Part One

Retired NFL pro bowl star running back Shawsey Sanders poked his head into his kick-ass stainless steel subzero refrigerator. He had bought some aged Livarot cheese imported from Tours France, and was anxious to try it with some fine wine from his cellar. He peered into the door of the fridge. He could have sworn he had put the cheese right there. Where in the hell could it be? He also noticed that the cherry pie that hippie-dippie Kanga had made was gone. Pooh must have scarfed it down, but he left the empty pie tin still in the fridge.

"The fat ass," Shawsey muttered. He shut the fridge and went to see if Pooh knew anything about his cheese.

Pooh lay on the Italian leather sofa watching Maury Povich give paternity tests in the media room. One hand was holding a chilidog with so much relish, onions, and slop on it, that you could hardly make out what it was, the other hand was scratching his privates.

"Pooh," Shawsey asked. "Have you seen that fine, aged, Livarot cheese that was in the fridge? I can't find it."

"Oh bother," Pooh muttered. "Tis a travesty being a bear of such wee size brain. I don't recall any Livarot cheese, though I did make some nachos for breakfast this morning. I used a block of cheese that was in the door."

"That was a fucking sixty dollar block of cheese!" Shawsey cried. "You used it to make nachos!"

"They were yummy in my tummy," said Pooh. "I melted the cheese, and put some hamburger over it, some honey, jalapenos, guacamole. Oh bother now I am getting hungry again."

"I ordered fine cheese from France only to have you make some disgusting nachos that all they are going to do is cause you to shit all over the toilet!" Shawsey jumped on the sofa and pinned Pooh to it, the chilidog fell to the floor.

"Yeah," Pooh moaned. "By the way, the toilet is plugged. You need to do something about it."

This wasn't the first time that Pooh's eating had been a problem. Pooh paid five hundred a month to stay with Shawsey in his cosmopolitan, luxury, town home, but with all that Pooh ate, Shawsey had been contemplating having Pooh chip in on the grocery bill. Why when Shawsey first started his football career, he roomed with two other football players, and the three of them didn't come close to consuming the amount that Pooh could eat.

Pooh was big on big pig breakfasts. Pooh was originally from Nebraska, and was a corn fed boy. He was accustomed to down home breakfasts of hickory sausage links, grits bubbling with butter, chili topped hash browns, four dozen eggs doused with ketchup, fried bacon, English muffins slathered with lard spread, Then since he spent most of his days watching his line up of Regis and Kelly, The Golden Girls, Days of Our Lives, General Hospital, Maury, T.J. Hooker, and McMillan and Wife. Not only did he watch the shows, he ate his way through them. He would eat bags and bags of potato chips, bags of candy bars, frozen pizzas, chimichangas, containers of bean dips, cakes, pies, and mallow mars

Going out to eat with Pooh was a revolting voyage as well. He would go with Piglet, Tigger, Rabbit, Eeyore, and Christopher-Robin to Bennigans, T.G.I Fridays, Ruby Tuesdays and order three appetizers, six cheeseburgers, and everything on the desert menu.

"I'm fucking sick of you eating me out of house and home," Shawsey shrieked. "You're always splitting your pants open! You either go on a diet and eat like a normal human being, or you buy all of your own food, and stay out of my fridge!"