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MEN
ON ASSES
Chapter
2: Getting Settled Down
Splat!
That's what it must have sounded like when the pie landed on my face. It slowly slid down, leaving traces of (delicious) cream which tasted suspiciously like shaving cream. I wiped off the rest off of my face and looked around to see where it came from. In front of me, little Lawrence stood laughing his little butt off. Of course, after seeing the expression on my face, he stopped soon after.
I like pie. Just not
on my face.
"Are we there yet?"
"For the some-hundredth-something time, NO!" everybody yelled at Sain for asking that ever so dreaded question for the seven hundredth eighty first time.
"Sain, seriously, did you think that we could get TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ELIMINE-FORSAKEN CONTINENT IN ONE DAY?" Lowen yelled at Sain angrily; just like everyone else had done so for the previous seven hundred and eighty times, and each time, the volume and intensity of anger in the yell increases. I was responsible for half of that.
Wallace was in his own little world, his eyes gleaming, probably thinking of the numerous sick endless torture sessions he was going to put us through. We had to wake him out of it many times to keep him from running into a passing chariot, going the wrong way, falling off a cliff, or getting trampled by speeding riders.
Lowen was almost as bad, but at least we only had to redirect him towards the path sometimes; most of the time, his horse would keep his master in check. Actually, Lowen was probably as bad as Wallace. Every few seconds he would mumble Rebecca as if he was chanting some really creepy elder magic on Wallace. It got irritating enough that I almost gagged him with a handkerchief.
The Pegasus sisters were in front of the pack, since they actually knew the way. This is one of the few times I've seen them act normal together. Normal, as in Fiora and Farina not trying to rip each other's throats out. Normal, as in Florina staying as far away from Sain as possible. They're just...gossiping, and talking about girl stuff. I couldn't really tell; I decided to sleep and close off the world around me after Sain asked us if we were there yet at around the four hundredth or so time.
And Sain...was being Sain. Lowen and I decided to tie him up in the cart so he wouldn't flirt with the girls. The reason being, if the girls were distracted, we would get lost as they are the only ones who could navigate for our group.
The trip towards the place was supposed to take us about two weeks. Well, that's pretty much what's been happening for the last twelve days. We are now entering Ilia's borders. Maybe that'll shut Sain up for a bit, or at least get him off the backs of OUR Pegasus knights and flirt with the natives.
Two more uneventful days have passed. Then I saw it. It glowed like a ruby in a jumble of sapphires. I mean, it was so...huge. It was definitely impressive.
Inside The Mist Dragon:
"HARO!" a young Ilian girl greeted us from behind the counter of the hotel. She was smiling broadly, as most employees of a business should do, but it seemed so sincere. Her childish pigtails and wide light green eyes gave her the look of someone a lot younger than she actually is, much like Serra. And to the joy of Sain, she wore a maid's uniform. "How can I herp you today? My name is Ririan, and I'm the receptionist for today!" She pointed to her name tag, which said 'Lilian.'
"But your name tag says you're called Lilian," Lowen pointed out. We know, you blind man.
"I know. I said I'm Ririan."
"But it says Lilian."
"I did say Ririan."
"But you said Lilian..."
"That's what I said."
"Excuse my friend," Sain interrupted, "he is unable to appreciate the beautiful sounds made by such lovely foreign tongues." In a flash, he jumped behind the counter, kneeled in front of her, and kissed her hand. "My name is Sain," he introduced himself. "My companions and I have traveled a long and arduous journey through the cold mountains of Bern, the misty depths of Valor, the blazing Nabata desert, and again through the cold land of Il..."
WHAM!
"That's enough, loverboy," Fiora said, pulling him back to our side of the counter after smacking him with the butt of her lance. The bulge on his head was quite visible.
"Okay! You must be the group from Eliwood's Erite! We've received your retter of reservation; I'rr take you to your rooms, if you don't mind," Lilian offered. She guided us to the back of the giant hotel.
Because of that little encounter, I haven't had the time to look around enough. The hotel was of grand design; the walls were covered with polished mahogany and the floor was covered with soft, fuzzy, and most likely expensive carpet. Sain will have a lot of fun rolling around in this. There were exotic plants everywhere; I see Bern white roses, Sacean dandelions...pretty much everything was inside a greenhouse in the middle of the lobby, which was covered by glass.
Lilian took us to the third floor of the four floor hotel. She said that I'll be rooming with Sain, Wallace with Lowen, and the girls get a suite all to themselves. She put our baggage inside the rooms and said, "Good bye, I must attend to other possibre customers!"
I immediately took my heavy red armor off and put it on the armor stands. I took my smelly shirt of as well and put it in the laundry basket. The armor will probably get washed by the service tomorrow, so there's no need to polish it now. Sain did the same. After this, I got a good look at the room. Two beds, carpet flooring, a writing desk, and a window for good cold Ilian morning air. However, as soon as I sat on my bed, I felt bliss. It felt like falling into the soft bosom of my beloved...whoever it is...Argh, I'm starting to think like Sain!
"She's...strange," I commented after I've changed to my bathing robes. We need to wash off after two weeks of no baths, after all. "I mean, you don't have many people with accents like that here in Elibe..."
"She's a most beautiful and lively angel..." Sain began.
"You say that about every girl..." I said.
"Well, no, they're all beautiful, but they have their own characteristics which make them unique. This one is especially lively and cheerful; she would be the perfect one for me!"
"That's what you said TO every girl..."
"But I'm sure this is the one!"
"Whatever. Let's go. You need to get the stench of horse more than I do. You also reek of something else that I think I know of but don't want to know."
"You mean the liquid that comes out when I touch mysel..."
"Don't finish that." And I'm glad he didn't, or the image would have been stuck in my head. I shuddered for a second, and immediately tried to forget it. Forget living to twenty-five, keeping my sanity for the next...however long this trip was going to be. And I fear I may not even make it then.
Please R&R!