Title: Light on the Dark Side of Me
Author: Cocoa-Snape (aka 'CocoaSnape' on other sites)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry Potter belongs exclusively to JKR...she is a goddess. I am making no money from this.

Summary: With Harry's Occlumency lessons set to resume (set in his 7th year), he is required to reveal an embarrassing memory to Snape to 'atone' for his Pensieve indiscretions. Faced with that and his growing attraction for his once hated Potions professor, he believes his life can't get any more complicated. But soon Harry begins to suspect that his problems are nothing compared to the horror that is Snape's life. Desperate to help, Harry goes to great length to prove his affections, but Snape wants none of it. And when Harry goes too far, he realizes that perhaps Snape is not the man he thought he was at all.

This story starts out focusing on Harry, but really is a Snape-centered fic. This story ignores HBP-canon. Enjoy.

Warnings: This story contains SLASH content - don't read if this offends you (pairing Harry and Snape). It will also eventually become very Angsty, with references to non-graphic violence, rape and torture. I will post specific warnings for each chapter so that there is no confusion. Please don't flame...you've been warned.
Warnings for Chpt 1: mild het, mild pre-slash

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Light on the Dark Side of Me by Cocoa-Snape
Chapter 1: More than a bad day

Harry Potter was not having a good day. This in of itself was not unusual. Given the day-to-day challenges he faced as the appointed 'Savior-of-the-Wizarding-World,' Harry had a greater share of bad days than most young wizards at Hogwarts. But today was unusual, because it should have been an excellent day. It was a beautiful June afternoon and there were only 3 weeks of classes left. And as a Sixth year student, Harry was exempt from final exams – a break of sorts from the intense fifth year OWLs and the life-defining seventh year NEWTs. The lack of exams might depress his close friend Hermione, but it was certainly not the reason for Harry's unhappy mood. Harry stood outside in the stone courtyard, waiting for someone. For a fleeting instant, he hoped they wouldn't come. Maybe she's forgotten, he thought hopefully.

"Harry, oh Harry!" he heard in the distance. Harry winced, his unrealistic hopes dashed. He turned around and met the eyes of his girlfriend, Cho Chang.

"I'm finished with classes for today. What about you?"

"Yeah, I'm done."

"Oh let's spend the rest of the day together then!" Cho exclaimed.

"Okay," Harry replied.

What am I doing? Harry thought. Harry had started dating Cho three months earlier, when she had approached him and confidently asserted that she was over Cedric Diggory and wanted to move on with Harry. He had said yes immediately. After all, he'd been waiting for Cho for more than two years now. But he was finding that with each passing day, he was enjoying the time they spent together less and less.

Harry's thoughts were interrupted as Cho leaned forward and kissed him. To the casual observer it might have been described as a relatively chaste kiss, but since the observer happened to be Professor McGonagall, this fact did not matter.

"Mr. Potter and Miss Chang, I would encourage you both to be more discreet with your affections."

"Yes, Professor," they both said at once.

"Let's go someplace private, Harry," Cho suggested.

A few minutes later, Harry found himself outside the Room of Requirement. When he stepped in after Cho, he was more than a little surprised at what he saw. The room was lit with candles and soft music was playing in the background. Harry's eyes only widened further as he caught sight of a full size bed, decorated with flower petals, in the middle of the room.

"What's all this?" he asked.

"Harry, I've made a decision. I know we've only been dating for 3 months, but I want to show you that I'm over Cedric. I've decided I'm ready and I want to be with you."

Harry did not understand Cho's meaning at first. We are together, he thought. But then slow comprehension dawned on him. Oh my God, she can't be serious – and I can't believe she's mentioning Cedric at a time like this!

But before he knew it, Cho had pulled him down onto the bed and began undressing him. It was when she started to pull off her own clothes, however, that Harry began to panic. It was not as though he'd never seen Cho without her blouse – after all, it seemed to Harry that 'making out' was Cho's favorite activity. He didn't mind…too much. But as she slipped below the sheets, Harry began to feel sick. He wanted to run away. What's wrong with me? Harry thought. What 16 year old would not want this? Me. I can't ever be normal, can I?

