Tears Under the Moonlight

Night falls in Tomoeda city. On the top of an edifice, a tall figure was staring carefully at the movement of the city on that beginning of night. Yue stared silently at all the people going back home after a hard day of work. The traffic of cars was very high at that hour. Slowly, here and there, the houses started to turn on the lights. It did not take long and the entire city was illuminated by thousands of silver lights; lights that looked like thousands and thousands of fireflies on that vastness of concrete and cement.

Yue looked up and gazed at the moon, that was raising beautiful and splendid in the sky. It was full and shining for the first time in ages. There were no clouds, which only made the sight of the Moon something even more extraordinary.

He did not know exactly how many time he spent gazing at all of that but when he realized, night had already fallen completely and the big clock of the tower was announcing ten o'clock. The angel sat down on the edge of the building and a small tear rolled down his face. Just a single tear, the first one after so many years of existence. He did not cry since Clow had left that world. Indeed, he never had the chance to cry and mourn his death on the following years, since he was sleeping inside the book of the cards. Not even after he was released from the magic book did he cry only once. On that moment, however, all of his strength seemed to have gone, abandoned his body and mind.

The Guardian wondered what was going to happen in the future. Not in the close future but in forty, fifty years maybe, when the time would come to Sakura leave him. The young woman had married Shaoran a few months go. It made him really happy, for he knew his mistress was with someone who loved her. But it also tortured him. Shaoran and Sakura had each other and, like all other mortals, they would grow and die someday. What about him? He could not die. He was condemned to wander around the world forever. And he did not want to loose Sakura.

Yue remembered what he felt when he met Sakura for the first time. He despised her as his mistress. He thought no one could take Clow Reed's place, his beloved Mage Clow. He was wrong, though. His feelings for Sakura soon changed and he began to love and protect the girl with all his forces. But he knew that, no matter how much effort he did, he would never protect her from Death. He knew that someday Sakura would die just like Clow and he would be left alone one more time. But he did not want to suffer anymore. He did not want to suffer with the death of all the people he loved.

Oh, Death! As mysterious as Life itself. No one ever knows what to expect from It. It always comes when we do not expect and goes away even against our will, taking those we loved and cared during our whole lives.

The Angel felt a second tear roll down his face. He wanted to be a mortal. He wished he could die like everyone else, to know how it felt to be on the other side.

Suddenly he heard someone speak his name.

"Yue." called a voice the Guardian knew very well. "What happened?"

He turned around and saw Sakura there, standing still, staring at him with a concerned expression in her eyes.

"I haven't seen you for weeks." said the girl. "It passed so many time that I decided to look for you. I'm not surprised to meet you here. It's your favourite place, isn't it? You always come here when you want to reflect, think and meditate. What is going on?"

"It is nothing." replied the Guardian sharply, drying the tears so she would not notice he was crying. He stood up, trying with all his will to keep his strong appearance, though his eyes showed the opposite and denounced his suffering.

"I know something is bothering you, Yue. Tell me what it is." said Sakura. "You don't have to keep everything to yourself. You can trust me and tell me whatever it is."

Yue lowed down his head. He knew he could trust Sakura and tell her what he was feeling, but his self-proud never let him do that. He was always independent and confident of himself but at that moment that force was missing. Sakura noticed he was still worried to tell her something.

"Sometimes, if we tell someone what is concerning us, that thing goes away. Talk to me, Yue." she said softly.

Then the Angel broke up. He had kept his sadness for himself for so many time, so many years. At that moment, though, watching his mistress, he realised that the time had come for him to share his pain with someone else.

Sakura got close from him and stopped in front of him. Yue raised his head and his eyes met Sakura's. And her gaze was so sweet and soft! Completely different from his own, always so cold and distant.

Kneeling down, Yue started to cry. Sakura slowly put his arms around him, pulling him to a warm embrace and offering him comfort.

"Everything is fine." said the girl softly. "I'm here and I won't leave you alone."

There was a long silence, interrupted only by Yue's sobs. When he finally calmed down and gathered strength, he said:

"Oh, Sakura. I am afraid. I am afraid someday you will leave me."

"I'll never leave you." she said quickly. Yue shook his head, denying what she had just said.

