Disclaimer: I do not own X/1999. Clamp does. Sue me not.
A cookie to anyone who recognizes the British television show from which some of the elements in this show are taken.
Ghosts in the Crack
Part I – The appearance ('appearance is a good name for a ghost revealing itself! I donno scratches head)
Black is the night outside Subaru's window.
Black are the curtains when looked upon from inside the room; the pale light of the moon's thin crescent outlining them silver.
Black is the room in which Subaru sits.
Black is the sofa on which the light onmyouji sits, save for a triangle of pale silver light from the moon.
Black is the floor, black is the small narrow bed.
Black is the hair falling on Subaru's forehead, nearly reaching into his redundant, damaged eyesight.
Black are his clothes where the light does not illuminate them.
Black are the old bloodstains of love lost forever.
Black is the soul of the man on the chair.
White is the fancy Armani suit the ghost wears as he materializes at the black corner of the black room.
Seishiro opens his eyes to see the man on the chair and a smirk blacker then Satan's soul spreads on his ghastly lips.
"…Subaru-kun…"
The lovely nine year old so plump and soft and beautiful had grown to be an equally fresh and lovely youth. The lovely youth was snapped broken, twisted like so many metal wires, and shaped into a new delightful, just as beautiful, painful young man. The painful, beautiful young man was twisted one last time, beyond what many would think possible, burdened with so much more anguish, squashed by a new force of sorrow and loss.
Seishiro never enjoyed creating something on his own as he did Subaru's current state.
This man, this lovely, lovely man, this breathtaking, bleeding, brooding, warped young man, had nothing but him on his mind now.
He saw nothing else but his bloodstained hands and blood-sprayed clothes, smelled nothing but rubble and sea air and blood, heard nothing but the thudding beats of his aching heart and those sweet last words, felt nothing but the soft flesh parting before his fingers, the blood pouring on his digits, the bones give in to the magical energy, tasted nothing but a true broken heart's bitterness. This man thought of nothing else but him, him, him and him.
This man was all his.
"Ah, Subaru-kun…"
This man blinked and cocked his head softly, the movement so soft and tiny it could have easily escaped anyone who wasn't watching Subaru for a time as long as Seishiro did. This man furrowed a bit with raven eyebrows naturally shaped to best frame his magnificent jade eye. This man's magnificent jade eye twitched at the edges, the pupil coming into focus.
This man had heard him.
…..
Eh!
Seishiro took a hesitative step backwards and sunk his ethereal body into the curtains.
Subaru heard him. Nah, it's impossible, right?
"….Subaru-kun?"
This man now snapped his neck towards him, clearly setting his blazing seeing eye on the brightly shining ghost at the corner of his room.
"S-Seishiro-san?...!"
Shit.
Seishiro took a few steps backwards and found himself hovering four floors above the bustling nighttime Tokyo street, October's chilly wind blowing through his metaphysical physic.
Now now Seishiro, there's no need to panic, now is there?
Panic! Nah, he's not panicking is he? Not at all….Everything can be regarded and analyzed logically, this way the situation can be better understood.
Wait a tick, since when does he panic!
Ah yes, he is dead, therefore the power of the Sakura no longer holds him in its grasp. That means his emotions are now unlocked and uncontrolled. That means he's feeling things.
Well, shit.
No! No! You will not panic Sakurazuka Seishiro! Emotions or no emotions you are not going to panic, you hear me! Don't panic!
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Wait, he's dead, what's breathing exercises gonna do!
Fine! No breathing, just don't panic okay?
….
Good, that's better.
Yes. Definitely not panicking.
Let's just calmly, rationally, look at the facts before us, okay?
Right.
Fact A: Subaru can see him. Perfectly logical; Subaru is the most powerful onmyouji since the great Obe no Seimei (by the way, there are rumors that he too was gay, they even made a movie about it! But that's beside the point! Focus Seishiro, focus!) which makes him pretty capable of seeing ghosts.
Fact B: This was not supposed to happen. He specifically asked to linger in the land of the living, yes, but he asked to return as an incubus, a really powerful one that can mask its presence even from the strongest onmyouji.
The fact that this failed to happen can be perfectly explained like so: He, Sakurazuka Seishiro, is a bastard, a sinful, sadistic, murderous bastard and the likes of him are probably not the type whose wishes are taken into kind considerations. Stupid angels.
