This story was co-authored by AsvoriaGranger13 and NameWeAreTooCowardlyToSay. It contains characters from Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, The Lord of the Rings, The Song of the Lioness Quartet, Pirates of the Caribbean, and any other book or movie that occurs to the marvelous authors. However, you will be notified if we decide to include more stories or characters. (The story was put under the heading of Tamora Pierce because most of the story takes place in Tortall.)

Disclaimer: We own nothing! We don't own Tortall, LotR, PotC, Alanna, Jack, hobbits, Gimli, Harry Potter, or anyone/anything else used in the duration of this story. Practically everything in this story belongs to…well, other people whom compiling a list of would take a really long time. Suffice to say that it belongs to someone else. If we owned everything or anything we used in our story we'd be rich!

(P.S. We also don't own polka dots).

For your convenience, a cast of characters:

Harry Potter (Harry Potter)

Hermione Granger (HP)

Ron Weasley (HP)

Neville Longbottom (HP)

Draco Malfoy (HP)

Professor Severus Snape, Hogwarts Potions Master (HP)

Aragorn (LotR)

Legolas (LotR)

Gimli (LotR)

Merriadoc Brandybuck, AKA Merry(LotR)

Peregrin Took, AKA Pippin (LotR)

Captain Jack Sparrow (PotC)

William Turner (PotC)

Elizabeth Swann (PotC)

Captain Barbossa (PotC)

AnaMaria (PotC)

Alanna of Trebond, currently AKA "Alan" (The Song of the Lioness)

George Cooper, King of Thieves (Song of the Lioness)

Other characters from Tortall

And now, the story…

No, wait. By the way, if you haven't read/watched all or at least most of these books/movies, you may not understand the madness. (Example: why Draco Malfoy always exclaims, "My father will hear about this!"

And NOW, the story…

The Ultimate Cross-Over

It was a dreary day in the dungeons of Hogwarts Castle. This was especially so because it was potions class. Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Neville were currently working on a simple Metalmaking Potion under the watchful and rather malevolent eye of Professor Snape. At the table across from them, Draco Malfoy sniggered at their efforts. The potion was designed to turn paper into metal. The students were rather pleased with their work; they had already added the paper, which had for some reason been rather difficult to obtain until Hermione produced a few Muggle books, and the scrap metal had been even more difficult to obtain. It was Neville who saved the day; at the moment when all despaired, he pulled from his robes several circular metal disks with designs on them. "Look what I've got," he announced proudly. "Muggle films. I think they call them deeveedees." Not hearing Hermione's protests about whether they should be added to the potion, he cheerfully dropped them in. A loud noise resounded around the dungeon and everything went black with green stripes and blue polka dots…

Meanwhile, somewhere on an Earth between two others, as can be assumed as it is called Middle Earth, a dwarf named Gimli, an elf named Legolas, two hobbits known as Merry and Pippin, and a human named Aragorn sat by a campfire eating breakfast. "The bacon tastes funny," grumbled Gimli unhappily, and everything went black with green stripes and blue polka dots…

On a ship on the planet Earth with no front, back, left, or right in front of it, located in the Caribbean, someone pathetically sawed away at a fiddle as Captain Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Commodore Norrington (I wonder what he was doing on a pirate ship?) and Elizabeth Swann sat around a table near the prow of the Black Pearl. They were eating a late breakfast. Suddenly, a gasp was heard from the lookout. "It's Barbossa's ship! He's gaining on us!" And then, as the intelligent readers of this FanFic probably suspect, everything went black with green stripes and blue polka dots…

When the strange design cleared up again, our characters were standing on a sort of field. "I told you the bacon tasted funny!" exclaimed the dwarf Gimli. "There seems to be some sort of a misunderstanding," mused Captain Jack Sparrow. Hermione quietly murmured, "It was the muggle DVD's. Didn't you all know that muggle appliances don't go well with magic?"

Upon hearing this, Malfoy turned to Neville. "So it's your fault we're here! My father will hear about this!" Neville's eyes filled with tears. Then, the characters began to notice their surroundings.

On two sides of them, great warhorses charged toward them bearing knights in shining armor (oh well) charged toward them with lances. "Is it the wrath of Sauron?" Aragorn pondered. Though neither Norrington nor Snape had any idea who Sauron was, they decided he couldn't be good and might well be to blame (Snape didn't know about the DVD's) and both muttered, "So it would seem." The two then looked at each other with expressions of extreme horror at saying the same thing as some other random person they had never met. All the characters prepared to meet a painful death. The characters closed their eyes as the horses drew near and…

An unfamiliar voice exclaimed, "Mithros! Who are you?"

The end of Chapter 1! It's sort of an introduction to get all the characters to Tortall so that the story can truly begin. It'll all start to seem more like a storyand as if it has some sort of plot, and be funnier in later chapters. This is my first fic, as well as that of my friend NameWeAreTooCowardlyToSay, so please be nice and review! Please? puppy eyes