Going Back Chapter 17: Another Chance, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

Authors Notes: It's been a fun ride, this is the end . . . short and sweet as it is. I did not include a trial scene, and if you feel like it is a necessity then please tell me and I will add it for you! I had major writers block, hence the length of delivery. I knew how I wanted to end it . . . but getting it down on paper was difficult. Remember how I started in Mai's POV and then the second chapter was Joey's . . . yeah . . . it's somewhat like that . . . but don't confuse yourself to bad. I wanted to end it how I started it so I wrote two different versions. . .One in Mai's POV and one in a normal POV . . . I'm posting in Mai's . . . but it switches to somebody else's then back to hers . . .

5animefan- Thanks. I just thought that Joey and Mai had reached a level where he accepted what she was going to do. I didn't mean to write him wimpy, but if he would have done something than perhaps she might have died . . . then . . .

Growing Pain- OMG, I so didn't realize I made Mokuba call Kaiba, Kaiba. Oops on my part! Yeah, I was tired when I wrote this . . . but whatever. Suspect . . . yeah, it might be a better word. Most definitely a better word. I'm glad my search was appreciated, I know that people do write the scenes differently, but I thought that writing the flashbacks out would just take up extra space that didn't need to be there. I suppose I could have wrote who said each thing, but I liked the simplicity of it. Serenity was freed first basically because Joey had a knife and then he used it . . . that's all. I needed Mokuba to be captured by Valon yet again so that Kaiba and Mai would be trapped on the roof. If it was vise versa then it would have been Mai and Joey stuck on the roof . . . and I wanted to show the subtle changes in Kaiba . . . not Joey, but that is why I did that.

Okay for the duel, I really could have drawn it out and I apologize for not, I suppose I could go back and add that in . . . but I'm not perfect . . . plus the only thing I know about duel monsters is a few very basic things . . . I dunno . . . even though they dueled on the show I was concerned let's say with . . . Joey running up to save Mai than the actual cards that were played to get them to that situation. So sorry about that, now that I read back, it is awfully sudden and I probably should have hinted at it . . .

Ok, Mai knocking out Valon was due to the fact that she was full of confidence. To make it clearer Mai kicked him where it would hurt the most . . . yeah, you know . . . and then she hit him . . . I think it was on the side of his head about his temple and it knocked him out. I actually heard of this kid who lives a while away from me who was killed because he was hit in his temple with a really small stone. Yeah, I couldn't believe it . . . but it happens.

Being mean to Mokuba, I didn't try and make people be mean to Mokuba . . . well except the 'bad guys' . . . They were all exhausted from the situation and they didn't want to realize that Kaiba might have died. I know I make Mokuba say something about it . . . I just can't remember the exact wording! Luckily Yugi agreed with him and they were reunited.

Reunited and it feels so good. . .

Ok, sorry about that, had to do it. I'm glad you liked it overall, although I made a whole bunch of tiny er not so tiny mistakes that probably had to do with my tendency to rush things. I mean it took me a while to post and everything, but I didn't work on it the whole time . . . to be honest.

Stupid real life constantly interferes, but it's ok.

By the way, I'm glad you agree with me. I thought that Kaiba would save Mai . . . but he does seem confused, whatever will he do?

Hopefully the last chapter will live up to the rest of the story, but I think I will be taking a different approach with it.

MissDomaYuset- It's okay, blink a few times now . . . and you're good. Don't worry, your questions will be answered . . . and if the aren't then when you review me, ask away . . . and perhaps I will answer them with another chapter. Of course, I plan this chapter to be the last . . . but it could go on . . . and on . . . and on . . . and you get what I mean.

cherryopsicle- Hey thanks. I'm glad that you are enjoying the story and yes . . . it is near, er here! Holds out spare Kleenex

Disclaimer: Nope . . . still don't own it . . . Or the two songs that inspired me the most throughout this experiences . . . see below:

"Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin'

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I'm callin' And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin'

Hurry I'm fallin'

And all I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Hurry I'm fallin'
Say it for me
Say it for me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say if it's worth saving me" Savin' Me- Nickelback

"Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So, let go,let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, l-let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it givesAnd then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can't await
your own arrival
you've twenty seconds to comply

So, let go, so let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, yeah let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

In the breakdown
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
The breakdown

So amazing here
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown" Breakdown- Frou Frou

(Mai's POV)

A FEW MONTHS LATER

Alone.
Angry.
Broken.
Scared.
Afraid.
Sorry . . .

