Speak Nothing of Love

Rating: K
Genre: Romance
Status:Complete
Summary: What is love? All she knew was that when he was near, she wanted to be with him. When she let him go, it hurt. Was that love? And now, she has a second chance... SetoxTea
Notes: Poetic style, first person.

:Part One- What:

I know nothing of love.

I am but a child, and cannot know of love. Love is hidden in the depths of the adult world, one which children can only dream of entering. One day, the hazy glamour will be stripped from our eyes, and we will be allowed into cold, glimmering reality. Until then, we are but children, and know nothing of love.

We see affection and term it something impossible. As children, we cry over what we have lost like children do over toys. Only adults can experience the overwhelming bitter-sweetness that is love, and only they can accept its loss with grace. Children cannot see as adults can. They have not experienced enough of life. They are fickle little things, temperamental too. Only adults, with their worldly demeanor and infinite wisdom- only they know of love.

I know nothing of love.

I only know that once, there was someone- a boy. Brown hair and blue eyes made him similar to everyone else, but there was something…special about him.

It was the way he walked- graceful, full of confidence. He knew what he wanted, and no one could take it away from him.

It was the way he spoke- one word, and it commanded the room's attention. The barest whisper, and everyone was eager to fulfill his smallest wishes.

It was the way he was.

I know nothing of love.

I just know that seeing him made me feel so…lost. My heart and soul yearned for him, and it ached for the yearning. He was untouchable. Unattainable. Yet, for all my hurting, I was content to sit there, watch him- that was enough.

He was an addiction.

I watched. I saw. I burned his image into my memory, treasuring every little bit as one savors the taste of chocolate even after it has long melted.

I watched. I listened. I let his voice reverberate around me, picking up each word and turning it over and over in my mind.

I know nothing of love.

I just know that each time I saw him, there was that small leap my heart gave, like when one opens a long-awaited present. And even though that glance was just for a second, it would brighten my entire day, helping raise my spirits if I had been down.

Odd, what a person can do without trying.

I, so normally bright and talkative, quieted when he was near. The smallest sound would break that fragile peace that lay there.

He didn't know what effect he had on me. How could he?

Every time I saw him, I felt so empty, painfully aware of how alone I was. The world fell away, narrowed down to his figure alone. And he was so far away.

I don't know if he ever felt my eyes on him, watching him, admiring…

Even if he did, I was probably one of many…so many girls who wouldn't hesitate to do his bidding…who was I to compare?

I know nothing of love.

I just know that as time passed, whatever it was I felt stayed just as strong as it first was.

The year was almost over. Soon, I would never see him again. There was nothing I could do about it.

It crossed my mind many times to go and talk to him. To confess.

But what was the point? Some people say that you never know. I was devastatingly aware of the consequences should I have chosen to confront him.

He was still a mystery to me…even after all that time. Gentle and kind one minute, cold and cruel the next- I could not tell which was real and which was not.

But I knew, with absolute certainty that he did not care for me at all. I was a strange girl, still am. There was nothing in me to love.

I know nothing of love.

I just know that the longer I watched him, the more apparent his flaws became. He, who had first seemed so beautiful, was not quite so…there. And there. Imperfections.

But they only endeared him further to me. I could, I realize now, accept him for who he was.

Even in my dreams, I could not touch him.

So many nights, I saw him in my sleep. And even then, he stood so far away…aloof, unobtainable.

Sometimes, I awaken, with his name sounding in my heart.

I never, never cry. Not over something so trivial as this. This feeling, that had no name.

I know nothing of love.

I just know that when the year ended, he graduated, leaving for the real world. I did not think I would see him again.

As I went down the school hallways, sometimes I'd look up, my heart in my throat, fully expecting to see him, as I had before. But no one was there. Unfamiliar faces, brushing past me…a new year, new people…he was gone.

There were so many regrets. I knew, however, if they weren't regrets, they would have been disappointments. We operated on different levels, the two of us- different circles, different attitudes, two different people. I had stood no chance, and that was that.

I know nothing of love.

I just know that even now, half a year later, I still dream of him.

Even now, in my dreams, he is still unreachable. Not even in my dreams am I allowed to have him.

I wake up thinking…I want to see him again, just once. I want to hear his voice. I want…

The cold emptiness is still there. Time hasn't let it fade.

I know nothing of love.

I just know that slowly, I have forgotten what he looks like. My memory of him has faded. But I still remember his voice, his movements.

There is absolute certainty that if I see him again, I will remember again, full force.

Even if I cannot recall his face, this feeling has not left. It frightens me.

Each person I meet, I think, it is not him. They cannot compare to his grace, his beauty. No one can become as he was.

I know nothing of love.

I just know that sometimes…sometimes…I still see his image in my mind.

And sometimes…sometimes…I still hear his voice in my head.

My heart still aches for something that is no longer there.

If I should meet him again, I think…I think I would still care for him as deeply as I do now.

Time has not changed what I feel, so it cannot be love.

Love is supposed to be about forgetting, healing, letting go…moving on. Love is supposed to be forever. Which is it?

I do not know, I am but a child.

I know nothing of love.

What is love?

:end part one: