SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING

SAINAN NO KEKKA
Lass Ihn Frei: Hilde
[Set Him Free]

Hilde sighed sleepily and reached out for her lover's warm form, wanting her usual morning cuddle before getting out of bed. To her surprise, her searching hand met nothing but air.

She cracked her eyes open, looking for Duo. He was standing by the window, staring blankly out over the scrap yard. His hair was loose and he was only wearing a pair of dark sweats. Hilde felt a smile trace her face and she wondered, not for the first time, how she had been lucky enough to land him for herself. Duo was so special, and she sometimes wondered if she had dreamt him into existence.

The floor was cold as she set her bare feet on it. Hilde made her way over to him, gently wrapping her arms around his waist, leaning against his back. Shutting her eyes again, she took a deep breath and smiled at the spicy scent that screamed Duo to her.

She felt him take a deep breath of his own. "Morning, love," he said in a soft voice.

"Morning, Duo," she said. "Is something wrong?" she asked, wishing he would turn around so she could see his expression.

"No. Just thinking, and remembering," he admitted. "I had another dream."

She hugged him more tightly, trying to convey all the love and support she felt for him. "What did you dream about this time?"

He went rigid in her arms. "I was dreaming of the prison cell. Wufei was in his trance, and we were cut off from the air supply. I couldn't breathe… my lungs were burning and I was helpless. I couldn't do anything. No one gave a damn!"

This was one of his reoccurring dreams, she knew. It was natural that he remembered the war; after all, he had been one of the key players in it. It was also normal that he be troubled by it. He had named himself Shinigami with good reason. He had been death incarnate for many of the OZ troops, a legend come out of mythology to haunt them.

He turned around and smiled at her, and she tilted her head, aware for the first time how many inches he had put on since they had first met. He was having another growth spurt. Ironic. He still wasn't a full-grown man. "I'm going to hop in the shower. Would you be an absolute doll and get me some coffee going? Please?" He gave her his best puppy eyes.

"Oh, you!" she exclaimed, punching him playfully, relieved to see some of the shadows flee from his eyes.

He grabbed her, swung her around until she was dizzy, then gave her a gentle push towards the kitchen. "Please?" he reiterated. She sighed, knowing that she had lost the battle. Hilde put her slippers on her icy feet and headed downstairs and started to make coffee. She and Duo both liked it strong, though most people would have winced at the thought of the amount of caffeine the two already energetic people took daily.

After filling the filter with heaping tablespoons of a fine blend, she clicked the button and smiled as she could here it going. "Listen to the rhythm of the coffeepot, listen to the way it perks!" she sang merrily, dancing around a little as she started to make oatmeal. Even though L2 was climate controlled, there was something about mornings during what should be winter months that seemed to beg for hot cereal. Ten minutes later, she was finishing up, and started to climb the stairs. "Oi, Duo! Food is ready!" she called, skidding into the bedroom. Her heart stopped as she found him in front of a mirror, holding a pair of scissors in one hand and a huge hunk of his hair in another.

"Duo!" Hilde exclaimed in shock. "What are you doing?"

He spoke to her reflection in the mirror rather then talk directly to her. "What does it look like? I'm cutting my hair," he said in an amazingly calm voice, bringing the scissors in close.

She didn't think; she reacted. Lunging forward, she grabbed his wrist and tried to wrestle the shears away. "Why?" she demanded, wondering if he'd suddenly gone nuts. "You love your hair!"

His eyes were vacant. "It's useless. You know what Heero use to tell me? He'd always say that it was a perfect handhold should someone get it into his or her head to kill me. Heero Yuy is right, after all, so I should get rid of it. It's useless."

"Heero Yuy has the emotional capacity of a slug," she snapped. "From what you told me, he should be taking some lessons from you. Besides, the war is over! No one is going to be trying to kill you anymore! Don't you remember what your braid means to you? You'll regret it if you get rid of it impulsively."

Finally the empty look on his face shattered, and his fingers went limp, causing the scissors to fall to the floor. "It doesn't mean anything now," he said softly.

Hilde wanted to beg him to explain his cryptic words, but couldn't. "Breakfast is getting cold," were the only words she could find.

They spent the day working together as usual, though Hilde constantly found herself focusing on Duo. He seemed amazingly bright and cheerful, and she realized that it was all a façade as she watched him joke around with a few of the sweepers who had just delivered an enormous pile of salvage to them.

That night he made love to her with a desperate intensity, as though he was trying to lose himself in her body. His kisses were urgent, and she was almost dazed by the fervor he devoted to her. Their lovemaking had always been interesting, but this was something different. She fell into an exhausted sleep almost immediately after, so she didn't have time to think it over.

When she woke up the next morning, it was like a repeat of the day before. Duo was standing by the window, and she was alone in bed again. She stretched slowly, feeling the prior night's activities effect on her muscles. Wordlessly she climbed out of bed and went over to him, wrapping him in a hug. He pulled her around so she stood in front of him and dropped a tender kiss on her forehead. She looked up at him.

"Was it another dream?" she asked.