On more than one occasion, these feelings have run through me so intensely that I'm surprised that they didn't kill me. I don't understand how I harbored all of them at once.

In fact, I don't know how I survived anything . . . the stress . . . the being ran off the road by helicopters . . . the bruises and beatings that I thought would kill me . . . but here I am.

Here . . . as in a place I never envisioned myself. I never woke up one day and said, ' I think I should become a convict and go to prison.' In fact, in my dearest childhood dreams I was always the champion. I was always the girl everyone wanted and wanted to be.

Never this.

And yet . . . I don't know, I've got this feeling . . . like everything is going to be okay. Like that I've got this inner peace that I never really had before. I'm okay with who I am and what I did. I know what I did . . . and I feel guilty about it. In fact, if I could take it all away, I would in a heartbeat. But I can't . . . and I know that . . . so me sitting here wishing I could change the things I did doesn't really help.

All I can do is what I'm supposed to . . . and if paying for what I did means sitting in prison for five years, then fine. I deserve more. But I got off easy . . . Valon was charged more than I was. I regret that.

I should have got more . . . but my attorney kept telling me to keep silent, so I did. In fact there was so much I wasn't charged with . . . I was surprised. My mind still wonders about it. Valon was charged with everything I wasn't.

Maybe Joey was right . . . about me putting my faith into something else. Maybe . . . and maybe that's why I feel at peace, because for once in my life I'm doing the right thing because I chose it.

And right now . . . I'm leaning against this old beaten-in off-white cot watching the sunlight dance between my window bars . . . and I don't want to be anywhere else.

This is what I have to do . . . and yet at the same time, I wish there was more. It just doesn't seem like me sitting here in some overrun prison is the only thing I can do. I don't accomplish much besides the fact that I know I'm doing the right thing.

Joey didn't want me in prison . . . of course . . . and sometimes I wonder why. Sometimes, well most of the time, I wonder what he sees when he looks at me. Does he see the mess I've become? Or does he see something else, like who I'm supposed to be?

Maybe he does see something greater . . . or something that isn't there. Every once in a while I wonder if he has this set image of me . . . and that is all he sees. Maybe it's all a delusion.

It doesn't matter though, I don't care how he sees me . . . because he does see me. He looks past the fading beauty and defensiveness . . . and all that' s left is me.

I know I shocked him when I told him I didn't want to talk to him for a while. It's not that I don't . . . because I do. But I also want to give him what he gave me . . . happiness.

He can't be happy worrying about me, and he can't live with me. I'm bad for him . . . and when I think of the pain I caused him . . . I can't do it anymore. I won't let myself.

I never saw myself living with Joey in a small house with a white picket fence and two point five kids . . . but I always saw him . . . somewhere in my future. But now . . . I have to erase whatever image it was that I saw.

I do . . . or at least did . . . love Joey. It wasn't in a classic tragic way, but I felt it. A small part of me always will feel it . . . and that part is what made me make this decision. Joey was mad at me when I told him he couldn't come to my trial.

In the end though . . . he understood. I know he did. It was clear. He wished me the best of luck, as I did him, and told me that no matter what we're friends. Then he walked out of my hospital room and I haven't seen him since.

It's best for both of us . . . in the long run, I think.

It's really humid in my chamber . . . no . . . cell, chamber sounds to fancy or not fancy enough. I don't know if it is just me or if it is because it just rained actually. But it wasn't the hard, cold rain that chased me through my days of Domino.

It was a soft, gentle rain . . . just enough to wet the ground to refresh everything . . . maybe it's a sign. It's a chance to begin . . . to restart. That's what I have to do, I guess.

Suddenly, I hear the loud clicking of one of the guards against the hard steel floor. I push myself off of my cot and he stands in front of my door . . . I guess that's what I should call it.

He puts the key and somewhere deep insides me urges me to steal it . . . and I know I could, but I ignore that stupid tiny voice that becomes smaller and littler with each passing day.

"You have a visitor." the man says in a gruff voice. He sounds tough. His tan skin, muscular arms and unruly facial hair really add to that perception.

I follow him down a hallway with endless bars. It seems to blend into an image of black after a while.

