felt as if she went to sleep and suddenly had awoken again feeling better.
"What's it like?" Zim questioned her.
"What?" Gaz questioned in curiosity.
"Death…dying," Zim whispered.
"It's like going to sleep…except you don't wake up," Gaz answered.
"No bright light…no music?" Zim teased and Gaz chuckled.
"No…it's just like going to sleep," Gaz replied.
"What's after that?" Zim questioned.
"I'm not sure…" Gaz drawled as she closed her eyes.
After that night, Zim had watched her sleep. She seemed so peaceful, just like the time she had died. Time after time, he had watched her live, loved her while they lived, but he was tried. It wasn't that he didn't want to spread forever with her; it was just that it was time for time to end. Eternity was a long time. He grew tired of having to watch her die, having her suffer through the same pain.
'Why do I keep bringing her back?' Zim mused.
He knew he was selfish; he didn't want to live without her. Zim closed his eyes and lay beside her, before he knew it ten years had passed.
"Gaz…I want to sleep," Zim said as he let his head rest in her lap.
"I know…you're tired," Gaz replied as she gently soothed his antennae back with a simply repetitive stroke.
"Do you mind if I sleep?" Zim questioned as he rolled to his side.
Gaz bit back the tears that threatened to surface. She knew it was coming to this, but she softly did deny it. Her time had ended long ago and he chose to keep her with him. She knew he was only biding his time till he was ready. Gaz did love him and she knew that he loved her. Nothing would change this, not even death. Death hadn't changed her love for him.
"Just close your eyes and sleep," Gaz whispered.
Her hand moved from his head and gently trailed down his Pak. There was an area that he had showed her that would shut down the Irken. The personality within the Pak would delete and the body would die.
"Gaz," Zim softly said before she pressed the deactivation code. "I love you."
"I love you too…always," Gaz assured as she keyed in the code.
Gaz watched as his body shut down and the Pak deactivated. She wondered if Irkens went to any type of afterlife. She bitterly smiled; they probably didn't since they were just programmed personalities. Gaz lay down on the bed and closed her eyes to the plane of existence that she currently existed on.
Author's Note:
This is just the edited version, it was fixed up by Maiyuko-chan
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