Yeah. So my brother was watching one of those stupid little "movies" in Disney channel and I was there, being lazy and watching with him, when the idea came to me. It was like one cart saying, "simple plot," and another cart saying, "catchy characters," and another one connecting to the other two saying, "cute," and all three just attaching themselves to the freaking engine and caboose, choo-chooing its way around my head. Suddenly, I think, "woah! AU!" and decide to make it a Gundam Wing fanfiction. Heh. It helped that one of the main character's name was Mr. D.

Issues

Chapter 1: Where Sushi Meets Duo

"Dude! Check it out! New bitch at ten o' clock!"

With a persevering sigh, I looked obligingly at the supposed "new bitch" that Johnny so boisterously pointed out. Not bad, I thought. Decked in black, the new girl looked every bit the eye-candy that I expected Johnny's quick eye to latch onto. Her waist was slim, tapered, and her legs stretched out to forever. Her shoulders were a little too broad for my tastes but that could be overlooked. Her most startling feature, however, was the meter-long braid that teasingly swayed about her luscious ass.

Hot damn.

"Nice," I drawled out. "Where'd you think she transferred from?"

Johnny didn't give a damn. He was busy salivating. God. Do teenage boys have no sense of propriety at all? I looked at Johnny. Apparently not.

"Stop drooling ass fuck, and go say hi," I told him. "After that, introduce her to me."

Johnny looked at me incredulously. "Fuck you. Why do I have to do it?"

Whiny shit. "Because I said so." Yeah. There it is. The POWER.

"Fine," he said and trudged on to meet little miss hottie. Being the supportive friend that I was, I trudged along behind him.

Johnny cleared his throat. "Hey babe . . ." he said. I shook my head. Stupid fuck. "Wanna hang out with the real men?"

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. Johnny was such a retard. God. The new chick probably thought that we were a bunch of freaks. I had to fix that immediately. My dating life will not be screwed over by the idiotic actions of Johnny-I'm-a-man-Watson.

"Sorry miss," I said after I calmed down a bit although I was still bent over trying to catch my breath. "Johnny's an ass." I stood up straight and found myself staring at an impish heart-shaped face—a manly impish heart-shaped face.

Oh fuck. So that's why Johnny hadn't hit me on the head when I insulted him in front of a hot chick—er, guy. Whatever. He was busy gaping.

The guy was grinning so I grinned back at him. "Hey, sorry man. Thought you were a girl."

"Yeah. I get that all the time. It's the hair isn't it?"

"Fuck yeah," I agreed. I decided not to say that it was his hot ass as well. Damn. If only I were gay . . . "Forgive Fucktard here as well," I said, punching Johnny on the shoulder. "He's usually not so dumb . . . well, no, he is, but forgive him anyway."

"Sure man," he smiled at me. Phew. What a smile. He stuck out his hand. "Nice to meet you Johnny," he grinned and stuck out his hand. "I'm Duo. I'm not a chick, but I hope you don't mind."

Stunned, Johnny shook it and muttered his name. Duo's smile grew. Again, I checked my preferences and sneaked a peek at the ass of a girl who was passing by. Crisis averted. I'm still straight.

Duo turned to me expectantly and I introduced myself. "I'm Sushi Yuy."

"Sushi?"

I shrugged. "It makes life easier for the American kids to just to call me Sushi."

Duo smiled at me again. God. That smile. "Sushi it is then. So, where's the office of the big wig? I still have to get myself registered."

I pointed to the only building with flowers artistically arranged around it. "Top floor of the ego house," I told him. "You'll have to ask the bitch of a receptionist there for the 'special elevator' key. It's the only one that can bring you there."

Duo gave a low whistle. "Swanky." And it was. "Thanks anyway," he said. "I'll catch you later."

He turned and walked to the building. I most determinately did not watch his ass.

Johnny, who did not say a word during the entire encounter, whined at me and said, "Why'd he have to be a guy?"

--

Johnny was insane. Really. He couldn't stop talking about Duo. If I didn't know that he must've fucked at least half of the female population of the school, I would've thought him gay. Then again, there are closet cases . . .