Nobody ever comes to visit me. I go to counseling . . . I work out . . . I eat . . . but nobody visits me. That's my fault I guess. I had a chance to have great friends . . . but I threw it away. I know that they'll never trust me again. They shouldn't.

I don't deserve it . . . I understand.

He takes me to a room with a small table and a little black phone. A huge piece of bulletproof glass sits between me and my visitor . . . so I sit in the uncomfortable wooden chair put there for my use.

Like I should feel special.

I took a quick glance and see the other person sitting in what I am sure is a much more comfortable chair. For some reason a small smirk crosses my features.

"Seto Kaiba." I said as I picked up the small black phone. I never expected him to visit him to me . . . out of all the people.

"Orange isn't a good color for you Valentine." is how he responded. Obviously . . . does he not think I know that. Yet there is something different . . . something in his voice. I can't place it.

"What do I owe this pleasure?" I say rather sarcastically.

"Mokuba." he said. Well that's vague . . .

"What about him?" I shot back. I didn't mean to sound mad or anything and I wonder how it sounded.

"He . . . well he wanted me to thank you for uh what you did . . . after he understood." he said. His voice sounds like it has heard too much . . . like every word has to be forced out of his mouth and he looks like he's just tired . . . of everything. The world can do that to a person . . . it's a hard lesson to learn . . . and that guilt feeling pushes up through my stomach and it takes all of my strength to stop me from throwing up all over the place.

And yet . . . Seto Kaiba coming all the way to visit me doesn't seem right . . . for an apology . . . that isn't even from him . . .

"Oh, well he's uh welcome . . . and I uh, never intended for things to go that far . . . they just got out of hand." was my reply and it sounded lame to me, and I know it had to have sounded lame to him.

"They shouldn't have ever been in hand." Kaiba said. He sounds definite and firm and it kind of shocks me.

"You know . . . I could make every excuse in the world but their just words. Words don't mean anything . . . it's actions and . . . and . . . I can't take it back or undo it . . . my apology now wouldn't mean much. I am sorry though . . . but not for myself, I'm over the stage of self-pity . . . but I'm sorry for everyone around me who endured my wrath and for those that didn't." is all that I can reply. I say how I feel . . . it's a new thing I'm trying.

"Is that what you tell yourself?" he asks me. I looked at him very confused.

"That I'm over self-pity?" I ask him because I have no idea what he means.

"No . . . that words don't mean anything?" For some reason he seems to be going deeper into this conversation that I really want to . . . but I guess that would be Kaiba in general.

"Yeah . . . that's what I tell myself." Because that is what I do . . . what I have to believe.

"Does it work?" His voice echos through my ears and becomes jumbled with someone's much harsher and yet smoother at the same time. His fades away into someone's that is stronger and sure of himself . . . and it takes Kaiba tapping on the glass to keep me from fading into my daydream.

"Sometimes." It's all I can say . . . because it doesn't always. Sometimes . . . in the dead of night when the only sound is the occasional jingle of keys or a stifled sob from somebody near me . . . I hear words. Words of hate and pain and fear and sometimes they are from me . . . but other times they aren't. Most of the time I hear Valon's and his voice goes on endlessly until daybreak. Then for some reason it disappears into nothingness . . . only to return to my dreams when I'm most depressed.

"I don't think he meant it." Kaiba continues. Half of me wonders if he had been talking the whole time and the other half automatically wonders how weird it is that he is saying what I am thinking about . . . what I obsess over.

"No?" My voice sounds defeated and weak . . . but that is who I am now. I don't want to be strong when I'm not . . . I don't want to hurt or cry . . . but I do.

"Words, wether you know this or not do mean things. You can delude yourself all you want about them not . . . but isn't that what landed you in your situation . . . any of them. Didn't Valon fascinate you by how he beat you in a duel . . . and then promised you things you wanted? I mean . . . you were physically hurt . . . almost dead in my opinion . . . and his style, not unusual, is to kick them when their down. He said you dragged him down so you could be as low as him and the stupid thing is you fell for it." And I want to break the glass and start beating Kaiba so badly . . . he has no idea what I think or feel or . . . I take a deep breath as rage and sadness run through my system.

Obviously the road to self-recovery is much longer and harder than I thought. It's like climbing a mountain and I think I'd rather do that.