"You know that is not the truth. You know someday you are going to die like everyone; like Clow. And you know I will be alone again."

Sakura did not know what to say. She felt all the sadness Yue was feeling at that very moment. She did know her Guardian was right. She could not run away from Death. Nor she could defeat It. And she felt sad for her Angel's fate.

"I cannot die, Sakura." said the Guardian. "I am fated to wander through this world without rest. And this is an even worse Destiny than dying: to see all those I love leave this world and yet stay here."

Silence again. Sakura could not find the words. But Yue did not care. He just wanted to show his Mistress how he felt. To show her what so many years of suffering had done to him.

"I have always loved Clow as a father." spoke the Angel. "I have always protected him with all my strength. At that time, I did not know about Death yet. I had no conscience of Its existence. It was only after the death Clow's sister that I learnt about it."

Yue closed his eye. He could still remember clearly the conversation he had with Clow that day.

The mage had just arrived from his younger sister's burial. Yue did not understand what had happened, just like Kerberus. Both of them watched Clow step inside the room with a serious expression.

"I need to speak to you." said the wizard. "I need to tell you something."

"What happened, Clow?" asked Yue. "I have heard your sister died. What is die?"

"That is what I wanted to say. I have never told you about Death but I think the time has come."

Both Yue and Kerberur stared at Clow with a confused expression in their faces. Clow went on:

"I have never mentioned Death to you for you are immune to It. I thought that it would not be necessary. Yet, I have to admit that I made a mistake. Even if you are immortals I am not. A day shall come when I will die and you must be prepared for this."

"I do not understand." said Yue. "What is Death?"

"Death, Yue, is the consequence of the existence of all living creatures. All creatures who live in this world are fated to die soon or later."

"But if everyone dies, then why are we immune to Death? Aren't we also living creatures, Mage Clow?" asked Kerberus.

It was a very hard question. For the first time in his life, Clow Reed got confused.

"Yes, you are." replied the mage. "But the difference is that I created you. And I created you to be immortals."

"But if your will can prevail over Death, then why you are going to die someday, Clow?" asked Yue, even more confused than he was at the beginning of the dialog. Clow gazed at the Guardian, thoughtful. It was a question with a very difficult answer to be given. The wizard remained silent for a while, as if he was reflecting and studying the situation, searching for the right word to be spoken.

But Clow was wise. Wise and clever. Calmly the mage solved the situation and explained what Death was to his two Guardians. The dialog between the three friends took the whole afternoon and part of the night. When they finally ended the conversation, Clow left the room, just like Kerberus, leaving a thoughtful Yue standing alone in the dark.

It was a bright night. The stars were shining and the Moon was already high on the sky when Yue finished relating everything to Sakura. The girl listened carefully the Guardian. Both of them were now sitting on the edge of the building, staring at the huge emptiness of the space. It was as if the sky did not existed. Instead, they had only infinity before their eyes. And in a certain way, they were correct. All of that was infinite. Someday every people would go up there. Up there h e would never go…

They remained silent for a while, listening only to the sound of the leaves of the trees waving in the wind. What was actually a few minutes, for them seemed like eternity. Finally, Yue started speaking again:

"You know, Sakura… that afternoon when Clow died and left me, I swore to myself that I would never love another person again, so I would not suffer again. But then I realised that I could not do such a thing, for I would never be able to deny my feelings. I would be cheating and denying myself."

Yue shut up. For a moment he reflected and saw how he was wrong when he tried to ignore his feelings. He thought it would be the easier way not to suffer. Run away from his feelings. And realised how much he had been selfish to himself. If he ignored his feelings, he would just be running away from his problems and not facing them as he should do. Clow would have got disappointed with him. And the memories of the day Clow died came back to his mind.

It was a typical spring afternoon. The sky, of a deep and bright shade of blue, was clean and shiny. Flowers of many shapes and colours were all around the garden, filling the air with joy. It was possible to hear clearly the song of the birds: a couple of nightingales on the branches, a swallow that had landed on the roof, a canary on the windowsill. It was a perfect day. Everything would just mix up into an atmosphere that brought calmness and peace to troubled hearts.

