Author's note: Bad news, my dears. This is the last chapter. Yes, I know you'll think it's a little sudden, but it has been planned like that for a long time. I can't thank you enough for all the support you've given me. Your kind words of praise and encouragement have helped me through more than one crisis. Thank you once more. Oh, and since every piece of bad news should come with good ones: For the last weeks, I've been breeding a nice little family of plot bunnies in the back garden of my mind. I'll definitely write a sequel to this story. So keep your eyes open! All the best, Jenny Wren

Chapter One Hundred and Eighty-Four

September 18th 1892: Christine

Raoul had fallen asleep almost immediately after we had been finished. A last, sleepy kiss, a murmur of "I love you", and his eyelids had drooped. I hadn't been that lucky. My body felt pleasantly heavy and content, but my mind was wide awake. I doubted that I'd fall asleep, even if I lay here for as long as a week.

I couldn't help thinking that by allowing Raoul to do what he had done, I had only made things worse. The words ´one more time´ had been repeated by both of us countless times, and still I wasn't sure whether he had really meant them. Perhaps he was dreaming as he lay there, dreaming of a future with me. And when he woke up, his dream would burst like a bubble.

It would have been better if I had just left the library right after our conversation instead of staying and letting my body take control over my mind. It had been wrong in so many ways, and yet… I gave a little sigh. It had felt very good. There was one aspect in which I held myself back, though: I didn't compare Raoul's performance to Erik's. It simply wouldn't have been right to do so.

I knew I had to go. If I was still here when Raoul woke up, he'd get his hopes up and would be even more disappointed. I kissed his cheek softly and got up from the sofa. He mumbled something in his sleep and rolled into a more comfortable position. At least he had more space now. I spotted a blanket lying on an armchair and covered him with it. After all, I did care for him and didn't want him to catch a cold.

When I could be sure that he was warm and comfortable, I picked up my clothes from the floor and dressed quickly. They were dirty and smelled of smoke and sweat, yet since I didn't have anything else, I had to put them on. It occurred to me that I was the only one who hadn't washed herself yet. There just hadn't been enough time. If I was content with cold water, however, I'd still be able to do it later. I didn't want to go to bed like this.

Go to bed… I didn't know where to go at all. Of course I knew which room Meg had wanted Raoul and me to take. It was right next to the children's room. But I knew just as well that I couldn't go there. If Raoul woke up while it was still night, he'd doubtlessly head for the same room to continue sleeping, and if I was there as well, things would become very awkward indeed.

I'd have to go and ask Meg where I could spend the night. I couldn't help thinking that surely she was running out of rooms to give us, but I'd also take a sofa, as long as it was far away from anyone who could disturb me. The thought of my friend brought back the memory of what she had said to me in the children's bedroom. She had wanted to tell me something. Well, she'd be able to do so now. I could only hope that she was still awake.

She was. I had barely finished knocking at the door of her bedroom when she opened it. She was wearing a nightdress, but put on a dressing gown quickly when she saw it was me. Stepping into the corridor, she closed the door quietly with her free hand.

"Finally," she said. "Erik was here at least an hour ago, asking me which room he could have. He told me you were still talking to Raoul, but I didn't think it would take that long. I nearly fell asleep."

She put a finger under my chin and looked closely at my face, frowning.

"You've been crying," she stated softly. "Erik seemed to be upset as well. Did the two of you have an argument? Or did it have something to do with Raoul and you? Oh…" She suddenly looked shocked. "I shouldn't ask all those questions, should I? Otherwise you'll walk away from me again."

"I'm sorry that I did it before," I said. "I just didn't want to talk about it."

"But I'm your best friend, Christine," she reminded me gently. "You can tell me anything. You know I would never judge you."

So I told her. Standing there in the corridor, I told her everything. I told her about Erik and Raoul and me and about all the things that had happened. It was good to talk to someone. When I was finished, I felt exhausted, but in a better way than before.

