The Worst Mistake I Ever Made

Dumbledore

These stairs have never been so hard to walk before, this tower has never been so black.
And I, I am an old sentimental fool on my way to visit the worst mistake in my life.
Worse that Tom Riddle, who I at least never really trusted, who I at least never liked, who I kept my eye on for all the years he was my student.

I should have kept my eye on this one as well. I should have known.

But Sirius has ever been a star so bright it seemed foolish to think him Black, a star so bright even I was blinded.

I walk these stairs and remember how he walked them, a small boy with dark hair, just turned eleven years old. I remember how he walked them and smiled.
He was always smiling, young Sirius Black. Every minute spent in Hogwarts, from the very moment the hat placed him in Gryffindor.

The only mistake it ever made.

I wonder if he was smiling when Voldemort reached out for him. I wondered if the Dark lord allowed him that big, naughty grin.
I heard he laughed when he killed Peter Pattigrew, and I knew it had to be true. It was the single little fact that proved it all. Sirius Black killed Peter Pattigrew.

Sirius Black killed James Potter.

Even after all these years, those words do not seem to fit together. The truth has not fully sunken in.

Sirius Black killed James Potter. It seems as unlikely as myself killing Minerva. I read every opinions magazine, every wizarding newspaper for an explaination. Anything that could have help me understand, but the one I found the most believable was the article in the Quibbler where it was stated that Sirius Black had not been involved after all.

Even after all the evidence against it, his deceit lingers.

Is that why I never asked Remus Lupin about his opinion about Black? For I never did, not even during the interview where I hired him as my defence against the dark arts teacher did I ask him about the criminal he once befriended.

Was I so afraid to hear Remus felt the same?

Now he is here. Sirius Black, deceiver of many. He is in this tower, just a few steps away.

And I, Albus Dumbledore, have to admit I am afraid.

At the other side of this door is a man with the power to deceive me, to hurt me...

I am afraid for in my head I know he killed James, Lily and Peter.
Yet in my heart I know he did not.

He leans against the window, his eyes staring in the dark, ignoring the enchanted chains around his chest that try to drag him back to his chain.

His careless elegance has faded, his eyes no longer shine.
Had he not been an enemy I would have cried for him.
He is thin, so incredibly thin…

Was he maybe just thin enough to slide through the bars of his cell in Azkaban? Was that the great mystery of his escape?

"Sirius" I speak softly.

I have seen him stand at this window before, I have caught him hexing people from above. He stood there at that exact same place, and James… James…

"Is Harry alright?" his hoarse voice interrupts my memories and brings me back to the present.

Harry…
Harry lies hurt in the Hospital wing, hurt but alive. Is he alright? A strangly concerned question from one that intended to kill him.

"He will live."

Is that relief I see in the murderer's eyes? Where is the cold stare that marks true Death Eaters so well?

"And Remus? Is Remus…?"

How can there still be such debt in his eyes? How can it be that Voldemort left his servant with so much love? So much fear? Has Black fooled the Dark Lord as well?

How did he survive Azkaban?

"We have not found Remus yet, Sirius. But we are looking."
"Who? Who are looking? Ministry officials?"
I have kept the ministry officials off the grounds for now. If they were to catch the wolf, things would go wrong for Remus. Sirius must realised that.. but why would he care? "

"Hagrid."
"Oh, Hagrid."

Was it my imagination or did I just see a ghost of his old smile play around his lips? Was it my imagination or did I again hear the relief?

Who is this person who stands in front of me? The Sirius Black I remember changed into a murderer and a Death Eater. But this Sirius...does he care about Harry? Does he care about Remus?

Is it a spell, that makes me think well of him? Is this a trick my head plays, so I did not have to be wrong after all?

Do I really fear being an old fool that much?

"And the other two? A boy.. a Weasley I think, and the girl? Harry's friends?"
"Sirius…"

What do I have to tell him? There are Dementors making their way to this tower and soon all will be over. There will not be a deceiver left to deceive my heart, no Death Eater I will believe to be innocent.

James and Lily Potter will be avenged, Harry will be saved from one of the people threatning him.

"Sirius…"

It is my last change to ask him. My last change to find out what caused the eleven-year-old Sirius Black that skipped through the Hogwarts Halls to change into the Sirius Black that stands here chained today.

And yet I hesitate.

He could deceive me. He could deceive me like I have been deceived before. He could tell me a story and make me believe it, for he holds a weapon more powerful than I had thought any Death eater capable of wielding: my love for him.

"Sirius…"

He looks at me, a bright star, a once good friend. After tonight he will never again have a change to speak, to explain himself. After tonight those eyes will never shine again.

"Why, Sirius, why?" I ask, staring at the ground. It is silent for a long time, and I when I finally look up my heart fears my head was right. I fear to see the coldness of a Death Eater in the eyes of an old friend.

Instead I see big black dog.

"Sirius?" I ask, trying to understand what it means, what he is trying to say.

There he is again, the man grown from the boy I remember, the same depth in his eyes.

"It all started when we figured out Remus was a werewolf..." he speaks, and I smile as he tells his story, as the pieces of the puzzle fit together and the mystery unfolds.

As I hear Sirius talking I hear a ghost of his laugther, I see a small light in his eyes.
Just moments ago it was what I feared most, to look upon this man as a friend again.

And as I leave now, an old fool on a mission to clean an thirteen year old mess I know Sirius Black is still the worst mistake I ever made.

It is only the context that changed.