Fact C: With the Sakura's emotion-binding curse he is now showered with a rainbow of emotions, emotions he was not faced with since he was a mere babe. He cannot stop them, he cannot control them, and he cannot cooperate with them.
All the aforementioned facts lead to Fact D: He is stuck in the land of the living, about to suffer emotional swings to last for a hoard of pregnant women, obviously not the incubus he wished to be and therefore not going to even get laid and make things a little better, in perfect clear sight of Subaru and cannot do much to help it.
Nothing much to do about that fact now is there? Better just grin and bear it.
Yup, grin and bear it, and most importantly; not to panic.
…
OhmyfuckinggodSubarucanseemeandIcan'tcreepuponhimforsomegoodoldnight'svisitbecausehe'llseemeandkickmyassandwhatcanIdoaboutitanyway!Nothing!That'swhatbecauseIaintgottheSakurazukamoripowersnomoreandIcan'tfighthimandhecanTOTALLYexorciseme,forsure,nosweat,goodbyemister'S-Seishirosan,blush,blsuh'hellowmister'Hello,mynameisSumeragiSubaru,youmademylifeintoalivinghell,preparetodie!butI'malreadydead,hecan'tdoshitaboutitbesidesangstingandhewon'tevendothatbecauseHECANFUCKINGSEEMEandwhyangstaboutmedeadwhenI'MRIGTHFUCKINGTHERE,EH!
….
Well, at least he didn't panic.
Ei? What's this? Someone entering Subaru's room? Someone infiltrating the domain of Subaru-kun's chamber, which by law of property, means that it's his domain?
Seishiro squared his shoulders, clenched his fists and stomped back into the room through the wall and the curtains.
A frail, lithe, short figure stood at the doorway to Subaru's room, one hesitative hand still on the door. The light from the corridor illuminated Subaru's slightly crouched figure sitting spread legged on the chair.
"Subaru?" The leader of the Dragons of Heaven whimpered his voice soft and tender as he could make it. Kamui stepped into the room determinedly, his face the complete mask of pity and pain.
"Go away. G-o a-w-a-y n-o-w. My Subaru-kun, grieving over me, thinking about me, not you! Piss off!"
Subaru's head snapped towards Seishiro again, his seeing eye widening with surprise and warmth.
"Shit, I just said that out loud, didn't I….and I just said that out loud as well, didn't I….and this too…okay, I'll stop."
Kamui stopped his approach to the onmyouji, a hand raised to reach out for the man hesitatively "S-Subaru?"
Subaru returned his gaze, somewhat ruffled and confused, back to his leader, "S-Seishiro-san….I…."
Kamui's twitching face perfectly conveyed how he understood his good friend's pain.
"Ah, I made you worry…." The onmyouji snapped out of his confusion and spoke to Kamui. "You don't have to fret over me, I'm not having a breakdown or anything….Now that's not nice Seishiro-san, put that finger away."
Kamui blinked, confused, drawing his head backwards a bit.
He wouldn't be so confused if he, like Subaru, could see the big looming Sakurazukamori ghosts standing directly to Kamui's right flipping his middle finger before his eyes, bouncing his palm sideways from time to time to make the offence dance a bit.
But he couldn't see that could he, so instead he tried to put away what he thought were the first signs of his good friend's grief-induced dementia, and carry on the conversation as if nothing happened.
"Your clothes…you haven't changed them?"
His lithe little hand brushed across the left sleeve of Subaru's white trench-coat, dotted by dark brown stains.
"Hey! Hands off the merchandise twerp, Subaru-kun's mine and mine alone and only I can play with him. Go get molested by your seme if you're bored."
"K-Kamui's s-seme?" Subaru cocked his head, "Who do you mean?"
"E-eeeeeh!" Kamui shot backwards frightened, "W-what are you talking about Subaru?"
Kamui stayed at the safe distance he drew between himself and Subaru for a moment to gather his wits again and reorganize his thoughts. No need to panic, so Subaru's raving a bit; it's understandable after all he's been through, no need to be too alarmed. At least he's not flailing or foaming at the mouth yet.
Yet! What's that supposed to mean!
Never mind Kamui! Ignore it and it'll go away, you're only encouraging him by reacting to his mumbles.
Kamui walked back to Subaru's chair and leaned onto the man, hands on each armrest, "His blood. It's all over you. Is that why…?"
