There is a stage, as well as cameras, microphones, lights, and racks of costumes. There sit and stand many people. Five bishounen, four biseinen, two women, one Ancient, and a partrich in a pear tree. There are also two other girls, twins, sitting in a pair of director's chairs. One chair is purple, the other is grey. Everyone is looking over a thick stack of papers.

"The Shadow?" Jiro, a white haired and one eyed man asked. "What kind of name is that?"

"Beside the name of an animal sidekick in a really bad Mary Sue," the scarred Kujuurou asked.

The twins, Mirror and Image, look at each other. "Have you no culture?" one of them asked. The four former bad guys had long since given up trying to tell them apart.

The one in the grey director's chair, Image they guessed, waved her script. "The Shadow was a magazine first, then it was made into one of those B serials that they used to show before movies in the theatre, then it was made into a radio drama that lasted for over twenty years. The Shadow's first voice was done by a very young Orson Wells. And there was a movie with Alec Baldwin. This is famous!"

Mirror shifted in her director's chair. "Come on! Haven't you ever heard lines like, 'Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men?' Or, 'The weed of crime bears bitter fruit?' Where to you think maniacal laughter comes from?"

Everyone looked to the snake eyed Naotoki.

"Besides him!" the twins shouted.

"Okay, okay," Kayura said. "So this is famous. Why are we redoing it?"

The twins grinned. "You haven't guessed? This is a fanfic idea."

Everyone on the stage paled visibly and backed away from the twins.

"Oh, come on! We're not that bad, are we?"

"Yes you are!" everyone shouted.

A blond stepped forward. "So who gets the parts?" he asked nervously.

"It's listed in the first page. You were supposed to have already read this," Mirror said. "We're going to try to keep it a warlord fic, so they get the juicy parts, but everyone else gets parts to."

"Should we be thrilled?" asked the one eyed Jiro.

The red headed Koma, however, was scanning the script. "Wait a second. I'm the captain. He barely shows up!"

Naaza also disliked his role in the script. "I play a sick person. Almost everything I say is 'moan', 'groan'. What kind of part is that?"

Kujuurou looked through his part. "I'm the Shadow? How did I know," he murmured. "Wait a second!" he said as he skipped to the end. "I'm supposed to get shot? The hero, stronger than anything else, is practically killed by a measly bullet? What kind of hero is that?"

"And what about me!" Kayura demanded. "This Margo Lane person is such a wimp. What's this 'It's a good thing I'm not a man' crack! I was the strongest character in the series! Well, aside from the Ancient."

"And I'm the bad guy!" Jiro exclaimed, his white hair standing on end. "I'm the best actor in this menagerie and I'm stuck playing the bad guy? How stupid is that?"

"People! People!" the twins said over the annoyed crowd. Mirror continued. "We're taking these episodes from the radio dramas, alright? This is the 1930's 40's and some of the 50's we're talking about. Perceptions were a little. . . different. So was story-telling."

"But 'being a man'?"

"Being shot?"

"Oh, come on!" Image said, tossing her script to the floor. "We know that some of the dialog sounds corny nowadays, and that some of it was downright cheesy. But this was high drama in its heyday! Try to think of it that way."

"But this is old!" the snake eyed and green haired Naotoki cried.

"So are you guys!" Image shouted back. "Deal with it!"

Everyone gave a collective groan, but continued to look at their scripts.

The twins had somehow managed acquire an unrealistic set of acoustics. So of course the organ music, at full volume, deafened everyone in the movie theatre and caused them to vibrate along with the supposedly dramatic chords that were played.

From somewhere, there came an evil sounding laughter. "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!"

The voice of Ryo entered next. "The Shadow, mysterious character who aides the forces of law, and order, is in reality Lamont Cranston, er, Cale Sasaki, wealthy young man about town."

"I'm wealthy? Alright!"

"Sasaki's constant friend and companion, the lovely Margo Lane, I mean, er, Lady Kayura?"

"Get on with it!"

"-is the only person who knows to whom the mysterious voice of the Shadow belongs. Today's adventure: 'The Shadow Returns'."

"Why is it called 'The Shadow Returns'? This is the first episode," the scarred Kujuurou asked.

"I don't know," Kayura said. "First episode of a new season? The twins picked it."

Why the microphone was on the two stars and not on Ryo doing the commercial is still unknown to this day. But finally, whoever was asleep in the sound booth woke up and put things right.

"And now, let us begin our story," Ryo said. Somewhere during the commercial he had found his confidence in acting, but how will remain a mystery because of the idiot in the sound booth.

The scene opened in a room filled with smoke. An unfortunate situation of that time is that smoking wasn't seen as the health risk it is today. Anyway, several tin can soldiers that looked rather disgusting dressed in pinstripe suits and fedoras continued to smoke and chatter amongst themselves, though how their cigarettes and pipes even reached their mouths is yet another mystery that has never been solved. There are an awful lot of unsolved mysteries here. Oh well.