He looked like he was going to maintain his silence, but then he brought her in even closer. "The worst," he said. "I dreamt I was watching Trowa destroy Deathscythe, and the Colonies were celebrating."

"Duo, that happened," she said slowly. "Is it such a painful memory?" She was amazed that it could bother him so much.

"It hurts," he whispered into her short hair. "It still hurts."

Suddenly the pieces came together for her, and she almost pulled away. "You're not happy here, Duo," Hilde told him.

Duo made a miserable attempt at a laugh, but she wasn't fooled. She could see the stress-lines around his eyes. "Why wouldn't I be happy?" he wanted to know. "The war is over, I help run a booming business, and I have you."

Again she was at a loss for words, as she found herself more and more often these days.

She spent the morning brooding, wondering what to do. Duo wasn't making the transition to civilian life, no matter how he tried to act. She knew him too well. She would suggest he attend therapy, but she knew he didn't believe in it. Besides, perhaps it was best he tried to put it all behind him. Still, Hilde worried that all the memories he was repressing would come back to haunt him at the most inopportune time.

Around two o'clock that afternoon, Duo was digging through a pile of salvage one of the Sweepers had brought in. Hilde watched him disappear behind a particularly melted piece, then heard him swear in shock. "Dammitalltohell!" he yelled, slurring his words from his fervor.

Hilde leapt to her feet and crawled around the pile of scrap, her eyes wide. "Duo! Are you ok?" she demanded.

"Tell me what the hell we're suppose to do with this?!" he demanded, gesturing wildly at a large item in front of them.

Hilde was relieved that nothing was wrong with Duo. She focused her attention upon the object of his ire, and she quickly recognized it. "Dear Lord! It can't be!" she said breathlessly.

"It is," he snarled, kicking it. "It's a beam laser."

"What is it doing here?" she wondered.

"One of the sweepers probably thought it was debris."

"I-is it functional?" she asked him, biting her lip.

"Why else would I be swearing? We're gonna have to dismantle it before we melt it down," he said.

"Shouldn't we turn it over to someone? Maybe Lady Une?" Hilde wanted to know.

He whirled on her, and it looked like his purple eyes were spitting fire. "Hell no! There's been enough destruction! There's no way I'm going to hand yet another weapon over!"

"Calm down, Duo," Hilde said. "It's just a beam cannon," she said.

"We have to stop it somewhere," he said.

Hilde considered her next question carefully before she voiced it. "Duo, whatever did you do with Deathscythe?" It had been bothering her for a while- she knew Duo well enough to understand that he had viewed his Gundam as an extension of himself, as vital to his survival as oxygen.

"He's safe," he said. "I put him someplace where no one will ever find him."

Hilde put her hand on his shoulder. "If you say so, Duo," she said.

She watched him work on the laser with devoted passion, and her heart broke. "Duo, I have an errand to do. Can you watch the yard till I get back?" she wanted to know.

"Sure. I'll be a while getting rid of this… thing anyway," he said.

Hilde looked at him with sad eyes, then left for town.

The next morning she awoke before he did. She looked down on his sleeping face, marveling, as always, at his beauty. In sleep he looked so young… and so sad. She longed to be able to protect him, but realized that the time had come.

"Duo, wake up," she said, shaking him by the shoulder gently.

He pulled her into his arms. "Che, woman, let me get some sleep!" he protested sleepily, kissing her cheek softly.

"You have a flight to catch," she said. She started to drag him out bed.

"A flight?" he asked, befuddled.

"To Washington DC," Hilde said levelly. "The flight leaves in two hours. I packed a bag for you- it's on the table. Come on and I'll make you some breakfast," she finished.

Duo's expression was hurt. "What did I do to make you so angry?"

She shook her head. "I'm not angry, Duo, it's just that you don't belong here."

He blinked his eyes. "What?"

"I love you," she answered. "And if you love someone, you'll set them free."

"Free?"

"Free to find yourself."

She yanked him the rest of the way out of bed. He hit the floor in a mess of blankets, cursing her. "Hilde! This isn't funny!"

"No, it's not," she said. "It's breaking my heart."

"Why?" Duo wanted to know.

"When you can tell me the answer, you can come back. I'll always have a place for you, should you need me. But right now… you need Duo Maxwell."

He blinked in confusion. "Hilde…."

"Please, Duo," she begged. "Don't make this any harder for me."

They ate together silently, and all too soon, they left for the spaceport. Duo and Hilde stood in front of the shuttle, and he reached out and hugged her, kissing her sweetly. "I wish I knew what you were up to," he confessed. "But I love you and I trust you," he continued.

Her eyes were full of tears and she clung to him for an instant. "Lebe wohl, Duo. Ich habe dich lieb."

"Ich habe dich auch lieb," Duo answered, then stepped away after giving her one final kiss.

She waited until the plane left, then finally let the tears fall. "If you love something, set it free," she whispered, remembering what her mother had told her. "If the love is true, it will come back to you."

NOTES

"Lebe wohl, Duo. Ich liebe dich.": "Goodbye, Duo. I love you."

"Ich liebe dich auch.": "I love you, too."

Lass Ihn Frei: Set Him Free/Let him free

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