"Cho, maybe we're moving a bit too fast," Harry offered.

"You're so sweet, Harry, but I'm sure, really I am."

Harry decided that perhaps honesty was the best approach to handle this situation.

"No. I mean…this is too fast for me. I don't think I want this." Maybe that was a bit too honest, Harry.

"What do you mean you don't want this?" Cho asked angrily. "Because my friends are telling me that a ton of other boys are interested in me you know."

"Well then maybe you should go out with them," Harry shot back.

Cho redressed with a quick spell as she shouted back, "Maybe I will, Harry. Goodbye." And with that, she walked out of the room.

Maybe today's not such a bad day after all, thought Harry.

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That evening, Hermione, who seemed to have heard about the breakup only a few minutes after it had happened, tried to console Harry. He tried in vain to convince her that he was fine. Ron, on the other hand, was elated.

"About time you broke it off, Harry. She was suffocating you. Always wanting to meet after class."

"Yeah, Ron. But technically she broke it off."

"What happened?" they asked.

"Usual arguments and stuff," Harry lied. Even though Ron didn't particularly like Cho, Harry felt sure Ron would think he was crazy if he found out that Harry had passed up the chance to have sex.

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Two days later, Harry was exiting the Great Hall after lunch when he was stopped by a blushing Parvati Patil.

"Harry, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure," Harry said.

Harry found it a bit odd when Parvati pushed him behind a stone statue, but said nothing.

"I heard you're not dating Cho anymore. Is that true?"

"Yeah."

"Well I thought maybe we could go out…you know…maybe to Hogsmeade this weekend."

Harry contemplated Parvati's words. He knew from experience that Parvati wasn't really interested in him. He had asked her to the Yule Ball in their fourth year only because he didn't have another date and she relished the opportunity, spreading word about the school that she was the Boy-Who-Lived's date for the Yule Ball.

"I don't think…" Harry started.

"Come on, it'll be fun," Parvati insisted. And without warning, she leaned forward and kissed him. Harry was about to push her away, but his curiosity stopped him. He never seemed as breathless as Cho was after their kisses, and now he wondered if this had nothing to do with him, but perhaps Cho. Maybe a different girl? he mused. Just as realized that the sensation was not very different than it had been with Cho, his thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Mr. Potter and Miss Patil. Whatever you may believe, this statue is not here to aid and abet your activities," Snape sneered. "Now both of you, get to class."

Harry whispered a quick "I really don't want to date anyone now" to Parvati, who looked only mildly annoyed.

As Snape began walking away, Harry heard him say clearly, "And Potter, 20 points from Gryffindor for interrupting my thoughts." Harry didn't even look back as he marched off to the library for his free block.

Meanwhile, as Snape was making his way back into the Great Hall, Professor McGonagall stopped him. "Severus, more points from Gryffindor? What did they do this time?" she asked slightly annoyed.

"It's Potter. He was busy snogging instead of going to class."

"Ah yes. He and Miss Chang are really quite involved. I caught them just two days ago," McGonagall commented.

Snape's eyes widened ever so slightly. "It seems Mr. Potter is very busy indeed. I caught him with Miss Patil."

"Oh my!" exclaimed Professor McGonagall, looking a bit scandalized.

"If you don't mind, Minerva, I have already wasted my enough of my time on these puerile adolescents." And with that, Snape stalked away.

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As Harry walked away, he wondered if his face was as flushed as it felt. It was bad enough being seen snogging by McGonagall, but it was far worse being caught by Snape – his once hated Potions professor.

Harry couldn't pinpoint the exact moment he'd stopped hating Snape, but oddly enough, the slow process seemed to have begun after Sirius's death. Last summer, while in Grimmauld place, Harry had overheard a conversation between Lupin and Tonks (using Fred and George's extendable ears, of course) that gave Harry pause. When Tonks asked about Snape's strange absence from Order meetings of late, Lupin explained that Snape was in very bad shape following his debriefing with Voldemort after the incident at the Ministry.