Subaru looked away from the boy's near face, down to his chest where the white fabric was most besmirched by his dead love's blood.
Kamui leaned in closer, his eyes searching the other man.
"Now why are you leaning over him like that for boy? What's up with the 'I'll just bend over you and poke my ass in the air a bit now when there's obviously no one in the room WHOSE HEART BELONG TO SEISHIRO AND SEISHIRO ALONE to watch me do it', eh, eh, little runt!"
"Seishiro-san, please…."
"Push him away from you Subaru-kun, go on, push him away, he's trying to pull his twisted ickle uke tricks, the sneaky little bugger."
"That's not true and you can't prove it."
"S-Subaru?" Kamui's eyes were very much on the edge of pure terror and he observed his friend's eye, now turned to a vague spot somewhere near his right ear.
He looked downwards, concentrating on what he had in mind when he first punched the room's door handle.
"I owe you an…"
Subaru shook his head gently and focused his attention on the boy before him, "Stop it, Kamui. You don't have to apologize for taking me out of there."
"NO!" screamed the youth, banging his tiny fists on the armrests.
"Oh you are SO not going to pull the 'help me, I'm so small and vulnerable and I feel saaaaaaaaaaad' now." Seishiro sneered.
During the last ten minutes another Fact was added to his earlier cheerful list: he was completely unable to touch anything and affect it. Objects, people, air, none of these were affected by his body; he simply moved through them.
This made pushing Kamui away from Subaru, yanking Kamui by the shirt out of the room, kicking Kamui's groin, pulling on Kamui's hair, scratching Kamui's face or poking his ribs, completely impossible.
And so Seishiro could only stand aside and watch as Kamui continued to perform before his property.
The boy had crumbled to the floor in the heat of his emotions, turning to kneel before the older man. His eyes screaming 'agonizing guilt' turned away from Subaru, his teeth clenched his delicate eyebrows ('bet he plucks them' thought Seishiro, 'the impish little uke'), Kamui confessed, "….I know it wasn't what you wanted!" tears of true pain wallowed at the corners of his large mauve eyes.
"Drama queen."
Subaru pierced Seishiro with a fiery glare.
Great, not only does he know I can't do anything anymore, he's using it to treat me like…well….like I deserve….
NO!OH, SWEETJESUSCHRISTISINHEAVENSPEAKWITHTHEDEAD, PLEASE DON'T LET ME FEEL IT, ANYTHING BUT IT…..ANYTHING BUT…….GUILT!
Luckily, before another bout of panic unfurled itself upon Seishiro, Kamui distracted him.
Placing a gentle palm on Subaru's knee, Kamui leaned his cheek on Subaru's leg, staring forward half dreamily.
"Oh sure," Seishiro muttered bitterly, interrupting Subaru from hearing Kamui's words, "first your hand is on the knee, then suddenly it creeps ever so up your leg and the next thing you know…"
The onmyouji slammed his fist onto the armchair, "Enough! I've heard enough of you!"
Kamui flinched, hanging miserable eyes at Subaru.
"Ah! Uh….not you Kamui, please go on with what you were saying…"
Kamui looked at Subaru long and hard, scanning the man's face for any signs of involuntary twitches or the first foam bubbles at the corners of his mouth.
"No don't tell him to go on! Can't you see he's trying to seduce you!"
"Seishiro-san!"
Very slowly, very carefully, Kamui turned his head around to gaze over his shoulder sheepishly.
No one was there. Subaru is indeed going mad.
"He's in Super Uke mode and he's trying to snatch away what is rightfully mine!"
"Would you please stop calling him an uke already?" Subaru made Kamui flinch and pale, "if I recall correctly he was very much gravened by Kotori's death; she was his childhood crush."
"Childhood crush my metaphysical ass, Subaru-kun, the most the boy ever did with her was give her fashion tips."
"Come on…"
"Uh…S-Subaru…?"
"The normal humane male has an 'X' chromosome and a 'Y' chromosome right? Kamui has an 'X' chromosome and a 'U' chromosome, that's how uke he is!"
"Oh hush, Kamui, would you please tell Seishiro-san once and for all that you and I are merely good friends and that you loved Kotori very much?"
Kamui was standing at the door by now after rising to his feet and slowly backing away from Subaru with the tiniest steps he could manage while avoiding any sudden movements.
