The Seven Deadly Sins of Writing Fanfiction

A/N: I'm just sick of typing up the same comments for stories I've reviewed. I'm sick of fools mistaking the reviews I spent time on as flames. This is my personal bitch-fest.

Sin #1: Sloth

Take the time to edit and spell check. Really, even getting it checked over by a word program is better than nothing.

Sin #2: Mary Sue and Billy Bob

Firstly, what/who is a Mary Sue/Billy Bob you ask?

Mary Sue and Billy Bob are the female and male equivalents of each other. They are the absolute evil of any fandom and share a clear trait of qualities but don't always have to fill every one of them to be classified as a Sue.

Mary Sue is…

Beautiful/pretty/cute.

She's around the same age as the readers (e.g. You don't often get a 60-year-old Sue in the FMA fandom.)

Mary Sues will play a large role in the story. Often she'll even take over the main character in main-ness.

She's smart/intellectual/clever/funny/witty.

With a combination of the qualities in 1,2 and 4, one or more of the characters will fall in love with her. (Ed will get a tingly feeling in his chest when he's around her. He'll blush and he'll be very polite. Mary Sue will be ignorant of Ed's affections and Ed will have to woo her for many chapters, if not the rest of the story.)

Mary Sue is related to or has 'special' connections to the main characters. She/he's often a 'special agent', Roy's cousin or sister, Ed's long lost brother who the hospital mislabelled and became the Fuhrer's adopted son. Etc.

Mary Sue is usually the cause or the victim of the final twist in the story. She'll be the one who catches the bad guy. She'll be the one who finds that vital bit of information through her 'special agent connections' and kick Sherlock's arse. She'll be the one who is injured for the sake of justice (and often a handsome main character) and her sacrifice will make even more people love her.

For example:

Ed couldn't help but stare, the girl across the room was beautiful with long red hair and eyes. She was wearing a low cut dress that showed off her collarbones and was slit at her thighs. The dress was a dark purple that changed colour when she moved and it looked so pretty on her. Suddenly he saw a flash of something: it was a silver chain! The really cute girl about his age had a silver watch chain! She must be a state alchemist! Ed wondered what her powers were and continued to stare.

(THE NEXT DAY)

Ed found out that the beautiful girl he saw yesterday was called Angel Starshine and that she was an elite state alchemist! She alchemy power can manipulate the stars! Ed sighed, no matter how the stars were manipulated they could never be as bright as the stars in Angel's eyes. Ed was in love but he didn't know it yet.

( + ANGEL'S POV + )

Angelica was actually her real name, but Angel sounded better and everybody said she looked like an angel anyway so that's what she changed her name to. At the party yesterday he saw the fullmetal alchemist Edward Elric. They said that he was really smart but Angel didn't believe them. After all, even though Angel was short like Ed, she passed the state alchemist exam when she was 10!

She was walking home when suddenly a homunculus appeared! Angel clapped her hands together and summoned Venus to hit the chimera with a bolt of lightening! KABOOM! The homunculus died.

(THE NEXT DAY)

OMG! Angel! You're so amazing and pretty! How can you be so powerful even though you're only the same age as Ed! Angel ignored them and walked home. She's too good to mingle with lowlife like ordinary officers. She's an ELITE state alchemist after all.

(Sue to be continued)

(Back to reality now) Firstly, cliché 'cute' names are evil. Please don't make your Mary Sues even more blatantly obvious by doing this. Secondly, we don't need a commentary of her clothing (or rather, the dress you, the author, wish you had and could afford). Thirdly, try to be consistent, where did her watch come from? You just said she was wearing a dress that had a slit up at the thighs, yes very sexy, but will it still be sexy if you add in a pocket above that slit for a pocket watch? Nuh uh, not unless you're hiding the watch under the dress or somewhere rude.

Sin #3: The Summary

There are two ways you can go wrong here. Path one is too much information and path two is too less.

Path One:

Episode 25 of FMA. Ok… how many people out there had it spoilt for them by an emotional and angst drabble that a fan just HAD to write after he/she watched the episode? Please remember that not everybody out there has high speed internet and that there are those not up to where you are in the series. Being fanfiction, they'll often be a 'spoiler' to some degree, (such as the characters that are introduced as the series progresses) so it's understandable, but if you feel like it's an event that is significant to the plot, please make a note of it before the story.

We don't need a summary that goes along the lines of:

"A really really sad drabble about so-and-so's death after this-and-that. This story is set in right after so-and-so happens in the anime."

That above is the path to: 'congratulations, you just made every person who scanned the page who isn't as up-to-date as you say "Fk you bch."'

Another way to go wrong in a summary is too having too much is where the summary, rather than enticing the reading to want to read your story, completely spoils it for them. No one want's to read something when they already know what's going to happen.

"Ed who goes to This Place but then gets kidnapped and taken away. Ed kills the main bad guy and manages to come back but the others are still after him. Ed has to become better at alchemy to fight."

What's left to read? We already know that in your story, Ed will be kidnapped and taken away by bad guys. Ed will then kick arse and come back. Other bad guys come after him and Ed becomes stronger (DBZ! Ed! Super Ed level 2!) and finally kills/arrests everyone and is again a hero. You would have been far better off with something like:

"A mission goes wrong and Ed finds himself kidnapped. Trying to find his way back to Al he meets trouble."