"Hey J," I said, interrupting his tirade about not having seen Duo in any of his classes. "Are you gay?" I asked. He stared at me, looking insulted. Oops.

"What the fuck?" he screeched, a rather girly screech I might add. "I am not gay! Are you gay?"

"Last I checked, no," I answer calmly. "It's you I'm worried about man. You won't stop talking about Duo. I won't mind if you're gay. Really."

He looked scandalized. "Dude. That's fucked up!"

I changed the topic. Johnny might get traumatized by his emerging sexuality if I continued. I snickered. The female populous would kill me if I even suggested that.

"So, dude, where do you think Duo's gone?" I asked him. It was almost funny how his face slowly relaxed.

"No idea man," he said, glaring at me with those beady little eyes. "Weren't you listening to me? That's all I've been talking about!"

I let out a sigh. Right. That's what started the whole is-little-Johnny-gay thing. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Sure you aren't gay man? Look, Unc's gay. I really don't mind."

"Fuck you," he growled at me, his fists clenching.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Maybe now's a good time to stop. See, Johnny's pretty damn huge, captain of the football team and all, and despite my mentionable height, he could easily fold me in half. It actually surprises people how much I boss him around sometimes, but my good ole peers have gotten used to big ripped Johnny following freaky Sushi about. Unfortunately, Johnny's kind-hearted soul can only take so much and apparently being called gay is its limit. Lucky for me, I saw Duo enter the cafeteria us and decided to divert Johnny's attention again.

"Hey Duo! Over here dude!" I called him to our nice vandalized table. I even waved my hands, trying to get his attention. In my peripheral vision, Johnny had already calmed down and was waving at Duo as well. Phew. I'm not getting pounded today.

Duo saw our enthusiastic waving and grinned that sexy grin of his at us. I wondered again at my sexuality. Maybe I'm bi. He glanced around the room as if looking for someone and, figuring whoever that someone was wasn't around, joined Johnny and me for lunch.

"Hey man," Johnny greeted him as he sat next to me. "Where were you? I don't think I've seen you in any of my classes."

He shrugged and took a bite of the meatloaf. How is it that a meatloaf could look so good next to his lips and just look like crap on my lunch tray?

"Do you have Physics next?" he asked Johnny, his eyes looking up at him for a moment before focusing on the meatloaf that looked like crap on his lunch tray as well.

"Yeah," Johnny said. "Both of us have that class."

Duo's eyes gleamed. "Cool. That's my class too." He then turned to me and said, "Dude, your uncle's hot!"

Oh. Right. My uncle. History lesson here kiddos: My uncle, the Great Heero Yuy, was the Calculus Coordinator of my high school. That wouldn't have been too bad if he weren't my guardian as well as the hottest guy on campus. It really really sucks when all the girls run after your thirty year old uncle with the great body and ignores you, the honest to god normal high schooler who was too tall, too lanky, and too dorky. I love my uncle to death especially since he was the one who took me in when my parents died ten years ago, but SERIOUSLY.

Apparently, Duo noticed my almost forlorn look and tactfully changed the topic. "So," he said, turning to look at Johnny who looked rather perky at the attention that Duo was giving him. "I hear that you're the captain of the football team."

Johnny beamed. "Yeah," he answered, eyes shining with team spirit. "AND WE'RE THE BEST TEAM EVER!" he roared, causing the table filled with football players to roar and grunt back in agreement.

I caught Duo's eye, mouthed, "Jocks," and rolled my eyes, causing him to start smirking. Johnny, with his chest still puffed out with ego, didn't notice that small exchange.

It's sad to say that, after that enthusiastic display of school spirit, nothing exciting really happened. The three of us talked, yeah, but nothing really deep and heart wrenching. It mostly went like this:

"Mystery meat huh?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm . . ."

"You really haven't heard of London after Midnight?"

"No man."

"It's pretty cool."

"Pathetic sound effects but pretty good music."

"Bacon?"

"Yup. Bacon."

"Johnny, my man, that's fucked up."

"Angelina Jolie's hot."

"Fuck you. Brad Pitt was hotter."

"Movie sucked."

"Yeah, but Jolie was hot."

"Amen to that?"