"And you think you're perfect? It takes a lot of nerve for you to come here and say that." is all I can muster. He doesn't seem phased at the least.

"No . . . just as perfect as they come." Now I really want him just to stop . . . stop talking and to go away. I was doing fine on my own and I didn't need him to come here and wipe his perfection in my face. I suppose this is his payback . . . so I let his comments wash over me.

"So do tell me just how the big house is treating someone like you." he continues. I don't really want to . . . it sounds to me like he's ready to pounce on anything stupid I say . . . and yet before I can control myself, words seem to fall out of my mouth.

"It's different . . . way different. Being here it's routine, you do the same thing every day in and out and sometimes I wonder if my mind is becoming duller. Sometimes I wonder if in five years, I'll be able to go back into society. I mean . . . it's not like I talk to a lot of people here . . . word spread around here about what a pysco I am and everyone basically steers clear of me." is my only response. What can I say? It's paradise . . . because it's not. But it's right . . .

"So Valentine won't be voted most popular then?" he asks. He sounds like such a jerk, which in turn, proves what an idiot I am. Earlier he sounded so bare . . . truthful, even thoughtful . . . but then he has to cover up any emotions with stubbornness.

"No . . . but then again, I'd never be most popular anywhere I went. So I go through most of my day alone . . . I don't exactly enjoy it . . . but I shouldn't be. And it is above all . . . lonely." I know that sometime very soon I might start crying . . . and I don't want too . . . but I probably will. Sometimes I think of all the friends and lifeI could have had . . . and I realize I wouldn't be living out my greatest fear . . . being alone.

"I must say . . . you have definitely changed from the woman I knew from a few months ago, I mean, you would have gotten out of this. I know that you have enough of your own money to pay your bail . . . or have someone do it for you. You can't fool me, I know that somewhere you have some serious connections . . . so why don't you just walk away from this?" His voice starts to echo again . . . with each passing second it seems to go further and further away.

"Because this is what is right . . . this is all I can do . . . I've changed. I don't know how or when or why, but it's like I finally woke up from this dream . . . this nightmare. And I can see things clearly now. And I know that running away isn't the answer. Turning to others isn't the answer. I've got to fix myself first . . . I've got to actually start doing what is right . . . and until then . . . until I get some sort of forgiveness or peace, nothing matters."

I forgot I was talking to someone really. The phone feels light on my shoulder and my hand has fallen asleep . . . so it's a weird feeling. He doesn't say anything for a while . . . we just sit in silence . . . it's deafening and awkward and I wish a riot would start out just so I could stop thinking . . . because when I think . . . I think of what I did . . . and I hear the voices again.

"And sitting in a cell rotting away helps how?" His voice is so cruel . . . and yet I can pick out the pain. It sounds so similar . . . and in some crazy mixed up way . . . the tone reminds me of myself. The self that was alone and broken . . . all those days ago.

"It's all I can do."

(Kaiba's POV)

"It's all I can do." Her voice drifts through the phone into my ears and I just can't see things from where she sees them. I don't understand how she can just sit around doing absolutely nothing . . . and how she can consider that atoning.

I mean maybe she could . . . Hell if I know . . . it's her life to fix, not mine. It's her fault . . .

"Is it?" I wonder. I'm serious. She just shrugs and gives an annoyed sigh. I can still see the anger within her as she fiddles with the phone cord. Her fingers are long and for some reason skinner then I remember. Her voice sounds defeated and lost . . . and so low. If a huge wind blew in, I could see her being swept away . . . off to a distant land and nobody would ever see her again.

"Don't you think I tried?" her small voice seems to question. I shrug again. I glance over at her and her eyes seem almost watery, like she's trying not to cry.

"I remember . . . being in the hospital . . . surrounded by bright lights and feeling so muchintense pain, and just . . . just hoping and praying that I wouldn't make it through. I . . . cried so much when I woke up . . . for hours . . . I never wanted to, I didn't deserve to and I have no idea why . . . or how . . . but here I am, living and breathing . . . so I figure that somehow I was given another chance to make it okayand this is what I feel is right."

Her voice is cracking and I feel guilt rise in me for making her voice sound that way . . . and I'm not sure why. Something about her and the way she acts fascinates me. I always did respect her for her dueling skills . . . she was a great duelist and she seemed . . . so confident.