But the perfection of that day could not soften the sorrow in Yue and Kerberus's hearts. A few hours ago, Clow had just announced his death was near. Both of the Guardians got desperate but, undoubtedly, Yue was the one who was felling worst with the fact.

"Why, Clow?" asked Yue. "Why are you going to let yourself die?"

"It's necessary." answered the Mage. "I must fulfil my Destiny. I must fulfil what the Circle of Life determines."

"I don't want Death to reach you!" Yue shouted out loud. "I don't want her to reach you!"

Clow just smiled at him.

"My dear Yue, you have been my friend for many years now." said the Mage. "Please, understand. Everything has a cycle, a time to be. And my time had already expired in this world. But don't be sad. There's nothing to be afraid of."

Yue said nothing. The Mage kept telling them the reasons Death came to people. And Yue learnt Death was not bad. It was just a consequence of life itself. But he could not help but suffer with his beloved Clow. His master, his friend, his father.

Silently he stared at the Book. After they closed Clow's eyes and buried him, they would have to get inside the Book. And so they did. Later that night, alone in that house, the tow Guardians decided the time had come. The first one was Kerberus. Yue saw his friend glow, turn into pure energy and disappear inside the Book. At the same time, on the front cover, the draw of a golden-eyed tiger appeared. Gazing for the last time at those walls, Yue started to concentrate also. He glowed, became energy and dived into the Book.

As he did that, a thought came to his mind:

"I shall never accept any other master but Clow. I shall never love anybody again. Thus I shall never suffer again. Never…"

Yue stared at the horizon with watery eyes. Clow's memories still ached. He knew the wizard had reincarnated in Eriol's figure, but the boy would never be Clow again. Sakura watched him, still speechless. The Moon was the only witness to that conversation. The whole city was far dived into slumber. Yue looked and Sakura and started talking once more:

"I came back to the Book. I spent a lot of time trapped there. Until I could go out again and be free. Then you came. At the very beginning, I didn't like you, Sakura. I thought you're not worth…"

Sakura just smirked.

"I know." she whispered sweetly, cutting the Guardian. "Don't worry anymore."

Yue smiled faintly. One of his rare, but beautiful smiles. Not caring for the girl's interruption, he resumed speaking:

"At first I thought you could not take Clow's place. I was wrong, though! I've learnt to love you through all these years, Sakura. Sure, who can resist to your brightness? You melt everyone's hearts with your spontaneous way of life."

Sakura just giggled, hiding her blushed face. She thought about all the years she had known Yue. It was true. At first their relationship had been really tough. Despite all the efforts of the girl, Yue kept himself always distant and cold. But years passed by. Time moved on. And nothing better than time to heal the wounds. After a few years with his new master, Yue's feelings raised high above any barrier. And he finally realised he could not deny his heart.

"I didn't know all that." Sakura said, slowly. "Didn't know you felt this way. Oh, my beloved Yue. My Angel. I'd like so much to help you. Ease your pain."

Yue said nothing. He only imagined how it would be if he could just die. He saw brand new horizons unveiled, new paths to be trailed. He imagined how wonderful it would be if he could fly towards the sky, to the infinity of his existence. And he imagined himself free, with nothing to bind him. It was not that he had a tormented life with Sakura. He was very happy with her. Still, he was already tired of that life of adventures, battles and magic. His body and mind begged for rest.

"You can help me." said the Angel. Sakura stared at him with a curious face. "Kill me, Sakura." was all the Guardian could say.

"No!" shouted the girl. "I can't!"

"Why?" asked Yue. Sakura could notice a bit of disappointment in his voice. After their conversation, after all the confessions he made, Yue hoped Sakura to understand that Death would not be more that a relief to him. And a deserved relief.

"I could never kill you, Yue. I'd never have the courage to do that." said Sakura.

"Wrong." answered him. "I know more than anyone you've got courage enough. You're the bravest girl in the whole world."

"But I'm not brave enough to do something like that." replied the girl.

"Do you love me, Sakura?" Yue asked softly. "Do you want to make me happy?"

"Sure!" answered her.

"Than, for the sake of your love, kill me. That's the only way to make me really happy. I'll be able to know new things; to understand how is to die. To understand what Death brings us. And finally rest my soul from so much pain."