"Amen."

Small talk, yeah, but Duo was a fountain of information. When we started talking about sexuality, he told us how natural homosexuality really is by citing examples of male howler monkeys that hump each other. That was pretty disgusting and disturbing but informative nonetheless. When the end-of-lunch bell finally rang, all three of us were cursing each other like old friends.

"Dude, male howler monkeys? That's just fucked up," Johnny said, shaking his head as we went to dump our lunch trays. He just couldn't let it go.

"Hey. What can I do? It's nature, man," Duo told him, shrugging his shoulders. "Besides," he added, his nose scrunching up in distaste. "Bacon? Dude, they're not even alive!"

"Hey! We were in fucking third grade!"

"Yeah!" I defended my long-time best friend, mostly because I was part of that endeavor too. "Our teacher didn't tell us that only living things got to reproduce. How were we to know that two pieces of bacon can't make baby bacons?"

Duo scrunched his nose up in distaste. I could tell that he wasn't buying our second grade fucked up teacher story. The time that Johnny and I tried to get our breakfasts to have sex was back in freshman year when we were wasted after a good 'ole welcome to high school and we'll fuck you over party. But, on our part, we really were wasted enough to think that baby bacons would start emerging.

Duo opened his mouth to retort, but I, being the fast thinker that I am, cut him off, saying, "Dude! We've been standing here talking about howler monkeys and bacon for ten minutes already! We'll be late for Physics!"

Johnny looked as if he'd been smacked in the face. Good 'ole Johnny. He looks tough but really is a teddy bear at heart. He couldn't bear to be late to class and disappoint his parents and coach. Stupid fuck. "SHIT!" he screamed, eyes wild with panic. "I can't be late!" Swiftly, he dropped his tray on the table and scuttled to class. Duo stared at him blinkingly. I guess he wasn't used to Johnny's sudden bursts of goodness amidst the endless stream of curses that usually flowed from my dear friend's mouth.

As he finished being stunned, Duo turned to me and raised an eyebrow.

"It's a quirk of his," I explained.

"I noticed," he said in a remarkably flat tone. "Are you running to class as well?"

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow, but I couldn't so I raised both brows instead. "Well," I drawled. "If we don't want to be late for class, then we probably should." I emphasized the "we" in that statement, seeing as that he was all too calm about the entire thing.

Duo grinned at me. "Hey. I'm the new kid. The teacher will let you off easy for helping the new kid around."

I was suspicious at how confident he sounded. Narrowing my already narrow eyes at him, I questioned his certainty. He just gave me a beguiling smile. "If you get me into trouble, I'll fuck you over," I threatened.

"Chill," Duo said. He reached up and patted me on the head like a kid, which was pretty weird since I was tons taller than he was. "I bet you ten bucks that your teacher will be cool about this."

"Deal."

So we went our merry way to our classroom, walking as lazily as possible as per Duo's insistence. We got to class fifteen minutes late and I prayed to god that ten bucks would be worth my teacher's wrath. Imagine my surprise when I went in and there was no teacher in sight. On the board however, somebody had written "Hello children. I will be late today. If you leave this classroom though, I'll kick you out of this class. Play nice. Love, Mr. Maxwell." Surprisingly, my peers were quiet and subdued.

I looked at Duo. "There's no teacher. Our deal is considered null and void."

"No way, man," he said, eyes sparkling with mischief. It made me nervous. "Sit down. You'll see."

I shot him a suspicious look and sat down next to Johnny who was quietly looking down at his hands. I kicked him and asked him why the class was phenomenally silent.

"Your uncle was here," he told me. Ah. That explained everything. One glare from unc and anyone would be pissing in their pants. I was immune to it, of course, but my classmates obviously weren't. Some looked pale and nauseous actually.

Duo was in front, smiling beatifically at the class. He cleared his throat and greeted us with an enthusiastic "Good morning children!"

Everyone's eyes shot to him, wondering what the fuck he was doing there talking to us.

"Hi!" he waved. "I'm your new teacher, Duo Maxwell."

Next to me, Johhny muttered "Holy fuck."

Glaring at Duo, I opened my wallet and took out ten bucks.