Finally, an average Joe, pulled right out of the 1940s tried to speak in front of the hideous crowd in front of him that was supposed to look normal. Trying is the operative word. When tin cans talk, you see, it produces the sound of a buzz saw trying to slice a thick metal barrel. In short, it was really noisy. The average Joe finally gave up, hoping he'd be paid for the lines he couldn't say and motioned for a blue haired "official from Washington" to come up.

Well, since the metal demon soldiers actually recognized the blue haired man in a suit, his own fedora in his hand, they actually quieted down. Moderately. At least enough for official Touma to talk.

"Ah, gentleman, we have a severe problem we need to discuss."

The buzz saw started again.

"Listen to me or I'll put on my armor!"

The buzz saw stopped. Permanently this time, since armor is quite a scary thing for the average tin can.

"Just let me say my lines and I'll get out of here," Touma grumbled. He held out a clipboard, meant to make Touma look more official, but instead gave Touma his lines to read. "Okay," the blue haired Washington official with a Japanese name said.

"Japanese? During World War II? What are you two doing!"

Touma's head ticked. "Please let me say my lines so I get out of here!"

Silence befell the set.

"Thank you. Okay, as I was saying, in the last six moths, over sixty ships have ported in this harbor-" Touma was cut off as an overly loud foghorn blared. The sound booth made a boo-boo again. That was supposed to be in the distance. Darn.

Unperturbed by the interruption, Touma continued. He wanted out and now. "-over one hundred men working on these ships have been hospitalized. Forty of them have lost a limb, and ten have died of bad infections. Therefore, I want all of you and your crews-"

The buzz saw started again, but this time the audience could make it out.

"How can we be captains?"

"We're metal!"

"We sink like a rock!"

Frustrated, angry, and ready to destroy, Touma put on his full armor.

The buzz saw stopped.

"-to be careful." Touma's words were strained. "If this continues, someone else may lose an arm, a leg-" dramatic pause "-or maybe a life!" Fully armored Touma stomped off the set while the organ made the audience vibrate again.

By the way, that organ is what changes scenes.

Next up, we see what looks like a very small doctor's office, with a few beds and a small cramped desk. Within the room, there are quite a few men talking, including one with white hair and an eye patch, one with green hair, and one with ash hair. The one with ash hair was talking to the one with green hair, so the camera zoomed in.

"So," Kento, ahem, Johnson said, tapping his bowler's hat into place and putting his thumbs under his suspenders, "That sawbones ain't no good. He's got a very bad history with patients. Even killed a friend of mine. If he tries anything with you, leave. Immediately."

Naaza, um, Paine raised an eyebrow. "Where's your accent?"

"I don't even know what kind of accent that guy is playing. I'll just go with what I know, which is me."

"Right." Naaza took a deep breath, getting into character. "I appreciate your concern, but I'll be fine. I can handle it. Everything's jake. Besides. I need the job."

Kento blinked. "Everything's jake? Huh?"

"Common phrase from the time period," Naaza hissed. "Didn't you try to do some research on your part?"

". . . No."

Dr. Dais Kurada, however, interrupted. "Naaza. I need to see you." The audience looked at Dr. Dais. He called that acting? How much more over emphasized could you get? And this guy was an expert on illusions? Yeah, right.

"Okay, Naaza. Let me see your arm."

"Here you are, sir." The audience noted a difference. Naaza was a superb actor, changing his intonation to match how people of the 30s and 40s spoke, he was dressed for the part, and he acted like a new sailor like he was supposed to. The only thing that was wrong was that his hair didn't look like it came from the golden age of radio.

"Where'd you get this vaccination shot," Dr. Dais asked, an annoyed expression on his face. Couldn't the audience see what a fine job he was doing?

"Where you told me to, sir. Is there something wrong?"

"Oh, that's right. I forgot," Dais paused. "No. An infection seems to have set in. I'll have to do something about it."

"But doctor!" Naaza pleaded, bringing tears to the audience's eyes, "My mother is sick. We need the money, and this is only my first voyage!"

"Then I'll have to strike your name from the record. You won' be able to work." The crowd booed Dais's acting.

"Oh. . . ah. . . alright. I'll do it," Naaza answered, his head hanging low. Naaza fans in the audience swooned. Swiftgold most notably.

Dais pulled out an oxygen mask. "This will numb you so I can do what I need to." Not waiting for a reply, he pushed the mask over Naaza's mouth and smiled

Naaza did not take kindly to this. "STOP IT! STOP IT! Someone! help . . ." Naaza fell back onto the bed, unconscious. Naaza fans got up from their swoon and yelled many unprintable things and raced to the movie screen to do something about that bad Dr. Dais. Dais fans, meanwhile, headed off the Naaza fans, defending their beloved one-eyed hunk, saying he was only playing a roll. Chaos insued.

If only they knew how the twins usually ran these productions. Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.

Anyway, oblivious to what was going on in the movie theatre, Dais chuckled over the unconscious Naaza. "Now it's time for the real operation to begin."

The sudden organ surprised everyone, the volume of it tossing them back to their proper seats.