"U-uh…yeah…w-whatever Subaru….I-I think I can hear Sorata calling me…or…uh…something….bye!" he shot out of the room, the door handle rattling as his shaking hands tried to close it as softly as he could.
Seishiro observed this with a huge smirk nearly splitting his face in half. "Much better, ne Subaru-kun?"
Subaru got up from his seat slowly, resting his little weight on his arms, and walked up to Seishiro.
For a moment there he stared up at the man's face, letting his eyes slip to his bright white suit from time to time.
Seishiro's smirk deepened into a mix between "Here's Sei-Sei!" and "You know you want me baby, admit it already."
The right hook Subaru sent at his opposing star swooshed the phantom's ethereal jaw, making the white mist-like substance blur for a moment before it re-gathered as Seishiro's face.
"Hey, what was that for!"
"You died on me you bastard, without even telling me about Hokuto-chan's curse so that I won't try to get myself killed by you, and worse of all you chose that moment of all times to confess your feelings!"
Resisting a strange new urge to rub at the back of his neck awkwardly and to actually mean it, Seishiro chose to switch his weight from one foot to the other instead.
This took Subaru by surprise; he took a step backwards and evaluated the ghost's behavior, mouth gaping in shock and eyes running all around the white clad body.
"S-Seishiro-san….Y-you….you're guilty!"
Oh shit.
No, don't panic, this is the worst time to panic!
"You're feeling things Seishiro-san, you feel guilt! Your emotions, they're unleashed from the Sakura!"
"Nonsense Subaru-ku…"
Ohshithe'sontomehe'sontomehe'sontomehe'sontomehe'sontomehe'sontome,godfuckit,fuckfuckfuckfuckshitfhckshitgoddamnit!
"Yes, yes, obaa-san told me about it, about how the Sakurazukamori clan bind their newly borns' feelings inside the Sakura!"
"You must bear in mind, Subaru-kun, that your grandmother is a very old woman and therefore prone to mind illnesses such as Alzheimer's and dementia and what she says might not always be…"
Subaru closed the distance between himself and Seishiro, placing his palms on the front of Seishiro's jacket. He hung huge hopeful eyes at the ghost's slightly agitated ones, "You can feel Seishiro-san, you can feel!"
O-ho, the tide has turned didn't it? This is a cause for celebration; if he were just dead there was no way on earth he would be able to keep his Subaru-kun emotionally chained to him as he becomes now! Brilliant! Maybe the guys up there knew what they were doing when they sent him back in this form and not as some random faceless sex spirit.
"And what's most important; currently, you're feeling guilt!" A sneaky light twinkled in Subaru's seeing eye for a moment.
…..
"Uh…."
Subaru turned on his heels and began walking back to his chair, scraping the sticky trench-coat off his shoulders, "Well in that case, let me tell you exactly what it is you should feel guilty about, just to make sure you'll feel guilty about them all, detail by tiny detail."
"Subaru-kun…."
"After all, with you being a ghost and me being the powerful onmyouji that I am, I'm perfectly capable of locking you here with me with one simple flicker of my ofuda."
"hey now…"
Subaru plopped into the sofa, crossing his legs and fishing the folded trench-coat for cigarettes. "Where shall we begin? Ah yes, how about when we first met and you made me see the dead, disfigured body of a little girl…."
Outside the room Kamui and Sorata were trying to press themselves as much as they could to the doors in hope of catching Subaru's words.
"Dude, he's talking to himself!"
"No, he's talking to Seishiro, Seishiro Sora; he's talking to definitely-dead-Seishiro!"
"The poor thing, he's mind's gone down the drain…."
"That's what twenty five years of being the Ultimate Doormat does to a man…"
"I think he just needs a good rest, poor thing had it rough lately."
Kamui tried to keep himself from murmuring about how Subaru's not the only one who had 'a rough time lately' so as not to start a worldwide fangirl war of doom over whose angstier.
Inside Subaru was just starting to discuss the events of the Year, "And then there was the time you switched the boxers Hokuto issued me for the day with that heart-shaped front g-string…."
Seishiro began regretting he couldn't touch objects because the west wall of Subaru's room looked pretty nice to bang his head against a couple of hundred times.
(tbc)
A.N: not funny, I know. "The ultimate doormat" belongs to my beta, Cait who brilliantly invented it, all credit goes to her.