"Apparently Snape tried to explain his reasons for mobilizing the Order that night to Voldemort. He told him that Dumbledore would have suspected if he had not said anything and he didn't want to compromise his role as a spy. Well Voldemort might have bought that explanation, but not before he tortured Snape to make certain he was telling the truth." Tonks gasped. "He's been in the hospital ward for a couple of weeks now. Apparently he was under the Cruciatus for over two minutes." That was longer than the Longbottoms, Harry thought. "He's going to be okay. But I'm not sure how to be honest. He's obviously developed some sort of immunity to it or he'd be a vegetable by now."

Harry had never really thought much about the risks Snape took in his spying for the Order. Hearing about the punishment Voldemort had inflicted on him for notifying the Order after his own impulsive decision to go to the Ministry that night was a difficult blow indeed. Harry never looked at Snape the same way again. And over time, Harry came to realize that he had developed a newfound – dare he say it – respect for what Snape did for the Order. And for the countless times he had saved Harry's own life.

As the year wore on, Harry found himself dwelling on his Potions professor, and oftentimes watching him in class. There was something about Snape – something about the way Harry felt when he watched the man that unnerved him somehow. And until very recently, he didn't have any idea what that thing was. But being caught by Snape just then, hearing that voice chastise him – it was…so irritating, so disturbing, so complicated, and so nice! Harry shook the thought from his head, realizing how crazy it was to think that he might be feeling an attraction for his Potions professor. I am crazy. It's Snape!

But the thought explained a lot. Recently in class when Harry would get caught looking at the man, and Snape would stare back at him, Harry would get all hot and flushed. He had chalked it up to anxiety, stress, lack of sleep – anything except attraction to that nasty git. Respect was one thing, but this was just ridiculous and not possible. Not to mention the fact that he couldn't possibly fancy men – that was just wrong. Harry decided the solution to this problem was to play more Quidditch. Yes, that was the solution to everything.

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Two days later at dinner, Harry's conversation with Ron and Hermione was interrupted by Annaleise. She was a 7th year Gryffindor and two year team member of the Quidditch team. Harry liked her a lot. She was easy to talk to, she didn't mind getting dirty like almost all the other girls Harry knew, and most importantly, she lived for Quidditch.

"Hi, Harry," Annaleise said as she sat down on the bench next to him. "Ron, Hermione," she acknowledged.

"Hi, Annaleise. Practice tomorrow."

"Right, of course. Listen, I was wondering if you could do me a really big favor, Harry."

"Sure."

"Hogsmeade weekend is coming up and I don't have a date."

Oh Merlin no, thought Harry.

"I really want to go with Frederick of Ravenclaw. The thing is, he's a bit shy and I was hoping you could help me get him to ask me." Harry was so relieved she wasn't asking him that he breathed a sigh of relief and nodded.

"He's looking at you right now, in fact," Hermione offered.

"I know. All my friends tell me he's interested. They suggested the best way to push him into asking me is by making him jealous. And the thing is that, well, all the girls talk about you and how eligible you are and everything and I was hoping, Harry, if you wouldn't mind, if you could kiss me so that he sees."

"I don't know—" Harry started. But not a moment later, Hermione was insisting he do it, certain the plan would work and mumbling something about how hard it was to get men to make the first move while glancing furtively at Ron.

"Okay fine, I'll do it," Harry offered. Annaleise was after all a good friend. Harry added, "But if you start dating him, you better not slack off in Quidditch."

Annaleise looked horrified. "Harry, I'd dump him before I'd let that happen," she said seriously. With that, Harry added another reason for liking Annaleise to his mental list. "Okay, whenever you're ready," she said.

"What? Now?" Harry asked shocked. "In front of all these people?"

"Well that is the point, isn't it, Harry?" Hermione prodded.

"Yes now, Harry. And you have to make the move. I don't want him thinking I'm too interested, just possibly receptive you know. I'll get up to walk away and you'll grab my arm, spin me around and kiss me. Okay?" Annaleise said.

"Okay." Harry said.

"Oh and make it really passionate, Harry – like you've been pining for me."