The camera faded to a distance shot of what looked to be an ocean cruiser of high quality. Said camera slowly zoomed in until it finally spotted what would become two very familiar figures. One was the lovely Lady Kayura, dressed in a fancy overcoat and feathered hat. How all her hair fit under it is beyond anyone. Cale, in dark topcoat, was leaning over the rail and looking very green. The camera moved before it could see anymore of what Cale was doing, and instead cut to a close up of Kayura. She gave a quick victory sign to the camera. The cruiser gave a sudden lurch from the ocean current, causing unhealthy noises to emanate from Cale's direction and a foul look to cross Kayura's face.

"Those twins never tell us anything," she muttered. "You'd think they'd tell us about on location shooting, but noooooo, they have to go and surprise us so our reactions can look more realistic."

"I'd much rather be in a studio with a blue screen," Cale coughed before he finally came into view.

"No you wouldn't," Kayura replied. "They'd have to put us on a platform that rocked back and forth and side to side."

Cale leaned over the rail again, making more gagging noises.

"I thought 'Gatekeeper, No Not Aki' was bad," Kayura continued, completely ignoring her counterpart.

"No," groaned Cale, standing back up. "I'm beginning to think that was just preparation for this. But anyway, I thrown up everything in my stomach, why don't we get on with it."

"Whatever." Kayura, who had been leaning on the rail, straightened and looked in a random direction. "Why Cale!" she said in a girly voice. Well, girly for Kayura. "Look over there! The crewmen have been gathering like that for the last two days! I wonder what could be the matter."

"Well," Cale said in an equally fake, cheerful voice. "Since we're only passengers and have no right to interfere in the ship's business, why don't we casually walk over there and find out what's going on?"

Both hoped that the other's acting ability improved over the next few episodes.

For the first time, the organ did not shock onto the soundtrack, and instead the camera just did a straight cut to the bow of the ship, near the officer's quarters. There were a bunch of tin cans, this time in blue and white sailor suits. The scary part? They put the Sailor Senshi to shame. Anyway, amongst them was Kento, his bowler hat exchanged for a sailor hat. His voice was angry but his face wasn't.

"Let me in there!" he shouted. Two tin cans were trying to hold him back to little avail. Kento, without even trying, was breaking them apart.

At least they're recyclable.

"Damn it! This is getting serious!" Kento tried again. "You gotta do something about this." Wait, wait. Cussing? In the 30s and 40s?

From one of the officer cabins came a red headed youth, in full captain attire. Anubis fans squealed at the shear beauty of a man in uniform. Following him was Dr. Dais, who received a mixed reply from the audience.

"Here, now," Captain Doji said. "What's going on?"

"Cap, you gotta do something about that boy, Paine!" Kento shouted. He broke a few more tin cans and walked right up to Anubis. "That sawbones over there isn't doing a damn thing! Naaza's arm's so swollen; it's like twice its normal size! You gotta fix it, cap!"

Anubis looked at Kento with a moderate look of concern, and then turned to Dr. Dais. "What's this about young Paine?"

Dais shrugged easily, his face grinning happily, even though he was supposed to be serious. "It's nothing serious," he annunciated. "The boy had a slight infection from his vaccination shot. He's a little sick from the waves as a result. I will operate when we get to port."

Dais fans in the audience sighed at their man's perfect smile. In reply, Dais winked to the camera.

Captain Doji managed a look of suspicion, causing cries of encouragement and cheer from his fans in the audience. But he turned back to Kento.

"Johnson. Inciting a mutiny is a serious offense. You'll have a hearing when we get to port. Until then, I'll have to put you in irons for the rest of the trip."

Shuu fans cried out in shock.

"You can't do this to me!" Kento said, looking honestly surprised. Apparently the twins hadn't mentioned there would be real irons. They clamped onto his wrists. "Hey! Not so tight! You can't do this!" he repeated. "The twins are so dead for this. Let me go! Let me go!"

Cale and Kayura watched with overt smiles as Kento was lead below decks.

"There may be some justice in this fic after all," Cale said, fully aware of the pun.

"Lamont, er Cale," Kayura said in her girly voice again. "What do we do now?"

Cale blinked his face blank. Then he pulled out a palm size book. "Well, I want to go down to see this Naaza Paine." He cleared his throat, reading from the booklet. "From my experience, too many people can't be too far off."

Kayura mutter something about mob thinking, but it was drowned out at the sound of the organ.

The new scene showed the ship's first mate Shin leading Cale and Kayura down a flight of dark, dirty stairs. Or rather, it appeared to be Cale and Kayura. Shin, happily dressed as a sailor, didn't have a hat, but instead was taking a handkerchief to wipe the continuous sweat from his brow. Cale's topcoat was over his arm, as well as his suit jacket, sleeves rolled up, tie loosened, and expensive vest opened. (Cale fans roared. Fan service!) He reached up and pushed his fedora farther back on his head, letting sweat stream down is face. Kayura, meanwhile, had an odd looking staff out that encircled her in a soft cool glow, looking as though the heat and humidity of the lower bowels of the ship weren't messing up her hair, um, feathered hat.

"My," the small lady murmured, "it's awfully hot and icky down here. Is this really were a sick person should be? And this poor lighting. It's amazing we can even see our way down."