"Of course you can stay here," Meg stated. "You're my guests as long as you want. Jean and I love having the children and you around, and if Raoul comes to visit them, he can stay for the night as well. That would underline the story you've made up, wouldn't it?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. All the things I had planned in such a short time wouldn't have worked without her agreeing to let us stay. I was sure that I'd have found another place for us, but it would have made everything much more complicated.

Yet once the first wave of relief had gone, I realised that Meg hadn't given me her opinion on the subject, which was not like her at all.

"Do you think I've made the right decision?" I asked, looking at her anxiously.

"That is not something we should discuss here in the corridor," she gave back, not meeting my eye. She took me by the hand and led me to the nearest room.

When she opened the door, I saw a small room, almost identical to the one Antoinette and Philippe slept in. The only difference was that there was just one bed instead of two.

"You can spend the night here," she told me, talking rather more quickly than she usually did. "Once Raoul will have found another place to stay, you can move into the big bedroom, but for the moment, you should have everything you need here. The bed needs fresh sheets, but maybe you can do that yourself. Or I can send a maid to you later, and she'll – "

"That's all very well, Meg," I interrupted her. "But you still haven't answered my question. Do you think I've made the right decision?"

She paused, her hand still on the lamp she had just lit.

"I don't know," she replied slowly. "It all seems a little… abrupt to me. Are you sure you've thought it over carefully?"

I nodded impatiently.

"Of course I've thought it over," I told her. "Do you believe I'd make such a decision without thinking about it?"

"No," Meg muttered, looking very uncomfortable. "I just know that it has been a very long and very difficult day for you, and I'm not sure whether you should have made such an important decision at the end of this day."

I made a dismissive gesture with my hands.

"Erik and Raoul always used to try and talk me into making a decision," I said, my voice sounding a little shrill. My temper was rising. "And now that I've done so, it's not right either. Can't you ever make up your mind?"

I sank down onto the bed, feeling empty and drained of energy. Would there ever be a day when I'd do everything correctly?

Meg seemed to realise how miserable I was, for she sat down next to me and put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"Making decisions is never easy," she told me. "But it's important. Think of all the times when you couldn't make up your mind, and the situation only became worse. We've talked about it more than once. Now you have made a decision, and that in itself is good. You just have to live with it. Perhaps it was good for you to have done it today after all. On a normal day, you probably wouldn't have dared do it."

I nodded slowly. I hadn't thought about it like that myself, but she had a point.

"But now I've lost both Erik and Raoul," I mumbled. "I'll be all alone."

"You're not alone," Meg stressed. "You have your children, you have Jean and me, you have my mother… and soon you'll also have a godchild."

She beamed at me. Once more, one of her hands was resting on her belly, but now that I wasn't busy with my own problems, I noticed something I hadn't noticed before: It was not the same sad gesture I was used to seeing, but a new, protective one I knew only too well from myself.

"You're with child?" I exclaimed.

"Yes!" she gave back, flinging her arms around me. "The doctor only told me this afternoon. He came to the opera to see a dancer with a sprained ankle, and I asked him to have a look at me as well. I had been hoping and hoping for the last days, but I didn't tell anyone because I had been disappointed so often before. But this time it is true!"

"Oh, that's wonderful," I said, holding my friend at arm's length and looking into her happy face. "This was what you wanted to tell me, wasn't it?"

"I wanted to do it a little more dramatically, but it simply slipped out," she admitted with a grin. "Oh, Christine, you wouldn't believe how happy I am…"

My smile faded. I thought back to when the roles had been reversed, when I had told Meg about my first pregnancy, then about the second. We had been delighted and celebrated all night long. Life had been so easy back then, and now… My eyes filled with tears for what felt like the hundredth time this evening.

"Shhh…" Meg muttered, wrapping her arm around my shoulders again and pulling me close. "It'll be fine. You will be fine. Don't you see what this means? Life goes on, Christine. We mustn't dwell on our past decisions, but try to make the most of them. We have to go on living."

I looked at the hand on her still flat belly, and in that one moment, I couldn't help believing her. Life would go on. It would go on for Erik, for Raoul and for myself. And maybe those lives would interweave again one day.

The End