I could honestly sit here staring at him all night. In fact, I have before and will now. To study the shines and shadows of his face as moonlight washes over him is like drowning in a sea of bliss from which I do not wish to escape. I could let myself fall into him if he permitted it.
Its funny how I think him to be perfect in every single way and myself to be atrocious. He is beauty incarnate while I am hideous. Purity is his entire essence. All I can see in myself is distortion and a blackened soul from my twisted mind and thoughts. He is my mirror, yet my opposite.
Is it wrong to love him? To worship him?
My breath hitches as he turns towards me. His eyes are still closed. His thick, long eyelashes gently brush over his cheeks. Soft and lush lips hang partly open as he calmly inhales. Exhales. I move closer to the edge of my bed to peer at him. I lean forwards and rest my head on my hands, elbows on my knees.
We've reached our seventh year here at Hogwarts. Both still virgins, I know. He would have told me something like that. Plus, where one of us is so is the other. I know my reason for saving myself. What's his? I can never figure that out.
Is it wrong to love him? Because he is my best friend?
We've been together though everything. Grown up together, know each other's favorite color, favorite foods. We know what makes each other laugh and where the ticklish spots are. We know what completely irks each other. We know each other's deepest, darkest secrets, because they are our own. We share everything.
During the day, in the sun, he is simply radiant. Vibrations of happiness spill off him as we walk through the masses of children at school. His charisma draws people to him, to us, even when they are at the end of our jokes.
At night, a sweet innocent face smiles at me, even while he is dreaming. Before he falls asleep we can have serious conversations of the adult-like type that we will soon be. Or we can laugh and concoct new plans and pranks to pull on some of those Slytherins, mainly Flint and Pucey. I feel at peace when near him. And so empty when he's far away.
Is it wrong to love him? Because I'm a guy too?
I honestly can't stand being apart from him. I never have, and I don't think I would ever be able to be used to it. If one of us goes somewhere, the other follows without question. If one of us stumbles then so does the other and then we help each other back up. If one of us has a nightmare, the other comforts him. It has always been this way. That is why I am afraid of this new change. We're seventh years, graduating. Everyone finds their own path and follows it through until their death. We have always had the same path. Will there be a fork in the road?
I can see images of a family reunion in 10 years flash through my mind. There's mum and dad, slightly older and with a bit more gray hairs. Charlie is there with his wife he met in Romania. Bill hasn't married but has been dating a girl for a few months now. There's Ron with his wife, Hermione, and their little baby, Greta. Ginny in standing in the corner still pouting because Harry Potter turned out to prefer men and was currently shacking up with... Malfoy. I shuddered.
Then there's him. No longer my mirror. We grew apart, changed our looks. I don't even recognize him at first. He tells me about his girlfriend and how happy he is. I force a smile onto my face because even though I'm still in love with him, he'll never know and I want him to be happy. I can see myself later that night crying myself to sleep.
Is it wrong to love him? Because he is my identical twin brother?
He shifted again on his bed with his face towards the ceiling. I couldn't resist him any longer. I hopped off my bed and quickly strode towards him. Taking in a deep breath, I bent down and softly placed my lips over his. He jumped a bit. I pulled back and stared into his now open eyes. A shocked expression crossed his face and he brought his hand to his lips.
I had to run out of the room with tears in my eyes. He wasn't supposed to wake up! This will ruin everything! How could I have been that stupid! He'll never look at me the same way again. Well, I smile with painful irony, I have succeeded at achieving my worst fear. The twins are separate.
Is it wrong for him to love me? Because it sure seems he feels that way.
When I finally stop running, I was at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. I leaned forward against a tree to catch my breath. A hand fell on my shoulder and I jumped about a foot. Said hand spun me around and I was staring right into a face identical to my own. I tried looking away but his hand came up. I readied myself for the blow, but all I got was that hand gently grabbing my chin. He forced my face to his, but I still couldn't look him in the eyes.
"Look at me, George," he said in a hushed but stern voice almost as if there was a hidden threat.
Slowly, I looked up into his eyes. He smiled very sweetly at me. Let me down gently,' I prayed in the back of my mind. He slowly brought my face to him. He pulled me into a soft kiss with just our lips brushing. He pulled back and saw the, what I presumed to be, gigantic smile on my face. My heart beat faster with pure joy and happiness.
Is it wrong to love him? Because the world doesn't deem it as moral?
I took the initiative in the next kiss. Our lips bruising in the power and passion of it. We parted our lips at the same time like the good little twins we are and allowed each other entrance. When our tongues met, pure electricity flowed into us. Just like I had wanted, we melted into one another. And we lost ourselves completely in each other and the kiss.
Is it wrong for me to love him? Because I'm his best friend, a male, his brother? Is anything truly wrong when it comes to love?