The hot and matted Shin and Cale turned to Kayura.

Letting out a long sigh, Cale spoke. "Wouldn't a deck cabin be better if Naaza is in so much pain?"

"We're here," Shin answered, avoiding the question.

Cale turned to Kayura.

"Don't even think of saying that line!" she demanded.

"Would you like to face the twins?" the scared and sweaty man retorted. "Ahem. Kayura, you'd better stay out here."

Kayura huffed, but said nothing, remaining out in the cool of her magical barrier.

Shin raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Shin fans, meanwhile were screaming. He actually had a part! They were so happy! The first mate turned and opened a heavy iron door to see Naaza, clutching his arm, hissing in pain, and trying to leave his small hot and humid room.

"Blimey, mate," Shin said, sounding oddly like Cye instead, "what are you doing out of bed?"

"Gotta work," Naaza muttered, his breath ragged and voice hoarse. Cale and Shin blinked in surprise. "First job. . . Got someone depending on me. . ." The snake eyed young man was unable to say more, however, as he fell onto the dirty iron floor, hissing in pain.

Kayura rushed in, her staff ready and a light glow envelops Naaza.

"Wait a minute!" she cried out. "You're just acting! The twins didn't really do anything to you and you're just acting!"

Not breaking character for a minute, Naaza wheezed and groaned. It didn't take long for Naaza fans to start to flood the aisles again to see if they could do.

Kayura regained her composure, turning to Cale. "His arm's really swollen, almost to the size of two arms," she stated in girly voice, not sounding serious at all like she was supposed to.

Cale wasn't paying attention, however. He had a small book in his palm again. "It's odd," he muttered, reading from the book. "That arm shouldn't be sewn up. It should be allowed to drain."

Shin meanwhile, sweatdropped. "Aren't infections treated with antibiotics? Not. . . draining?" He forgot that the 30s and 40s had different medical techniques. Shin fans didn't care though. He actually spoke. Many sighed dreamily.

"It's my fault," a weak voice from the floor said. Cale and Shin took a hint and helped him into bed. "Was warned against Dr. Dais. . ."

"Warned?" Cale asked. Oh! Oh! He raised an eyebrow! He was attempting to act again! "Warned by whom?"

"Good friend. . .Kento. . ."

Naaza didn't say anything else, however, since Captain Doji and Dr. Dais came in. Speak of the devil. In fact, Dr. Dais was looking very handsome. Though slightly matted from the humidity, his hair was beautifully combed out. He didn't have his normal doctor coat on, instead leaving his shirt partially open and his sleeves rolled up. Dais fans were very loud. However, they were rivaled by Anubis fans, since Captain Doji still had his full uniform on and was looking just as handsome. Ahhhhhh, eye candy. . .

"Captain," Cale started, tossing his overcoat and jacket onto a seat to relieve the heat from his arms, "I don't think this boy should be down here." Amazing, he was saying long lines without checking his palm. "I'm willing to cut into my rich, rich, rich, bank account and pay for a deck cabin for him. Air circulation will do him some good."

Captain Doji hesitated, "I'm not sure," he said, trying to fit into the extremely small room. In order to oblige him, the first mate Shin left, leaving Shin fans rather annoyed. Now that he was finally in the room, Captain Doji saw the condition of Naaza, who continued to moan and groan, making Kayura give worried glances. Captain Doji tried to say something, but the idiot in the sound booth made another mistake. He focused instead on bringing Naaza's sounds of pain to the foreground instead. When the mistake was discovered, Captain Doji was rather irritated that he had to say his lines over again.

"I said," he muttered angrily, "that I agree with you, Mr. Sasaki. This cabin boy needs a better room than this."

Dr. Dais, however, objected. "I can't let you do that."

Kayura, taken in by Naaza's superb acting, and still glowing from her cool spell, looked rather intimidating as she replied, "Are you saying that you won't help this boy, who obviously needs medical attention?"

Dr. Dais took this all in stride, giving a big smile to all his fans in the audience. "I wouldn't object if I didn't think that moving him was a bad idea."

Captain Doji shot Dr. Dais a frustrated look, but did nothing.

All four left poor, poor Naaza groaning in pain. The captain and the doctor went off ahead as Cale and Kayura talked.

Kayura, however, wouldn't say her line.

"I will NOT say that it's better to be a man!"

Cale knew better than to become a focus for her fury. "I think I'll pay a visit to Kento Johnson. He seems to have some clue as to what's going on. Unlike us."

The organ once more deafened the audience.

Cale's voice was heard briefly, mumbling on why he had to go see Kento as the Shadow and not as himself. . .

Anyway, the next scene opened in Kento's cell. Said conscripted sailor was leaning back on his bed, free of the irons he had been placed in earlier, and happy that it appeared he wouldn't have to worry about any more lines in the show. In fact, if he was such a minor character, this might not be so bad. The lines he had didn't amount to too much, so he didn't have to worry about the loads of memorization that Kujuurou and the others had to do. Nope, this didn't seem so bad at all.

"Kento."