She seemed so pulled together, but she never was the same after that tournament. The strength that she had was gone and her love for dueling seemed to have passed with it.

Seeing her downfall always put this small fear in me that it could happen to me. She was just like me and maybe that's why I feel this pull toward her. It's part of the reason I didn't charge her. She was going to die so Mokuba would live . . . and I guess I just couldn't. I don't sit around and think about why I didn't charge her with anything and people always ask me . . . but I don't answer.

I know what she did, who she is . . . but she risked her life for my brother and she almost died in my arms . . . I can't really hate her . . . or dislike her for that matter.

"And um thanks for giving me Mokuba's message . . . but I really don't feel like talking anymore.'' says her exhausted voice. She looks tired, like she could sleep for a few days, and then wake up and be back to herself.

I know it won't happen.

"Thought you were lonely?" I ask. I can tell by the way her head pops up from against her hand that my comment interested her. In fact, she seems to be harnessing a small smile.

"Well . . . Joey's wedding was absolutely boring. Abby was frustrated with just about everything and I was surprised at her hidden vocabulary. The whole playgroup was there as well . . . and it was filled with relatives, tiny and loud children, and of course the press . . . I'd have to say though the best part was watching Tea cry over and over . . . and people telling her to stop. She was wailing and screaming about the how this is one of the best days of their lives and friendship brought them there . . . even Serenity was annoyed with her." I explain.

I see Mai's lips form into a small smile, so I continue.

"But the best part was the after-party. Tea drank a little too much and she managed to walk into several tables before dancing like a complete idiot . . . and sometime after that she passed out . . . and Joey had to carry her to Tristan's car." Mai is definitely laughing now and it was definitely a sight I won't soon forget.

In fact, I plan to remind Tea about it constantly.

"But he's happy?" Mai asks.

"Yeah . . . as happy as the stupid mutt could ever be, I guess." was my response. Do I want to see the guy happy . . . I guess. He still bugs me and every time he talks I want to flee the area . . . but he is fun to make fun of.

"We don't have much longer." Mai then says. I know, honestly, does she think I'm stupid?

"So . . . what do you plan to do when you get out?"

(Mai's POV)

"So . . . what do you plan to do when you get out?" His question is a hard one . . . one I don't think I'll be able to answer. Not now . . . not yet. I doubt in one year or two . . .

He looks at me, like he's expecting an answer . . . to a question I don't know.

"Depends." Is all I say. He stares at me for a second and then laughs.

"You do have sometime to choose . . . but what does it depend on?" Again with the hard questions . . . it's aggravating me horribly.

"How I am . . . what if I don't come back from this?" I ask and I hope that maybe he has an answer . . . and that this isn't one of the things I have to find out for myself . . . but I feel that I will.

"I think you will . . . I think you are." he says as he pushes his chair in, still holding the phone.

"I'll see you next month." he says as he hangs up and walks out.

Wait? He said he was coming back. I don't even know why he came in the first place . . . but part of me doesn't want to know. Part of me wants to keep it new and mysterious. Because it is . . . new.

And maybe this time I won't screw this whole friendship thing up . . . because there is something there. It's small and I'm not sure what to call it . . . but it's there.

I mean . . . we did go through a lot . . . and maybe, well maybe that brought us closer. Maybe we have this small bond . . . and maybe it will grow.

Whoever thought that Seto Kaiba would want to visit some crazy pysco chick in jail . . . me . . . the one who destroyed him and then fixed it. He didn't even charge me with anything . . . I remember him telling me not to worry about it. He never did talk to me about it again . . . he just let it go . . . yet another mystery. I doubt I'll ever know.

I admire the guy. His strength is incredible.

It makes me want to tell my story . . . tell it so that everyone knows . . . and so they won't make the same mistakes I did.

Maybe I should write a book . . . I do have a lot of time on my hands.

Next month . . . yes there has to be something there. He wouldn't do that for anybody . . . perhaps he appreciated what I did.

And if it is just a fluke . . . it won't affect me, because I want it to go slow . . . but I don't think it's a fluke. Part of me feels it . . . and the smile on my face has to mean something.

Because now I know . . . the one thing, I never did before.

I'm Mai Valentine and that's okay . . .

And there is hope.