Disclaimer: I do not own the Death Eaters or the Dark Lord. In fact, he owns me.

Chapter Five: Interviews with the Professionals

In this section, the writer will be interviewing three of our top Death Eaters. In alphabetical order, they are: Mrs. Bellatrix Lestrange, Mr. Lucius Malfoy, and Mr. Severus Snape. The words in brackets are later comments or actions.

Part One: Bellatrix Lestrange

(Here, D represents the writer V. Dawn and L represents Mrs. Lestrange)

D: Mrs. Lestrange, it is my duty to remind you that you will be asked a total of ten questions, which means nine standard ones and a random newbie-written one drawn from this hat. Your comments are being recorded on this little machine over here, and they will be included in a handbook for the beginners.

L: Just hurry up. I have an appointment with the prisoners in fifteen minutes (snickers).

D: Here we go. Why did you join the Death Eaters?

L: I joined them for the honour of ridding the world of the Muggle and Mudblood filth. You wouldn't happen to be one, would you? (She draws her wand casually)

D: Pureblood, I assure you. Next question: during your career, how many times have you cast each of the Unforgivables?

L: A couple dozen Imperios, at least ten dozen Avada Kedavras, and-

D: (Eagerly) Crucios?

L: Don't' interrupt me. Crucio.

D: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

L: And that, newbies, was my 20,377th Crucio.

D: …Gasp…wheeze…and how many times have them been cast on you?

L: Four Imperios and several dozen Crucios. I assure you, those were most people's last spells.

D: Do you have tips on how to avoid being Crucio'd?

L: Yes. Don't interrupt people of higher rank than you.

D: I shall remember that. In your career as a Death Eater, what was your proudest moment?

L: Definitely when my Lord praised me for my faithfulness after all those years in Azkaban. It was almost like a dream come true (here she grins to herself. Dawn did not press her).

D: And what, pray tell, was your most humiliating?

L: (Sighs) when Lucius got the Prophecy raid messed up, and I got blamed for it (she shivers. Again, Dawn did not press for fear of 20,378th Crucio).

D: Seeing your devotion to the Dark Lord, would you kill Rodolphus if He told you to?

L: Are you joking? Lestrange is only alive because my Lord told me NOT to kill him!

D:…Okay…what advice do you have for the young Death Eaters?

L: Trust me on this: it is better to not come back at all from a mission than coming back and having failed.

D: And my good superior, what do you think of this handbook?

L: It would educate the newbies, but I still say the best education is my Lord's Crucios.

D: Now, it is time to draw a question from the twenty in this hat…(she draws a piece of parchment and unfolds it. For some reason, she turns red, and then green, and then very pale) Mrs. Lestrange, this says 'do you or did you ever have an affair with the Dark Lord?'

L: (Turning a strange shade of crimson) why you…that is PRIVATE, PRIVATE I say! I ought to…

D: (panicky) it was the newbies! The newbies!

L: CRUCIO!

(The interview concludes here, as the writer feels the readers should be spared a few pages of 'AHHH's)