Upon hearing his name, Kento shot up, wondering if the twins were letting him out of this holding cell. Maybe the show was finally over and he could go to the opening show's banquet. He hoped the twins provided enough at the banquet for him and everyone else.

"Hold on," he muttered. "You don't sound like the twins."

"I am not."

Whoa. Kento shivered. That voice was. . . was. . .he couldn't describe it easily. It had a silky soft, almost velvety quality to it, but it was low and menacing. That voice had no owner, as Kento looked around his cell and out into the hall. If it had no owner. . .Kento started to get creeped out. The voice didn't sound natural; it felt like the voice was coming from everywhere and nowhere, all at the same time. It sounded like a gentle spring shower; a soft rain that washed away the dirt after a harsh winter. Something cold went down Kento's spine. He was not in a good situation right now.

"I need to talk to you."

No, Kento was definitely not in a good place right now.

The audience, however, didn't care about Kento. Not even the Shuu fans, since they were all sitting back in utter shock! The audience, given how the show opened, knew that the mysterious voice was the Shadow. That meant the man playing the voice was none other than Cale. The man who barely acted by simply raising an eyebrow was now portraying a sinister voice that would easily put fear, not only into the hearts of criminals, but also anyone else who listened upon it?

What an amazing thing.

Alright, alright! Enough description, you get the idea. Back to the actual story!

"Kento," the spooky voice said again. "What do you know of Dr. Dais?"

Kento slid into his bed, curling up and hopefully away from the scary sound. "What are you, a ghost?" Kento was not a superstitious sort, but this was giving him goose bumps.

"No." Cale, er, the Shadow fans were starting to swoon. Unacera being one of the first to go. "I am not a ghost. I am the Shadow."

"Shadow?" Kento started to curse the twins that got him into this. He was going to have a long conversation with them when this fic was over.

"I have clouded your mind so that you cannot see me. Now tell me. What do you know of Dr. Dais?"

Kento felt something cold go down his spine. "I've sailed with the 'good doctor' before. Good people usually end up in the hospital when he's on board, or even loosing a limb. Even killed my friend, Dr. Kaosu."

"I am already dead!" came Kaosu's voice. That moron in the sound booth.

"I see."

As if the audience wasn't shocked enough, the organ blasted them again.

Joy! We're halfway through this episode! Do you know what that means? Commercial!

Ryo's voice came over the audience. "Well, the Shadow certainly seems to be in the middle of things. What will our hero do? Well, friends, we'll find out soon enough. But first, I want to take the time to tell you about. . . about. . . Swords & Sorcery?"

Ryo's voice was silenced, and the sound booth, uncertain on what to do, searched for somewhere where there was sound. It turned out to be in the back room.

"Swords & Sorcery? What are they thinking?" That was Kayura. "Where to they come off advertising their own fanfics?"

"It's not even finished yet!" That was Naaza, er, Naotoki. "It's like, what, a hundred pages and they're not even half way. Nobody's gonna read until like, what? The end of the year at the soonest?"

"And the torture. . ." muttered Dais, not at all needing to act as a shudder could be heard.

Somewhere, way off in the distance, Ryo's voice could again be heard. Faintly.

"Well, er, uh, it's a fic that the twins are writing, and uh, I want all of you to look forward. . . to it, yeah. And, uhm, back to the show?"

Well, the sound booth couldn't mess up the organ, and any further complaints were either held off or shut off as the vibrant chords boomed through the ridiculously overdone sound system.

The scene opened in the captain's office. Doji looked stunning in his uniform, as expected, and his face looked stern as Cale and Kayura sat with him. Cale had his booklet out, his mouth moving as he read, and Kayura, looking pleased with herself, was talking.

"Well, I took the liberty, without anyone telling me to do so because I am not a silly female who bubbles on cue, to send out an inquiry over the wire about Dr. Dais.

"Wire?" Cale asked, not bothering to look up from his booklet.

"We don't have phones on a ship," Doji explained. "The length of the wire would kill us. So we have shortwave radios. The star of the show obviously didn't research this time era."

Kayura, looking suspiciously at Cale, grabbed his booklet.

"Hey!"

Kayura, examining it, showed it to the camera. "That's because he's too busy writing down possibilities on how to kill the twins." She promptly tore the list up. "If you want to do that, Cale, then you have to have ALL of us in on it and not where the twins can find it. Tossing the torn paper aside with one hand, she tossed the booklet back to a now dejected Cale.

"Anyway," Kayura continued her girly voice back in place. "I learned all on my own that this Dr. Dais is a fraud."

Captain Doji grinned, fan service at its finest. "I think we all know that he's a fraud."

A muted "Hey!" filtered in from somewhere.

"No, no," Kayura said, suppressing a smile. "I mean that he isn't really a doctor. He failed in his practice exam because of his failure in character."

"Too true," Cale agreed from his booklet, this time puzzling his way out of being shot.

Another "Hey!" filtered into the room, this time more angrily.

"As much as we could milk those possibilities about Dr. Dais' character," Kayura continued. "I want out of this episode."

Captain Doji nodded. "I always suspect he wasn't up to par. But I couldn't ignore his papers. I'm rather pleased we can add forgery to his list of offenses."

