A/N: This story...instruction manual... whatever you wish to call it... was inspired by the story The Headless Horseman In Denial by piratingelvenpyro. This isn't like a sequel or anything... but she gave me the rather brilliant idea. So you should read her story. Because it is really rather excellent. Oh, also, the next chapters will be more instruction manually. This is just the "introduction."

The Definitive Guide To The Art Of Decapitation by the one and only Headless Horseman

Introduction

Loyal readers,

For hundreds of years I have wandered this world, existing upon the border between life and death. I have survived wars, famine, and merciless animated movie adaptations. How, you ask? That is a question that I myself have not yet managed to completely answer. However, I feel that it likely has a great deal to do with my incredible wit, charm, and skill with a really, really sharp blade.

It is this fortunate combination of characteristics which leads me to writing this… what shall I call it? Instruction manual? I suppose that would be the correct term. Instructions for dealing out death with a very, very sharp blade. Oh, look how easy this is! I seem to have let slip…

Horseman's Helpful Pointer Number 1: Make sure your decapitation instrument is really really sharp! In this day and age, unless you want to get sued for violating the Geneva Convention, we in the honored field of decapitation stress the importance of the relatively painless removal of the cerebral region.

We're not even done with my self-promoting introductory chapter and I've already introduced you to the easy to follow format of this book. I trust that you will find it a veritable treasure trove of information, ranging from the history of beheading to decapitation today. Notable decapitates (myself included) will of course be discussed, as will technical head removal information. But the fun and education doesn't stop there! As this is intended to be the definitive manual on all things decapatory, it includes chapters such as What To Do With A Headless Corpse and Frequently Asked Questions.

As the world's foremost expert on decapitation with equine assistance, I feel it is my unparalleled duty to share my knowledge with the next generation. Therefore, it is in the spirit of brotherhood with my fellow ghost that I publish this book. (And it's quite a deal at only $12.95!)

I wish you happy reading, and safe and efficient beheading.

Sincerely,

The Horseman

Disclaimer

Despite using really really sharp swords, some test subjects experienced side effects including headache, neck pain, and other mild to moderate discomfort during the decapitation process. If you are pregnant, nursing, or have a history of heart conditions you should talk to your doctor to see if decapitation is right for you.