Tom and B'Elanna sat on the couch. She poured more wine in each of their glasses. She handed a glass to him and waited patiently to hear what he had to say.
Tom opened the sketch pad to the place he had marked. It was she tiger's picture. He showed her the drawing and began. "This is my animal guide. One of the things we talked about on one of my vision quests was the fact that sometimes you feel like I shut you out. I have to admit, I have been guilty of that. She tiger said I need to share more of my life with you, including her. She's right. I'm starting tonight."
He looked B'Elanna in the eye. "I know you have wondered about the nightmares. My dad was a loving father until he was taken prisoner by the Cardassians. That changed him. He...he was never the same." He turned the page and pointed to the cedar chest he had drawn. "When mom and my sisters weren't home and dad decided I needed to be taught a lesson, he'd shut me up in the cedar chest. That's what the nightmares about him are mostly about. When I got too big for the cedar chest, he'd shut me up in the hall closet."
B'Elanna put her arm around Tom. "That's terrible. Did you ever tell you mom or anyone what he was doing?"
"No," answered Tom. "I was afraid to. I didn't think anyone would believe me. Dad's 'public persona' was different. It was almost like he was two different people. I was also afraid of what he would do if I did tell."
B'Elanna shook her head. "No wonder you and your father didn't get along."
"It was weird, during those same years, he would still read to me every night. Our favorite book was Jules Vern's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. He never minded having to re-read that book. Those were the times I knew that somewhere deep down, dad really did love me. I couldn't understand why he acted the way he did other times," said Tom quietly.
"Well, I recall you saying that you understood him better after studying the material the Doctor gave you on Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I think you're right about your dad suffering from it," said B'Elanna gently.
"That's one of the reasons I tried to keep the dreams a secret from everyone. It was not entirely dad's fault." He turned the page.
B'Elanna saw the saw cedar chest with an ax on it. She looked questioningly at Tom.
"In a vision quest, she tiger decided it was time for me deal with the chest," said Tom. "We were in the living room of my parents' house. The only things in the room besides us were the chest, an ax, and the fireplace with a blazing fire." Tom stared across the room as if he could see the scene before him for a few moments.
"So, what happened?" asked B'Elanna.
Tom turned to the next page. "I took the ax and started chopping up the cedar chest." The drawing showed Tom chopping the chest. "It was weird, it was almost like I was out of control." He slowly sipped some wine. "When it was reduced to pieces, I stopped and threw the ax down." He again turned the page. The next drawing depicted him standing before the rubble that was all that remained of the cedar chest. She tiger told me to put the pieces in the fireplace, so that they would be completely burned to ash." The drawing on the next page showed Tom and she tiger sitting in front of the fireplace watching the wood debris burn.
B'Elanna snuggled closer to Tom. "Did it help?" she asked.
"Actually, it did," admitted Tom. "That night, I didn't have any nightmares." He kissed her temple softly. "Your suggestion to Chakotay that I try finding my animal guide has made a huge difference in my life."
She looked up at him. "I'm glad, Tom."
"On another vision quests, she tiger and I discussed you." He turned the page to the picture he had drawn of B'Elanna. He looked at her to see what her response was going to be.
"Tom, this is...it's..." B'Elanna stammered.
"It's not as nearly beautiful as you are, B'Elanna," said Tom softly. "It was during that quest that she tiger told me how I needed to be more open with you. I told she tiger that I loved you and couldn't imagine my life without you."
B'Elanna looked up from the drawing and smiled. "I wouldn't want to even try to imagine my life without you, Tom."
He turned to the next drawing.. She saw the two of them drifting in space in environmental suits. "The Day of Honor," she said. "The day I finally found the courage to tell you I loved you."
"I know. After Voyager rescued us, I felt like a jerk for not telling you that I loved you too. Then when we avoided each other, I was so afraid you didn't mean it. When I stopped you in the corridor and you told me you did really mean it, my heart almost stopped."
"I remember that day," she began. "I gave you an easy out, but instead, you kissed me."
"I consider that our first 'true' kiss. The ones during your blood fever...well...," Tom blushed.
"I know," she said in an understanding tone. She reached down and turned the page to see the next drawing. It was a man in a rocking chair holding a book. She looked questioningly at Tom.
"Yeah, that's my dad. I wanted to reflect the good times with him too," admitted Tom. "I always felt safe when I was lying in bed listening to him read to me."
B'Elanna reached down and turned the page again. When she saw the blank page, she looked up at Tom. "Can I see your earlier drawings, Tom?"
"Sure," he said with a nod of his head and turned to the front of the sketch pad.
"I replicated this sketch pad during my first year on Voyager, not long after the Vidians stole Neelix's lungs. That Vidian was the first picture I drew. By the time Neelix was breathing on his own with Kes' lung, I was so stressed out, that I decided to take up my old hobby of drawing."
"You certainly did a good job on the Vidian," commented B'Elanna with a shiver. Tom drew her closer with the arm he had around her.
"Some of the pictures may bring back some bad memories for you. Are you sure you want to see them?" asked Tom in a concerned voice.
"That which does not kill me makes me stronger," quipped B'Elanna as she turned the page. She immediately recognized Sandrine and Ricky from Tom's holoprogram. She stared at the drawing thoughtfully for a few moments. "Tell me about Ricky, Tom."
"Uh, Ricky," he began. "Actually she wasn't based on a real person. When I was growing up, most of the girls my age wanted to be around me because of my father's position. I created Ricky for holoprograms around then. She loved me for who I was, not what position my dad held."
"Well, I love you for who you are," B'Elanna assured him as she kissed his cheek.
They continued to page through the sketch pad, looking at various drawings. Some were related to things that had happened to them on Voyager, others were just the product of Tom's fertile imagination.
She paused when she saw a drawing with the title, The Three Faces of B'Elanna. The faces were set against a pyramid. At the top was a drawing of her as she was. On the bottom left corner was her face as her human self, and on the right corner was her face as her Klingon self. She gazed up at Tom, an unasked question in her eyes.
"I drew that after we were held prisoner by the Vidians," said Tom. "To me, it represented that both your human and Klingon halves combine to make you the unique person you are."
B'Elanna smiled and kept staring at the picture. Tom wondered what she was thinking. The fact that she was smiling was encouraging.
"Tom," she began softly. "Could I have this drawing?" She looked at him, hope gleaming in her eyes.
"It's yours," he said simply. "I'll even replicate a frame for you to put it in." He was relieved that she was not upset by the picture. Instead, she had liked it so much she wanted it for her own.
She closed the sketch pad and sat it on the table. Tom raised his eyebrows and looked down at her, waiting for her to make the next move. She pulled him close, wrapping her arms around him. For a few moments, she just stared into his blue eyes. Then she lifted her lips to his and met them in a passion filled kiss. Tom readily responded, pulling her as close as he could.
After long moments of exploration, they broke the kiss. Tom stood up and carried her into the sleeping area of her quarters. The thirty days were over and they were together again at last.