Dear Toad Lady,

1. I can't read your handwriting. It is too Italian.
2. You can't sue someone for being a slob.
3. That spill of the Spaghetti sauce was unintentional.
4. Drop the charges or I will spill red wine on your other poodles.
and finally 5. Everyone hates you!

Au revoir,
Erik, aka O.G.