Keep the readers guessing and make them want to read your story to find out what trouble Ed has to get through. Don't just tell them that Ed gets stronger in a summary, tell them in your STORY how Ed becomes stronger as he has to solve all his personal problems and face his enemies.

Having too little in a summary is also a sin that should be avoided at all times. By too little I mean this:

"Um… I really can't write summaries but the story is really funny and good so plz R&R!"

If you can't even write a summary, what hope is there for the story? Why are you even mentioning reviews when the readers haven't even clicked on your story? How do you know they'll even read it, much less review it?

Sin #4: Pride

This is probably the one I hate the most. When criticism IS given, try to respect their opinions and LEARN from what others suggest and point out. Reviews take time to write, and really, receiving reviews is better than being ignored right?

I'm not claiming to be a genius writer. I take my share of criticism and flames. I read the emails and reviews I get from reviewers just as carefully as I read the red ink scrawl my lecturer puts on my essay papers and I try to improve.

Sin #5: Gluttony

Demanding reviews. Fanfiction is fiction written by fans for fans. Why did you even bother posting a first chapter when the only reason you have for continuing it is for reviews? I've seen so many unoriginal stories by obnoxious writers who overestimate themselves and spew crap like this:

"OK, that waz ch1 of my storie. im really busy & i got witer's block. i will post another ch if i get 5 reviews!"

Why are you even writing when you see it as a tedious job? Writing is a passion. I see some stories out there that have nil reviews and even despite some not being so well written, I can feel their interest and passion in the story and their writing.

Sin #6: Fangirl Jap

Fangirl Jap is the bits of random Japanese words and phrases a girl picks up after watching a stack of Japanese anime. Naturally, after watching a few dozen Japanese audio with English subtitle episodes, you're bound to pick up a few things. What really gets me is that some fools seem to think that by managing to learn a few Japanese phrases they're smarter than others. Do they think that they're the only ones who can do it? Helloooo? May I say egotistical? If you're writing a story in ENGLISH, why in the blazes are you adding in random awkward bits of JAPANESE into it? If you think your Japanese is that great then write the story in Jap. The basic dictionary of fangirl Jap mainly consists of:

Hai: (Why not just say 'yes'? Same three letters.)

Aishiteru

Ano: (Do YOU say 'ano' when talking in English on the streets? No. Unless you're at an otaku festival or something, you won't say "ano… bus driver-san, will you take me to the city desu ka?")

Eto (Refer to the above)

Gomen" ('Sorry' is also 5 letters long. Why not use it?)

Arigatou

Ohayo, Konnichiwa & Konbanwa:

(Note: I can understand and accept greetings that have no English equivalent but please, for the other everyday greetings, don't be a retard and just use English.)

Minna-san

Hora

Demo

Soka

Kawaii

Baka: (God save me from this one.)

Namida

Sugoi: (This really reeks when it's applied on a guy. Yes it means 'great' but it's a feminine version of it. Unless you're trying to make Ed talk in a very homosexually Uke way- which he most definitely isn't in the series- you really should hit yourself twice on the head for not only using fangirl Jap but also for misapplying it.)

Koi: (I see this used so many times as 'lover'. Koi is short for Koibito. Koi itself can mean 'come' as in 'come here.' Like many other phrases in fangirl Jap, it's misused often and just makes the story look plain ugly.)

Ja ne

Matte

Nani

Kuso (we have such a colourful English vocabulary for curses and swearing, why not take advantage of it?)

Teme

FMA specific Fangirl Jap:

Edo: (Just call him Ed dammit! The story is set in an alternate England! In the animation, the forms and papers are printed in English! The only reason it's 'Edo' is because 'Ed' isnt' in the Japanese alphabet.)

Aru, Roi: (Likewise, call them Al and Roy.)

Taisa: This is a pet peeve of mine. I simply don't see the reason for not using colonel when it's the English translation of Taisa. If you're writing your story in English then use English titles.

Note that I do think honourfics such as 'san', 'kun' and 'chan' are alright since they don't quite sound and mean the same if translated into English. I think most readers would agree with me on this exception as long as you stick to it. Don't call have Al call him 'Brother' in one scene and 'niisan' in another.

Sin #7: The Author Notes

Author notes are great! It's a chance for the author to give a reply, to thank and to explain. However, there is a limit to what should be said. Individual replies to readers are touching but please… then they take up half the story… you might want to consider sending out emails rather than posting them before the story. I've read great stories that have over 1000 words for review replies. Congratulations for getting so many reviews but really… do you HAVE to make every other reader scroll down through a lot of wishy washy fluffy talk to get to the story?

Those who don't do review replies also has this problem. Not mentioning any names, I've read a story with author notes as long as the chapters. A chapter isn't much of a chapter if the author NOTES are just as long. You might as well call it a bonus chapter preview.

Well, that was the end of my ramble and I'll leave before you start calling me a hypocrite for my last point. Bye readers and writers, I hope I haven't made too many enemies today. I also hope I spoke for other few tired reviewers out there too.