"You'd have to find him first," Kayura said, her face momentarily looking something other than pleased. However it was too fast for anyone to discern. "No one's seen him since that Kento Johnson started screaming blue murder about that Shadow thing."

Cale coughed, an attempt at looking nervous, and then glared at Kayura. She only stuck her tongue out at him in response. Then he looked to Doji. He was trying to look concerned, but actually looked angry for some reason. "I'm still worried about the boy, Naaza Paine. He needs an operation, but we don't have a doctor on board." He paused to look at his booklet. "Can we take him to a nearby ship?"

Doji shook his head. "Not in those waters." He continued despite Cale's suddenly green face. "I wouldn't risk putting him overboard in those seas. The Empress Marguerite was closest to us, though, and I know the physician on board. A little stiff, but okay."

A "Hey!" from a different voice filtered into the room.

"We can radio him for advice."

And so, the organ ensued.

The scene faded to a very luxurious deck cabin. The windows were open, letting in cool, dry air from a slight breeze. Naaza, pale, sweating, and groaning, tossed and turned in a huge, feather downed bed. Kayura stood watch, resisting the ever present urge to pull out her staff and heal the only-acting Naaza. Cale sat by the window, his eyes closed in an attempt to keep from running to the rail. They were on location again, it looked like.

Captain Doji, meanwhile, was fiddling with an ancient looking radio, turning dials and cursing under his breath about going into an episode cold turkey. There finally came a staticy noise, and the voice of the "stiff, but okay" doctor came up.

"Captain Doji?"

"Dr. Date, good to hear from you," The captain replied happily.

"You won't say that when I get my hands on you."

"At least you're not on location!" Cale shouted bitterly from the other side of the room.

Kayura, the only one willing to get the scene over with, interjected, looking up from the feverish Naaza. "Doctor, what can we do about this poor boy?"

Clearing his voice, Date answered. "You have to operate now, if you want any chance at saving him. Without a doctor on board, an officer or an experienced layman will have to do it."

"How!" Doji asked.

"I'll direct the operation. Just follow my instructions, and you'll be just fine."

Cale looked to Doji. "Well, have fun trying to take orders from that blonde bimbo."

"What did you sa--" anything Dr. Date said was cut of as the captain quickly turned off the radio.

"ME!" Doji replied; his face honestly shocked. Naaza let out a groan. "How the hell am I supposed to operate? Do I look like I've had any experience in first aid, let alone surgery?"

Cale gave out a lazy grin, a look that didn't quite look right on his very green face. "You're the captain, the ranking officer. Do enjoy the operation, and try not to kill poor Naaza over there."

In reply, Naaza let out a low breath. "Ma's depending on me. . ." He tossed again; sweat rolling down his face, despite the cool air. Swiftgold, in the audience, resisted the urge to jump into the screen and do something for him. Unacera was also holding back similar urges to do something about her poor seasick scarred bishi.

Kayura, trying to remember her lines, suddenly smiled evilly. "Cale," she said, her girly voice suddenly dripping in sugar, "You've have medical training, haven't you?"

Cale's green face suddenly blanched. "I do? Since when?"

"It's convenient for the story," Kayura said, her smile widening. "You've got to do it."

Doji, also grinning, looked to Cale. "You have training? Sasaki, you've got to do it."

"Huh? But. . . I can't. . . you can't just. . ."

Naaza let out another loud groan, muttering about his mother. Cale looked at the cabin boy, and for a moment, and honest look of pity crossed Cale's face. Then he realized he was being tricked, and hung his head in defeat. "Fine. I'll do it. We'll operate in fifteen."

After the organ finished resonating and almost breaking the unrealistic sound system, (we might want to fire they guy in the sound booth, this is getting a little much) the scene reopened, this time off location, much to Cale's relief, and in an officer's cabin that had no windows, and only one door. The room was medium sized, but appeared larger since any furniture had been cleared out to leave only one bed and a table with a shortwave radio. On the bed was Naaza, looking very worse for wear and still convincing everyone in the room that he was really, REALLY, REALLY sick.

Kayura came in with a bundle of supplies in her arms and dressed in a cute white nurse's uniform.

"What are you dressed like that for?" Captain Doji asked.

"I'm here for fan service," the nurse replied, her long blue hair somehow tied into a small bun. "What else? Cale is supposed to play doctor and I'm his 'lovely friend and companion'. I might as well be nurse." Kayura's smile turned on the sugar again. "Besides, do you really think Naaza, the person you torment in the sub, would even want you to assist Cale?" Captain Doji glared at her. "I thought so."

Cale, who was in the corner wondering how on earth he was going to avoid getting shot in this scene, was rummaging around the various supplies. An idea dawned on him. He could. . .

"Hey!" the twins shouted. "What are you thinking Cale?"

No, Cale thought, that wouldn't work. The twins would win. As they always did when writing a fic. He put something in his pocket and rolled up his sleeves. Come to think of it, Unacera and Image were admiring Cale. He had discarded his topcoat and suit coat, leaving only his vest over his crisp white shirt. Keeping the fedora on was actually a very nice touch. Drool.

