Author: evansentranced

Disclaimer: Harry isn't mine. The Potter bit isn't either. JK Rowling is a wonderful, kind generous and caring person who would never sue poor unsuspecting little me...right?

Summary: James and Sirius find Billywigs in the Forbidden Forest, Lily discovers the TSHSD, and Remus and Peter are confused about the difference between STDs and SUVs. Just read it. Oh, and review, of course.

Alright, so the beginning of this story was -terrible-, and I am hoping I have made it a bit better. -I- didn't even want to read past the first page. God. Anyway. Here you go. Revised!

"James? James! Wake up!"

"Wha- Sirius, go 'way." James pulled the covers over his head. Sirius sighed. He didn't care if it was four in the morning, this was important!

"You'll never guess what I found," he said temptingly. James was quiet.

"New secret passageway?" he finally muttered, though the blankets didn't move.

Sirius grinned. "Nope." More silence.

Then: "A super secret room of fantastic treasures?"

Oh good, James was awake.

"Nope! Come on, up. I have to show you."

James groaned and rolled out of bed slowly.

"I hate you, Sirius," he mumbled, pulling on his robes sloppily and groping around on the nightstand for his glasses.

"It's not nice to lie, James." Sirius grinned and tossed his head. "We both know I'm your favourite."

James ignored him. "Where are we going, then?"

"To the Forbidden Forest." Sirius' voice had dropped a few octaves and held a sense of mystery that belied mischief in his eyes.

"Sirius." James sat down on the bed and stared at him. "It is four in the morning. I am not going out into the forest with you!"

"Oh, come on, James," he said, his voice cajoling. "Its quite nice out tonight!"

"I don't-" James' eyes narrowed with suspicion. "You've been out there all night, haven't you?"

Sirius nodded, and pulled James up from the bed and down the stairs.

"Just trust me, Prongs."

When they finally reached the edge of the forest, Sirius stood back and eyed it thoughtfully. James stood back and eyed Sirius suspiciously, and worried that Filch might be looking out one of the castle windows. They really ought to find some cover. Sirius eventually nodded and made a sound of triumph, and launched himself into the forest.

"Sirius, you know where we're going, right?"

Sirius shrugged. "Pretty sure."

James would not be James if he questioned Sirius now. Instead, he shrugged as well. Now that he was awake, one adventure was as good as another. And if they didn't find what Sirius was looking for, well, they could always go looking again later, and get two adventures for the price of one.

"So Tinkerbelle," Sirius paused. "You remember Tinkerbelle, right?"

James grimaced, making his way through the undergrowth and wishing he was in front. Sirius really only held branches aside long enough to pass them, and it took most of James' concentration just ensuring they didn't hit him in the face. "How could I forget?"

He remembered 'Tinkerbelle' very well. She was actually Sirius' cousin, Bellatrix Black. She had been a Slytherin when she was in school, of course, all his family were except for Sirius. She'd left two years ago (in their third year) and Sirius couldn't have been happier. She had always enjoyed picking on Sirius, and as that usually included temporary loss of limb or vital organ, he generally not enjoyed having her around.

"Anyway," Sirius continued, ducking under a low hanging tree branch that inevitably swung up to knock James' glasses off. "I talked to a friend of hers a few weeks ago."

James stopped dead. "What? Why?" Even James and Sirius, who were quite possibly the post popular topic of conversation where ever professors met to trade horror stories, knew that Bella's friends were not people to consort with.

"It was that hippie bloke, from the States, you know? The one my mum hates?"

And James understood. It was obvious, actually. No matter who else they associated with, if someone was hated by Mrs. Black, they were automatically all right in Sirius' book. Considering Mrs. Black's prejudices and the company she kept, it was a fairly good scale. The hippie from the States was high on Mrs. Black's 'People to Crucio' list. 'Tinkerbelle' had met him in her sixth year, and he got her into 'all kinds of trouble a young pure-blooded witch should have no part of,' as Sirius gleefully repeated. Still, despite Mrs. Black's dislike for him, James could only think of a few reasons why Sirius would be talking to hippie blokes.

"Why'd you talk to him?" James asked, jogging to catch up to his friend. "And what'd he tell you that had you roaming the forest at night?"

"Please, Prongs. You sound like Moony," Sirius' face was filled with anticipation. "Anyway, we're getting close I think. He said it was only a few meters in."

"He said what was a few meters in?" James asked, feeling miffed. "And I do not sound like Moony."

Sirius ignored him and stopped in the middle of a clearing to perform a 'Point Me' charm.

"Ok, west...so, um, lets see...Newts Eradicate Stupid Wizards...Oh! That way!"

James followed, bemused. He hadn't had to use that little rhyme in years to figure out direction. Sirius was odd sometimes.

"You know what I learned in my Muggle Studies class?" he asked suddenly as a thought struck him.

"What," Sirius asked with a grin. "That Evans likes strawberry flavoured sugar quills?"

"Oh, no, she likes - Hey! That's not it at all!" James punched Sirius on the shoulder, well aware of his grin, but choosing to ignore it. "Arse," he added for good measure. "But really. Muggles don't use that thing you just did."

"What, the spell? I should hope not. Where'd they get a wand?" Sirius replied amiably, still grinning like mad as they made their way through the familiar forest.

"No, I meant the rhyme thing. You know Newts and such. That rhyme you probably should have stopped using ten years ago." Sirius huffed at him and he continued. "They used something odd...what was it?" he screwed up his face thoughtfully. "Never... Eat Shredded...Wheat! Right, that was it."

Sirius stared at him. "What the bloody hell is shredded wheat? Why would someone shred wheat? And then eat it?"

"I dunno, I stopped listening after that, but I think she said something about serial," James said carelessly.

"Huh. So this is what, the only thing you've learned all year?" Sirius asked thoughtfully. "Oh, no! What am I saying? You know what flavour sugar quills Evans likes!"

James blushed again. "You're lucky we're in the middle of a forest else I'd pound you," he said irritably. "And wipe that insane smirk off your face, you look like Regulus." The grin dropped instantly.

"Better," he said, grinning himself. "Now you just look like ugly old Sirius Black."

"Better than looking like dorky old James Potter," he joked back. "With his crappy hair and dorky glasses. Not to mention acute lack of vertical prowess."

"'Acute lack of vertical prowess'? Well, well, someone's been studying."

"You know it. Right here, only one in school who'll have gotten all Trolls on his OWLs."

"You'll do mummy proud yet."

"Hey, where are we?" Sirius stopped short, cutting off their banter. They were in an unfamiliar clearing, deep in the forest. The sky was greyish purple, as if the sun was about ready to rise. James was just as lost as Sirius sounded.

A/N: Ahem...THIS USED TO SUCK SO BADLY. At least the beginning, I haven't gotten so far as to see how the rest is, though I remember it being significantly less sucky. Let's hope I'm right, else I may cry. Anyway, I'm finally getting around to fixing it, because I have run right out of other things to do and am in the mood. I am so sorry for how this used to be. God, it's embarrassing. Anyway, review? Tell me if it's still embarrassing. Go on, you know you want to make me cry.