Sakura turned her head. She did not want to do that. She did not want her beloved Angel to leave her. But Yue was totally willing to die. He had already made up his mind.

"Please, Sakura. If you truly love me, make me happy. Take away my life."

Yue stared at her for a while. Then, Sakura raised her head with a kind and decided expression on her face.

"Alright." said the girl. "If it'll make you happy, then I'm ready to make your wish come true. I hope you know what you're doing, my Angel."

Yue could not help but smile. Finally, after so many time, so many centuries, he would be able to sleep, to dream. The Guardian watched as Sakura took the key she carried on her neck.

"Key which hides the powers of darkness... Show your true power before me. Under the contract, Sakura commands you. Release!"

The key turned into a staff with a star at the top. Sakura searched her pockets for a card… The Card. She quickly found what she was looking for. The girl stared at the card for a long time. Hope. That is what was written right below the image of a girl holding a winged heart.

Sakura approached Yue and they faced each other. Sakura gazed into his deep blue eyes. Kindly, the girl kissed her Angel's forehead. They hold each other strongly, enjoying their last moment together. Then Sakura backed away.

"I hope you're sure about what you're asking me." she said.

"I am." answered Yue.

"Very well." whispered Sakura. "Magical card! Hear my call and make this person's strongest wish come true. Hope!"

A dazzling light came from the card, blinding both Sakura and Yue. Then, the light surrounded Yue in a blue globe. The Angel floated a few inches above the ground, the light sparkling even more. Sakura watched everything feeling her heart tighten. Had she made the right choice? A teardrop rolled down her face. After realising his wish she doubted her decision. But deep in her heart, though, she knew that was what Yue wanted. That was what would make him happy and nothing more. Really, he deserved to rest after so many time.

Even knowing that, Sakura could not help but cry. She kneeled down and let the tears run free. She let the moon, with all its majesty, wash her soul and soften her heart.

Inside the globe of light, Yue thought. Not about his decision, but about Sakura. She was the angel after all, not him. She was the one who always sacrificed herself for the others, who cared for the other people's feelings rather than she cared for hers.

And like a storm, all his memories came back in mind. His entire life passed before his eyes in a few seconds.

He thought about Kerberus, Eriol and Syaoran. He thought about Tomoyo and everyone he knew. He recalled all the adventures he went through all his life. But he thought specially about Clow and Sakura, the two people who had been his masters, his friends and his family.

The Angel remembered all the good moments he had spent alongside them and thanked. He had appreciated every single day with his friends. Now he was finally free. Free to fly. Free to run along the skies and to dream.

At that moment, encircled by that huge globe of light, Yue recalled the words of an old British wizard: "For the well-structured mind, Death is just the another adventure to go through".

He took a deep breath. As if he had been taken by a sudden fatigue, the Angel felt extremely tired. Slowly he closed his eyes and a remarkable peace took his soul. His time had come. Smiling, he murmured:

"Thank you, Sakura. I love you. With all my heart. Farewell."

By the time everything was over and the light finally faded away, the body of the Guardian lay on the ground. Sakura opened her eyes and slowly approached Yue. He was dead, but his face showed an unspeakable peace. His lips were curved into a small smile. The Guardian died happy. And there, staring at that beautiful being, Sakura knew she had made the right decision.

"I hope you rest in peace, Yue. May you be happy wherever you are. Good bye, my beloved Angel. My servant, my friend, my brother."

Sakura looked up and stared at the sky filled with stars. Far above she saw the Moon. There was something about her, something different. It seemed to be brighter than before. It was as if the Moon was happier and in peace. Sakura could never tell exactly what it was, but the mere sight of the Moon had never conveyed so much peace and tranquillity…

Hi, guys! How are you? I really hope you liked it. I've always found Yue an interesting character, specially concerning his feelings. I've always seen his harsh actions and his bad mood as a masquerade that hid his true face.

Well, well. If you spent sometime reading my story, then spend a little more reviewing it. Critics, commentaries or suggestions as welcome. Please send me an e-mail or a review. I'll be glad to know what you think.

Peace and Love to all and each one of you. Now and Forever.

Felipe S. Kai

Original Title: Lágrimas à Luz da Lua
Written: February, 20th 2002
Translated: December, 29th 2005