Mirror dragged Image away. "You're not supposed to be looking over my shoulder when typing," she hissed.

Ahem. The sound booth baboon was this close to assuring himself to being fired by the next show for letting that filter in. He had better do a damn good job on this scene if he hopes to come back in the next episode, hence getting a pay raise.

Now that that's out of the way, back to the drama!

Cale walked over to Naaza, pushing some of the sweat matted hair away from the wheezing boy's forehead. "Do you want something to relax you?" he asked, Naaza's acting getting the better of him.

"No. . . I've got. . .own relaxant. . ."

Well of course. What else would expect from the former Warlord of Venom, er Doko Ma Sho?

Cale's little palm book was visible to the camera again. "You're about to be put through a little bit of an ordeal," the scarred man explained. "You'll have to listen to everything I'm going to do to you, since this era doesn't provide me with pain killers for you."

While this had been going on, there had been static in the back ground as Captain Doji fiddled with the shortwave radio. Again.

"Aha!"

Though filtered, the voice of Dr. Date came in loud and clear and dripping with acid. "Alright, Captain Doji. You'll be performing the operation I assume."

"No," the red-haired biseinen replied. "I have an experienced layman here. Cale Sasaki."

Low mumbling was heard from the radio that doesn't really bear repeating.

"Alright Mr. Sasaki. I would like to run through your supplies with you."

"No problem, Dr. Date." It was amazing the false politeness going around. One would almost think that none of the assembled actually liked each other. Nah. Couldn't be.

"Scalpel? Towels? Sterilized gauze for draining? Iodine? Antiseptic? Will you confirm my instructions? Are you even listening to me?" As Dr. Date was listing all of the supplies that Cale would need, Cale nodded in response, forgetting completely that Dr. Date was coming in over the radio and couldn't see him.

"I said YES already!" Cale said in high frustration.

"I'm gonna die," Naaza muttered, groaning in pain. Well, that sufficed in defusing the hot anger going around. Wow. Naaza is not only a good actor, he knows how to use it.

"Very well then," Dr. Date's voice said. "Since that's all taken care of, shall we begin?"

"Yes, doctor," Cale replied calmly. He could do this. . .He could do this. . .He would NOT get shot!

The twins started to wonder if Cale was focusing on the task he was supposed to be doing.

"First thing you have to do is use the alcohol swab and rub the infected area."

"This might sting, Naaza," Cale whispered, knowing he was falling for Naaza's acting but not caring at the moment. He had something else on his mind.

"Next, give him the antiseptic. You said you had a hypodermic needle?"

"Yes." Cale pretended he was a doctor and tapped the needle and squirted it briefly before administering it.

Naaza certainly felt this. "Ooooooh!"

"Sorry, Naotoki," Cale murmured, forgetting that Naotoki was supposed to be Naaza in this episode.

"Cover the infected area with iodine."

Kayura did so.

"Now make an incision, two inches long, over the most infected area. Let it drain and that's all there is to it."

Poor Naaza didn't get this treatment, however, since Dr. Dais came in waving a gun.

"You're not going to touch my patient while I'm still on board!" he shouted.

Naaza fans booed Dais horrendously.

"All of you! Out of here and now!"

"Mr. Sasaki, Mr. Sasaki!" Dr. Date's voice came over the radio, not really sounded anxious like he was supposed to, "what's going on over there?"

"We have an unexpected guest," Cale retorted. He focused on his plan. He would NOT get shot!

"Forget about the guest!" Dr. Date shouted. "You have to operate NOW!"

Dr. Dais disagreed. "That's enough out of you!"

BANG!

There goes the authentic shortwave radio that cost a fortune to get. Dais wasn't very well liked at the moment.

Captain Doji and Kayura looked ready to pounce upon the bad Dr. Dais.

"You're a fraud!" Captain Doji said angrily. "You're fired! I won't have you on this ship anymore. I'll have you clamped in irons!"

Kayura pulled out her ancient's staff.

Cale was perfectly willing to fight Dais at this point, but he had to follow the script or face severe consequences.

"I think it best we go."

Captain Doji and Kayura whirled to him. Cale held up his hands in defense. "Follow the script! You know how the twins work!"

Hanging their heads in defeat, Captain Doji and Kayura walked out of the room.

"What are you waiting for?" Dais asked Cale, who was still at the door, his hand on the light switch. "Why you!"

Dais didn't bother to fire his gun, however, since the lights went out leaving everyone in darkness. The audience, however, knew what this meant, and cheered, the Cale fans loudest of all.

Oblivious to this, Dais turned the lights on again to the empty room. "Coward. Couldn't even stand to have me watch him cower away." Smugly, he walked over to Naaza, who was groaning in pain.

"No! No! . . . Stay away!" Naaza tried to sit up in attempt to get away. However, the sickness was draining him. Dais easily pushed him back down, a handkerchief in his hand.

"I've got some chloroform for you."

"No!"

"That arm is really bad off, Naaza."

"'Cause of you!"

"It has to come off!"