"What?" Harry asked. This was becoming a nightmare.

Annaleise's eyes pleaded with him and he nodded.

She turned to get up. Just as she had instructed, Harry stood up, grabbed her arm and pulled her forcefully to him. Their lips met and he was attempting the most passionate kiss he could give without actually using any tongue. He placed his arm around her waist, figuring that might intensify the perceived passion of the kiss. Her lips were warm, but once again there were no 'butterflies' like he had heard other people talking about. But Harry was strangely comforted by the fact that he sensed that Annaleise wasn't feeling anything either. Maybe it just has to be the right girl, Harry thought, relieved by this new revelation. He waited until she pulled away, and Annaleise suddenly mustered the most flustered look she could manage. She gave him a wink and turned and left. Harry noted that Frederick not far behind.

Quite a few people in the Hall had stopped what they were doing to watch the kiss. The staff table was no exception. McGonagall spoke first, in an appalled huff, "Looks like Mr. Potter's got himself yet another girlfriend."

Snape snorted loudly.

"Another?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

"That's the third girl Severus and I have seen him with just this week." Lowering her voice slightly, she added, "You know, Albus, someone should speak with the boy. Three girls in one week!"

"I don't know, Minerva. Perhaps as his Head of House, you should do it," Dumbledore suggested.

"Albus Dumbledore, you know very well he's not going to speak with a woman about this. This is important. You know those awful Muggle relatives of his certainly aren't speaking with him on the topic."

"Perhaps you are right, Minerva. I shall speak with him."

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The next day, as Harry made his way to Potions, he felt his arm being wrenched outside the classroom. To Harry's dismay, it was Parvati.

"Harry, what was that all about yesterday with Annaleise? I thought you said you didn't want to date anyone?"

"I don't. She asked me to kiss her to make someone else jealous, that's all. We're friends. Now I have to go, I don't want to be late," Harry said.

"That looked like a lot more than friends kissing to me. If it's passionate kisses you want, Harry, I'd be happy to oblige…" And with that Parvati pulled Harry to her roughly and began kissing him quite forcefully. He felt her tongue pushing against his lips and he pursed his lips together as tight as possible, not wanting to let her tongue anywhere near his mouth.

As if on cue, Snape interrupted them: "You are late for my class, Potter! Leave Miss Patil." Harry looked through the doors of the dungeon and noticed the entire Potions class turned around staring at him. Snape was infuriated – but instead of raising his voice, his voice became lower and more threatening. "I'm tired of your antics, Potter. You will keep your hormones under control or I'll whip some control into you."

The words did not have the intended affect on Harry. They felt like velvet brushing up against his body. Suddenly, he began to feel something stirring in between his legs. Oh my God! I am becoming aroused by Snape! Quickly, Harry took his seat. No it's not possible, he thought. Harry replayed Snape's words: 'I'll whip some control into you.' Harry winced as he felt his pants tightening around him. He looked up and saw Snape's eyes boring holes through him. Dear Lord he's sexy!, he thought, followed quickly by What the hell is wrong with me? The next two hours passed very slowly or so it seemed for Harry. He kept looking up at Snape, wondering what on earth had possessed him to be thinking those earlier thoughts. Hermione kept elbowing him in an attempt to get him to focus on his potion, but to no avail.

Once class was over, Harry hurriedly gathered his things and started to leave.

"Potter!" Snape said.

Harry turned back reluctantly. "Yes, sir."

"You have a detention tomorrow night with me. I hope it will teach you to keep your extracurricular activities out of my classroom and preferably out of my sight!" Snape scowled.

Harry blushed and replied, "Yes, sir."

As Harry left, he was glad Snape did not know the real reason for his embarrassment. He couldn't quite believe it himself. He didn't like the idea that Snape had seen him kissing two different girls. As if that mattered. But somehow to Harry, it did.

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Author's Note: This is my first fan fiction. I will be updating regularly and I promise not to leave anyone hanging - i.e., I will finish this story! Please review and let me know what you like/don't like, etc. Specifics are helpful. Thanks.