SPECIAL!
I wasn't initially going to write this (and it doesn't really make sense that I did) but I got the idea and I just couldn't shake it off. Don't bother asking me why Peter would be writing a letter (I might accidentally explain it somewhere in the letter), but he is. I hope you like it!
Dear Prongs,
I mean, Dear James. I have no right to call you Prongs.
You must hate me. You're nutters if you don't. I mean, how could you not hate a slimy rat who betrayed you to the Darkest wizard of all time?
Look, I know you've probably ripped this thing to shreds by now (and trust me, I wouldn't blame you), but if you haven't, hear me out, alright? I know there's no plausible excuse for what I did, but give me a chance to explain myself.
You know I was never as brave as you, Sirius, and Remus. You fought for what you believed in and the Light, Sirius fought against his family, and Remus fought against his lycanthropy. But what did I fight against? Nothing.
I always felt left out in the group, like I didn't belong. The rest of the school felt so, too. Don't think I didn't hear the nasty whispers behind my back, the rumors, the lies spread about me by your adoring fangirls. I heard them, all right.
By the end of fourth year I began to really see why I wasn't fitting in. I wasn't good looking in the least, I wasn't smart, I wasn't talented at anything, and I couldn't pull off a good prank. You guys were always the best looking, the smartest, and the pranksters of the school. You had Quidditch; Remus had his smarts and his books; and Sirius had his talent at charming the ladies. But what did I have? Nothing. I was just the tagalong; like the little sibling that wants to hang out with his older brother and his friends. Everyone else saw that too.
You might have wondered why I got so distant 'round the end of sixth year. If you haven't already figured it out, I was making connections with Voldemort. Little did I know that I was going to have to betray you. I wanted something of my own, something that was mine. Sounds really dumb now, doesn't it?
I guess it might have been a way to block the hurt I felt from not belonging to the people I thought I had been friends with. It killed me to know that you guys liked each other more than me. That if you, James, could only save one of us from death, it wouldn't be me. I wasn't your brother, like Sirius. I wasn't your best mate, like Remus. I was just... your mate. Just the friend on the side who always had to beg for school help, who always had to be protected, who always needed your help getting a date to the dance. I got sick of it.
So I began to talk to Snape, who was interested in joining. He soon directed me to Lucius Malfoy. who was in seventh year when we were in our third. I began to work harder in school, desperate to impress the Dark Lord, and my grades rose. Did you guys notice?
No.
I think what hurt the most was that you guys didn't notice my grades rising, and how I was more distant with you. Maybe, by getting distant, I was hoping you'd call me back and I could stop my quest to become a Death Eater. Sort of like reverse psychology.
But you guys didn't notice. You, James, were so caught up in Lily and Quidditch, Sirius in his girls and pranks, and Remus in his books and his schoolwork. You didn't notice me not hanging out with you guys for days on end. You didn't notice me sitting with the Slytherins instead.
You just didn't notice, and that hurt.
None of this is a reasonable excuse for what I did. I guess I was scared. He could kill anyone, and I know I should have died for you, but I really didn't consider you my mate anymore. I thought of you more as an acquaintance, somebody I knew a bit from Order meetings and had over for tea once and a while.
I didn't really foresee what was going to happen after I revealed your location. I assumed that he would kill all of you and I could forget about you. Maybe I hoped, in the bottom of my heart, that you would vanquish him and free me. But the worst happened; you and Lily died, leaving Harry an orphan and me responsible.
It was a terrible feeling, you know. Even a rat has emotions. I felt guilt unlike anything I felt before, and raw fear. I quickly framed Sirius, because I knew he wanted to kill me. To make me pay for what I did. And I deserve to pay. I just didn't see it at the time.
Then I hid. The Death Eaters disliked me immensely. Some might have even hated me. They viewed me as a traitor; they thought I sentenced my Lord to his death. Maybe I did. Maybe I subconsciously knew that he would be defeated that night. But I doubt it.
If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, Prongs, I won't accept it. I don't deserve it.
Peter Pettigrew
Clenching his teeth, the plump-ish, balding man folded up the letter, tapping it with his wand. It dissolved, and he left the room quietly, a shadow of his former self.
Fin
This is the end, guys. Dear Prongs 2 is on its way. I hope you enjoyed it; I really liked writing this letter and Snape's in particular. Maybe because Snape is so interesting and Peter is so... unknown. I dunno, but its a lot longer than my other ones. Expect DP2 soon, most likely tomorrow (1/4/06) or Thursday (1/5/06).
PotterScar