"No!" The chloroform covered Naaza's mouth and nose. He fought it off as best as he could, but with only one functioning arm at the moment and a very weak and infected body, it was to no avail. He passed out quickly.

Finding a twisted pleasure in this, Dais laughed maniacally, really getting into his role, if over done.

But his maniacal laughing was drowned out by a more chilling, more terrifying, more sinister laughing. The audience cheered.

Dais didn't really get the clue and thought that the laughing came from the radio. So he shot the radio again (BANG!) and stomped on it. Two bullets out of his six-shooter. That's not good.

"You will stop." The voice was of the Shadow. We won't bother to re-describe his chilling, almost sexy voice.

"Yeah right!" Dais whirled around, trying to find the source of the voice, scalpel already in his hand.

"I'll finish the operation," the Shadow stated, calmly wrenching the scalpel from Dais's grasp. "I believe it a two inch incision is all I need. I don't have time to deal with you. For now."

Dais did not like his patient being stolen from him. He was the bad guy, so he'd play the part to its fullest.

"You may not have time for me, but I do have time for you!" Dais pointed his gun towards where the scalpel was. "I may not see you, but I can see what you're doing, Shadow."

BANG!

"Still operating, eh?"

BANG!

BANG!

CLANG!

Everyone involved in the production froze from the sound guy all the way up to the writers. Clang? What on earth was that?

Those that remembered that they were still supposed to be acting, the crew just outside the door, started to break through.

"Well," Dais said, smiling to all his fans on the audience. "I guess this is the end for me. One bullet left." Though his gun was aimed nowhere near him. . .

BANG!

With the help of some of his illusions, he proved to be a very convincing corpse.

"Cale!" Kayura's overly sugary voice came in. "You're not shot!" Well, since everyone was coming in and Dais couldn't reveal that he was the Shadow, Cale appeared out of nowhere, still operating on poor forgotten Naaza.

"Of course not," he muttered, cutting into Naaza's flesh.

The twins, however, realized what had happened. They were not happy. "YOU JERK! YOU PUT ON YOUR SUB ARMOR! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!"

Ah well. Such is free will. We need to have a talk with God about that.

The operation on Naaza merely takes a few more minutes when Captain Doji noticed something.

"Cale, look under that torn muscle."

Cale obeyed.

"A ruby? In his arm?" Kayura unwillingly paled in disgust.

The entire cast who was part of this episode and the next episodes looked to Naaza. They suddenly understood why his acting was so convincing. . .Or was that the case?

"Of course," Cale stated. "Dr. Dais and his criminal ring were smuggling jewels into the country like this. Now," he continued to work on Naaza for a few more minutes.

"If scene is over," Cale said, "I'm going back to my room. I've had enough of this to last me for a while. And no, I won't say anything corny."

The organ came in, the sound booth taking its cue.

The final scene opened to a large drawing room, with wide board hardwood floors covered in rich looking oriental rugs, a luxurious fireplace, and ornate furniture. This was the home of the wealthy young man about town, Cale Sasaki. Said character was sitting on a couch, legs across the cushions, munching happily on breakfast. Kayura, who happened to be over, was sipping a cup of tea as she read the morning paper, seated comfortably on a chair.

"This must be the quietest scene of the entire episode," Cale said comfortably as he took another sip of his coffee.

"I hope the next episode isn't done cold turkey, like this one was," Kayura said, furious at the fact that Cale was hogging the comfy looking couch while she had the poorly cushioned straight-back chair. "I've never had to remember so many lines without preparation."

"I just hope we don't do anymore on location shooting. I couldn't eat for three days after the shoot."

"I think we're supposed to crack a joke or something," Kayura said as she refilled her tea. "But I'm perfectly content with just enjoying the luxury."

Cale nodded. "Me too. Do you know if we get any more scenes in this house?"

"Haven't the faintest. I hope so." Kayura paused. "But I sort of doubt it, after your little stunt with the sub armor."

"They were going to shoot me. What was I supposed to do?"

Kayura shrugged. "Why are you hogging the couch?"

Cale shook his head. "We're supposed to be a couple, remember? Do you want to drop any hints that we actually are?"

Kayura paled. "I don't think so. You should see the people I get paired up with."

Cale shuddered. "You don't have to worry about yaoi, though."

Kayura shuddered as well. "So, what's your next line?"

Cale pulled out his booklet. "None, you start the scene."

"Oh." Kayura flipped to a page in the paper, finding her lines, and took a deep breath. "Oh, look, Cale, at this article in the paper. That hospital ring was broken up." She handed the paper over, having found her place.

"Well," Cale said, actually pulling off mild interest. "It says that ten doctors were arrested and almost all the jewels were recovered." He tossed the paper back to Kayura and helped himself to another cup of coffee. "Let's hope I never get on a boat again."

They both laughed falsely.

The screen faded to black, as the organ boomed over the audience. An eerie voice, low and sexy, laughed menacingly. "The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay. The Shadow knows, hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Ryo's voice came next. "Wow! What an exciting episode of the Shadow. Please tune in next week, same time, same station for, the Shadow!"

The lights came on, and the audience was left wondering what the heck had happened.